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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 11:43 PM on Monday, March 15th, 2021

Ellie - I hear ya! There were days last year when I was out shoveling at 6am in tears. This year I bought myself a huge kick ass snowblower. My Wh did the grass and snow and his beloved money pit of a pool...he was good for those jobs too. I pretty much did everything else.

[This message edited by Throwaway999 at 9:31 PM, March 15th, 2021 (Monday)]

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -3 yr LTA affair ended 2016/2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair with AP1

posts: 516   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8642046
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 5:27 PM on Tuesday, March 16th, 2021

Good Morning Goddesses!

Trudging through work today, figured I’d pop in on a break.

I’m now vaccinated for COVID. My mother is still happy as I have been seeing patients for the whole pandemic

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8642196
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:07 AM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Hey beautiful bad asses.

It’s been a minute. Life had been good in the Land of Chaos.

Then that fucking Donut Whore was cyber stalking my WH and I found it.

Now - I blew her shit up with OBS, WH got an attorney to send a Cease and Desist letter and I’m once again an exhausted pile of goo. But a sparkly one LOL.

Tension been high. WH is all proud of himself. He got the attorney and sent the letter. He slay the Donut Dragon

Me - I’m looking around at the village in ruin from the fire breathing Donut and thinking - well fuck. I have to rebuild the damn village again. All the while knowing the village was destroyed many times over by the fucking Donut Dragon that WH himself imported into the Land of Chaos.

Anyone else just get so fucking exhausted?

[This message edited by Chaos at 6:23 AM, March 17th (Wednesday)]

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8642388
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 1:49 AM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Chaos, WH’s exAP is turning out to be the worst kind of bunny boiler... had to explain the term to WH.

Only recently WH found out that exAP has used his image and a bogus review which she wrote to promote her business website. The whore refuses to remove it. (Wish I could post a link, it’s laughable) the review was posted after the A ended.

WH is going to have to spend a little bit more money on the slut and pay a lawyer to get this removed.

It’s exhausting alright...

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8642399
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Wigwag ( new member #78519) posted at 2:08 AM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

New to this group and trying to figure out the right forums to engage, forgive me if I mess up...

I have a couple of questions: I'm feeling burdened by the need to confront his girlfriend. Does anyone else have scripts of what they want to say to the OW? I find myself having long conversations with myself over what I want to say to her.

Have you confronted that person? Did it help you?

posts: 3   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2021
id 8642404
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UnstuffedGiraffe ( member #74937) posted at 3:47 AM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

I was contacted by the OW once, she answered some of my questions, gave an insincere apology, I gave the absolute minimal answers to her questions I could to keep her talking. When I told her that one of them was none of her business she got mad and blocked me. I wouldn’t expect truth or anything satisfying from a conversation with the OW.

Me BW - Married 20 years
Him - 2 Affairs 9 years apart
DDay October-December 2019 & July 2020

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8642423
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BlackRaven ( member #74607) posted at 8:33 AM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Have you confronted that person? Did it help you?

Wigwag,

I think one question that might be worth asking yourself is what you hope to get out of the confrontation?

If you expect empathy for your pain, or an apology, how will you feel if you don't get it? She's a broken person or she wouldn't have had an affair with a married man, so chances are she won't be capable of giving you those things.

Or, are you looking to have facts verified? Again, what happens if you find out things are true or not? Will it allow you to trust your WH in the long run? Would a polygraph be easier?

I'm not offering advice one way or the other. Just food for thought.

posts: 284   ·   registered: Jun. 17th, 2020
id 8642441
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:22 PM on Wednesday, March 17th, 2021

Wigwag - nice to meet you!

You don't converse with the OW. You do converse with the OBS

The OW is a liar and a cheat and thus will not give you the answers you seek - only cruelty to hurt more.

Any correspondence with OW is best written in a letter (so your system is purged) and then burned.

LadyG - The attorney Mr Chaos hired for the Cease and Desist nicknamed that Donut Whore "Fatal Attraction". This is all such a mind fuck. An exhausting mind fuck.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8642452
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 11:50 AM on Thursday, March 18th, 2021

Extremely upset today... my 24 year old son and I had a screaming row. I am still shaking, but firm.

I asked him a simple question, not WH related, and he exploded... called me f***ing this and that...

I have ordered him to pack his bags and get out of my house.

I am just sick to death of his abusive manipulative behaviour.

Sad to say, the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8642775
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 1:49 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

((Hugs)) LadyG

He learned from his father

Mine does it too

Are you doing better now?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8643066
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 2:18 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Wigwag?

Mine is a Serial Cheater

1st OW wasn’t a OW at all. He propositioned her and she turned him down flat

Only I didn’t find out until 25 years later

The next one was a week of flirting on a military trip. It culminated in him visiting her motel room on the last night there. He, conveniently cannot recall her last name so I can’t find her

Then there was the Abilene, Tx town Slut. Lots of sex acts in our family car. He denies any intercourse, but she told me they ducked like bunnies and did everything.

She told me more truth than him

So I believe her

I did tell her what I thought of her, told the whole town

Do I feel better?

Not really

It doesn’t change that the man I married stole my hopes, dreams, and trust

So, stay busy. Try to stop thinking about the loser that did Thor things with our partners

They aren’t worth our time

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2101   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8643080
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 4:31 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Thanks 20, I have been seriously triggered and spiralling down all year. Here I go again...

My son knows that WH has been extremely abusive throughout our entire marriage and yet continues following in the father’s footsteps. If I point this out and call him out on his abusive behaviour, he gets even more aggressive.

Since his father’s illness I have been spending a bit of time at my old house. WH cannot come to my apartment. Generally it’s to take WH to hospital appointments when he’s not allowed to drive or travel alone. Neither of my sons have offered to help.

To cut to the chase, a horrific revelation hit the headlines here in Aus involving our Attorney General (the highest Law Officer in the land) and his rape of a 16 year old girl. Attorney General was 17 at the time. Fast forward 30+ years, the girl grows up and finally has the courage to go to Police and report it for Police to investigate. Covid happens... lockdown happens... state borders close... 52 year old woman commits suicide last year. The trauma was just too much to live with.

I confided in 20yrsagoBS, that I was in a very similar situation last year after I had WH arrested and removed from my life. I confided in a Police officer about WH raping me several times. Police were wanting to investigate. All I had to do was make a formal statement at Police Headquarters. It was July and a hard lockdown came. I was terrified to go. I made a statement via telephone. Police offered to come to me but I kept putting it off. I was terrified and spiralling. I wrote everything down. Dates, times, places. Relived it all in my head over and over. I had till December 2020 to voluntarily contact the investigating officer and take it further. Then WH gets sick!!! I couldn’t go through with it.

My case is on hold but not closed. We don’t have a statute of limitations on serious crime like Rape but it’s just extremely difficult to prosecute.

Can I get justice?

WH is now very much aware that he has in fact raped me several times, before, during and after we were separated. He’s scared. He tells me that he has been suicidal over it. Not the rape itself just the thought of facing criminal charges and jail. It’s sickening that all he’s concerned about is that people will think he’s a rapist.

Anyway today WH has another hospital appointment but his son is taking him.

I love my son, even he has asked me why the F*** would I help his father after everything that he’s done to me but yet every time he visits me, he tells me that “dad sends his love”. What the F*** is that about? I read today that misogyny is hereditary. Is narcissism hereditary?

FIL was definitely a massive misogynistic POS. But MIL was the perfect doormat. She played that role perfectly.

So, Grandfather, Father and now Son all misogynists.

My son attempted a sort of apology but I told him that apology not accepted or acceptable any more. Until he gets help, I am done with him and his father.

The house is going to be sold and he better start looking for somewhere else to live. I suggested he go to grandmas.

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8643099
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Adira ( member #77327) posted at 5:38 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Hi everyone, I’m somewhat new to SI, is it ok to join in here?

Me BW, STBXWH covert NPD
2 teenage kids
M: 24 years, together 27 years
3x DDays: 08/2017; 10/2017; 02/2018 with the Hobbit Howorker.
False R: 02/2018-12/2020
Currently in IHS

posts: 62   ·   registered: Feb. 16th, 2021   ·   location: Australia
id 8643110
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 6:06 AM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Adira, hi and welcome.

Sorry you had to walk in on that.

Sometimes we have fun and share a laugh, just not today.

Peace 🙏🏼

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 939   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8643114
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Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 12:24 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Adria - welcome! Glad you found this thread. The woman here are amazing! All different situations but it’s a wonderful and safe place to ask questions, bounce ideas off of, share your vents and your happy days.

My small vent for the day. I read SI a lot, likely too much but mostly the threads don’t bother me at all anymore. But for whatever reason a thread in general got me last night. One sentence and a full blown trigger. It’s the thread about "what did you find" and lead to many posts about what WS said or did during and after the A. It was a reference to pet names.

My Dday was when I was searching for my son’s resume in my WH email account...the search brought up an email addressed to "Sunshine". And I naively said...you don’t call me sunshine. He grabbed the IPad and deleted all of his emails. Later that night I found when I hacked his work emails...I found the PA proof...emails between "Sunshine" and "Bunny". He was the Everready "bunny", he told me. Puke.

Don’t know why something so small hit me last night...bugs me because honestly I have been doing so well in my healing. I am kind of mad at myself that I triggered so badly. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe it actually all happened...I was married for almost 24 years to an asshole...covert narc...liar...lazy ass...selfish. He looked so good on the outside...but within he was a mess.

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -3 yr LTA affair ended 2016/2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair with AP1

posts: 516   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8643149
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:31 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Welcome Adira! You are meeting me at an odd time. I'm currently struggling - usually I'm a bit more bad ass. Freaking LTAP Donut Whore [we just had to send a Cease and Desist letter after 2 fucking years as she was making fake profiles to cyberstalk WH]

Lady G - I'm sorry about your son's behavior. Kudos to you for having excellent boundaries with him. And hugs to you because it has to be hard.

Throwaway999- Energizer Bunny Seriously

Morning Womenz!!!

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8643150
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ladyphoenix ( member #72766) posted at 12:48 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Chaos, even the sparkliest of us can have a dull day. Your reaction to the recent actions of DW is completely justified. It seems never ending. How can you be expected to rid her from your head if she keeps showing up! Take some time for yourself.

The way it looks to me is that you are being attacked from the outside. Your WH is putting up a force field around you both. In the past you were being attacked from the inside, but that’s not the case any more. I know it’s small comfort. It still is getting run over by his actions in the past and it hurts like nothing you have ever felt before.

You may surprise yourself and feel better sooner than before.

She’s just a stale donut that no one wants anyway.

Hugs to you

M 23 years, together 29. DD1 Feb 2019, DD2(TT) June 2019, DD3 (TT) July 2019, (TT) March 2020, (TT) Sept 2020We have 3 children: 22,18, 13 and a grandson April 2019. We work daily on R and building a stronger relationship.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8643152
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 1:29 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

ladyphoenix I'm just so tired. And so dejected.

Yes - this is an attack from the outside. But it doesn't hurt any less.

Yes - WH is only now realizing how bat shit crazy she is [even the attorney called her Fatal Attraction]. When she realized she got a new vehicle she traded in her luxury SUV for one of the same basic brand as WH (their top model but still) AND she convinced OBS to abandon their favorite vacation spot for 20+ years to go to ours...that's creepy shit right there.

I am too fucking tired to ride this roller coaster again. I'm too fucking exhausted to traverse the POLF again. I'm too fucking sad to see how hard WH is trying to be supporting and empathetic and gentle. I've hit critical mass on what I can take anymore.

Last night I kept having nightmares of her creeping back in and stalking. I see her face every time I close my eyes.

I'm just whining. I am overdue for a good old fashioned pity party. But I'm just too damn spent for that.

Y'all know - Chaos will still sparkle. Even BASGUs need a nap every now and then.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8643160
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ladyphoenix ( member #72766) posted at 3:06 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Chaos,

Tired. I get that. Bone tired with no end in sight. The kind of tired that makes you want to curl up and stay in bed all day. But you can’t because: life. And then sleep doesn’t even help because the dreams haunt you. I once wished for a coma just to get out of my own head and have some peace. I don’t wish that anymore, but I would love to have a full night of sleep instead of waking at 4am thinking about betrayal. Every. Fucking . Day.

DW is disgusting. And full on crazy. Definitely Fatal Attraction. The vacation change is unbelievable.

Attacked from the outside or inside is still attacked. It’s all shitty.

Have the pity party. I will join you. It’s still a party after all.

I am going to paint my nails today to get ready for the party. May even choose a glitter polish.

M 23 years, together 29. DD1 Feb 2019, DD2(TT) June 2019, DD3 (TT) July 2019, (TT) March 2020, (TT) Sept 2020We have 3 children: 22,18, 13 and a grandson April 2019. We work daily on R and building a stronger relationship.

posts: 96   ·   registered: Feb. 8th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8643205
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 3:37 PM on Friday, March 19th, 2021

Sparkle polish for the win! I have to do mine too. I'm teleworking today so I have some eye patches on. Can't neglect your skincare. And I take comfort in my routines. Self care is important. It not really doing it right now but I'm keeping up the routine anyway. Not even a stale DW can keep me from caring for myself - even if I don't much feel like it.

The vacation change - that hit WH hard. WTF.

Like I could visibly see him react to that. Like he'd taken a gut punch. I think for years he knew she was a manipulative bitch - but this....this put her in bunny boiler territory.

This also came up when I informed OBS - and his reaction was horrible too. He realized how badly he'd been played. The same fucking town in OBX. That's a long ass stretch of island. That's when I knew, WH knew and OBS knew she'd used fake profiles to stalk both our accounts. We both posted OBX vacation photos the past few years we've been going and mentioned we wanted to retire in that area.

That's when both men realized the depths of her depravity. That's what prompted WH to contact the attorney again [he'd already contacted him about the Cease and Desist] and say "overnight it - bill me for whatever it costs but get it there ASAP"

I still wonder how long it will be before she trys something again and thinks she's sneaky and under the RADAR. And - how long it will take us to find it and/or recognize it for what it is.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3269   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8643243
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