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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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TruthIsPower ( member #75776) posted at 9:30 PM on Friday, May 27th, 2022

Gracey,

Is it possible for him to love two people at once?

My fWH tried to bring this argument (LOL! Looks like from a cheater's playbook). Then, it hit me, and I told him that he's unable to even truly love 1 person. And moreover, he did not love himself first and foremost. It was time to take a serious look into his soul and fix his brokenness. It was on him.
So, you make your own conclusion.

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 182   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8737539
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 6:26 AM on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

Had an AHA! moment today. My SIL mentioned something about the wedding. I asked, What wedding? " and she looked at me funny.

This was a real LOL moment. XWH is getting married in a couple of weeks and I totally forgot.

So glad I can say, Not my monkeys, not my circus.

Feel bad for my kids who don't really want to deal with their dad's dysfunction.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1174   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8737700
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Gracey ( new member #79334) posted at 9:49 PM on Tuesday, May 31st, 2022

Hi, Just wondering how many women on here are experiencing trickle truth still after two years from d day. It hurts so much that I am still finding out things that were originally denied. The whole situation is exhausting. Overheard a conversation WH had with his mate, it confirmed he has stopped seeing AP, however it also revealed WH still is very much thinking of AP as he asked his mate if anyone had heard from her. I have not revealed that I overheard all of this as it seems pointless. WH is showing genuine affection toward me and I believe he is confused as to what he wants although that could be wishful thinking.
Any advice as to how I can get him to discuss this rather than deny that he feels anything still for AP? I feel like I am alone with my worries about this re starting as I have no one to confide in.

Together 33 years Married. 17 years

posts: 31   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2021   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 8737973
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, May 31st, 2022

Yes!


WH still lies, lies, lies


Last night he tried to spoon me in bed. I tensed up

He asked " Is this ok to do?"

I told him it wasn’t because I don’t like him

I still love him, would be sad if he died before fixing his shit


But, nope, intense dislike

He must dislike me if he lies

BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2169   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8737980
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TruthIsPower ( member #75776) posted at 10:41 PM on Tuesday, May 31st, 2022

Gracey,
please help us understand if you and your WH are in R first of all.... Since from your message it's not quite clear: looks like your WH is still in his wayward thinking. Have you set your R requirements? If yes, what were the outcome and agreement?

Yes, I was TT'ed for 1.5 years. It was brutal. So, I very much understand what you're talking about....

"Stop giving people the reasons to love you. Not all will see the beauty of your soul. Those who know, those who know who you are, will love you with something fierce and never let you go. Those are the ones worth holding out for."

posts: 182   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2020   ·   location: US
id 8737985
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EnPedasos ( new member #79857) posted at 9:22 PM on Friday, June 3rd, 2022

Good day ladies

I need help

I was ready to file for D a month after Dday but I believe that is unwise to make life changing decisions when you’re emotionally unstable. duh

I kicked him out of the house and told him I was giving him 6 months. Of course he ran straight to the mow. They lived together for 2 months.

He’s in IC, involved in our son’s school and therapies and trying to breach communication with our daughter, doing things around the house etc. this has been going on for around 6 weeks.

The issue is I don’t think I have romantic feelings for him anymore. At the beginning I was angry but willing to R.

He did so much damage during and for 3 months after the A. I don’t think I have the capacity to get over everything that was said and done.

I come from a broken family so since I was little I always wanted a complete family, I don’t want this to be the only deciding factor to R.

I would appreciate any opinions or insights.
My concern is with myself he’s willing to comply with all my requirements.


By the way I remember seeing a list of requirements somewhere I would like to see if there’s anything I can add to my list.

Thank you

Dd was 12/15/21. Me BS 43Him WH 43
20 years 14M 18DD 8DS

You can ignore reality but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides." –André Malraux

posts: 34   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2022
id 8738549
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 4:11 AM on Sunday, June 5th, 2022

Gracey, I am sorry to see you struggling. I sincerely think you need to go to marriage counselling. And you need a good one, which is not easy to find.

They can help you see things differently, and understand. I think talking openly about the hurt and loss of trust is important. There is no marriage without truth or trust.

IMHO if you tell him no AP ever. It is no AP. He should want that.

As for lying, my ex never really stopped. That is why he is an ex.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1952   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8738698
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Dorothy123 ( member #53116) posted at 4:45 PM on Thursday, June 9th, 2022

I, too, am a member of this club nobody wants to join.

Just saying.

posts: 5200   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2016   ·   location: a place that hurts
id 8739350
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:24 AM on Saturday, June 18th, 2022

Isn’t being alone better than being with an asshole?

It is yes and I can vouch for this. My life has been harder in some ways (financially) but easier in others and it is still better than being with my XWS wink

Thankful that I no longer have to walk on eggshells to try to please somebody who is never happy. I won't have to go through a narc discard phase from him ever again! My kids are adults, with the youngest still at home with me, and we all get along & have fun as a family without having to incorporate the emotional vampire that is my XWH.

My XWS was the same way. He would suck the life out of the room as soon as he walked into it.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:26 AM, Saturday, June 18th]

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8252   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8740779
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 12:30 AM on Saturday, June 18th, 2022

The issue is I don’t think I have romantic feelings for him anymore. At the beginning I was angry but willing to R.

He did so much damage during and for 3 months after the A. I don’t think I have the capacity to get over everything that was said and done.

I come from a broken family so since I was little I always wanted a complete family, I don’t want this to be the only deciding factor to R.

I lost all romantic feelings and love for my xWS after False R, sometimes the damage they do is just too much. I held my family in limbo because of my fear of a blended family and its going to probably happen anyways. Now that I'm out it doesn't seem that bad of an idea. A lot of times our fear holds us back from what we need to do. Don't let your fears guide R.

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8252   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8740780
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