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A few times over the last few months I woke up to him having sex with me. Not trying to get me in the mood to have sex, But full on sex with his penis inside me while I was asleep. I said to him the last time this feels like rape.

Euuuuuughhhhh. Honey that feels like rape because it IS rape. If you didn't give your consent (which you didn't and could not possibly have since you were asleep), then it is rape.

Seriously, every further revelation you make about him just makes me ache for you. He's vile. I am so glad you got the RO, but make sure to get on top of the financials too. I would call your loan provider immediamente and let them know you are NOT selling, not interested in selling, thinking about selling etc to get that noted on your file in case he tries any funny business with the house. I would also make copies of all of your important documents (marriage and birth certificates, bank paperwork, house paperwork, car loan stuff, tax returns etc) - give a few sets to trusted family/friends and your lawyer once you have one, keep copies for you, and put the originals into a safety deposit box. Put it in your name only and make one of your parents an authorized person so they can get to it if they need to.

Gear up darlin - his behavior will likely escalate in the coming weeks. The stronger you get without him, the more angry and dangerous he will become. That's usually how these types operate. Please don't fall into the 'he would never' muddle. He would. Whatever it is, he would. Be proactive with your safety and the safety of your kids - just take every precaution you can and have a solid plan in place in case things go sideways.

Yeah...that's rape.

Since he can still see the kids, you need to have your attorney file for immediate custody,or at least supervised visitation. As it sits, he can pick the kids up,and keep them. Legally, he would be allowed to do that,until you go to court, which could take awhile.

That's great that you are taking action, getting support, and are starting to have a deeper understanding of everything happening in the relationship. Your WS and the situation is awful.

I wanted to address a question you had about your WH's previous employer not verifying what he told you. As a previous and current small employer, I could see myself replying the same way even if it were a lie. I'm sorry. It's an issue of liability and protection.

We once had a new employee who regularly drove our company car for work trips. I was made aware of his drinking and driving by other employees. I spoke to him about it. I didn't have concrete documentation, until I did. I fired him. He contested through unemployment. His argument was that his immediate supervisor approved. Not true, but i had to prove that.

Later another small business owner told me that if we would have had a few more employees, we would have been obligated to keep him on and pay to put him through a program for a drinking problem.

Maybe that's the same way with sex addiction. In hindsight/ future sight, it's easier to fire an employee for not showing up. Thats easy to document.

As an employer, your husband is fired and it's done and no longer their problem. If his wife called and asked, I might have thought it was an entrapment thing. I might have lied. I'm so sorry to admit that. The business and other employees would come first for me.

In short, I think his previous employer is aware of suspicious behavior. She doesn't want to get involved and risk other legal action from him.

Sorry. Please take care of yourself and your children.

Thanks you guys. I never told anyone that until writing it down on the RO today. I actually apologized to him for saying the word "rape".

I'm getting everything squared away a day at a time. My job is offering overtime for January and I'm taking as much as I can get in to help financially. I got this text from my MIL today:

"Hello K its J. I was wondering I there's any way I could have a conversation with you soon. Text is even fine. I would like to just have a conversation that's all. Please let the children know that we all love them more than anything in this world. I know they're probably upset. Im not making any judgements or accusations or anything. Just to talk. Let me know if you need anything. "

This coming from a woman that hasn't asked if I need anything in over 11 years. Oh and you didn't seem to care how the children were the night your son exploded and put them through Hell. Grr I am absolutely not responding. It's a trap.

Thanks again for everything. My kids and your support helps keeps me strong.

NC is best. If you do end up talking to her, do it in text, so you have a record of what was said.

HumanTrampoline: I agree about former boss. I think there's more but she doesn't know me. Not worth risking herself, her job, her company over. Legally she's not supposed to tell me anything. So even a response I was thankful for. I promised her to delete all messages between her after the conversation and did bc I didn't want him to find them. We are in a small town with a handful of cops and I mentioned to the ones that responded that night that one of them had told WH to return keys by 4:30 or he could face jail time. They know him by name so I'm sure they followed up with him off the record.

A strange car drove by our home taking pictures yesterday. At first I was assuming it was someone WH sent but now I'm thinking it's possible they are looking into something he was into. I don't know. But all things done in the dark come to light eventually.

Hellfire I was considering responding via text just to se what she has to say but decided against it. She's a snake. Always has been. She enables WH and babies him and that's part of his problem. Not all of course but definitely a huge part of it. They have blamed me for years for everything knowing WH was that way way before me. They were being blamed by him for his issues when I came into the picture. The blame got passed to me but now its someone else's turn.

I remember seeing texts from him to her complaining I was out of wipes when I returned to work after last baby. He was watching the kids (had been gone 6 weeks from the time last baby was born bc of the sexting I found) His first day to watch them bc I was going back to work. She told him since I didn't buy wipes he should wipe the baby's ass with my clothes. Instead of saying "son that's your kid too. Why didn't YOU go buy wipes?" That entire 6 weeks he didn't help at all. I was 9 days shy of getting paid maternity leave when I went into labor so I had no finances coming In. I'd ask him for money.. he'd send $50. For me and 5 kids! Meanwhile he was still working with AP. SO much bs over 13 years or so. The fog I was apparently in birthing babies the last decade has been lifted. THANKFULLY

It's clear where he gets his issues from..of course, as an adult he has the power to not be an abusive ass. He just chooses to be one.

Has he stayed away? Any contact? Have the cameras come?

Hi KB- just read your thread. I am so sorry that your husband is a disordered monster, you and your kids deserve so much more. I hope y'all are safe. I just wanted to chime in to say that I am rooting for you and I know how scary this is. One day this will all just be a really shitty memory and you will just shake your head in disbelief at what you were able to put up with. Check in when you can <3

Your instincts are correct. Any woman who could say:

She told him since I didn't buy wipes he should wipe the baby's ass with my clothes.

is as disordered and monstrous as they come. The apple has clearly not fallen too far from the tree. Stay away from all contact with her.

So after all this my in-laws show up to get their truck. Then my mom and I noticed they were in the yard with flashlights. So I yelled out (nicely) 'hey what are you looking for?" Mil replies "I lost something". I then ask what she lost and she gets all hateful and says " his stuff is allover the yard!' I told her that wasn't me, that was him. My fil then tells me "you're the worst I've ever seen. I can't believe you." I said 'ok, well you need to both get off my property'. He says "ok sweetheart, this is just the beginning." I replied "well, everything is on camera, including you. Your grandchildren are watching out the window." He says "fuck off".

These people are not right. I can't even imagine my in laws talking to me this way. Stay. Away. From. Them. They are evil, and it explains why your WS is so evil.

If I had said something similar like that to my mother, not only would she have come over and removed my balls for even thinking that way, she would've probably shown up with multiple Costco sized cases of baby wipes, because that baby is her grandchild, which she feels just as connected to as us, her sons.

As you've shared a little bit about your in-laws in this thread it is quite clear that they are not "The Problem" but they are certainly a problem. If you decide at the end of the day to R with your husband, I think a very clear boundary of "fuck you" to both of them is going to be absolutely necessary coming from him and you jointly. You don't want these toxic people in your life or anywhere near your children, because they will learn those same awful behaviors from them. It is bad enough they've had your WH as an influence on them and you cannot control that, but you can have a say in their impact on your children.

I remember seeing texts from him to her complaining I was out of wipes when I returned to work after last baby. He was watching the kids (had been gone 6 weeks from the time last baby was born bc of the sexting I found) His first day to watch them bc I was going back to work. She told him since I didn't buy wipes he should wipe the baby's ass with my clothes. Instead of saying "son that's your kid too. Why didn't YOU go buy wipes?" That entire 6 weeks he didn't help at all. I was 9 days shy of getting paid maternity leave when I went into labor so I had no finances coming In. I'd ask him for money.. he'd send $50. For me and 5 kids! Meanwhile he was still working with AP. SO much bs over 13 years or so. The fog I was apparently in birthing babies the last decade has been lifted. THANKFULLY

Thanks guys! I have gotten my inside cameras up. Already had outside ones as well. The night he was arrested he yanked the doorbell camera off and threw it in the yard. He was trying to say it was me. Wouldn't he want that on film? I sure did. I have moved others around so he doesn't know the exact spots anymore.

I've also realized he took a bunch of my tools that I have Been using to do renovations around the house myself. He has his own so the only reason he'd take them is to prevent me from doing things I care about. Ive built a fireplace wall myself.. board and batten in the dining room.. new flooring in the dining room. Accent wal in daughter's room. I really enjoy that stuff.. he knows that. I never got help from him so learned myself and had built up a good stock of my own tools.. In addition he took the 2 items he got me for Christmas this year, one that he used my card to pay for. All this just shows me more and more what a monster he is. There will definitely be no R. Besides the A it has been one thing after another from day 1 with him. Not small things that happen in Normal relationships. Big things that constitute divorce.

My inlaws are horrible. Have been most of the relationship. The only time they weren't was when he was doing this to them in the beginning and I was there supporting them and trying to help. He is adopted. They started changing their tune toward ne when I found his birth parents. It was something he had always wanted and I remember my MIL angrily telling me 'he was NOT ready for this!' On the phone the evening i found them.

Its always been toxic. I always thought that he was just going through a rough time and the 'real' him would resurface one day. Hind sight is 2020.

Today was calm. I worked overtime at my job. Spent time with my kids. Havevmore overtime once they are in bed. We laughed a lot today. It is a scary time for us right now. My oldest was emotional today. But we are taking it one day at a time. Right now we have some peace and I'm so thankful for that. Thank you for all of your support.

He took your tools. Ugh! He's spiteful and petty on top of all the other toxic crap.

I felt a bit bad about the reply to your question about his last employer. I thought it would help you in understanding legal and personal challenges you might experience going forward with the divorce. In my experience, proving an action legally is different from knowing it happened. His boss probably heard from others or saw on outdoor cameras him entering and leaving unauthorized apartments, maybe with others. She may know or surmise its for nefarious reasons. Can she prove it? Can she prove legally it's him on the camera? Its probably easier to prove he wasn't where he should be when he was obligated to be.

It's also been my experience that people sometimes protect themselves and their situation first. Yes, even if you thought they were friends and would help you.

He took your tools? WTF??? Can you file a police report that your tools have been stolen? I just myself bought a circular saw and table saw for a project that I'm working on (building a laundry pedestal and I need to rip some boards down to size) and so we are talking about some expensive stuff, so I would think you could report these as stolen and let the police handle it. Would be fun for your husband to be charged with theft, I'm sure the judge in your divorce will love to see what an upstanding guy he is there.

KB, how did he bond out of jail? It could be he used your home as collateral to secure a release bond. Bond companies often take photos of the home when they accept the home instead of cash, for a bond for jail release.

File for D as soon as you can. ASK for supervised visitation if he is to see your children.

I don't want to unnecessarily alarm you but ... We are seeing too many murder/suicides of families with situations exactly like your situation.

Start checking pawn shops, and watch Facebook Marketplace for your tools. He's probably going to sell them.

Yes he took my tools. And the 2 gifts he got me, one that was paid for with my card. My wallet he took was a gift from him last year. He took alllll the gifts I got him too of course. He just keeps adding to his shitty person list. As far as I'm concerned, he can keep it all. The peace we have had this past week has been worth it. The "darkness" I didn't even realize was here is gone. He did accidentally leave 3 of the new pairs of Nikes he just ordered himself (also on my card). They will be going on ebay. My kids had asked for some. He was to choose and order them with my card. The next thing I know he has 5 pairs of new Nike shoes show up here for himself. This is with him having no job and me footing all bills and christmas alone. He was asking for $200 work boots for his job. I told him i just couldn't swing it. If he could get cheaper until after he'd brought some checks in, then we would. Next thing I know his mother ordered them for him. He's been my 6th, 220lb child basically for a long time now.

Today the kids and I went to the park. We were the only ones there. We had such a good day. A police officer pulled in and sat there for around an hour while we were there. Not sure if related or coincidence. But we are in a very small town with only about 10 officers total. When we got home my neighbors wife walked down here and said that WH had contacted her son and told him to tell me to call MIL. I politely said "thanks for the message ". Another neighbor said she heard my van was for sale. I told her no it's not. A man stopped yesterday evening and asked me the same thing. My van is crap. Paid cash for it. But it gets me and the kids where we need to be.. It's only in my name. Before all this I had been looking into a new car. But apparently WH was already trying to sell it. Never mentioned it to me at all.

Grrr so much crap. Thanks for letting me vent. I am seeing a lawyer first thing tomorrow to file divorce and protect us both physically and financially. I appreciate all the support and to all that have been concerned and offered advice. I promise I am keeping myself and my babies safe. All of you mean the world to me. Thank you so very much.

Hi everyone I met with a lawyer this morning. He basically told me right off he's not a "bulldog" and tries to make divorce as smooth as possible. But there's "a lot" in my case and it will be at least $5000. He looked to be maybe 30. He told me to think about it over the weekend and he would try to think of ways to cut the price for me. So I've been calling around setting up new appointments with other attorneys willing to work for their fee. He said that my husband will probably get 50/50 custody as that what judges prefer these days. When I questioned that bc of all that he's done he said "well if he does something later you can always call dcs on him".

A little discouraged today but not giving up this fight. I did find out husband has not filed yet as of today. That's about the only useful information I got from that 1.5 hours. Please pray for us. This is going to be a long journey. Thank you.

Please stay safe and keep your guard up.

Nope. Find a different attorney. Get a bulldog.

50/50 after being accused of DV that took place in front of the kids? Nope.

Are they in IC? Get the oldest ones in asap. They can tell the IC what they heard,and saw,and the IC can testify to that in court.