Newest Member: Goku06

sisoon

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

Would you rather be BS or WS, if you had to pick one?

** Posting as a member **

It's been a long time since this question has been aired out. I think it's time to see what this cohort of the SI membership thinks, so I'm asking the question:

Would you rather be BS or WS, if you had to pick one?

I've always come down preferring the BS role.

For 40 years (truly) I was afraid I'd fuck up our relationship by having an A. Then I realized I wouldn't. Five years later I became a BS.

As awful as being betrayed was, I just did not and do want to carry the burden of betraying my W, the person I love. I am OK being a person who could cheat, because I know I'm far from perfect. I'm really glad I never did cheat.

How about you? BS & WS welcome. I'm asking for opinions, not for opportunities to judge.

26 comments posted: Monday, September 26th, 2022

A lot of years - 57, 55, almost 12

I fell for my W 57 years ago last week, we got married 55 years ago last week, W cheated almost 12 years ago. She committed to R, and we set out on our path to R on d-day, but I didn't commit to R until 90 days later.

We were at a wedding last week, and I mentioned to someone that the wedding was 4 or 5 days before our anniversary. I was asked, 'How long?' A lot of people were floored by the number 55. For me, it just seems normal ... if you get married, stay married, and live long enough, you'll get to big numbers. When I was in love with W2b, desperate with desire for her, I thought 40 years would be enough. When we hit 40 years together, I realized it wasn't. If I outlive my W, I think I'll be satisfied and very grateful with all these years past 40 together. But I want more - not so much from her, but with her.

Her A fits in somewhere. Because I'm on SI, I'm always aware of the A. If I weren't on SI, I think I'd forget about it most days. When I do think about it, the pain is only residual ... the body never forgets. It's no longer the worst pain I ever experienced - not because I've experienced greater pain since the A but because time has put it in perspective. I had an almost fatal illness about 57 years ago, and that seems worse than the A now. Come to think of it, we're in the middle of A season right now. That was a big deal for the first few years after d-day. Now it's not even a blip on our path.

Was it worth it? Hell, yes. Our health has held up pretty well, and that's a big, big help. We can still travel, we can still **TMI**, although that has changed a lot - some ways better, some worse, but mainly worse, IMO. smile Waking up together is always a pleasure for me.

It's been worth the effort for 2 reasons. First, we both wanted to R. We didn't try to control our outcome much, but we both went for what we wanted. Second, we both did our work. I faced my pain and worked to let it go. I worked through my resistances to doing that. My W worked effectively to build her boundaries and to stop generating self-talk that allowed her to cheat. For her, that was and continues to be mainly replacing self-hate messages with self-nurturing ones.

(The corollary is that R is not a good choice if one or both partners don't want R or if one or both partners won't do the necessary work. If you want D, not so BTW, my advice is to accept that and go for D. The goal should be, IMO, to live a good life after being betrayed, to survive and thrive.)

So ... we're old now. We're tired. We don't have the energy we had even 10 years ago. But life is still worth living. We're not done yet - I hope to write 58/56/almost 13 next year at this time. smile

6 comments posted: Sunday, September 18th, 2022

August 9? Oh, yeah....

My fWW's first sex with ow was either August 8/9 or 9/10 in 2010. I'm pretty sure. I can look it up, but I'm not really sure where the file is, and I've spent too much time over the past week looking for files for other matters.

My point isn't that life is hunky dory in R; nor is it that you should R. You really need to want to R and have a WS who will do the necessary work to do that.

Rather, my point is that there is a life after being betrayed, and that life can be very good. We are together, and we both give and get a lot of support to and from each other. My W continues to battle her demons, and she's winning ... but it's too true that age is not for sissies - more demons keep springing up. She earned my trust and forgiveness years ago.

I think I've done a lot of work on releasing the anger, grief, fear, and shame that came with being betrayed. I think that healed me, and I recommend it to all BSes.

Deciding what I wanted from our relationship, asking for it, and negotiating with my W was also part of my healing. I have a way to go with that, but my reco is to look at the folks here who are happy they R'ed - I think you'll notice we all stood up for ourselves, even if it meant conflict. It's best to pick one's battles, but conflict is an integral part of R, as it is of life.

The A-related stuff just isn't moving me much today beyond posting that life goes on, and I'm really happy about it.

What's really cool about 8/9 this year is that I went for a sometimes vigorous bike ride with my son and GS. I have no words to describe what I feel about that. Our GS had told us he was excited about seeing us (a twice a year event). It's been pretty low key, so I asked him if the visit is what he wants and/or expected. He said he didn't have anything in mind (other than the Cubs vs the Nats and the Sox vs the Tigers, for both of which we have tickets), and he just enjoyed seeing us. He's almost 13, so I suspect that's a compliment. smile

10 comments posted: Tuesday, August 9th, 2022

Sports on TV Commentary

This has been bugging me for years, and I finally thought of checking to find out if it's me or the producers, I guess.

It has become standard to have crowd noise along with the commentary. For me, the crowd noise crowds out the commentary. I definitely have hearing problems and I wear hearing aids, but do others have trouble hearing the announcers? If you do have a problem, is it the crowd noise that interferes?

Thanks in advance.

2 comments posted: Thursday, July 14th, 2022

A-fib? Not A-fib?

My cardio diagnosed me with a-fib. I use a heart rate monitor when I'm on my (non-motorized) bike, and I've been noticing some very fast jumps in HR at the start of my rides, like for 100 to 170 in a few moments; this is during the first mile, so I'm still warming up. The jumps are scary but that's the only symptom; nevertheless, I keep my workload limited during my rides, and I don't see any other quick jumps during the rest of the ride. (I do see increases in HR that correspond to rises in the road or riding into headwinds.

I asked about the jumps, and I was told it wasn't a-fib. Instead, it's because my pacemaker senses the increase in effort and speeds up my heart so I don't keel over from lack of oxygen. The high HRs will resolve normally, and I don't need to limit my efforts during workouts.

I cannot describe how happy that made me.

Yesterday was my hardest ride in a couple of years. I did not experience the jump at the start. Has the pacer 'learned'? Was the explanation accurate?

Does anyone here have the knowledge necessary to confirm or refute the explanation of my HR jump? (Obviously, you can't speak to my specific pacer, so I'm asking generally.)

*****

I've had problems with BP and energy ever since the pacemaker was inserted. Until 6 weeks ago, I had to choose between having energy and bad BP readings (160/100) or having no energy to speak of and almost OK BP readings (140/90).

2 months ago I remembered I had taken a beta blocker years ago without negative effects. (Eventually it stopped controlling my BP.) I asked to be switched to it, and the effects were immediate: big drop in BP, big boost in energy. Now my readings are high only after I've been working on condo stuff - the board here has been negligent and arrogant in spades.

It's not that I'm riding much faster. Instead, it's that my rest stops are much shorter this year than last. But I'll take what I can get. smile

In any case, one beta blocker works well for me; one doesn't. Same class of drug, same predicted results, very different actual results. From now on, if I'm unhappy with a drug, I'll fight to change it, and I recommend the same to you.

'Evidence-based' anything takes one only so far. It's a decent start, but it's not the end.

Meanwhile,

3 comments posted: Saturday, June 4th, 2022

Bike helmet question - really single use?; bugs, beta-blockers

I've sustained 3 minor crashes over the last 2 years. I think I hit my head on the road or ground all 2 times, but at low speeds.

The back of my helmet has some scratches from contact with the road. There is no indication of compression of the foam. Is it really a single use item?

Helmet makers stress that a helmet needs to be replaced after any crash in which one head hits the ground. OK ... I replaced it.

What do I do with the old one? do I save it in case my son needs a helmet when he's visiting? Do I put it in the trash and risk someone picking it up and getting hurt? Do I destroy it and put the pieces into the trash? Give it to a co-op?

I keep thinking it would be great for it really to be safe and to be recycled by someone who can't afford to buy a helmet. It would be awful if the recycler was hurt in a crash because the helmet really is single-use.

Thinking out loud here ... I'm leaning pretty strongly to destroying it. The injury risk of recycling a helmet that crashed is too high.

Any counter-arguments?

It's a Bontrager Rally MIPS, BTW. It scores very well in VPI's helmet testing.

*****
Beta blockers

Last Saturday I had a terrible ride in beautiful weather. I turned around at 4 miles because I was feeling so lousy and cut over a mile from my route to get myself home, and I was unable to move much for hours after I did struggle home.

Monday I talked my doc in to changing a med from Toprol to atenolol, both beta blockers, both slow down heart rate, both can sap energy. I've hated the Toprol for as long as I've taken it (18 months or so) because I have no appreciable energy on it.

Today I rode 14 miles in the same time it took me to do 7 Saturday. I didn't need to stop and rest. I came home, sat and told plainsong about my ride, changed out of bike clothes and into normal stuff, and proceeded to do what I wanted to do. 'Recovery' took no more than 45 minutes - would have taken less if I had had to get somewhere. I'm hoping atenolol will govern my BP better than Toprol did AND let me have more energy.

*****
Bugs

Fucking bugs - literally. Today I kept riding into clouds of bugs. A lot of them stuck to my jacket. I brushed a lot of those off, but I looked at them at a red light. (I stop at red lights. It really screws up drivers, because they expect me to contest the intersection with them. But I'm a grown-up, and I learned not to get into contests with cars - oh - at least 2 years ago.)

Anyway, lots of the 'bugs' were really 2 bugs attached to each other at their rear ends. I never had a picture in my head of copulating bugs. Now I do. You really can learn something every day. smile

I did not like riding through the clouds of bugs, but I feel so great knowing that atenolol may be MUCH MUCH MUCH better than Toprol.

8 comments posted: Saturday, April 30th, 2022

LibreOffice

I have a perpetual license for Office Pro 2013, but it's not certified for Windows 11. It was great for the laptop I bought in 2014. I have a new laptop, and as soon as they allow the task bar to be on the left or right of the screen or shortly before they end the free upgrade, I'll go to Win 11.

LibreOffice is an open source - free - replacement for MS Office. I've used the word processor and spreadsheet a lot and the presentation piece for one short presentation. I haven't done anything complex, but some of the docs I've saved or read are pretty sophisticated, and they've been rendered correctly, as far as I can see.

IOW, screw MS Office and Office 365. I have no need to rent the software; screw MS, even though they've given me and other window users a free OS (unless you're building your own PC) and a couple of free browsers that have to be used for some websites.

OTOH, if you need sophisticated features that work well in MS Office, this might not work for you.

Has anyone here had to dump LibreOffice or its successors because of things that it can't do but MS Office can?

I tried Open Office in 2014, and it just wasn't compatible enough with MS Office docs then. I haven't had a single problem with LibreOffice in 5 months of use.

Or am I again behind the times for not using Google Docs? I would use that, except that I think Google as at least as intrusive and grasping as MS....

5 comments posted: Saturday, April 2nd, 2022

Is It Love, or Is It Addiction?

This is the title of a book by Dr. Brenda Schaeffer. I call her 'Dr.' because she seems to want it that way. More important, if you search for her on the web the 'Dr' will help you avoid other Brenda Schaeffers. If you can view the recent USATAA video, you'll get the gist of the book.

Anyway, Schaeffer addresses sex, love, and romance addictions and the distinctions between addictive and non-addictive sex, love, and romance. Basically, she classifies persistent behavior even though it brings negative consequences as one of the qualities of a process addiction.

It's a dense read, but she makes very powerful arguments for her POV. If you think your WS is addicted to something, I think it's worth reading - or at least looking at her videos on youtube.

My own interest in addictions stems from the similarities between love and addiction, and Schaeffer has brought some clarity to my understanding of the differences, if that makes any sense.

2 comments posted: Saturday, January 1st, 2022

Amazon subscriptions

I initially thought that Amazon derived a subscription price from the current price less the subscription discount. They don't do that if the price went down. I was on a subscription that saved me 11 pennies; they claimed they saved me $1.50, which they did from the price when I originally subscribed.

I cancelled and re-upped. That did save me $1.50 for a few minutes of work. It remains to be seen if that's a good return on my time investment. If it turns out to be $1.50/month, it's a great return. If it's a one-time $1.50, not so much. smile

If you buy something from 'zon - or anyone else, come to think of it - on subscription, it may pay to check the current price every so often.

4 comments posted: Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

11 years today

My d-day was 11 years ago today. I actually feel pretty good about this antiversary. The A is in the past. D-day is in the past. I survived and more. I’ve forgiven my W. I haven’t forgotten.

Memories of my W’s A are painful. The A has affected me a lot longer than I thought it would, but for the last several years the reminders have been no worse than annoyances. In general, I feel a lot of joy, both as an individual and with my W.

This antiversary has been a day to think and feel and connect with my W, about whom I’m still learning things.

Life is like a rosebush – lots of beauty, some thorns.

*****

Lots of painful feelings were dumped on me 11 years ago today. I didn’t begin to feel joy again until I started to process those feelings out of my body. Some of us brought up to stuff or otherwise avoid anger or grief or fear or shame, but some combination of those feelings go along with d-day. My reco is to embrace them, let them course through your body, because that gets them out.

*****

The D/R question often comes up with a vengeance on d-day. IMO, it’s healing to treat D/R/gather more info/etc. As a conscious choice. Unless this is an additional d-day, and sometimes even if it is, IMO you’re really unprepared to make many decisions. Many people come here and express shock about finding themself in R, even though they thought they'd immediately dump anyone who cheated on them.

You’re making a decision that will affect decades of your life and, often, the lives of others. Further, you’ll probably be in shock for some weeks and months, and no one does their best thinking while in shock. It’s worth giving the decision some very high-quality time, as painful as the decision will be – you want a good decision, even though you may think you want a quick one.

*****

Now is a time to be real, to be authentic. Responding to infidelity is not a game. This is not a time for maneuvering and manipulating. It’s a time for figuring out what you want and going for the best you can get in a straightforward manner. R is obtainable for virtually any partnership that does the work of R. R won’t succeed without the work; R won’t succeed if one partner wants to leave. R won't work unless both partners do the work. But a BS can heal without a partner. Often, D is the better choice.

If you just found out, my reco is to focus on your healing, focus on figuring out what you want, focus on meeting your physical and health needs. Some Bses know what they need to do quickly; some don’t. Again, you’re making decisions that affect decades of your life. If you need time to make a decision, take it.

*****

I recommend as strongly as possible that you separate what you want from what you do. It’s important for your own healing to know what you want, even if it’s unobtainable. I wanted R, but I didn’t commit to it until I decided that my W looked like a good candidate for R.

*****

My timeline for healing was:

- 3 months of shock, followed by
- 3-6 months of plateau at a very sad level
- a couple of years of a slow upswing towards feeling joy again
- optimistic again after 3.5-4 years

Your timeline will be different, but 2-6 months of shock is pretty normal, and 2-5 years for recovery is pretty normal, too. That’s ‘recovery’ – working through your feelings. R(econciliation) is different.

3 comments posted: Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Laptop - Ideapad vs ThinkPad

I used to be an IT pro. I've had terrible experiences getting support from Dell and HP for clients, and I've had bad experiences myself with a Toshiba and Compaq laptops, so I've owned ThinkPads for the last 15 years. I've had my current laptop, a T440S, since 2014, and I'm seeing some screen problems. (8GB RAM and an SSD make it still fast enough for me.)

The trouble is that the ThinkPads cost more than I want to spend. Also, my T440S has a 14" screen, and I'm interested in a larger screen, since I almost never travel with it.

Does anyone here have an Ideapad? How does it hold up to fairly constant use?

Does anyone here have experience with both a ThinkPad and an Ideapad? Any thoughts on how they compare, especially in terms of durability?

Thanks.

8 comments posted: Monday, October 18th, 2021

Conflict Resolution and R

This thread is a result of a post on G. I think I had to choose between a T/J or this new thread, and the new thread is my choice.

To R, we have to learn how to resolve conflicts, because they come up every day. Every conflict needs resolution, even though some conflicts are really trivial on the surface. My W used to ask me, 'Do you want peas or string beans?' I didn't care, and i wanted her to choose the one she wanted. She wanted me to choose. See, conflict.

My W wants to go to religious services today. I'd like to go, too, to say kaddish for my father, but I'd also like to watch a couple of bike races. That[s a conflict within myself, and if I choose a bike race, that's a conflict between W and me.

To resolve conflict:

1) both parties have to recognize it;

2) both parties have to be willing to do something about it;

3) the parties have to negotiate a solution that they both feel OK about.

If one or both parties don't feel OK about the chosen solution, furthering R requires them to do more work to do to resolve that conflict. In R, feeling OK about the vast majority of conflicts is, IMO, essential.

Most - maybe 'every' - conflicts have multiple solutions. The peas or string beans issue can be resolved by my giving an answer, by my W just making a decision, etc., etc., etc. Eventually we let our son decide, because once I realized that he wasn't babbling when we were fighting. He was saying 'beess, beess, beess', and I realized he was actually saying, 'Peas, peas, peas.' (The first word other than 'ma' that I recognized.)

And even with a trivial issue, it's easy to feel lousy about the solution. I could decide to over-comply, make a choice, and feel like a Victim, forced to make a choice when I didn't want to. I could also choose to feel good about myself for making a choice when she asked me to do so.

IOW, conflicts between people arise again and again in life. So do conflicts within ourselves. Those conflicts require resolution. They get resolved one way or another, often by avoidance. Our son's voicing his preference was a joyful occasion - but it allowed us to avoid recognizing the issue between us WRT W's wanting me to decide and my wanting her to decide. (And the real issue underneath it for my W was her self-hate, which led to her A....)

R is harder than just floating along through life, avoiding every conflict that can be avoided. If the solution chosen by 2 partners results in one or both feeling not OK about themselves, it's negative for R. If you don't feel good about yourself for being in R, I don't see how R can work for you.

To R, conflicts need to be addressed, and the partners need to feel good about the solutions.

R is impossible unless conflicts are not avoided.

JMO, of course.

27 comments posted: Saturday, October 9th, 2021

Refused to sign hospital company's release and ...

I went to a local hospital to day for a checkup on my pacemaker. As usual, I was given a number of forms to sign releasing the hospital from liability after liability after liability, and I got fed up. I told the clerk, 'I'll sign this and this, but I won't sign that.' 'That' was an acknowledgement that they could do anything with my body, and they could assign any 'contractor' to my case, even if the 'contractor' was not in my network.

She just said, 'Will you just print 'refused' close to the signature line?'

'Sure,' I said, and did as requested.

And my appointment proceeded as usual. It's taken all these years to realize that maybe the hospital will provide service, even if a patient doesn't relieve them of all liability.

Anyway, if you don't like releasing your provider of reasonable liabilities, I urge you to see what happens if you don't sign the releases.

1 comment posted: Thursday, August 12th, 2021

Small weather problem

I ride a bicycle. I rode a lot when I was younger, 40 years ago. I didn't ride from '92-'95, 97-'02, and '03-'13.

Since 2013, I've aimed at riding more each year than the year before and riding more in each month than the same month in previous years, with allowances for health issues - like I rode less in July '20 than July '19, because I got a pacemaker last year.

I've generally met my goals.

My main goal, though, is to enjoy the rides, not distance. I like warm, sunny days. I don't like cloudy rides. I avoid rain like the plague. Through 2019, I stayed home if the probability of rain was higher than 15% (per Weather Underground). Last year, I upped that to 25%. Through 2019, I stayed home if wind was predicted to be over 15 mph. Starting this year, I've upped that to 20-ish mph.

Weather has deteriorated. Of course, it doesn't help that my tolerance for cold has gone way down. I now seem to need long sleeves below 75 degrees. I think it was 1983 that I did a Christmas day ride at 35 degrees.... (In '81 or '82, i worked on Christmas. W and son took a ride in 72 degree weather, and son told me someone on the Northwestern campus whistled at my W/his mom. )

I did great last year, until I lost 4 weeks recovering from the pacer insertion.

I was doing even better this year - until this week. When I went to bed last night, I was looking at 9 straight days with probability of rain much higher than I like. That would mean not making my June mileage goal and having a bad start for July.

I was on my way to 1500 miles this year. I was on my way to easily riding my age + 1 (in km, alas, not miles) before the end of July.

I just never expected this much rain in June and July.

True, in previous years I sometimes had to choose between watching the Tour de France and riding (I almost always chose riding over watching), so I can watch the first week of the race uninterrupted.

But I'd rather ride.

I just don't like getting wet.

Ah, well, I can be pretty sure the weather predictions will change....

*****

I sympathize with fellow riders out west who have to deal with the heat wave.

I think I could deal with that by riding even slower than usual. That's what I do when it hits the 90s here. Of course, there's a big difference between 90s and 110s.

*****

And did you catch Alaphilippe today? (Man, I hope he isn't drugged. )

How about those crashes? I hope they identify the spectator who caused the first one.

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:56 PM, June 26th (Saturday)]

5 comments posted: Saturday, June 26th, 2021

This is D-Day

Late, but ... June 6, 1944, the reason I use lower case for other days in other forums.

June 6, 1944 was a day of untold pain for thousands of parents, siblings, wives, cousins, children. It was a day that meant life and death to thousands of people. A cousin told me of switching places on the deck of an LST with a buddy, only to see his buddy lose his life a few minutes later.

Thank a vet today, especially a grandparent, especially one who landed in Normandy.

6 comments posted: Sunday, June 6th, 2021

Thoughts on old phones?

I'm interested in getting a new phone. We use cell phones almost exclusively for talking and texting. Camera is secondary. We use very little mobile data. I'd still be using my Samsung Galaxy S4, except that the technology changed, and the S4 won't connect to our bank or (gulp) Strava (I compete only against myself).

I've had good luck with used phones in the past, and I'm writing to see if anyone here can share experience with these phones:

Pixel 3/3XL vs Samsung Galaxy S9 vs new Nokia 5.4.

I'm considering the Nokia because it's Android One.

Thanks in advance.

14 comments posted: Tuesday, April 27th, 2021

network help requested

Every so often my laptop loses wi-fi connectivity. I'm trying to figure out if it's my router or my laptop.

During these episodes I can't 'see' any wi-fi networks. That would indicate it's a problem in my laptop, right? If the problem were my router, I'd be able to see other networks, but I just wouldn't be able to connect to mine.

Drivers and security for Win 10 are up to date. NIC is set not to turn off to save power. Wi-fi power is set to max.

Laptop is 6 years old. With 8 GB RAM and SSD, it's fast enough for me, and the battery remains good. I'd hate to buy a new laptop just because the NIC went bad.

Odds are it's the NIC, right? (If my reasoning is correct, I'll probably get a USB NIC to solve the problem.)

Am I missing something here?

Thanks in advance.

5 comments posted: Friday, March 26th, 2021

drafting problem

** POSTING AS A MEMBER **

quote] Genetically speaking we are surprisingly close to a fruit fly. This shows that small differences make for huge changes.

Not just our blue-prints but also our operating systems are encoded in our genes.

How do you presume to think you know what human behavior comes from nature and what part comes from nurture?

This was supposed to be in a quote box: Genetically speaking we are surprisingly close to a fruit fly. This shows that small differences make for huge changes.

Not just our blue-prints but also our operating systems are encoded in our genes.

When I typed it, it looked right, but when I submitted it,it was published without the quote.

1 comment posted: Tuesday, August 11th, 2020

I could use a spy camera

Not infidelity-related, but I seek some investigative help. I'm being harassed at my condo. Someone dumps trash on the hood of my car every so often. I'd like to find out who it is.

I'm looking for a small video camera with long battery-charge life, motion-sensing, decent image.

The difficulty I'm finding is that the cameras I see on amazon are good for a couple of hours. I need 24 hours, and I have no idea how much power that requires, so I don't know how big an external battery I would need.

Any suggestions? Has anyone used any spy camera? Do you have an reco about ones that work well and ones that don't?

Thanks.

2 comments posted: Friday, July 31st, 2020

Mini-G2G, Chicago North shore, October 26

Interested? If so, please post your definite yes or maybe yes. Starting at maybe 5 PM, but flexible.

Pizza at our place. Salad, too, but there's already vegies in the tomato sauce. Also something to drink. Maybe dessert. Eating utensils will be available. No tablecloths.

Low key. Food and conversation.

BSes - WSes - friends of BSes & WSes - all welcome.

If you have food allergies, PM plainsong. She can't eat pizza, so accommodating another person with food allergies should be pretty easy.

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:25 PM, September 12th (Thursday)]

19 comments posted: Thursday, September 12th, 2019

Chicago Area g2g possible

Neither my W nor I are up for planning a weekend g2g, but we are up for hosting on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday afternoon and/or evening in late October or early November.

November 2 has been suggested, since NU is playing football away that day, and we're in the free parking area for NU games.

I guess another alternative is after an NU game.

If there's enough interest, we'll do it. If someone else wants to do an evening, that's great - just let me know.

If you are interested, let us all know if you prefer a one day or a weekend, and what date(s) are best for you.

A little background:

All SI members and their guests are welcome. An SI member is welcome even without a guest. G2Gs are not for kids, though a very young baby may work.

Conversation has always been wide-ranging at the g2gs I've attended. I assume it will be wide-ranging this time, too.

No one will be forced to talk. (You can get plainsong to talk by mentioning books you've read. )

You can come even if you're scared. Really, it's nice to be with people you know are impacted by infidelity.

I'm sure I've forgotten something.

11 comments posted: Wednesday, August 7th, 2019

It happened, and I saw it!

Out for a bike ride with my local club this morning. Stopped at a sweet shop, I guess - pastries, coffee, gelato - before lunch, but some of my fellow riders indulged in some of the offerings.

We sat around talking for longer than expected while the sweets were being consumed and decided to eat lunch at a restaurant close to the sweet shop.

Some folks actually ate dessert first! I feel so honored to have witnessed it!

(I did not indulge. I just had some coffee, which was enough.)

5 comments posted: Friday, June 28th, 2019

A good movie, Free movies via your public library

Good movie - Mad Hot Ballroom, a documentary on middle school kids in NYC preparing for ballroom dancing competitions. Man, I finally learned the dance frame for Rumba through this movie! Everybody needs to know how to do that!

We viewed this through a web service called 'Kanopy' - lots of good movies there. It's free via our local library and well worthwhile.

I urge you all to ask your local library if they offer the service. If they do, all you need to sign on is a library card.

'Hoopla Digital' is in some ways a similar service, though the selection of movies doesn't look that great. OTOH, the also loan out ebooks and music.

Also free to library users around here, and maybe free to you, wherever you are.

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:02 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

2 comments posted: Sunday, May 19th, 2019

Sharing a great run of good fiction

I've been really lucky lately in the books I've picked up at the library, and I want to share some of the titles.

Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

The Good Earth - Pearl Buck

Sons - Pearl Buck

House Divided - Pearl Buck (These 3 form a trilogy)

All Men Are Brothers - Pearl Buck

Six Four - Hideo Yokoyama

Ghost Bride - Yangsze Choo

Night Tiger - Yangsze Choo

Concubinage is a small-ish part of The Good Earth trilogy, so it may be triggering for LTA survivors. Illicit sex, but not adultery IIRC, is in Night Tiger.

I'm also reading Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury, so I deserve a break.

5 comments posted: Friday, April 12th, 2019

Up yours, A B C!

So I'm watching the Michigan-MD game, and ABC is showing an ad with some of the great marching bands of the so-called Big Ten.

But the so-and-sos don't show the great marching bands. Why advertise something that is unavailable?

Up yours, NU, too! (That's Northwestern U.)

Stop putting on fake, dangerous noise crap at your home games and let your great band play!

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:18 PM, October 6th (Saturday)]

6 comments posted: Saturday, October 6th, 2018

1945-2016

There was a time that the Cubs won the pennant every 3 years, but that stopped long ago.

Raise a glass to the Chicago Cubs.

(signed) sisoon, who bleeds Dodger blue and is happy for the Cubs

10 comments posted: Saturday, October 22nd, 2016

Chicago area g2g in the Fall?

In June, '15, I said there's be a Chicago area g2g in late June of this year. Alas, life intervened.

But plainsong and I are again interested in helping to set something up, maybe late October or early November, if folks are interested.

Who's in, probable, maybe?

10 comments posted: Saturday, July 23rd, 2016

Double Standards

5 year old grand son is visiting us. I've played chess, blackjack, Sorry, war, and a few other games with him.

He has to win. He changes the rules so he wins. He reframes what constitutes winning in his favor. He slips in 2 moves before I can move once.

My son, his father, is forever talking to him about playing by the rules and sportsmanship. He my son) has ended games between GS & me when GS's cheating has crossed some boundary of his.

I think GS's cheating and reframing is adorable. He cracks me up.

But, boy, I used to get pissed off when my son did it when he was 5....

7 comments posted: Friday, January 2nd, 2015

Seeking input from swing dancers...

Just back from a road trip. Naturally, I played a lot of Little Richard music, not to mention ... oh, I shouldn't mention....

That stuff is fast! Do you actually dance to Long, Tall Sally or Rip It Up, etc.??? Can you stay on the beat????

I'd get lost at the 2nd beat....

9 comments posted: Monday, December 1st, 2014

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220905 2002-2022 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy