How has Infidelity Betrayal changed you?
I have been reading a lot lately about how to improve my mental health and depression.
My WS was an abusive serial cheater but I had his back despite his lack of remorse. I stayed and supported him and even defended him when others said some awful but honest things about him.
I know that we often vent here and there was a time that I resisted telling anyone how awful my WS and marriage were.
But, something has changed in me. I was once protective of WS. I longer feel that. I care about him as I would another fellow human being who has caused me so much trauma, in that I no longer care.
I feel soulless where my WS is concerned and I truly despair that such evil has destroyed me.
32 comments posted: Sunday, July 11th, 2021
Psychobiological Approach Couple Therapy
Has anyone ever tried this.
What was your experience and outcome.
0 comment posted: Thursday, May 20th, 2021
I Need To Apologize
To everyone here on SI, I owe you all an apology.
When I joined SI, I was, so I thought dealing with Infidelity.
I had buried the past abuse and trauma so deeply that all I was focused on was the most recent betrayals.
So in a year, I have dug deep and had to deal with 35 years of abuse perpetrated on me by my abusive WH.
I now understand that I have Complex PTSD.
It wasn’t WH’s infidelity that drove me to the brink, it was that he just wouldn’t leave me in peace.
I wanted him out of my life so badly and he knew it, so he went about abusing me in every way possible, cheating was just a small part of the abuse.
Thank you to everyone here for suffering through this with me.
I am no longer suicidal and receiving support for the mental health issues that I now suffer.
I have learnt so much and have come a long way this year. 🙏🏼
7 comments posted: Sunday, May 2nd, 2021
WH’s exAP harassing our son - Vent
Vent and Advice needed.
WH was diagnosed with cancer in December 2020. He’s still receiving treatment. Despite everything, I have been supportive up until a few weeks ago when I couldn’t handle it anymore.
My DS (24) came to me today extremely upset.
DS bumped into his father’s exAP in January this year. Prior to this he had met her briefly 2 years ago during the A. Of course exAP couldn’t help herself and stopped him for a chat, asking how W was. Son told her about the cancer and asked her to stay away from his father. Told her that he f******* hates her.
Of course exAP tried contacting WH. He has blocked her but managed to get a message to him through a mutual friend. My DS confirmed that exAP has been stalking him online and obtained his phone number. Today he showed me the messages from exAP and his replies telling her to F*** off and leave him the F*** alone.
ExAP in one message asked if she could come to the funeral if WH doesn’t pull through.
DS has asked his father numerous times whether he was still in contact with exAP. His father categorically denied any contact in over a year. DS showed WH the messages from exAP. WH didn’t seem concerned or surprised and advised son to block and ignore her.
My DS and as do I, want to kill her. Of course this won’t happen but I am livid. My son has been pushed to the point of wanting to inflict violence on exAP. He’s furious.
Apart from blocking her I have told him that I will contact my lawyer for legal advice.
My son now wants absolutely nothing further to do with his father either. He just doesn’t trust him.
9 comments posted: Sunday, March 28th, 2021
Should I still push for the truth?
I am in a rut at the moment.
Stbxwh is seriously ill, receiving cancer treatment. He’s 58 but expected to either make a recovery or live with it for some time yet.
WH has asked me to be kind to him as he believes that he doesn’t have much time left. (We are separated, living apart)
At times I still feel that I need the entire truth as he’s holding onto a lot of secrets.
My worst fear is that he will die and take things that I need to know to the grave.
I don’t want repercussions coming back down on me after he’s gone.
He’s not frail, just extremely emotional. (Self pity mostly) I want to push harder towards the whole truth. He shuts down if I push too hard. There’s something about exAP that he’s frightened of and I need to know what it is.
16 comments posted: Sunday, March 21st, 2021
My Stbxwh still tells me that he loves me and that I am the love of his life.
Am I really that unlovable that only an abusive adulterer could love me.
(I am not out there looking for love. My one true love passed away August 2019 and this absolutely crushed me more than anything WH ever did to me)
So is being loved by someone so flawed as the WS better than no love at all?
12 comments posted: Tuesday, March 16th, 2021
A Bigger House or a Bigger Life?
This Question was posed to me today, ‘A Bigger House or A Bigger Life?’
I didn’t hesitate with my answer, A BIGGER LIFE!
Absolutely, no judgement as I am at a stage in my life when I can choose a Bigger Life.
What would you choose and Why?
12 comments posted: Friday, September 25th, 2020
Advice on D from a Selfish Greedy Wayward
Has anyone or is anyone else divorced or trying to divorce a Selfish Narcissistic Wayward who also happens to be an only child?
My STBXWH just keeps changing our agreement and stalling Divorce proceedings and refuses to accept the financial settlement out of sheer greed.
We have 3 adult children who each have a trust fund. WH now wants the money which we put in trust for our children to be divided between the two of us and not distributed to our children as he feels they are not deserving of the money. He is so greedy. Our children are all aware of the trusts. I don’t want to involve them in the divorce but I am fighting WH on this.
Further, Our DS who still lives with WH calls venting about All the unnecessary spending and waste of money he sees. WH does not buy groceries but buys a very expensive home gym and new laptop. We are in lockdown so Gyms are still Temporarily closed.
I am financially supporting both Sons due to job loses due to Covid. I just can’t keep up with WH spending on himself
and squandering money. I know he is hiding cash from me as DS tells me that WH appears to have a endless supply of it.
7 comments posted: Monday, September 14th, 2020
Divorcing A Convicted Criminal Dilemma
I have a massive dilemma.
I want to push WH to complete divorce proceedings Now!
Police want to charge him with an unlawful assault on me. I hope to be divorced before he faces this charge and the matter goes before a judge for sentencing. I have a 12 month court ordered AVO against him. So he cannot contact me without being immediately arrested and jailed.
My lawyer was dealing with his lawyer on the Divorce issue.
Last time we were trying to negotiate Divorce and financial settlements he turned very nasty. Hiding, stealing money and refusing to work to earn any income. Pushing for a better deal for himself to ensure he gets more and is looked after by me.
Under the current circumstances I expect that he will become even nastier. He is financially dependent on me as he still works in my business, just different offices. I pay him well so he can continue to pay his share of mortgage and live well.
My lawyer wants me to get financial settlement completed before anything else so if he goes to jail, I won’t have to deal with him when he gets out. It sounds callous, I know but I never want to see him again or deal with him after jail. I promised that he will be well looked after in the settlement. When he gets out of jail he will have enough in the bank to look after himself.
I want to use his jail time to set myself up very far from here and disappear from his life for good.
My lawyer wants me to hold Police off until we are done. Even my children want to see him pay for his crimes, just once. He has 2 prior convictions but avoided jail time. A 3rd conviction, he is done.
9 comments posted: Friday, July 17th, 2020
Inspirational Quotes from the Heart
What are your go to Inspirational Quotes to re-awaken your heart.
"Warm-heartedness is the key factor that allows me to smile and be happy, even in the company of strangers."
— Dalai Lama XIV
2 comments posted: Thursday, June 11th, 2020
World Whisky Day
Wow, I know that I have been thinking about drinking a lot lately, but it is World Whisky Day. The event in New York has regrettably been cancelled due to COVID 19.
My prayers go out to those who have been affected and lost their lives. Best wishes to those in recovery.
So, if I were in recovery I would possibly celebrate with Champagne but a nice neat heart warming Whisky would go go nicely as we near Winter.
My choice Whisky, Spirit of Hven MerCurious from Sweden... it’s the real deal 🙏🏼
[This message edited by LadyG at 1:24 AM, May 16th (Saturday)]
2 comments posted: Saturday, May 16th, 2020