nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 10:22 PM on Thursday, January 19th, 2023
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 3:31 AM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
Thanks Ellie and Nomud. I appreciate you guys for being so uplifting and supportive and always checking in. We are doing OK. Had a wild and emotional couple of days but nothing to do with WH.
Yesterday the oldest 3 were jumping on the trampoline and saw their dog Chewy get hit my the UPS truck. We live on a gravel dead end street in the country. Delivery trucks still fly down this road sometimes and both me and my neighbors have complained about it. Anyway the kids came in screaming. I ran out and saw her and knew she was gone. Exchanged some words with the driver when he came back through. He was very upset and apologetic and moved her out of the road for me and promised to slow down from now on. We buried her and put a cross on her grave. This morning another UPS driver came and paid me a visit. Still not exactly sure why he came to visit. He was mentioning UPS insurance., etc. Apparently someone stopped another UPS driver and asked if they were the one that hit those kids dog? I'm still very confused. I told him I was not planning on suing or anything. That I really have no clue who stopped another driver. That the one that hit her was very respectful and remorseful and promised to slow down in the future which I appreciated very much. The adventures of living in a small town I guess? Lol Also I forgot to mention when my kids and I were digging a hole to bury Chewy an officer drove by (common bc again small town), I was thinking in my head he's gonna come over here and make sure I'm not digging a grave for a person. Sure enough he got out and came over to talk to us. It was the cop that worked at the place WH used to actually and he asked if WH was here and I said "no he isn't here anymore". His face for a moment. I think he thought I'd "good bye earled" him or something. Then I told him he's at his parents and he kind of laughed. He told me if I need anything to call.
So that was our crazy past couple days. My oldest is still very upset as Chewy was basically her baby. My stepdad is coming to fence our yard in this weekend, thankfully. We had already planned on that but after Chewy he is doing it now so we don't have to worry about the kids or our other dogs. Nothing has really happened with WH thankfully. The first visits are this weekend but the kids are still not sure if they want to go and I have a court order saying I don't have to make them. So I've told them whatever they decide is what we will do.
Thanks for checking in and the continued support.
nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 4:32 AM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
Aww KB I am so sorry about Chewy, for you and your kids, it's so hard to lose a precious pet. Maybe that cop will sort of look out for you since he knows your WH is gone. I hope your days get brighter really soon. Glad you're getting a fence!
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 4:56 AM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
Thanks nomud! It was a sad and emotional couple of days but it will get brighter. So happy we are getting our fence up finally. That will ease a lot of worries for sure. We moved here bc of the quiet road then shortly learned after moving in its not as quiet and kid/pet friendly as we thought. At least they'll be fenced in now. Thanks again. 😊
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 1:33 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
Oh, I'm so sorry about Chewy. I'm so sorry the kids saw it happen. That's a traumatic thing to witness.
Keep your eyes,and ears open. Your WH isn't going to go quietly. He's just laying low for the moment.
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 3:57 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
Thanks Hellfire. Oldest is still very upset about Chewy. I wish I could've gotten that fence up sooner. I agree with you on WH behavior. We have a court order. Visitations are Saturday 10-8, Sunday 1-6. At kids discretion meaning if they don't want to go they don't have to, and absolutely no overnights right now. Mil and WH have been messaging my oldest on kid messenger. Mil said "do you want to come see us Saturday? Mommy and the judge both said it's ok" manipulative stuff like that. Mil just messaged me asking where to meet and said "they can spend the night if they want and I'll just bring them to church on sunday". I repeated the Visitations in the court order and said "no overnights". She is already trying to break the rules. My 3 oldest as of right now are saying they don't want to go tomorrow. So I'm not making them. My WH sent $120 last week which was decliined, so I didn't get it. Yesterday he sent me $1. He's told my daughter he's getting her a phone as well, which he will try to say was "child support" . The phone wont be used at my house. Wish me luck. These people are crazy.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:21 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
So sorry for the loss of Chewy. It's so sad. I'm sorry that your children are hurting. If you have a local animal shelter, maybe you can volunteer to walk some dogs?
And maybe you can use Chewy's loss to your advantage - the kids are too upset by the loss of Chewy that they don't want to go visiting.
His face for a moment. I think he thought I'd "good bye earled" him or something.
ROFL! I wish I could have seen the cop's face. Epic! Maybe they thought they'd be on an episode of Dateline or Snapped.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 4:50 PM on Friday, January 20th, 2023
Lea thank you. We were actually humane society volunteers over the summer. We had a litter of pups (including Chewy) my new neighbor couldn't take care of. So we volunteered and took care of them here. Our shelter here was full so they provided food for them and shots/sterilization etc until they found them homes. We adopted Chewy and her brother Rocky which is still with us.
The cops face was priceless. Later I realizes how it looked and had a good laugh. Sees me digging a big hole. Tell him WH is "no longer here" as he's walking toward me digging a hole. . We have to laugh in times like these for our sanity, right?
nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 3:01 AM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
I hope you are enjoying your weekend KB
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 5:06 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Hi Nomud the weekend has went OK so far. Hope you are enjoying yours! The kids had their first visit with WH yesterday. My oldest daughter and the 2 youngest went, the older boys [9 and 6] chose to not go. mil was not happy at pickup but i dint care. Its in the court order. It's nice to not care about their messed up family anymore. The boys stayed here and played and helped put up part of our fence. Friday morning MIL texted me about the meet up plans and said "they can spend the night if they want". I calmly quoted what visitation states on our court order and said "no overnights ". Today Is visit 2 between church times. All kids said they'd probably go today since it's not a long visit. And I'm completely ok with that if they are comfortable.
Yesterday while at the visit my MIL texted me asking if I could bring WHs 3 pairs of new Nikes (that he ordered for himself with my card while unemployed right before Christmas). I told her I'd look for them. That I need my tools, my home paperwork, and my wallet returned. She claimed he doesn't have my wallet. Not true as he grabbed it that night.I just stated again "I need my wallet". No reply. The visit was supposed to be over at 8pm, and MIL called my mom at 7:30 to let her know they were already at the meeting place waiting. It's not far from my mom's house so she went and picked them up early. She didn't bring any of the stuff she had promised to return. So as of right now I guess those nikes are in the same dark hole all my stuff disappeared to.
My oldest came home and said daddy had ordered her a phone. So I guess he's trying to play "the fun, buy you whatever you want" parent now. I hate to tell him but that phone will have major restrictions on usage time when she is in my care.
He has also transfered me two $1 transactions. The $120 he sent last week was declined. My lawyer is working on everything including child support so I'm not concerned. They are trying to get a reaction out of me it seems, much like he did In our marriage. Im calm and will remain that way. I'm just so glad that he is put of my home and away from us most of the time. I swear it's like a dark cloud has been lifted. Thanks for the support.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 7:50 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Good to hear from you.
Are those Nikes returnable? Can you tell your CC that the purchases were unauthorized?
What would happen if you told MIL to ask your son to return the tools, paperwork, and wallet? Or have you already told the police that your H took them without permission? (I guess you should talk with your lawyer - a good layer, not a shark - before accusing your H of theft....
Keep checking in. We trust your H and his family not at all.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 10:01 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Sisoon, she messaged me again asking for the nikes today. I told her I'm not sure where they are, that they must be in the same black hole my wallet fell into. She then said WH said I threw my wallet in the air that night when i was outside screaming and to check the roof.
That absolutely did not happen. He grabbed my wallet off my desk that night and refused to give it back. That is the ladt ive seen of it. Anyway i walked outside down the yard a little so I could see the roof and low and behold my wallet is on the roof. I do not think it has been there this whole time as I or my mom or someone driving by would've seen it. One night a few nights ago my security cameras were disarmed and I assumed I hit it by accident. I have checked devices hooked to the system and it only shows my devices,, so I'm not sure if someone could still hack in or not. WH is not very tech savvy, but idk what's out there. I asked my neighbor if she can see it from her house and was gonna ask if she has noticed it before also. I have not heard back from her yet.
Anyway, Friday my mil said they can spend the night as I noted before. I reminded her the visits are not overnight. I just got a call from my oldest who is there visiting now asking when they can spend the night. I told her not right now. I could hear someone whispering in the background. They are already trying to manipulate the visitations. Im messaging my lawyer now so she will know whats happening when she gets in tomorrow. These people are sick. I'm just now realizing how sick.
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:21 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Stay strong, KB. I feel for you.
What do you want to get that he took it and returned at a later time and tossed it up there? All with the intent to gaslight?
So sorry your kids are being used as part of the manipulation. Maybe have a special word or phrase that can be code for somebody is making me do this, or the convo is not private.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 10:31 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Thanks Lea. Yes that is definitely what he did. Gaslighting like he has for years. I just got another text from Mils phone after hanging up that read "mommy this is tori. I need to talk to you. Doesn't have to be this way'
No way would my daughter say "Doesn't have to be this way". But besides that, I asked all the kids how they felt and they said definitely no spending the night right now. I didn't prompt or manipulate them to say that. They said that themselves. I'm furious. 1 weekend and that family cant shut their mouths and just enjoy time with them instead of manipulation, harassing me for his stupid shoes, etc. They are messaging me about stupid shoes while kids are there instead of enjoying the time. Manipulating to get overnights against a judges order. Im so mad. Pray for me. They have been trying to bait me to react and get upset all weekend. I've typed out so many responses and deleted them. I have kept my cool but it was so hard.
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 10:48 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Ger a voice activated recorder. The next time anyone..them,or your child,calls,put your phone on speaker,and record the calls.
He's getting them a phone,so he can spy on you. He will turn the location on,so he can track where you are. I imagine you take the kids with you,when you leave the house. By tracking her phone,he's tracking you. He can also put Spyware on the phone,and enable it,so he can hear,and see, into your home.
Get them into therapy. They can tell the IC about the manipulation, and the IC can testify in court.
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 11:12 PM on Sunday, January 22nd, 2023
Hellfire thank you. Yes with the phone thing I knew what he was doing. I hate to tell him but that thing will be off in the car/shed out of my house most of the time when she's with me. Or maybe I'll get creative and strap it to one of the neighborhood dogs and send him on a wild goose chase. IC is definitely my top priority now. I was trying to sort out safety, attorney, and visitations first. But now it is definitely necessary. They didn't even make it through the first weekend without pulling their crap. They don't respect boundaries, even ones ordered from a judge.
nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 1:29 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023
I am so sorry KB, they sound truly awful. I can't imagine dealing with all this. Therapy will probably be really good for your kids. Maybe once they know you won't react they will get bored (you can hope right?) Sending big hugs your way.
Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 2:22 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023
Oh the phone, even if it is off they can sometimes have a battery that transmits the location. You can get a faraday cage to block all signals on him. Other thing to do is to wipe it and format it with a factory reset to remove any of his spyware.
Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985
Her - BW & WW - Born 1986
D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:33 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023
Yeah, that doesn't sound like any kid from this century.
They're looking for any response. Your silence is the worst thing to them because they can't get any validation or supply.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 2:36 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023
Thanks nomud and bor. I will check into resetting my camera systems for sure and am contacting my HR tomorrow about counselling. They pay for it. and the kids definitely need it.
So kids got home tonight and settled. I told my oldest to come talk to me in my office after she got settled in as I was working. I asked her if she sent the text that said "mommy its tori. I need to talk to you. Doesn't have to be like this"
She immediately started crying and said she doesn't want daddy to go to jail. That he sent it but told her not to tell me or he could go to jail for a year. I'm so mad that he put her in that situation first of all. She's a child! I'm also furious he told her to lie to me. His family cycle being continued onto our children. She said he was just trying to talk to me bc he doesn't know what's going on. And that he didn't know they can't spend the night. I explained to her that he DOES know what's goingb on, and he has the same Notorized paper for visitations I do.
Now I get to figure out how to stop their manipulation and bs without breaking her heart and trust. She should not have to be in this position.