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Dd was 12/15/21. Me BS 43Him WH 43
20 years 14M 18DD 8DS

You can ignore reality but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides." –André Malraux

Midlife crisis affair?

Is it a midlife crisis affair?

English is my second language so be patient with me and excuse the mistakes.

Dd was 12/15/21
Me BS 43
Him WH 43
20 years 14M 18DD 8DS

I don’t know how the affair started, I haven’t asked.
My husband started showing signs of a midlife crisis 11/2020. Working out a lot, spending a lot of time with new friends (10 years younger than him) buying broken down cars to fix them.(something he always dislike)

We own a warehouse that has a studio, March 2021 he let a sub contractor (T) and his wife move in with out letting me know. T has a drug problem so I had already told my husband not to let him stay there because he made a mess the last time.

T found out about the affair around June ( not completely sure on the timeline) H didn’t answer his phone all morning and afternoon so I went to the warehouse and found his phone broken outside the door.

I was told by his older sister that while high T had try to kill his wife my H ( the hero) had taken her to her sister home.( lie no sister he got her an apartment)

T never contacted me. My gut tells me that he’s more than happy to have my H take care of his burden ( she has 3 kids) I wonder if they planed it together. Your thoughts?

July 21 H bought a very expensive RV without consulting me. I found out that his mother went with him to get it. She has never like me cause in her sick mind I’m the woman who took H away.
When we moved in together she left a message in which she was crying and complaining about him leaving her for me.

On 12/15/21 I called my husband and put him on speaker so my son could talk to him. She answered his phone, my son asked her for his dad and she was like hi sweetie how are you?
I took the phone and asked who the F she was my H took the phone said he’ll call later and hung up I called back he picked up and I could hear her telling him to tell me(tell her, tell her) he said my girlfriend.

You can imagine the screaming and fighting that took place and I completely forgot my son was right there 😣

I kicked him out that day tossed all his clothes out.
He ended the affair and I let him come back 2 weeks later. I didn’t feel he was being sincere or remorseful. (On the fence) We fought a lot I was very angry. He couldn’t handle it. He started staying at the studio a few days out of the week.

On January 28 I decided to kick him of the fence, I took his clothes to the studio. He got very angry, told me he wanted nothing to do with me, that all I do is hold him back 🙄

3 days later he tells me that T called him to tell him that he (T) was leaving the country and asked him to take care of his wife and kids. He asked me to let them move into the rental house. We own 50 acres and there’s 2 homes we rent one.

The floors were been replaced so it was available.
I said HELL NO. Huge fight about both of us been equal owners.
5 days later I found her there. I was so angry I wanted to bulldozer the house. Our 18 year old daughter came over to calm me down and told him to stop disrespecting his family for a whore that if he really thought we wanted to have him rubbing it on our faces.

He started playing victim after that. Blaming me for all our financial problems. He has convince himself that it’s my fault we’re on the verge of bankruptcy.

I found transfers of thousands he transferred to her account back in December 2021. Hotels and expensive dinner charges. He stopped making payment to subcontractors, open secret bank accounts and maxed out 7 credit cards.

We have always been very good at managing money this is completely out of character.

He spent all February trying to force me into refinancing to pay off everything and give him enough money for the down payment on a new home.😵‍💫

I finally told him to stop the emotional, verbal, physiological and financial abuse. His response " you’re the one doing all that to me. You get to keep the homes, the business and all the money, are you happy you won." He did stopped.

I did get medicine cause I was having constant panic attacks just hearing my phone vibrate would send me into a panic attack. The first 2 months I was in fight mode doing everything humanly possible to get us out of the terrible mess.

As soon as Dd drop I called my older brother and had him move into the studio to help me. ( he has done so much for me i don’t know what I would have done) Husband got angry saying that we were trying to take over his business.

According to H and his mother I plan everything with the goal of giving my brother everything.🙄
Not only has he been working for free but he gave me the money he had saved for a down payment.
He got divorced 2 years ago and left the house to his ex and children.

The last 3 weeks we have been able to talk with out fighting. 4/21 he apologized said he was so sorry for everything and he didn’t know what was wrong with him. He gave me a hug and left. 4/24 he called said he was frustrated and wanted to hang himself.

4/25 we were working together an had a deep conversation about his feelings and once again said he felt like hanging himself. I wanted to take him to get AD but he refused. I ended up hugging him and we ended up making out for like half an hour. Ugh

I was the one to pull away, 10 minutes later his face was hilarious I could tell he was regretting it. He told me back in February that he was deeply in love with her. But he has been texting me regularly the past 2 weeks for emotional support. Your thoughts.

I don’t regret kissing him nor do I feel guilty about it in my head he’s still my husband under god and the law. I have no intention on letting him be a cake eater either. It hurt me to see him so broken down first time I have seen him cried in 20 years.

He been avoiding me the past few days. He texted that he’ll go work tomorrow. I’m going to have a very stressful talk with him tomorrow. I’m having my brother move into the rental house. Ugh what should I say? I told him I used my brothers money to pay the pass due accounts but he thinks that I had money hidden.

He’s not thinking rationally I even show him the check.

I don’t know what we’re going to do my mind changes every hour. Sometimes I feel that our marriage it’s worth fighting for we had 19 good years, he has taken good care of us that whole time.
I was very depressed after my son was born he put up with a lot.

I almost died in 2019 I was hospitalized for 2 weeks and had to have a nurse come to my house for another 2 weeks after that. He took care of everything and was there for me.

I don’t know if it’s possible he created a huge mess. He’s mother was vindictive (sociopath) and did horrible things that are unforgivable. MIL and Younger SIL knew of the affair and encouraged it.
I saw hate towards me back in January I can’t unsee it. A lot of other stuff that I didn’t include in this long novel.

My husband turned into a monster I couldn’t take it anymore and asked him to please stop treating me so badly 3 weeks ago and it did get better.

Are all affairs the same? I read that MLC affairs mostly end in D.

I would appreciate any guidance. Thank you.

15 comments posted: Thursday, March 31st, 2022

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