Newest Member: Ahrtos


"I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!" Wicked Witch of the West.

The blame the BS poll !

Clueless non BS's love to blame the BS.

Here are the most common ways that clueless non BS's blame the BS

Before the A

The BS must've done "something" to drive the WS to cheat

That "something " may include

Not enough sex

A nag


Etc. to infinity

During the A

How can the BS not know that the WS is cheating ?

How can the BS not know the WS is lying to the BS ?

How can the BS let the WS's A go on as long as it did ?

After DDay

The BS is dumb for staying with the WS

The BS is vindictive and unforgiving if the BS divorces the WS

It's the BS fault the BS cant get over it in a month or less.

Here's the poll question- How many of these ( in percentages) did you have to endure ?

I'll start

I got around 50% of these.

I didn't get blamed for the driving my ex to cheat because my ex had a same sex A with a man.

I did get heat for not catching on the A sooner.

I did get heat for not being able to "get over it" in a month.

I also got heat for divorcing my ex.

How about you ?

12 comments posted: Thursday, May 11th, 2023

Rate how much you wanted to hurt WS

It's been 20 days since my last poll that many BS'S found to be helpful.

So, it's time for me to start it's sister thread.

The purpose of this thread is to help myself and other members figure out what is normal.

The subject of violence is extremely triggering and a very very sensitive subject.

I've been on SI for over 6 years and seen many threads where someone admitted to being violent to someone else descent into harsh judgement , shaming and people getting lectured.

Despite the topic being a triggering subject , I feel that it's important to have an open , honest and frank discussion on this topic.

If people are to begin to heal , they must be allowed to share their truths.

If people dont admit to any violence then there is nothing for those people who want to give harsh

judgement to chew on.

So, here are the poll questions.

1)On a scale of 0 through 10, with 10 being the most intense desire, at its worst, how badly did you want to attack the WS ?

2) How long has it been since DDay now ?

3) Rate how badly you want to attack WS now. Same 0 to 10 scale.

Ill start.

1) At its worst it was a 10/10

2) It has been 8 years and 9 months since DDay.

3) 0/10 is how much I want to attack WS now.


I made my poll in a way so that it's easier for those who want to respond but are afriad to respond because they fear judgment .

Even if you say that you 10/10 wanting to attack WS, there's no proof that you did or didn't attack the WS.

If you dont admit to violence there no way for those who want to judge to start shit with you !

17 comments posted: Tuesday, April 4th, 2023

Please be extra kind and gentle to folks in jfo

First, i do understand that the subject of infidelity can be explosive and emotions get easily heated. But please remember people are here because they are hurting.

Most likely, the people who are hurting the most are people in JFO.

Please remember that folks in are going through the worst pain and trauma of their lives and they are extremely thinned skin.

Many of them are suicidal.

Also, they came to SI for help.

So, please be kind and gentle to the folks in JFO.

2 comments posted: Saturday, April 1st, 2023

mod please


1 comment posted: Friday, March 31st, 2023

My funny Shakira song story.

Shakira's song "Hip Dont Lie" came out 13 years ago.

When that song came out it was huge and all over the place.

13 years ago, I really didn't like that song and was sick and tired of hearing it everything.

Three months ago, I listened to the song again and this time , I got it.

I finally understood why the song was so big 13 years ago.

Now, I really like the song 13 years later.


Shakira's song has 1.2 Billion views on Youtube and now I'm finally a fan of that song.


0 comment posted: Wednesday, March 29th, 2023

Mod please !


1 comment posted: Wednesday, March 22nd, 2023

Rate how much you wanted to hurt AP

The purpose of this thread is to help myself and others figure out what is normal.

I've been here over six years and I've noticed that any kind of physical violence towards anyone else is  a taboo subject.

I've seen many threads where someone admitted to being physically violent to someone else descend into chaos and a big fight erupts in the thread.

I do know that many BS are suicidal because the WS's and AP's A hurt the BS that much.

I hope that just saying how much you want to hurt the AP without actually admitting to being violent to the AP will help BS's here open up more.

Here's the poll question.

On a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being extreme desire, how badly did you want to attack the AP ?

For me personally, it was a 10.

I thank my lucky stars that I never fully lost control and attacked AP.

I have zero judgement on those who actually did lose control and attacked the AP.

64 comments posted: Monday, March 20th, 2023

mod please


2 comments posted: Sunday, March 12th, 2023

F*ck friends like this - Vent

*Dorothy gets on a soap box and rails against people who claim to be friends of the BS*

Before DDay.

F*ck all the "friends" who know about the WS's A and didn't tell the BS because the "friends" wanted to protect the BS.

F*ck all the "friends" who allow the WS and AP to use the "friends" house for sex. F*ck all the "friends" who allow the WS to use the "friends" as a cover to cheat

F*ck all the "friends" who conspire and collude to keep the BS from knowing about the A.

Shortly after DDay

F*ck all the "friends" who blame the BS for the A.

F*ck all the "friends" who gossip about the A behind the BS's back

F*ck all the "friends" who thinks the BS is dumb for letting the A go as long as it did.

Further along after Dday

F*ck all the "friends" who tell the BS to "get over it" a week after Dday.

F*ck all the" friends" who think the BS is mean and vindictive if the BS divorces

F*ck all the "friends" who thinks the BS dumb for wanting to reconcile with the WS.

These people are not friends but are enemies !

F*ck them all.

6 comments posted: Friday, March 10th, 2023

Mod please


3 comments posted: Thursday, March 9th, 2023

Why I like poll threads

Before I got cheated on , I believed all the garbage Hollywood and media pushed down my throat.

I believed that A's were harmless, fun and romantic things. barf

So, when I got cheated on by my ex, I felt like when that I was going crazy.

So, when I found SI I started poll threads to prove to myself that what I was going through was normal.

My poll threads are disguised "Am I normal for doing x, y and z in my response to A?"

I personally dont like to start threads that spell out in so many words "Am I normal ?" because what if people who dont react the same way I did are afraid to post because they fear their response may not make me feel normal.

Also, my poll threads usually have lots and lots of responses and they help other BS's feel normal too.

Because of my poll threads, I learned that I'm normal.

Now, I'm on the other side of the infidelity hell.

Thank you all.

4 comments posted: Tuesday, March 7th, 2023

mod please


1 comment posted: Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

What's wrong with "minding your own business" and not tell the BS ?

In this thread let's attack the "mind your own business" and not tell the BS fallacy.

So what's with "minding your own business" and not tell the BS ?

The BS's life is in danger and needs to know.



*Dorothy attacks the mind your own business fallacy *



2 comments posted: Tuesday, February 28th, 2023

Thank you SI staff with original memes

From the bottom of my heart thanks to all the staff who put so much effort to help SI run smoothly and keep us safe.

Deeply Scared , you will never be forgotten.

Thanks Deeply Scared and MH for building SI. This site saves lives.

Thanks to the Woez and Wifehad5

Thanks for mediating our squabbles.

Thanks to the guides for leading hurt people out of the dark towards the light.

Thanks to Bigger

2 comments posted: Monday, February 27th, 2023

Inspired by murder/suicide survivor paralympian

Content removed. Please be careful in posting material that might be copyright.

2 comments posted: Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

Count from 1 to 5 and back down again with SI emojis

I will start with six to show everyone.

7 comments posted: Thursday, February 23rd, 2023

What's wrong with the unmet "needs" model for A's ?

In this thread, let's attack the unmet needs model for A's.

What wrong with the unmet "needs" model for A's ?

It blames the BS 100%.

People be like "well the BS had it coming......."

It makes the WS out to be the victims.

People be like " The poor WS wasn't getting their needs met at home."

47 comments posted: Friday, February 10th, 2023

What % of BS pain did you and WS understand before the A ? (Ws welcome)

OK, just out of curiosity.....

How much of BS pain did you understand (in %'s )before you were cheated on ?

How much of BS pain did your WS understand ( in % 's) before the WS cheated ?

My score is I probably understood 3% of BS before I was cheated on.

The ex score is around 4% also before he cheated.

My ex and I didn't have close family and friends that had A's.

Both ex and I learned everything we both knew about A's and their aftermath from the entertainment we consumed. (songs, movies, tv shows etc)


(I spent years of my life after Dday thinking that I've must've went crazy.

Had I had thread like this to read soon after Dday, I would've known what I was going through was normal.)

14 comments posted: Wednesday, February 8th, 2023

Dorothy story on SI with original artwork

I'm going to share my story and showcase my artistic talent too. laugh

DDay was June 2014

One week after DDay unsupportive family and friends were like " Dorothy get over it ! "

I found SI May of 2016 .

On SI , I went out of my way to help as many other BS's as I could. I also ran a few polls (or rather a few hundred blush ) to prove to myself that what I was going through was normal.

Thanks to SI help , I'm on the other side.

I'm hope this thread brings amusement to old timers and hope to new comers.

15 comments posted: Friday, January 13th, 2023

How would your pre A self rate your post A obsessions ?

First my story.

Prior to being cheated on myself, I never knew any one that was close to me recover from being cheated on.

I never had witnessed anyone go through the suffering of healing from an A.

I had learned everything I ever knew about A from the movies I watched and the music that I listened to.

Prior to being cheating on I thought that A's were harmless , fun and exciting things. barf

I thought that if my spouse ever cheated, I would say " hasta la vista , baby ! and D his ass " and just ride on happily into the sunset looking bigger and better things.

When I did get cheated I was shocked about everything. The physical symptoms . The crying, cant sleep, cant concentrate the throwing up etc.

The thing that bothered me the most were the constant obsession with the A.

I really thought that I was going crazy.

So this question is to help other BS realize that their obsessions are normal , unfortunately.

Now onto the question.

How would your pre A self rate how healthy your post A obsessions are ?

The scale is from 0 to 10 with 10 being the most unhealthy.




My pre A self would rate my post A obsessions as a 10 level of unheathiness.

0 comment posted: Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

When a clueless non BS becomes a BS......

When a clueless non BS becomes a BS.....

They will understand that the BS did nothing to cause the A. They will understand that it's 100% the WS choices and it is never the BS's fault.

Then the clueless non BS will regret thinking about and gossiping to others that the BS had it coming because the BS was a nag, cold, boring in the bedroom etc.

When the clueless non BS becomes a BS...

They will understand that how easily the BS could miss red flags that the WS is cheating.

Then, the clueless non will regret thinking and gossiping to others that the BS must've been dumb to let the WS cheat as long as the WS did. Then, the clueless non BS will regret not telling the BS about the A if the BS didn't know about the A

When the clueless non BS becomes a BS.....

They will understand why the BS doesn't divorce the WS a week after DDay and go on with happily with the rest of the BS's life.

Then the clueless non BS will regret criticizing the BS if the BS decided to stay or divorce.

When the clueless non BS becomes a BS.....

They will understand why the BS throws up, loses weight, cant sleep, obsess etc.

Then the clueless non BS will regret telling the BS to "get over it" a week after DDay.

When the clueless non BS becomes a BS.....

above all else the clueless non BS will FINALLY UNDERSTAND that by blaming the BS.......they are adding insult to injury to an ALREADY HURING BS!!!

3 comments posted: Sunday, January 8th, 2023

Rate how disturbing your thoughts were in height of your pain

First my story.

DDay was June of 2014.

Soon after DDay, I began to have very very disturbing thoughts.

I was very disturbed by my thoughts and didn't share the full graphic details of my thoughts with anyone.

So, basically from DDay on I was disturbed by my thoughts.

I found SI on May of 2016 . Roughly two years after DDay.

It took me around two years on SI of reading and helping other BS's in pain that I began to realize that my disturbing thoughts were normal!!!!

So, for over four years I was so disturbed by my thoughts.

I found out on SI that my thoughts are normal as long as I dont act on them . This has been a life saver.

So, the purpose of this question and thread is to help other BS's short circuit the over four year journey I had to take to realize that my thoughts were/are normal.

Now, I can finally get to the question.

On a scale of 0 through 10, with 10 being the most disturbing, how disturbing were your thoughts in the height of your pain.

For me personally, it was easily a solid 10.

(Some disturbing thoughts were easier to accept than others. )

28 comments posted: Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

What do you think will happen to TJ Holmes and Amy Robach ?

I wonder if the world and America will embrace and applaud Amy and TJ for having the "courage" to leave their "defective" BS's and go after "true love" like star crossed lovers?

Or, I wonder if America and the world will cast stones at the adulterers that they are ?

*Dorothy holds her breath *.


Edit to add.

Personally, I don't think anything will happen to them. I personally think that they will go on hosting and eventually everything will die down.

12 comments posted: Saturday, December 3rd, 2022

What % of your mind movies are sexual ?

Just out of curiousity what % of your mind movies are sexual ?

I'll start.

About 50% is sexual.

My ex had affair with another man.

Last thing on earth I expected that my ex was/is bisexual.

The other 50% is that I was stunned to find out that my ex was/is bisexual.

13 comments posted: Saturday, November 19th, 2022

What if the WS D'd you b/4 the A ?

How would you react if the WS sat you down and told you that the WS wants to have sex with someone else and wanted to divorce you before the WS has sex with someone else ?

I'll start.

The ex and I were living together as boyfriend and girlfriend for ten years prior to us getting M.

The same sex A with an OM happened before we got M .

If my ex sat me down and told he wanted to break up with me to have sex with an OM, I would be in shock for two weeks because I never suspected that the ex is bisexual.

I would probably blame the ex for being super selfish for breaking up a ten year relationship just to have sex with an OM.

After two weeks, I would be broken but I will let the ex go and break up with him so ex could go have sex with OM.

14 comments posted: Friday, October 21st, 2022

Who got more stigma for the A ? You or WS ?

Some background information first before I can answer my own question.

My ex had a same sex A with OM. Ex was OM direct supervisor at work.

Ex suppressed his bisexual urges all his life growing up and did not have sex with another man until ex was in a relationship with me. (Lucky me barf )

After A came out, I outed ex and OM at work and got them both fired.

I told everyone the exact details of the A to get back at ex.



So, I got a ton more stigma than ex.

Clueless non BS saw me as the evil vindictive bitch.

They saw ex as a poor guy that was in the closet all his life and was finally "courageous" enough to explore his bisexuality and had a "silly " A.

How about you ?

7 comments posted: Sunday, October 2nd, 2022

Mod please


2 comments posted: Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

B/4 U were a BS, did U ever blame BS for A ?

It's unfortunate that many clueless non BS's often the blame the BS for "driving/pushing" the poor WS to cheat. mad barf

Now, I will turn the question around and ask my fellow BS's "before you were a BS did you blame the BS for the A ?".




I'll start.

Unfortunately, I did believe the misconception that the BS is to blame for the A. blush



Edit to add : If you blamed yourself after you caught your WS A or you did the pick me dance then you have to answer yes. wink

14 comments posted: Sunday, September 18th, 2022

Did you have the "who is this stranger (WS) moments" ?

Just out of curiosity , how many of us had the "who is this stranger (WS) moments" ?

If you did, describe it.




I'll start.

I'm raising my hand.

I had the who was this stranger moments for years.

My ex was the picture of the "Alpha" male. He was what always the most popular man in all his social circles. Extremely outgoing. All his friends considered him a "man's man".

When my ex was exposed as having a A with a man, everyone that knew him was floored.

How about you ?

1 comment posted: Saturday, September 10th, 2022

Mod please minor glitch to report

I'm a furthest thing from a computer expert possible so I don't how big or small this problem is. I just figured MH needs to know about this.

Now, I will go into the problem.

I live in pacific standard time zone. I noticed the time I logged in was 9 pm last night .

Last night I logged into SI account using my computer.

I hovered my mouse over the "forums" icon and the list all the available forums came up. The options that came up for me started from "main page through the book club". The option for "fun and games" forum was missing

I had logged in to specifically check the fun and games forum and I freaked out when I didn't see the "fun and games" forum.

I freaked out and thought that I was banned from the "fun and games" forum. I nervously checked to see if I had gotten a PM from the mods banning me from the "fun and games " forum. I didn't get a PM from the mods notifying me that I was banned from the "fun and games" forum.

Then I checked on my phone. I was not logged into SI my account on my phone. The "fun and games " option was not available either even when I wasn't logged into my SI account.

I thought about making a thread in "off topic" asking others if they had a problem getting in the "fun and games" forum but I was tired and didn't think it was that important.

I have a platinum account so I went into my recent post to see if I could access my "fun and games" post through my recent post. My fun and games post showed up on my recent post. When I clicked on my fun and games post through my recent post, I could get into my fun and games post.

Then, I logged out of my SI account on my computer and did other stuff on the computer.

At 910 pm , I logged back into SI and I hovered my mouse on the "forum" icon and I saw the avaiable options were from "main page all the way through to fun and games".

So, the problem seemed to have fixed itself.

3 comments posted: Sunday, March 13th, 2022

Make a word from a the last letter of previous word


115 comments posted: Thursday, March 3rd, 2022

count upward by editing your post


7 comments posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022

Make a word from the last letter of previous word

Very simple rules.

Make one word from the last letter of the word someone else made above .

This is a group game. You are not allowed to play solo

I just played solo for the first seven words to show everyone how's it done.

If there is a mistake for whatever reason, we just flow with the mistake and move on.

I'll start


[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 3:38 PM, November 13th (Wednesday)]

328 comments posted: Wednesday, November 13th, 2019

Post GI.Fs of your favorite childhood nostalgic memories

Rules : Follow all F&G forum rules.

Also use common sense and not post anything that others may find offensive and make sure all your pictures are safe for work.

Otherwise have fun.

Post pictures of anything in your child hood that brings back happy nostalgic memories.


1) Favorite toys

2) TV shows

3) Places

4) Foods

5) Games

6) ETC. ETC.

45 comments posted: Wednesday, August 29th, 2018

What's your smart battery's % of charge right now ?

Log your phone , laptop or tablet battery's % of charge whenever you want to .

I'm at 93% now on my phone.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 8:33 PM, July 24th (Tuesday)]

35 comments posted: Tuesday, July 24th, 2018

Wish SI a happy B-day by posting pictures.

Wish SI a happy birthday by

1) Giving thanks

2) Post pictures of cakes, gifts, party favors, food etc.

I'll start.

Thank you SI for all the lives you've have touched.

11 comments posted: Sunday, June 10th, 2018

Count from 1 through 10 . Again & Again

Rules count from 1 through 10.























13 comments posted: Wednesday, May 24th, 2017

Bump this thread for WhatEver reason you like!

Rules .

Bump thread and give a reason.


1) Because it's Monday

2) Because it's cold

3)Because I just want to.

888 comments posted: Monday, January 2nd, 2017

Shoot fireworks to welcome 2017!!!!!!!!!

3 comments posted: Friday, December 30th, 2016

Make words from A through Z.

Make words from A through Z.

When we get to Z, we go right back to A.






348 comments posted: Saturday, November 19th, 2016

Let's count to 1000!!!!!!!!

Let's count to 1000!!!!!

Let's see how pages it will take us to count to ONE THOUSAND.

25 comments posted: Saturday, November 12th, 2016

What's your phone's % of charge right now?

My phone is at 90%

How about you?

54 comments posted: Monday, October 24th, 2016

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