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Newest Member: mathemantic

General :
Back Again- Merry Christmas!

Topic is Sleeping.
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Pinkyxo ( member #43095) posted at 3:39 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Please go to the police station and get a restraining order. Stay strong ❤

One foot in front of the other!Member since 2004ish?Formerly ZooMa.

posts: 87   ·   registered: Apr. 13th, 2014   ·   location: Florida :)
id 8771600
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:02 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Go to the police station before you get a new phone. File for a restraining order. Tell the cop on duty what happened,and he's in jail for only 12 hours, and you are scared of him coming home. Ask what your options are. If they won't grant the order,and say he is legally allowed to be in the home, request an officer to be at your home while you move as much of yours,and the kid's, belongings out. Go to your mom's
Do not spend another night in the home with him.

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8771606
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:06 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Also..that cop who said he would take you both to jail,for trying to defend yourself against a man who is physically attacking you..is full of shit. Everyone has a right to defend themselves.

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8771607
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Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 4:24 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Please leave. Take your children and necessary papers and other items you need and leave. If you lose everything else it becomes so unimportant because you will have a decent life and your children are not as traumatized as they are being right now. There’s nothing you own that is worth this pain and this agony that you and your children are dealing with. If your mother will allow you to stay with her then go do it. You need an attorney immediately. Hey soon as business opens up get some information from family and friends about who to use. Do you need a bulldog in your corner

When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis

posts: 4149   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8771611
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 5:02 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Thanks for all the advice. I work from home and the equipment is assigned to this address/internet so I can't leave or ill lose my job. The goal is to get him out of HERE. imba little uncomfortable living here as hes befriended neighbors. But i just bought this home through fha in may and tge requirement is to be there 2 years. So i need him out of this home. I'm about to head to the police department which is right down the road. He has taken my wallet. I am sending my kids to my moms for at least the night. He looks very mad in his mugshot. I agree about the cop saying he'd have to take us both. He's a smooth talker when he needs to be.. 5 minutes before he was a maniac. MY mom mentioned in front of police she heard him flipping out. He got agitated and then collected himself when he remembered police were here. I think that is what made police realize he was acting for them. I'm disgusted at my in-laws but not surprised. They have seen him unhinged but baby him. 0 concern for their grandkids terrified by their man child son. Ill keep everyone updated.Thanks for the support.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8771614
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 5:13 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

When will the cameras arrive?

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8771618
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Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 5:21 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

About the job and the computer/devices, can you reach out to your direct supervisor and let them know the situation and see how they can help? Your safety is the top priority. Maybe they can issue you a temporary device so you can work remotely in a safe location with you and your kids until you can get the restraining order situation sorted?

Just a thought, because I manage a number of women, and all of them know that if something domestic ever happened with their spouses that they will have my full fledged support to take a few days off work and make any other arrangements necessary to protect them and their babies.

Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985 Her - BW & WW - Born 1986

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 643   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8771621
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 5:52 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Thank you guys. The cameras are supposed to arrive monday. They are indoor. I already have outdoor cameras setup. As far as work that's definitely a good idea. I have a great supervisor and he genuinely cares about us. With it being a Saturday I'm not sure what I can do this weekend but I will see what my options are. My mom Is here to take me to police station now so ill update when back.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8771624
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 6:39 PM on Saturday, December 31st, 2022

Went to try to get the restraining order and everything is closed. I did find out that there will be an automatic one until after his court date on Wednesday. So Tuesday morning I'm going to go file. Feeling lots of emotions but mainly anger right now. Anger that he cheated and hid things totally against our marriage. Anger that he lied and gaslit me into second guessing every decision I make now. But so much anger that he has caused a broken home bc of his lies. That my children had to see terrifying things bc he can't be an honest person. He did that to us because he can't face consequences of his actions. We have broken up in the past but this one is different for me. It's over. I see how evil he can be when caught doing something he shouldn't be. He will throw whoever under the bus to protect himself.

On a good note, I got the guns back. He did give them to the neighbor who didn't act like he knew if he had them until I said I was on my way to report them missing. Then he asked his wife and she magically had them.

So that is one silver lining. I can't thank you all enough for the support and advice.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8771630
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:31 AM on Sunday, January 1st, 2023

Yo don't deserve to be treated like that, and neither do your children. Please take care of yourself.

Please reach out to your supervisor or HR and let them know. Your safety should be the most important thing for them.

Victims of domestic violence, which you now qualify for, are a protected class and "reasonable accommodation" comes into play.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3121   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8771680
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:06 AM on Sunday, January 1st, 2023

Keep the guns at your mom's house. He may come back. Many violent men don't care about restraining orders. If he comes back, at least he won't be able to have his gun..for now.

[This message edited by HellFire at 4:06 AM, Sunday, January 1st]

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8771685
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 6:32 PM on Sunday, January 1st, 2023

Thank you. I had my mom take the guns to her house. I was emotional for a minute last night. Everything hit me. I was second guessing myself. Sad that so much has changed in this holiday period, for me and my kids. Then I started to remember all the lies. All the abuse. All the chaos he has put us through. Its always been hard and toxic. From day 1. He's always had an excuse and never cared what he put me, the kids, his parents through. Bipolar/pill addiction/ stress/me being "crazy" etc. Always an excuse. There have been SO many things I should've left for. I am definitely flawed. Not a perfect spouse or close. But I've always been loyal. Always put my family first. Just ranting/venting. Sorry. It helps to get it out. I was in love with who I thought he was. I am mourning that guy, not the abusive lying cheating one.

I went to bed around 10. Woke up feeling a Ginormous peace over me. His secret life, his anger, his abuse, was putting a dark cloud over me, my kids, and this home. I could always feel it but couldn't put my finger on it. When I tried to talk bc I felt something was off, he called me argumentative, crazy, delusional, retarded. Blew up sometimes like he did the 23rd.

This isn't the ending I wanted for my marriage when I made vows over 11 years ago. This isn't what I wanted for my kids. But he took the dreams of a healthy, happy marriage. A stable home. And he destroyed them for himself. I am at peace. My kids are. Thats priceless. The first time we have had it since moving into this home in may and having him back with us. I'm determined to keep this home peaceful.

Tuesday I'm going to file a permanent restraining order and speak with an attorney. Since he took my wallet I also Get to go get a new drivers license. waiting on replacement credit cards since those were in there too. My friend pointed out he has always made life harder and sadder for me. Never easier and happier. She's so right. He will be evil through the divorce process but I'm prepared. I'm calm and excited about the future for me and my kids, and regaining peace in our home. Thank you for all the support. Ill keep updating.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8771716
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ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 9:19 PM on Sunday, January 1st, 2023

Report the credit cards and ATM cards as stolen. That way, he can't use them. Also, cancel him as an authorized user on all of them, too.

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

posts: 1800   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2007
id 8771722
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 9:22 PM on Monday, January 2nd, 2023

I have reported my cards stolen. Tomorrow when the courthouse opens I'm filing a permanent restraining order. I noticed along with my wallet, my husband took the deed to property we own as well as all the house paperwork. The deed has both our names, the loan is only in my name. In addition, my kids were jumping on the trampoline earlier and a car drove by taking pictures of our property. The camera facing that angle, the batteries just died overnight so I didn't catch who it was unfortunately. I have since replaced the batteries in that camera.

Any ideas on who that could possibly be? And he can't sell our home or land without my signature, right?

Thank you.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8771798
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:56 PM on Monday, January 2nd, 2023

He can try to forge hurt signature for a sale. Speak to an attorney and demanded he return the documents.

Get everything he may be interested in out if your house. Now!!!! Insurance policies, bank info, credit cards, deed, mortgage info. Put a freeze in your credit.

Alert your bank of NO loans, lines of credit against the home etc.

You need to be ahead of him on all this.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13791   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8771802
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ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 10:44 PM on Monday, January 2nd, 2023

Put an alert on your credit with all the credit bureaus asap so you can be alerted to anything hinky! File for divorce ASAP, too. He's definitely up to no good.

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

posts: 1800   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2007
id 8771807
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FunHouseMirror ( member #80992) posted at 6:26 PM on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

Did you file for a restraining order today? Talk to an attorney and make sure he can't forge a quit claim to your house and sell it.

posts: 201   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2022
id 8771896
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 Kb82 (original poster member #70826) posted at 9:15 PM on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

I did file restraining order today. As soon as I pulled into the courthouse I saw him and his dad in the parking lot. I went in and was at the window filling out paperwork and turn around and there he was standing next to me. I quickly turned away and walked in the other direction and turned my back to him. I heard him say "what time is my hearing? I'm waiting on my lawyer." The lawyer he is using is the one I was planning to use. I guess he got to him over the weekend while in jail.

Shortly after I left the clerks office called and said the judge was granting the restraining order but it wouldn't prevent him from seeing the kids since he didn't physically touch them.

She did tell me he cannot sell anything without me. I noted in the restraining order paperwork he had stolen my wallet along with all the home paperwork. I also put things I've never told before in the paperwork. A few times over the last few months I woke up to him having sex with me. Not trying to get me in the mood to have sex, But full on sex with his penis inside me while I was asleep. I said to him the last time this feels like rape. he flew off the handle and told me to never accuse him of that again.

I'm starting to see everything much clearer with him away. He always invalidated my thoughts and feelings and said I was crazy and making things up. Its gotten wayyy worse over the years and I don't see the man I once loved in there at all anymore. My sister in law works for DHS and she's helping me on getting a good lawyer and what steps to take. Thank you all for the continued support. This has been a nightmare. But the one my kids and I have been living was worse. Ill continue to update. Thank you.

posts: 203   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2019   ·   location: TN
id 8771920
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 9:23 PM on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

Good for you. Be proud of yourself for staying strong and remember how good it feels so that when you have tough moments, you will have something to hold onto. You are so much stronger than you realize and my guess is that the more time you spend away from him, the more insight you’ll be able to have on how dangerous and abusive this relationship is.

Me: BS. Him: WS. Together 16 years.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
6+ years (and two kids) into R. Happy.

posts: 1890   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8771922
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Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 9:56 PM on Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

I'm relieved to hear that you were able to get yourself a restraining order. Your latest revelation about your husband's sexual misconduct towards you made me literally sick to my stomach. Clearly, you've been living in an abusive relationship with a very dangerous man who belongs in prison. Please take all steps necessary to protect you and your babies.

Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985 Her - BW & WW - Born 1986

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 643   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8771926
Topic is Sleeping.
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