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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:40 AM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

Good Evening Goddesses!


Did any of your Cheaters use the ILYBINWY line?

Mine did, in 96, after I learned he was cheating


It’s something that stuck with me over the years, so I found a book with the same title


Do you know what it means when your husband says that? Per the book, it means he doesn’t want to be married to you anymore

So I asked him about it tonight, he denied it of course


But I made it ever so clear it was a dealbreaker to lie to me

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2193   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8745769
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BlackRaven ( member #74607) posted at 6:01 AM on Friday, July 22nd, 2022

20yrsagoBS

I'll echo what Solarchick said about boundaries. I don't think I even knew the term before I started with a trauma therapist. I read Vicky Tidwell Palmer's book and wrote out my boundaries. My then-SAWH would violate them, but he'd tell me, and I gave him the gift of time. But when I learned he'd been lying for months - despite my "I won't be in a marriage without rigorous honesty" I walked away from it all. It gave me the line in the sand that I needed.

Then I started applying boundaries to my own family of origin; and my DD, and whee. I'm a boundary maven now. (ok, not really, but I'm working on it.)

Solarchick,

Belatedly, thanks for the Pep talk about my second-guessing myself. I appreciate it.

[This message edited by BlackRaven at 6:01 AM, Friday, July 22nd]

posts: 339   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2020
id 8745780
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:20 PM on Thursday, July 28th, 2022

I pushed WH to ask his new PCP for antidepressants.

She asked him why, he told her

She declined, recommending marriage counseling instead


Ugh!

If he’s lying in MC, how will that help anything?

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2193   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8747496
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 7:11 PM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

Hi Goddesses!


Home now from my annual beach vacation.


How are each of you different since becoming a BS?


I don’t tolerate lying anymore. I also refuse to allow WH to think that I find him funny


I told him it isn’t funny. It’s pathetic and needy

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2193   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8748157
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likeapinball ( member #50073) posted at 4:35 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

Hello Beauties!

It's been a LONG time since I've posted. H and kids being home for 2.5 years has taken away a lot of my "me time".

How am I different since joining this shitty BS club? I think I've evolved quite a bit since DD. Not sure if it's a change that would've happened anyway or if COVID has given me a hard push. I don't hold back much anymore whether it be with colleagues at work, friends or my H. I'm definitely a lot more harsh with him. I used to try to keep things pretty "smooth". I'd make sure everything was "done" around the house, I'd agree to restaurants that I didn't really like, all to keep the peace with everyone. Now, if I don't feel like going somewhere I say NO. If laundry is piling up and everyone is home, it can sit there. I guess I'm done being a "pleaser" for the most part.

It's been almost 7 years since DD. We've R'd, sort of. The initial 2 years were hellish, then after 4-5 years I felt like we were back on track and all was good. The last two years I've started wondering whether or not I made the right decision. At the time I wasn't working, had 3 kids living at home (13, 11 and 9 at the time) and I was terrified about taking care of them financially. I'm now back at work part-time, so still not independently financially stable, but that doesn't scare me anymore.

I've also been wondering if there's some inappropriateness going on. Just a feeling, a few comments, snappy with the kids, and his stupid phone (that's a much longer story). I didn't share the A story with many people because we decided to try to make things work. Now, I feel like I want to share with some friends but I feel like I've lied to them for such a long time.

That was a long answer and I kind of derailed!

BS,DD: Sep 26, 2015. Married 16 years at DD. WH had a LTA with MOW. Three kiddos 15, 13 and 11 at the time. In R

posts: 222   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2015   ·   location: Canada
id 8749892
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Squish ( member #79546) posted at 5:38 PM on Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

Morning beautiful ladies!!!

It’s been a year and 3 months.

I don’t give a crap about much anymore. Just my children.

At this time I don’t believe in marriage, and I hate men. Something that I am proud of now is that I am more able to say what I think as I used to try to be the peacemaker. I just don’t care anymore.

I am stronger though, and I don’t rely on him to make me happy which is a good thing. I’m succeeding in seeing beauty in nature again and doing things that make me happy.

I wish I didn’t have to be apart of this club I know no one wants to be apart of it. No offense everyone here has been amazing. The pain has been unbearable and none of us deserve it.

On another note. Anyone here from St Louis MO?

posts: 82   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2021
id 8749896
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 4:23 PM on Monday, August 15th, 2022

Not from St Louis, but my first college was near there, in Southern Illinois


Thank You for responding Goddesses


Last week WH told me the hardest part of all of this, for him, is feeling how detached I am from him

Of course!

If you were burned by fire, you distance yourself from the flames

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2193   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8750534
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 5:07 AM on Wednesday, October 12th, 2022

Hi there!

This Saturday marks 34 years ago we were married and swore Fidelity to each other in a Catholic Church.


A friend and his husband are coming over to watch movies this Saturday evening.

WH was angry that I didn’t want to "celebrate " the anniversary".


Dude cheatEd on my at least three times, lied for most of years together, and thinks I would want to celebrate that?

No thank you

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2193   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8759170
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