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Newest Member: Daughterofthemosthigh

General :
Back Again- Merry Christmas!

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 2:48 AM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023

Yes Lea, they are trying to get me to go off so they can use that against me.

Bor, I think I misunderstood. I was so upset after my talk with my daughter I misread that. You were talking about the phone. I was thinking cameras. Haha I will check that out for the phone. The cameras I'm afraid he's getting into somehow bc the other night they were disarmed. I realized this bc a neighbor asked me to check them bc someone had come into her house. I had no videos from that night and realized my system was disarmed. I didn't really think much of it until the tip about my wallet being on the roof today. No way has it been up there almost a month with no one seeing it. I think theres a way to completely reset them too and start over on the setup. So I'm going to attempt that.

Thank you guys for the support. As my sister used to say "my blood is 'bumpin' today'. Lol inside joke. Sorry. It just means " I'm pissed".

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774363
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Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 2:20 PM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023

Bor, I think I misunderstood. I was so upset after my talk with my daughter I misread that. You were talking about the phone. I was thinking cameras. Haha I will check that out for the phone. The cameras I'm afraid he's getting into somehow bc the other night they were disarmed. I realized this bc a neighbor asked me to check them bc someone had come into her house. I had no videos from that night and realized my system was disarmed. I didn't really think much of it until the tip about my wallet being on the roof today. No way has it been up there almost a month with no one seeing it. I think theres a way to completely reset them too and start over on the setup. So I'm going to attempt that.

I know you and I talked in PMs about cameras, but maybe you can look up the brand or model number and "factory reset" as a search term and you may find a step by step instruction on how to set them up under a new account. If he is using them remotely to surveil you and the kids that is dastardly.

As for the phone, if he loaded some spyware on there or configured it in such a way to monitor you guys and your movements, a factory reset may be the only way to make sure that you have some control about those types of settings. A faraday cage is the most extreme way to keep him from receiving any information from the phone, but it also makes the phone pretty useless while in the cage because it doesn't receive any signals.

Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985 Her - BW & WW - Born 1986

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 669   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8774384
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 3:04 PM on Monday, January 23rd, 2023

Yep, factory reset, new passwords first for all your apps. See if you can reset them online from a computer- maybe from a library. That way he can't try to capture new passwords from key stroke monitoring before the reset.

I wonder if there's a way to talk to your internet company about a new IP address or masking for your system as he's been able infiltrate it. Nord VPN is advertising for private internet and browsing. Might be worth looking into.

This sucks- I'm sorry you're going through this. Your stb-ex is a real creep!

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

posts: 1183   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8774390
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 8:41 PM on Tuesday, January 24th, 2023

How are you doing KB

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8774537
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BigMammaJamma ( member #65954) posted at 9:04 PM on Tuesday, January 24th, 2023

I haven't chimed in on your thread yet, but I do check every day to see if you've checked in. We didn't hear from you yesterday; hope you and your kids are doing well and are safe.

Me- born in 1984Him- born in 1979We both have 2 kids from previous marriages and we share a four year old. I might be a BS, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever know.

Update: As of 5/8/2020, my WH confirmed I belong in this club

posts: 302   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2018   ·   location: Deep in the Heart of Texas
id 8774540
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 2:14 AM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Hey guys sorry I forgot to check in yesterday. Got a little busy at work and was tired afterwards and went to bed fairly early. We are also having colder weather here and I tend to be extra tired when it's cold. But the kids and I are doing OK. Nothing new to report as of now. I recovered my wallet from the roof thankfully. Hope everyone is doing well and i will continue checking in. Thanks for checking on us and for the support. smile

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774576
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 3:15 AM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Glad to hear you are okay, and that you got your wallet back!

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8774584
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 2:42 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Thanks nomud. I feel a huge relief getting that back. Last night after I posted I got a text from my daughter's new phone number. He must've gotten the phone. The text just read "what kind of phone do you want?" I didn't respond. Then a voice text came through on him that said "I was just playing with her phone and didn't mean to send that. Wasn't trying to contact you. Im sorry and I miss you ". Didn't respond to that either.

Seems pointless to send another one if he wasn't trying to contact me. And him saying he misses me just pisses me off. I think back of ALLL the times, going back years that i had a feeling he was cheating. Finding "little " things that he just brushed off and called me crazy over. Dday In 2019, promised nothing like that would ever happen again. But he just hid it better and called me crazy every time I got close to finding out. Then when I did find out he physically and verbally attacked me. All the times I was sick to my stomach having that overwhelming feeling. All the times I was in my head thinking about stuff id found and not 100% available and in the moment with my kids bc of it.

Yeah, Keep missing me asshole.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774632
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BigMammaJamma ( member #65954) posted at 4:45 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

And that is how you know you are done. When those pretty words that have the exact opposite effect as intended. You see it as the manipulative bullshit that it is. He needs to go on with his trifling ass. He had his chance(s) and he blew it!

Me- born in 1984Him- born in 1979We both have 2 kids from previous marriages and we share a four year old. I might be a BS, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever know.

Update: As of 5/8/2020, my WH confirmed I belong in this club

posts: 302   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2018   ·   location: Deep in the Heart of Texas
id 8774647
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Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 5:15 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Keep missing me asshole.

And that is how you know you are done. When those pretty words that have the exact opposite effect as intended. You see it as the manipulative bullshit that it is. He needs to go on with his trifling ass. He had his chance(s) and he blew it!

Oh how cute, he "misses you"....what a crock of shit. He doesn't miss you. He is feeling sorry for himself because there are finally consequences to his actions. He can go have the APs all he wants, maybe she will give a care about him. As was said previously, he's had his chance(s) to be a honest man, husband and father and give himself completely to your relationship, but he can't even do that 12 seconds.

What he most likely does miss is the wife you were before. The wife who he was able to manipulate, gaslight, abuse and cajole into keeping things the status quo. That woman has been replaced with a woman who has awoken to the years of abuse is for one of the first times in his life stood up for herself and her children. He misses that woman that he could control and respectfully KB, you ain't her, at least not anymore you aren't. I mean, for him, the illusion of control was always there, but you have shattered all of that. Not that it was ever there, but he cannot and will not control you. That is what he misses. If he actually gave a shit about you, he would never have treated you as badly as he has through the years including the most recent shenanigans. That is not what love looks like, not even close.

Continued strength and support for you!

Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985 Her - BW & WW - Born 1986

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 669   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8774650
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 5:36 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Yeah, Keep missing me asshole.

Yesssssss. So annoying to get that message I'm sure, but look at YOU kb82. Look how far you've come. You're simply amazing!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8774653
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 10:03 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

Thanks guys. The anger I felt when hearing that message. He misses how easy he had it with me. How good of a wife I was to him even when he didn't deserve it, which was most of out marriage. He misses me accepting his bs excuses and lies bc I wanted so badly for the marriage to work. The girl that picked up the slack through all of job losses [there were so many]. All the times he left us instead of facing responsibility [there were many of those too, looking back by design so he could get some freedom from responsibility of marriage and parenting]. That girl is gone. Long gone.

Today the kids and I have had a great day. Got the oldest signed up for 4H. She will be getting 15 free baby chick's from them in March to raise, so that gives us a project of building a coop to work on. I've also been looking into girl/bot scouts and baseball for them. Ready to fill our calendar with positive things. Thanks for the continued support. I saw this post today in a facebook group and thought some of you would enjoy. Have a great day!


"I never meant to hurt you. My plan was to always get away with it."

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774707
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 10:13 PM on Wednesday, January 25th, 2023

You go KB! You are totally rocking this. You are so strong now, and there for your kids, I'm proud of you, I know I'm just a faceless internet person but I am!

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8774712
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 1:14 AM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

Thanks so much Nomud! You are not just a faceless internet person to Me. You have been so supportive and uplifting and I appreciate you more than you will ever know! This group has been amazing.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774738
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 2:50 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

Good morning guys. Hope everyone is doing well today. I woke up this morning to a message from FIL. Asking if WH still has dental insurance under me as he has a bad tooth infection. Telling me how WH cries himself to sleep every night missing us. This is the same FIL that told me I'm the "worst he's ever seen" and "this is just the beginning sweetheart" the night WH attacked me.

I'm not a mean person. He made me feel like I was for years but I'm really not. All I can say to him missing us so bad is he had 11 years of chances to just keep vows and be a decent human being. But he chose otherwise. I cannot count the nights I cried myself to sleep bc he wouldn't talk about things, bc I could sense something was going on but he wouldn't answer questions I had, or bc he simply didn't care he had upset me and would get annoyed at me crying and storm out or tell me to "stop being so damn sensitive " or 'stop trying to fight qll the time'. I have cried MUCH less this last month, only a couple of times I can remember getting teary for a minute. I haven't cried myself to sleep once since that night.

He does still have insurance under me because I always carried it bc he blew through jobs. I paid the premiums by myself too bc he refused to help with them even though my insurance saved him about $500 or more a month just for him bc it fully paid for the suboxone he's been on almost 7 years.

I am dropping him in June when the new enrollment period starts. Im sure he IS missing Me as he's starting to see all I did that he never appreciated. It's too late now and i really do feel bad for him bc he's just going to keep realizing all I did and there's nothing that he can do to fix it this time. Nothing he can say. He's not even going to get a chance to pretend he's sorry this time. And for that I really do feel bad for him bc the more time that passes, the more he is going to realize just how bad he fucked up and what he lost because of it.

I saw a video on Facebook yesterday of a woman that had caught her boyfriend sexting on snapchat [like I did in 2019]. When he got home she recorded herself Talking to him. She was so calm. She had all his stuff packed up and calmly told him she knew what he did behind her back and it was over. That he had been a guest in her life and now his visit was over. The video was posted from (no soliciting). If you have a chance go watch. I admire her for the way she didn't even ask questions, didn't give him a chance to lie. She just was done and calmly told him that and got him out of her house.

So far I've learned through all this to never doubt those instincts and gut feeling. And never ignore how something makes you feel. My WH was so good at making me question myself and treating me like I was the problem, that I just a difficult person, that I started to really believe it. I expect to learn much more through this process as this is just the beginning.

Thanks for listening and for the support. I appreciate you all.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:51 PM, Friday, January 27th]

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774769
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Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 3:00 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

I saw a video on Facebook yesterday of a woman that had caught her boyfriend sexting on snapchat [like I did in 2019]. When he got home she recorded herself Talking to him. She was so calm. She had all his stuff packed up and calmly told him she knew what he did behind her back and it was over. That he had been a guest in her life and now his visit was over. The video was posted from tik tok under @paperboynews85. If you have a chance go watch. I admire her for the way she didn't even ask questions, didn't give him a chance to lie. She just was done and calmly told him that and got him out of her house.

I have a Twitter, which is the only exception to my no social media accounts following affairs, and I do follow an infidelity exposure handle that had a video from TikTok which was a gal who had a boyfriend that seemed like the perfect dude. He was sleeping with two women for over a year and keeping up two relationships with these women for a year meanwhile going to church on Sundays, it was a crazy insane life for him to maintain and all that compartmentalization. Anywho, the gal in the video was at work one day and got a call from another gal who told her that she was pregnant with his kid. This guy went so far as to tell them different names, etc. The pregnant gal sent the screenshots to the gal and she immediately went and blocked him and her so she didn't ever have to hear from them again. Clearly she was devastated, but she didn't even confront him, she just moved on with her life. I was so proud of her. For a gal in her early 20s, she was so mature and calm with how she handled it all similar to what you mentioned, heck it may be the same person, although the story differs slightly.

Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985 Her - BW & WW - Born 1986

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 669   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8774771
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 3:32 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

Bor, wow. I admire the way she handled that also. That definitely shows some strength. The story you described reminds me of Jason Collier. Anyone remember him? He had a wife and 4 kids, a few fiances, a few girlfriends. Was a police chief. All were happy with him. Then one found out and exposed him. It was wild. More and more girlfriends kept coming out. It's crazy to me how, and WHY some seem to carry on double, in that case way more than double, lives.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774776
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 9:42 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

FIL is probably also realizing that now that you are not longer taking care of the douche canoe he is his problem now. He most likely desperately wants to give him back to you.

I'm so glad you're realizing more and more how much crap you put up with, and that you are worth so much more than that.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8774822
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 10:23 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2023

Thanks nomud. I agree. They are responsible for him now. Kept criticizing me the entire marriage, caused many problems themselves other than the other big ones from all his lies. Well now they have their baby back. I have 5 to raise.

In the last hour WH has started messaging me. Started with asking for info to go to Dr for antibiotics which I gave. Said he couldn't afford the Dr appointment. I replied "yeah that $2 you sent must've broke you". I've been good this whole time but couldn't contain myself on that one. He then sent $300. Then he asked if we could talk. I said no. Then he started messaging how he doesn't understand, how he cant live without us. Loves me and kids so much. Yada Yada. I said "you understand ". And he responded saying he can't remember some stuff bc he quit taking his medicine (suboxone). That he loves me so much. Will do anything to fix this. That he made a lot of bad mistakes and wil do whatever to keep the good in his life, the kids and me. I responded "what was on your phone is not love. The way you treated Me when caught is not love. I wish you well. Call cvs to make your appointment ". That's all I responded. He has been sending voice texts for an hour. It's all the same game. This has been how it's went for 11 years. 13 actually bc it started during the time we dated. Like the lady in that tik tok video said "your words mean nothing. Actions speak louder than words. And I know what you were doing behind my back." Or something like that.

This time is different. Too little, too late. Thanks for the support.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8774826
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nomudnolotus ( member #59431) posted at 4:21 AM on Friday, January 27th, 2023

In the last hour WH has started messaging me. Started with asking for info to go to Dr for antibiotics which I gave. Said he couldn't afford the Dr appointment. I replied "yeah that $2 you sent must've broke you". I've been good this whole time but couldn't contain myself on that one. He then sent $300. Then he asked if we could talk. I said no. Then he started messaging how he doesn't understand, how he cant live without us. Loves me and kids so much. Yada Yada. I said "you understand ". And he responded saying he can't remember some stuff bc he quit taking his medicine (suboxone). That he loves me so much. Will do anything to fix this. That he made a lot of bad mistakes and wil do whatever to keep the good in his life, the kids and me. I responded "what was on your phone is not love. The way you treated Me when caught is not love. I wish you well. Call cvs to make your appointment ". That's all I responded. He has been sending voice texts for an hour. It's all the same game. This has been how it's went for 11 years. 13 actually bc it started during the time we dated. Like the lady in that tik tok video said "your words mean nothing. Actions speak louder than words. And I know what you were doing behind my back." Or something like that.

Keep strong KB, his love bombing will get worse before it's better. Notice how it's all about him? Not one thing about how he hurt you. Just more blame shifting, not taking responsibility for his actions. It's all "me me me" "wha wha wha" Tell him to go call the whambulance, you're fresh out of cheese and tiny violins. He's said nothing here about how he'll change. The unfortunate thing is he probably truly believes you will take him back, because you have many times before.

posts: 464   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2017
id 8774846
Topic is Sleeping.
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