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Hedwig

Dday - 10/2018 Caught them, EMDR helped Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

New beginning on the other side of the world

A little more than a month ago I moved from Europe to Mexico, to fulfill a lifelong dream of living and working abroad.
I am living that dream now.

It was something I couldn't do with EXWBF because he didn't want to. Not only was he afraid of flying, he also did not like going to 'exotic' or faraway places on holidays. When I told him once that I wanted to see the world, he said I could see it on tv. Asshole. Also, his job was very much tied to my homecountry, while my job is more of something I can do wherever.

As soon as I ended our relationship, I started making this plan and started saving money to be able to do this. I told myself I would give myself at least two years time to be single and heal, so that I can do all these wonderfull things by myself and enjoy them by myself. So far so good! I've been single for more than a year and intend to keep it that way. The plan is to live and work in Mexico for 6 months and then go traveling South-America and South-East Asia for another 6 months. I'm excited! I know I also still have a lot of trauma to unpack and I'm getting there.

Are there any other people who have been cheated on and have freed themselves to pursue a lifelong dream? I would love to hear your stories!

8 comments posted: Saturday, September 11th, 2021

So grateful for better sleep

Yesterday I woke up a little grumpy, because I didn't sleep well the night before. When I say, I didn't sleep well, I mean I fell asleep maybe a little later than I wanted to and I woke up too early and was fretting about the amount of time I still had left to sleep. So I was grumpy, got out of the house a little grumpy and went to work that way.

I don't know the exact moment it happened but at some point during the morning I realized I hadn't been sleep-deprived-grumpy in a really long time. It is a feeling I've barely known over the last 9 months, because I've generally slept really really well over the last 9 months.

What happened 9 months ago, you may ask? I broke up with my toxic cheating WEXBF.

I remember the first couple of days and weeks after our break-up, I remember how well-rested I felt because of all the sleep I was getting. Even my coffee tasted better!

And it was bad before. I'm quite a light sleeper and my WEXBF was as well. He had his own business so he got up whenever he wanted and slept whenever he wanted while I have a strict schedule because of my job. Add the general toxicity of that relationship and don't forget the gift of infidelity and all the anxiety it brought along.

My god, some days I only slept 2 or 3 hours and I would get up the next morning and still go to my job and try to function like a normal human being. Some days he would be tossing and turning in my bed and then in the middle of the night tell me he was leaving to go to his own house because he couldn't relax here. I would cry or I would get up to go with him because I didn't want to be away from him. One day he told me he went through my journal and my phone while I was asleep and that's why he left in the middle of the night. You can imagine I felt even less safe sleeping next to him.

The worst were the nights he went out, especially with his best friend. They were drinking and I would be at home, having anxiety attacks, trying to get through the evening and trying to sleep while hoping he wouldn't cheat on me again. I would wake up a couple of times in the middle of the night, to see if he had texted me anything to make me feel safe. Often I would get *crickets*. A couple of times he texted me things that ended up keeping me up all night.

I let him ruin my sleep and peace a little more after our break-up, with stupid messages he would send me in the middle of the night, until I finally went NC in july.

I have felt so much peace ever since. It's just that I forgot how peaceful my life has been. Over the last 9 months, life got a little more busy again. We went from a lockdown back to more and more things opening up, me going back to my job in person, holidays, lockdown again and just your daily struggles. So I got used to the peacefullness and the quality of sleep I was getting

I felt a *little* grumpy yesterday. So when I realized the only reason I felt that tiny difference was because I was otherwise well-rested, I felt so so grateful. I have made one of the best decisions of my life by breaking up with my WEXBF.

I wanted to share this, see if it resonated with you guys and shine a light on positive things during our new beginnings.

What are you most grateful for after separation/divorce/break-up?

4 comments posted: Friday, January 29th, 2021

Little Big exercise in 'from Abandonment to healing'

Does anyone have any experience with the Little Big exercise in the from Abandonment to Healing book?

I have been talking to my inner child when I'm anxious since march 2020, but asking my inner child questions and having them "answer" feels super weird.

It sounds silly but I'm a little afraid it might cause a split personality (dissociative identity disorder).

So I'm very hesitant to keep doing it. It just feels weird to have conversations with my little.

Anyone any insights?

4 comments posted: Monday, November 30th, 2020

Double anniversary

I've been doing pretty well since I broke up with my EXBF back in April. But, double anniversary season is here.

A week ago would have been our 3rd anniversary and in a week it will be the second anniversary of my Dday.

Not sure if the weather and the shorter and darker days are also contributing but I've been feeling some type of way.

I know some of you have their Ddays and anniversaries close to each other as well. So, lovely people of SI...what do you do in anniversary season or what would you do to celebrate/grieve/work through this/cheer yourself up?

Alcohol is not an option, as I'm on antimycotics for a couple of months.

4 comments posted: Sunday, October 4th, 2020

How to date

Hey everyone,

I wanted to share a resource with you on how to date after divorce or break-up or whatever.

It's a podcast by a dating coach. It's called Breaking the Dating Code and the coach's name is Loari Edison.

Season 1 is all about getting ready to date and she has just started Season 2, which talks more about HOW to date.

Use the same practice you do here on SI: take from it what you can use and leave what you can't.

There's some valuable lessons on their about values, priorities, living your best life, self-care, unpacking and healing your own bagage, confidence and letting go of timelines.

Approved Link

If you don't have Spotify, you can also find it on Google and Apple Podcasts and even IheartRadio, I think.

ETA: oh, crap, I reread the guidelines and I realize this might be against them. I'm not deleting the post, because thats against the guidelines as well, but I have edited the name and I'll message SI staff so they'll know what to do with this,

Eta2: approved!

[This message edited by Hedwig at 11:42 AM, July 23rd (Thursday)]

6 comments posted: Tuesday, July 21st, 2020

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