Together 34 years Married. 17 years

Proof its over

My WH has promised that if his ex AP comes over to him when we or he is out socially then he will tell her to leave him/us alone. I have not seen or been told he has actually ended the relationship as things kind of blew up when AP caused a whole scene at a wedding and it all came out about A. I had no idea about A and thought AP was just a disrespectful flirt. Since then it has kind of been assumed after the scene that everybody knows its over for them or that is what I am lead to believe. I am struggling with trust and anxiety as to if AP has been put on the back burner as the fallout is and has been massive with loss of some of my oldest friends and damage to my mental health and I have since discovered they have potentially been in a EA for years. I have asked my WH to actually approach AP either in person at a social event or write to her as I want proof its actually done and not to have to wait until AP approaches us. Is my request reasonable?

10 comments posted: Friday, April 14th, 2023

Help how do i make him hear me

Not sure if any of you have been through this already and can offer me some advice however think my WH is still planning to leave and just not tell me till he is actually gone. My mental health is destroyed and despite me trying to explain he needs to tell me what is going on and then call me some medical attention as I am likely to harm myself, he just ignores me and continues to deny everything. I have no family and AP has destroyed most of my friendships so just wondering if there is a way to reach him before its to late. He also seems to think we would remain friends if he left. It is slightly insane and I am really struggling with the blindsided nature of what he is doing.

10 comments posted: Monday, February 13th, 2023

WH thought i would be ok with it?

3 years post D/Day and still trying to piece together the truth. Seems WH has always liked AP and discussed being together over the years with her. Somehow has lied to himself in this time that I would be ok with this. AP showed just who she is by announcing their involvement at a wedding of 300 people and then got together with some of my oldest friends and laughed at me. Couldn’t make this up if you tried. WH initial reaction seemed to be blaming me. Now I am being told he is staying with me for rest of his life and yet he really has not confirmed this was a pipe dream and he is really over her. Silly me I thought she was just a disrespectful flirt. How do i get the real state of play out of an avoidant personality? Feeling pretty low with all this.

11 comments posted: Sunday, January 22nd, 2023

Looking to understand the weirdness

WH still acting oddly and at times with no empathy for anyone. Not sure how it is possible for him to stop caring at all for me or his grown child almost over night and think its normal. Struggling with looking back at other behaviour and asking myself did I miss these red flags or just looking at things differently now and was he the lovely man i remember him to be. Can someone act lovely for over 30 years and then reveal themselves as someone entirely different?

7 comments posted: Tuesday, December 20th, 2022

Half truth’s and getting nasty

Hi, struggling today , husband point blank will not give me the information I need to heal about his EA/PA. This is 2.5 years on from D day. He claims he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Hard to tell if he is a master manipulator, or being genuine. He claims he cannot remember things he said and has no answers for me. If I say I don’t feel loved when he refuses to explain or address his lack of memory, then I become the bad doubting horrible person who is apparently destroying our marriage.
He used to be pretty amazing as a husband and man and somehow somewhen he has changed into a deceitful, nasty person who cares only for himself. Any one else seem to have this trouble, its like dealing with a slimy snake who slivers out of telling the truth?

13 comments posted: Tuesday, September 20th, 2022

Hot & Cold

Looking to get an opinion on if it is normal to have changing feelings towards WS. Some days I can barely let him kiss me and feel like actually punching him and other days I am a mess and crying. He lacks empathy and seems to think I should be over it all now. He swears on everyones life that he is not leaving me and yet he continues to defend the actions of the AP. The AP also spread lies and gossip about me and ruined most of my friendships. I am struggling to heal as my life is still in tatters and he seems not to understand why I am still struggling. How long before you start to feel better on average?

11 comments posted: Tuesday, February 15th, 2022

Rug sweeping and leaking information

My WH has always had a problem with responsibility & blames others when he is clearly at fault. He has recently started admitting things he is guilty about that happened years ago. We are supposed to be reconciling and yet there is still things about his affair that he is keeping back. We also have the occasional tears when I think he allows himself to accept he is to blame however he remains silent on explaining. Has anyone else had this as not sure if he cannot face himself or is still lying?

9 comments posted: Thursday, November 4th, 2021