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These women KNEW my husband was married.

I know he made the vow to me and he's the one to blame, but these women KNEW and I hold them responsible too. There's enough rage to go around for all parties involved.

What kind of person knowingly and willingly gets involved with a married man and has no problem tearing apart a family??

They participated in my abuse and hurting my kids. I want justice, and it kills me that there isn't anything I can do. They aren't married, so there's nobody for me to out them to besides their families (which I might do). But that isn't likely to actually do anything.

There's no justice for this.

I want them to suffer. I want them to be publicly humiliated and shamed. I want them branded homewrecking whores forever so everyone knows and they can't escape it.

I'm furious that my kids are suffering because of them. And yes, I'm even more angry at my husband for doing this to me and his own kids. I'm dealing with that. But there's nothing I can do about these OW and the rage is hard to cope with.

I will never understand how anyone can desire a man who's cheating on his wife and neglecting his own kids and think he's such a great catch.

They think one day they'll skip off into the sunset together and he'll never cheat on her! 🙄 "He's willing to risk everything for me! I must be so special! This must be real love!"

I'm amazed at the stupidity. How is this possible?

What do I do with this rage?

I feel the same! the OW kept at him, wore him down and stalked all of us. its sick. I hate her and she is paying the price, I know it.

I had to power walk and pull weeds to get the mad out. I had to drive to loud music and sing. it took months to feel less rage.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 3:13 AM, July 16th (Friday)]

What helped control my anger at how unfair it is...

1) reading about the statistics around those who were other women/men and them ever having a successful infidelity free marriage, not just to the waywards, just over all. Turns out they have less than 18% of ever having a infidelity free marriage. Ever. That tells me how little cheaters and APs do the work to fix themselves.

2) lurking on pro other women and those “who go legit’ with the wayward sites and discovered they torture themselves “will we last? Will he cheat on me?” And what’s hilarious is the replies “if you keep communicating you’ll be ok” (like the waywards who were married for X amount of years will suddenly miraculously know how to communicate their feelings ) and “our story is different, the statistics don’t mean us” (forgetting or ignoring the statistic is for everyone, all circumstances all situations). Anyway the best ones are the “I think they’re cheating” “they still miss BS” “I just got dumped”

So we might not get to deliver justice but the simple fact is the statistics are truly stacked against them, they are going to face a very sad life, infidelity is their life “when a WS marries a AP that opens up the spot for a new AP”, so much truth in that.

[This message edited by LostInHisFog at 4:23 AM, July 16th (Friday)]

Best revenge is a life well lived.

The oW knew my H was married from day 1 but that didn’t stop her. She tried desperately to break up our marriage and practically succeeded.

She’s married now. My only hope is one day someone does the same thing to her. I hope after 25 years of Marriage some young 30yo goes after her H.

Funny thing is she’s such a drama Queen and so “emotionally fragile” she will never survive it. She doesn’t have the strength to show up every day because her kids depend on her even through the emotional devastation. She will never have the strength to start planning for a D she doesn’t want and see her STBXH for the enemy he has become.

That is on her. All of it. I know she doesn’t accept any responsibility or blame in the wake of the devastation she caused. So typical of the cheater behavior.

I have been cheated on in both my marriages. My first one was a fellow coworker. We all worked together. It was an incredibly toxic situation. She actually took to Social media to bully ME. Claiming she was being unjustly accused. She has multiple personality disorder of some sort so perhaps she truly believed it. But she victimized herself to try to gain sympathy. Ultimately, she ended up saying she miscarried his child etc….he would never marry her so I believe she tried everything. Anyways. Best of luck to her. I’ve forgiven her. This second time, these women are nasty. Absolutely hideous. There is one physical relationship and multiple emotional affairs. The physical affair female is now engaged. Bijou do I want to contact her and give her a piece of my mind…but…I haven’t. I DID message the longtime boyfriend of one emotional affair partner and tell him. I was immediately blocked. I finally ended up telling that one off. She didn’t react well. I ended up having to block her number because she kept calling and texting me. Smh. It’s pointless but I totally get it

I am so glad to see comments validating your feelings. I also hate the OW. Sure, he made vows to me, but they are also shitty people who knowingly stepped into my marriage. So they also get their share of the blame and rage. There’s plenty to go around.

People think if you hate on the affair partners you’re not also hating on your vow breaking spouse, but that is far from the truth.

People think if you hate on the affair partners you’re not also hating on your vow breaking spouse, but that is far from the truth.

EXACTLY.

I'm even more angry at my husband for doing this to me and his own kids. I'm dealing with that. But there's nothing I can do about these OW and the rage is hard to cope with.

That RAGE is very hard to cope with (((HUGS))). My H messaged over 100 women on Tagged...looking for NSA sex while working alone overseas. MOST of them told him he was a PIG for doing this to his wife. Only ONE woman agreed to this arrangement...but it only took ONE to destroy my world .

She had her own agenda of course. She was obsessed with America...and thought that SHE could enamor my H so much that he would leave me and bring HER to America . She was so willing to leave her teenage children so that she could be with my H...he told me that showed how much she LOVED him. Yeah right...he didn't take into account that once she was in America...she was going to have her kids sent over...for HIM to help raise !!!

I know it doesn't seem like it now...but they have already had their justice. They are sloppy seconds...who have a skewed way of thinking...just like the quotes you wrote. Logically...they can't see that they are being USED. The adultery co-conspirator wrote a message to my H telling him to, "Hold on to the promises you made and give me the dignity I deserve". YES...she actually wrote that...how DELUSIONAL!! He wasn't holding on to the promises he made to his WIFE...what in the heck would make her think he would hold onto promises to HER !!!

She then wrote the words that echo in my brain today and give ME comfort...by going complete NC with her...he made her feel like a USED, USELESS, NOBODY. She wrote them in all caps like that too. She KNEW what she was...a USED...USELESS...NOBODY. There wasn't anything I could do TO her that could make her feel any worse than KNOWING herself what she was.

Obviously...when she wrote ME an email...she didn't use words like that. THEY were a loving couple who had FUN just being together . She let me know very specifically how SHE was laying next to him when he was making his nightly calls to me. Little did she know...the phone records and google timeline corroborated what my H had told me months earlier...that he was making his nightly calls to me at restaurants on the nights that she was coming to the hotel . I happily let her know that she LIED...and proceeded to tell her how CORRECT she was because my H DID think that she was just a USED...USELESS...NOBODY. I am helpful like that !

What do I do with this rage?

What helped ME was going on "the other woman support forums". The WW's on this site helped me to understand the shame and guilt THEY felt...but the adultery co-conspirator in MY case was single...and I wanted to see that type of mindset. I tell you...these adultery co-conspirators are truly the definition of BROKEN. They actually believed that they were so GREAT that their "married man" was really going to leave everything for them. When they got DUMPED...which the vast majority do...they were so devastated for being LIED to . It is truly a PATHETIC existence.

I HIT a lot of things during the rage stage. My poor pillows took the most beating!!! I am so surprised that I didn't break my hand from pounding on our car door when the RAGE hit me while we were driving somewhere! I have a serving spoon that is all dented up from me banging it on the counter. I keep it though...to remind me how destructive this feeling is!!

However...there was one solution to handling the need to BREAK things that a sweet BW came up with that is GOLD . She took paper plates that had the lips on them...added water...and then put them in the freezer. After the water froze...she could take the frozen "plates" out of the paper plates...bring them outside...and SMASH them on the cement . She said the sound of them crashing to the ground was very cathartic! And the best part...NO MESS to clean up !! BRILLIANT!!!

Thank you for sharing your feelings on here . They are very normal...and valid. When the clouds start to part and you can see things a little more clearly...you will see that there IS justice...and the other women have it unmercifully handed to them...when they are all alone and unsupported by the very person they risked everything for. Being a USED...USELESS...NOBODY must be one of the worst things to be in the world. We Betrayeds feel this when we first find out we have been betrayed. Only...we come to realize our WORTH soon enough .

My H messaged over 100 women on Tagged...looking for NSA sex

Only ONE woman agreed to this arrangement...but it only took ONE to destroy my world

Your H was the one obviously intent on destroying your world. I honestly feel good that 99/100 turned him down.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 7:57 AM, July 16th (Friday)]

I never really had rage toward the other guy (in my situation). Don't get me wrong, I think he's complete scum. Absolute scum. This probably sounds sexist but deep down I see him as a hazard of society, just like I would view any player, it's not just him.

If these guys see any possibility, they'll go for it, it really is that simple, so having rage at him feels the same as being angry at a hornet for stinging. It feels pointless to have rage at him.

The hurt is regarding her. How could she not see what this guy was about? How could she even stomach hanging out? How could she fall for this shit? And then when I realize that she didn't get duped or played, rather she chose it, the hurt really hits home.

I agree. There is no justice for it. Kind of like a bird that shits on your car, they just fly away and shit on the next car. It is what it is.

Your H was the one obviously intent on destroying your world.

No ma'am. NEITHER of them was INTENT on destroying MY world. Their INTENT was different for both of them as I wrote in my post.

However...ONE woman who agreed to have NSA sex with my H destroyed MY world.

The hurt is regarding her. How could she not see what this guy was about? How could she even stomach hanging out? How could she fall for this shit? And then when I realize that she didn't get duped or played, rather she chose it, the hurt really hits home.

I've had those same questions and realizations too. It hurts so much to realize my husband is the same piece of shit these women are, only worse because he did this to his own wife and kids.

How could he lay down with these women who don't give one single fuck about hurting his kids? How could he not see what a piece of shit they are?

What kind of person doesn't think about how their actions will impact their own kids? Especially with something so deeply damaging? Something that ripples for generations? Not a safe, loving, honest person.

The realization that they do this on purpose, with calculation and intent, not by accident, is so unbelievably painful.

But I still have plenty of rage for the others too.

What helped control my anger at how unfair it is...

1) reading about the statistics around those who were other women/men and them ever having a successful infidelity free marriage, not just to the waywards, just over all. Turns out they have less than 18% of ever having a infidelity free marriage. Ever. That tells me how little cheaters and APs do the work to fix themselves.

2) lurking on pro other women and those “who go legit’ with the wayward sites and discovered they torture themselves “will we last? Will he cheat on me?” And what’s hilarious is the replies “if you keep communicating you’ll be ok” (like the waywards who were married for X amount of years will suddenly miraculously know how to communicate their feelings ) and “our story is different, the statistics don’t mean us” (forgetting or ignoring the statistic is for everyone, all circumstances all situations). Anyway the best ones are the “I think they’re cheating” “they still miss BS” “I just got dumped”

That is helpful. I try to keep in mind these people are already living sad lives. They'll never experience real, deep, truly intimate relationships because they aren't capable of that. But they don't even know it! They think they're so great.

My WH never actually wanted to be with his APs, and I'd love to tell them that. He's free to go now, in fact I'm making him move out, so he's REALLY free to go, and he doesn't even want them! He blew up our lives for nothing.

She tried desperately to break up our marriage and practically succeeded.

She’s married now. My only hope is one day someone does the same thing to her. I hope after 25 years of Marriage some young 30yo goes after her H.

My WH's AP has succeeded, and the funny thing is that he doesn't even want her! He wants nothing to do with her. When they started this affair, I was 27, WH was 29, we had babies, and she was a 40 year old divorced mom of 3!!! WTF?

He was really going to leave me and our kids and go be with her and her kids?? Make it make sense!

He quickly realized that's not what he wants and decided he'd never actually leave to be with her (but he thought about it!), but she thought that was the plan all along and thought they'd be married someday. It's unbelievably stupid.

But he wanted that on the side He wanted both.

She's been served some kind of justice by the universe (at 50 years old she's now had to move back in with her parents because of something terrible that happened to her), and she's had a string of bad relationships (shocker ) but I hope she's unhappy forever.

I am so glad to see comments validating your feelings. I also hate the OW. Sure, he made vows to me, but they are also shitty people who knowingly stepped into my marriage. So they also get their share of the blame and rage. There’s plenty to go around.

100%

I would feel different if they didn't know he was married. But they KNEW, they encouraged him to leave me and our babies. They're among the worst scum of the earth.

What helped ME was going on "the other woman support forums". The WW's on this site helped me to understand the shame and guilt THEY felt...but the adultery co-conspirator in MY case was single...and I wanted to see that type of mindset. I tell you...these adultery co-conspirators are truly the definition of BROKEN. They actually believed that they were so GREAT that their "married man" was really going to leave everything for them. When they got DUMPED...which the vast majority do...they were so devastated for being LIED to . It is truly a PATHETIC existence.

This is what gets me. They have no idea what stupid pieces of shit they are! They really think they're great!

My WH liked his APs, especially the decade-long one, because she'd tell him how hot he is, how smart he is, how amazing he is...

What kind of stupid fuck thinks the married man who is cheating on his wife and neglecting his kids is so amazing and smart and hot?! These people are absolute dipshits.

I want to out them to everyone and I want them publicly shamed.

[This message edited by csaiht at 10:37 AM, July 16th (Friday)]

I can't help but agree with you. My FWH's AP is as old as me (I was 59 on DDay). She has been married before and is divorced - I don't know any details. But she chose to get involved in a sexting relationship, knowing he was married. On what planet was that a reasonable thing to do? I know he made his vows to me, and he started things with her, but if she was a decent human being she would have told him to get lost when he tried to move things to sexting. I just don't get it. I have chosen to forgive her for the sake of my soul, but, boy, I don't wish her a long and happy life! I used to be so angry with her. Now I am just disgusted, and wish there was some way she could see how happy we are together these days.

I feel this 100%. I hate her so much. The amount of range I have is damn near uncontrollable. She knew from day one when they exchanged numbers that he was married. She is just as guilty as he is. I have sent AP a few things. Then when I knew I didn't have all the answers I started to post stuff to piss her off. And it worked, she finally told me it was physical. I played nice after to get answered all the questions I had before confronting my WH. It's been four week and I have something typed up that I have wanted to send her. I feel it's too good not to but I keep being told not to give her anymore attention or make her more relevant in my life. It's so HARD.

Yup, my rage still burns too. The AP in my story is also married, they hooked up on a married looking to cheat site. I told her I wanted her car and house marked with a scarlet A so everyone would know she is a homewrecker, and that it pisses me off that only a handful of people know the lie of her life. I wished her shame every time she looks in a mirror.

In our last exchange she wrote... People seek out people to fulfill voids in their lives - I had a huge void.... Yeah, well I wish she had filled her void with an unmarried man's parts so she only screwed up one family instead of two. Every exchange with her I realize a little more how empty, pathetic, self absorbed and irrelevant she really is. I also see how delusional she was, how much of their "relationship" was her wishful thinking and his playing nice for cheap sex.

I hope she stops living rent free in my head soon, because she isn't worth a passing thought, let alone my anger, but I haven't purged it all yet. My rage will take years to simmer down. My WH gets his fair share when I need to release my indignation, but I'm trying to stay in a relationship with him, so I focus more of it in her direction for now.

You are correct, there is no justice here. What I'm doing with my rage is acknowledging it, feeling it, and using it to remind myself that this is a process with lots of moving parts, some of them sad, some angry, and everything in between.

I get it, I really do.

The AP in my case was a fucked up 18 yo kid with daddy issues, so I am not surprised she glommed on to my xwh thinking she found 'the one' because he's an immature abusive narcissistic shitbird. Same reason I was with him - I had daddy issues too and he was JUST like my dad. Still not sure how that happened...

Early on, I raged at the thought of them ending up together because then she would 'win'.

After we separated, he told me that they were going to date. Last I heard, my x was 'dating' a married couple in Mississippi and AP had moved to Wyoming. So yeah, unsurprisingly their 'true love' went nowhere.

Don't get me wrong, she is still human garbage. But I can actually look at her now and feel pity for her. My xdouche used her just like he used me just like he will use everyone forever because he is a bottomless pit of neediness and want that will never be happy.

My life these days is calm and peaceful and predictable. I don't cry myself to sleep at night. I don't question my worth. I don't feel paranoid. I have a really good job. I got a new car. I remodeled my house - all things I couldn't have done if he was still here sucking the life out of me. Meanwhile, I am certain my xwh is still unemployed and leeching off of whoever buys his bullshit and AP is likely searching for wuv in all the wrong places still and will wind up pregnant, riddled with std's, or getting beat up by the next wife upon who's territory she encroaches.

So who's winning? Hint - it isn't them.

It took me time to stop feeling white-hot rage at the AP's. And when I was in that mental place, it irritated me to no end having SIers say 'the best revenge is a life well-lived'. But that is 100% true. Just keep processing and you'll get to a point where the AP's don't even ping your radar anymore.

If these guys see any possibility, they'll go for it, it really is that simple, so having rage at him feels the same as being angry at a hornet for stinging.

My H messaged over 100 women on Tagged...looking for NSA sex while working alone overseas. MOST of them told him he was a PIG for doing this to his wife. Only ONE woman agreed to this arrangement.

If men are just hornets doing their thing, using their lines on hundreds of women until they can get just one, then the cycle will never end. Because players--married or single--will do their thing, and there will always, always, always be naive, inexperienced, weak and/or stupid women among the billions in the world. 350,000 people turn 18 each day, over a hundred million per year. Imagine all those new targets! Sigh.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:53 AM, July 16th (Friday)]