Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

default

EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 10:07 PM on Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

Once I decided to D, I told EVERYONE. Honestly, what people think of him is not my problem. If they find out what he did and don't like him anymore? Welp.... toobadsosad fucker. Maybe don't be an asshole and people will like you more, ya know?

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3145   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8644832
default

20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 11:21 PM on Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

I feel like people should know that he’s a liar and a cheater

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8644869
default

Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 11:32 PM on Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

I have told most people who I am close to...not my problem if I tarnish his memory...he did it not me. Frankly he, like all the other WH’s, screwed me over without a thought for almost 10 years. He stole my years...he doesn’t deserve much more than what I give him now that he is gone.

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -3 yr LTA affair ended 2016/2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair with AP1

posts: 516   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8644872
default

DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 11:33 PM on Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

Does your WH have a problem with people knowing he’s a Cheater?

I'm pretty sure he would prefer people didnt know however ....he did get a high five from some of the guys he worked with when they found out. As if it was some honour to be able to fool the wife for so long while having the time if his life fucking every open legged whore he could find.

Some of them even covered for him.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 21916   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8644873
default

20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 11:47 PM on Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

That’s disgusting DrgnHrt!

I truly believe the cheating and lying indicates a character deficit in them

The faulty thinking affects all of their decision making

WH disagrees

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8644879
default

LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 11:55 PM on Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

Does your WH have a problem with people knowing he’s a Cheater?

Absolutely! His friends don’t want him anywhere near their wives or families.

After we separated, WH continued his disgusting harassment of me, so after 30+ years of keeping his abuse a secret, I let everyone who matters, know the truth.

Of course people were shocked that I had left him. The rumour mill fuelled by WH himself, that I was cheating and left for another man, didn’t wash with my family. WH even told our sons that I was leaving for another man, all the while he was carrying on with AP.

When I exposed him, he was furious. Absolutely livid that I told everyone the truth.

WH still harbours resentment towards me for exposing him and especially getting help from Police. He’s still pissed that After all the abuse he dished out, I dared to call for help.

He is now on record as a Domestic Violence perpetrator. He fears that if Police ever pull him over and run a check on his name, it will come up in their system, that he’s to be arrested if found anywhere near to my apartment complex.

I begged him to leave me in peace after I moved out of our home. He just couldn’t and wouldn’t let me go quietly.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8644882
default

DragnHeart ( member #32122) posted at 12:20 AM on Thursday, March 25th, 2021

That’s disgusting DrgnHrt!

I can accept and sorta expect that from immature males.

What was worse was that My MIL and SIL both knew and didnt tell me.

And the ow2's manager made sure she worked the same shifts as wh.

Everyone knew but me.

I have told total strangers. Havent worn my wedding band in years. Got hit on while i was out shopping. Told the guy thanks but I'm married. He says you're not wearing a ring. I reply with, in front a huge line of people, i didnt approve of my husbands girlfriend. I probably shouldn't have said that but owell lol.

Me: BS 44 nowWH: 35 almost 36 (BrokenHeart911)Four little dragons.Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that.Full disclosure March 8th 2019 four AP's.

posts: 21916   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8644889
default

20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 1:30 AM on Thursday, March 25th, 2021

I no longer wear a wedding ring either.

WH gave my first wedding band to the 1996 OW. My dear friend convinced her to return it.

I pawned it for $80.

WH claims it’s not my wedding band

So, it it wasn’t, why was it worth $80 at the pawnshop at why did it look just like mine that went missing back then?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8644906
default

HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 4:26 AM on Thursday, March 25th, 2021

Hi ladies! It's been a while, what's up?

Re: telling others, I'm happy that I never had that particular hang up. I had no issue telling anyone who brought it up exactly why my marriage blew up. It was his fault to bear, not mine.

Also, saying "Yeah, well catching him naked in our bed with another woman who he had previously claimed was his long lost daughter got me thinking divorce was a pretty good idea" pretty much shuts people up whenever they tried to say something like "Oh, why couldn't you guys work it out?" or something similarly naive.

I was also pretty incapacitated for a few months after DDay. I had to tell people so that I could get by at work without looking like there had been a significant decline in my quality of work for no reason. I pride myself in being really good at my job, I wanted it to be known that the decline was not my fault.

XH was LIVID when I called his mom to tell her. Like stark raving mad. And my response was "If you didn't want anyone to know that you were fucking other women, you shouldn't have fucked one in our bed." But according to him they didn't have sex, that was just my assumption. Delusion is a hell of a drug.

I also had a really hard time grasping why he was surprised by my reaction. Like, never in all of our years together had I been one to back down or not call out bad behavior. Whether that behavior was his, the girls, my family, anyone! He has seen me call out people who are being racist or sexist or whatever in public. If someone, anyone, does something that I find to be rude or offensive, to me, but even more so to others, they're going to hear about it. He's been personally called out by me in grocery stores, movie theaters, restaurants etc. when he has said/done rude things, yelled at the girls, etc. I'm not getting into a screaming match, but I will certainly assert myself and shut bullshit down.

Like bro, unlike you, I don't live a life of secrets and lies. You knew who you were marrying when you married me. So why act shocked when the takes-no-shit woman you married refuses to take your shit?

He's still really pissed that I exposed him. Apparently still rages about the meth we found that according to him isn't meth just fiberglass for his surfboard. When his own mother said "Are you calling your daughter a liar?" he had no rebuttal, just ranted about how I am crazy and vindictive. To this day insists that all of us people who saw it with our own eyes and tested it ourselves are liars and delusional

Honestly, what people think of him is not my problem. If they find out what he did and don't like him anymore? Welp.... toobadsosad fucker. Maybe don't be an asshole and people will like you more, ya know?

Yup, exactly that! Like, don't want to be called a meth head? Don't do meth. Pretty simple if you ask me.

As far as I'm concerned, the truth is the truth, and people are allowed to make decisions about the degree of interaction they have with people based on that truth.

The truth is, I caught him in our bed with another woman. The truth is, I found lines of meth in our house, as well as empty pen cases with meth residue. Those are irrefutable facts. Several mutual friends have since either completely cut him out of their lives, or significantly reduced their contact with him, based on those facts.

You clearly didn't think you owed me fidelity, loyalty or honesty, so don't go crying that I owe you a damn thing, especially not a false narrative to protect your reputation. You ruined that all by your damn self.

Why are cheaters always surprised to find out that actions have consequences?

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8644935
default

gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 5:49 PM on Thursday, March 25th, 2021

You clearly didn't think you owed me fidelity, loyalty or honesty, so don't go crying that I owe you a damn thing, especially not a false narrative to protect your reputation. You ruined that all by your damn self.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8645073
default

LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 2:34 AM on Friday, March 26th, 2021

I don’t know how to contribute to Friday Funnies, so here’s my contribution to my lovely ladies...

WH Latest lie...

“I was watching that Hardcore Porn website to see if she might be on there. I swear, there’s one woman on it that looks just like AP. I thought, shit, is that her? I had to keep watching several times just to make sure it wasn’t her, as it looked just like her. You know she’s such a slut, I really thought it was her”

My response... who was going to pay to watch her? She’s so f******* ugly. You need to hand over your credit card details to watch that site. So how much did you spend exactly? I saw the video on your phone and the woman you were watching was far prettier than your exAP. They only have the same hair colour, nothing more.

WH... “yeah but all those sites are photo shopped”

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8645246
default

Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:50 PM on Friday, March 26th, 2021

Oh LadyG the bullshit is strong with that one.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8645370
default

HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 2:08 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

Wow Lady G. Just, wow.

Do they hear how ridiculous it sounds when it comes out? Or do they just repeat it enough to themselves and out loud that they actually start believing it's true?

Like if this were a movie, this is the point where everyone in the theater is cringing at what a terrible attempt to cover his ass that was.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8645710
default

HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 3:56 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

On a side note, does anyone have any TV or movie recommendations?

Shows I enjoy (in no particular order):

Schitt's Creek

New Girl

Friends

Community

Scrubs

Grey's Anatomy (I know, but I've watched it since it first came out, it's my guilty pleasure)

Prodigal Son

Dead To Me

Good Girls

You

Criminal Minds

Bones

Law & Order SVU

The Undoing

Forensic Files

Whatever that Betty Broderick serialized thing was I can't remember then name

I'll watch pretty much any true crime or fictionalized crime dramas, but honestly I feel like I'm burnt out on them.

I keep coming back around to New Girl and Schitts Creek because 1) I already know they are funny and don't have to deal with something new potentially being crappy and b) since I've seen them before I can do other things while they're on and not get too distracted.

I can't seem to get myself focused enough to watch any movies all the way through. Even ones I have previously enjoyed. So I feel like serialized TV is where it's at.

I feel like I need some new comedies! I absolutely love stand up, but even that has been a mixed bag lately. I find myself rewatching John Mulaney instead of risking watching anything new.

So, do any of you lovely ladies have any recommendations?

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 10:58 PM, March 26th (Friday)]

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8645737
default

gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 6:10 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

I'm just about to finish My Crazy Ex Girlfriend -but it has some infidelity in it . I was OK with it, but made for some awkward moments with WH (tho if you were OK with Dead To Me, you will probably be ok with Crazy Ex). If you like comedy and musical theater, you'll love it. I always thought it was some teen thing, but I was WAY wrong.

I also liked season 1 of Broadchurch (Netflix), which is a murder mystery with a female protagonist, but also has infidelity.

I also recently watched Ted Lasso - actually thought about an SI post about it. I LOVED it, as the antagonist has real HEART - something western entertainment could use more of, IMHO. I'm actually going to give a gift of AppleTV to my BFF so she can watch it.

Hulu: Broad City (comedy, fair amount of raunch), and Killing Eve (great nearly all women crime drama)

I've not watched it, but heard good things about The Flight Attendant on HBO

Enjoyed HighTown (gritty crime drama with a female protagonist) and the broken heart gallery (cute, candy type rom com my DD recommended). Another older one on Starz is party down.

There's an Elisabeth Moss crime drama set in NZ or Aus - maybe Top of the Lake - that I enjoyed, tho it was not stellar, IMO.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3369   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8645749
default

Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 6:42 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

I turned 30 yesterday and today I woke up and the anxiety of still being single when I am 40 hit me hard.

I know I'm relatively young and better to be happy single than with an abusive cheater. It just hit me. Add on some work stress and anxiety and this fucking lockdown, boom..small anxiety attack

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 261   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8645756
default

HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 6:56 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

Thanks for the recs gmc!

One of my best friends always makes Broad City references, and I’ve seen a few episodes and thought they were funny so I should definitely check that one out.

Good to hear that Crazy ex is good... the title has always turned me off. And yes, I was fine with Dead to Me’s infidelity storyline, but that might be because *spoiler alert for those

who haven’t watched* by the time that storyline was revealed I knew that motherfucker had already been run over by a car so karma had come for him, haha *end spoiler*

Has anyone been able to see the movie Promising Young Woman yet? It looks really good, and the premise is great.

Hedwig, you’re not old! I’m turning 34 on April 11th btw, so I’m a few years ahead of you. But I would be lying if I said that I don’t have similar feelings (much worse when I was closer to DDay, but they’re still not 100% faded now). My concerns are mostly fertility related, though yeah, I’ve never loved the idea of being single. But I’m a couple of years out now, and singledom is actually quite nice! I forgot what it was like to come home and not have someone to immediately have to talk to.

Do you find that the pandemic has affected some of these thoughts about being single? For me, I was comfortable knowing I wasn’t going to date for a while after DDay when I new it was always an option when I was ready. Now it feels like safely dating isn’t much of an option, so I find myself being resentful of the fact that I can’t date, even though I didn’t really want to before the pandemic hit. Kind of wanting what I can’t have I guess.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 830   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8645761
default

Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 9:59 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

HeHadADoubeLife: mine are definitely fertility-related as well! I feel like, overnight, my egg cells have been reduced by half. Silly but still. I really want kids someday (preferably soon) and it just scares the bejeesus out of me. I had lower back pain yesterday and I am worried I won't be young enough to handle kids, even if I get to have them.

For me, the pandemic has had an indirect effect on my feelings around dating. After the break-up and before ever committing to anyone ever again I wanted to do everything I ever wanted to do solo. For me that means working abroad for 6 months and solo travel for 6 months. Obviously that had to wait, because of the pandemic and I have to find a job first.

If it wasn't for the pandemic, I might have left for that year last summer. I don't know, that one year of delay feels like a lifetime when it comes to wanting kids.

Got a lot of grey hairs in the last 6 months too. Sucks.

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 261   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8645768
default

UnstuffedGiraffe ( member #74937) posted at 2:09 PM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

Those aren’t grey hairs they are wisdom highlights! Wear them proudly you have earned them.

Me BW - Married 20 years
Him - 2 Affairs 9 years apart
DDay October-December 2019 & July 2020

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8645799
default

Bonetired ( member #78518) posted at 2:11 PM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021

Wow this is a long thread .Had to skip a lot of it and don't know exactly where it starts.I was reading some of the comments about letting people know what a douchebag your ex was and that he cheated on you.Wish I could have had that liberty however our daughter would have been put into the middle of that.I remember a quote someone told me once.'Sit quietly by the river and eventually your enemies will float downstream' Something like that.Despite remaining a friendly facade 14 years after the oh it's hard to come up with a word for it.I think I will use shit storm.He was dishonest to save face.I lost a family,friends and everything it seemed including myself afterwards.Homeless and couch surfing for a couple of days.I have no idea what he said to his family or our mutual friends but we don't communicate any longer.Funny thing is it wasn't me who let the cat out of the bag it was my brother in law.He caught the two of them red handed with pda. The pain of that has subsided.I keep it friendly and I tell my daughter we split up amicably while he is married to the woman he was sleeping with while we were married and expecting her.How ever the cracks in the facade are beginning to appear.I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man with integrity and who actually has a moral compass!Yeah,I know right!!??They do exist.It's like the male version of the purple unicorn!With my husband I always described in short detail and in a way that was emotionless my past with my XWH.By that time I had been very Meh about my XWH and put it away.So he had no idea how bad it was.He stated because we got along for our daughters sake he seemed like a decent guy.Well...sit by the river I did.Revelations for those around me have been small.My ex's undoing isn't because of me or anything I have said.Wished I could have.My husband is good with money.While both my x and his wife scrambled and stressed for how to pay for things.My husband and I have done due diligence in the investing and saving department.So we have stepped up to cover the cost for braces,instruments,health insurance,etc.XWH wife was impressed and comforted by the fact we could do this.Perfect opportunity to relish the fact I got the better end of the bargain I must say.However the communication between my x and my now husband has infuriated my purple unicorn.I am like yep honey I know This is who he is and always was.My poor kiddo complained she can't speak to her father about problems she is having which reduces her to tears.This one doesn't make me feel good it's my kid and I want to protect her.I try to comfort her and give her hugs.I always knew my ex was shallow and selfish.Maybe broken is a better word.I know he loves her and it would break his heart to know how much pain his inability to talk to her is causing.I feel bad that she is struggling with this and am currently looking for counseling for her.I tend to put the onus on myself rather than my X or anybody else because hey the choices we make right?Anyway I guess I find it interesting how the WS is their own worst enemy.It's sad how they can leave a path of destruction despite exiting a bad marriage years after.It shows that it wasn't the marriage.Their solution to the problems they are having is to find happiness externally and to run away.Yet all along the problem was internal.It was them.I now hope to spackle together a semblance of a good life for my kiddo.I talk with her.Remind her she is loved and have her engage in family time with my unicorn and I.My unicorn expresses how angry he is and dissapointed now with my XWH attitude.My XWH is stuck in an adolescent phase and depth is not a part of his character.They call them menchildren I believe.I now have to do a lot of soul searching because I know a part of me must have been messed up too.I am so afraid of scarring my daughter and am currently trying to make reparations for myself and her.I don't know if this was the right place to put this but there it is.Some of the posts I read made me think of this.

posts: 340   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2021   ·   location: Grand Rapids
id 8645800
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210924 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy