I did it!!!
EVERY A season in the past I have written about it on here. I have written about moment-by-moment times that my H and his adultery co-conspirator spent together. I would write about the food they ate...the drinks they drank...the places they visited...and even how long they spent in his hotel room...or at her house...thanks to all the information I have. I felt that by writing about it on here...I would get desensitized to it...hoping that those days would soon just be MEH to me. In order to do this...well...I HAD to go over all of the expense reports...the time stamped receipts...the emails...the google timeline...stuff like that in order to MAKE SURE I had everything correct. EVERY YEAR.
My lil bro on here...Unhinged...was supportive with what I was doing...at first! Last year though...he gave me a challenge...to STOP writing about it on here so that I wouldn't HAVE to be going over all of that evidence. It rattled me. Having all of this information was comforting to me in a way. I could SEE what was happening at that time. It was like I could feel some type of CONTROL during that point. Then...on July 18th of each year...I could put it away...and not have to go back over it. At least...not until the NEXT A season. Like all of you wonderful people on here...Unhinged wanted to HELP...and I took his challenge under consideration.
So...THIS YEAR...I didn't look...at ANYTHING from the evidence I had from my H's A. I didn't do a play-by-play on here either! The ONLY thing that was something from around my H's A was the "memories" feed on Facebook that would pop up. It didn't show up every day...and it was a memory of what I was doing around that time...so it had nothing to do with my H's A.
I had a little anxiety going into A season...but as the weeks went by...it got better and better! I had a total of 4 meltdowns...which is a HUGE difference from the multiple meltdowns DAILY for the first few years. AND...there were a few times that I actually FORGOT stuff!! I even caught myself on certain days realizing that I hadn't remembered the significance of THAT particular day during my H's A! I was AMAZED at how LITTLE significance it played this time!!
Granted...there are some events happening in my life at this point...particularly deaths of beloved family members...that make what happened NINE YEARS AGO very insignificant to me NOW. It was interesting that the meltdowns I had correlated to the passing of my family members. I am sure it has something to do with it...but it is something I will address later. I need to process the grief right now.
But...one GOOD thing from all of this is that A season is OVER!! I handled it MUCH better than I thought I would...and I am very PROUD that I didn't even try to look at any of the evidence...AT ALL!! For ME...THIS WORKS!! I am so looking forward to NEXT A season...which is something I NEVER thought I would say!! Onward and UPward!!! Thank You God!!!
Unhinged...lil bro...THANK YOU!!! I never thought I could do it...but with YOUR encouragement...I DID!!
16 comments posted: Tuesday, July 18th, 2023
Rising above the manipulation, gaslighting, and lying from the A
I am past the middle part of A season...and I have to admit that it is going much better than I thought! I have had a few blow outs...3...but for the most part I am not dwelling on it. Because I have so much information from the A my H had while working overseas...I could tell just how much time they spent together...which wasn't much. It doesn't matter though...the first time he messaged the adultery co-conspirator my H nuked our M. It has been kind of a curse in the past knowing all of what I know because I also have the added memory of what I was feeling during this time. The manipulation...gaslighting...lying that my H did to me during this time has brought out ANGER like nothing else I have ever had to deal with.
I learned a long time ago that anger is a secondary emotion...brought on by a primary emotion such as guilt...hurt...etc. For ME...the DISRESPECT my H showed me brought about this visceral ANGER every time I thought about it. It was hard to look for the primary emotion when the anger would hit...but through all of these years I have been able to focus on looking for it in order to work on that emotion...which would cause the anger to subside. Moving past the memories of what I THOUGHT had happened to the REALITY of what actually happened has helped me to see my H's A in a different perspective.
What my H was doing to my mental health during his A was so destructive. I was made to feel like I was crazy for questioning my H about certain items on his expense reports...or other feelings my GUT was screaming at me for. But I took it back...or as I like to say...I OWNED IT!! It took work...and I couldn't rush the process. Lord knows I tried!! Little by little though I became stronger. In the end I realized what the vets on here had been trying to get me to understand...my H's A had NOTHING to do with ME. MY feelings...MY truths...MY actions during this time...they were all SINCERE. I was collateral damage...but my CORE was still very much intact.
Looking at his A without all of that emotional baggage...I can clearly see that the MOST disrespect was what my H and his adultery co-conspirator showed each other. The manipulation...gaslighting...and lying was needed in order for each of them to continue having their A. I would think that this is true for ALL A's. After Dday...once each of them knew that they were being USED by the other...as IS the case in ALL A's...any residual feelings they may have had for each other dissipated quickly. I can definitely understand this! When people have used me in the past...including my H...my feelings have completely changed.
The manipulation...gaslighting...and lying was actually the worst thing each of them did to themselves. When my H got out of the A fog and had to face the reality of what the A actually was...the DISGUST he felt was overwhelming. The adultery co-conspirator had written an email to my H after he sent her the NC message on Dday. In it she told him how dumping her like he did made her feel like a USED...USELESS...NOBODY. The thing is though...she agreed to the "rule" that after my H left her country...they would no longer have ANY contact. All of these "rules" were agreed to before they ever had sex...so the adultery co-conspirator KNEW them. She may have felt though that rules were made to be broken because morals tend to be lacking with cheaters.
What I used to see as a curse...I now see as a BLESSING! I do need to address the tinge of glee that I have felt periodically from seeing them each self destruct...but I will deal with that later...LOL! My main feeling toward them is empathy. I definitely wouldn't want to be in either of their shoes...but I can still feel compassion for them falling so far off of the right path to end up where they did.
I still pray for the adultery co-conspirator...and I truly hope that she has found some kind of healing to stop this destructive pattern. She told my H that her first A was with her Aunt's boyfriend...because she had admired him so much when she was growing up. To ME...it seems like he was a predator who was grooming her at a young age to have sex with him. The adultery co-conspirator may have had a skewed vision of what LOVE really is from this man's possible grooming. Who knows. She ended up losing her husband when he found out she had an A with her boss. One would think that this would change her perspective on A's...but apparently it clearly didn't. The adultery co-conspirator CAN still be redeemed...like my H has. I sincerely HOPE that she has sought to go on the right path.
As for ME...I'm doing pretty good! The trauma from the A will always be there...just like every other trauma I have been through. EVERYONE experiences some type of trauma in their lifetime. It took me over 10 years of grieving after my Mama passed away before I could start to see a path forward from the trauma of losing her. Death is so FINAL. I used to think that cheating was FINAL also. That was the experience I had when my 1st H cheated on me. But...my friends...it doesn't have to be. There can be a BEAUTIFUL M that can come out of all of this UGLINESS. My H and I are living proof of that!!
12 comments posted: Wednesday, June 28th, 2023
I woke up from a sound sleep a few hours ago. I haven't done this in a while. After about a half hour of trying to go back to sleep...I reached for my phone and saw the date...May 1. Now I get it.
May is when my H's A started...9 years ago. He didn't meet the adultery co-conspirator until May 11...and they didn't get to fuck until June...but it wasn't from a lack of trying. Many "firsts" happened for them in May...first date...first kiss...etc.
When all of this came to light...the following year...January of 2015...was excruciating for me. It meant that I was going to have to go through the months of May-July. After a few years that despair went away. But the feeling of dread when May 1st rolled around still remained for another few years.
I used to do a journal of sorts on here...EVERY YEAR...starting on May 1st until my Dday...July 19th. My lil bro...Unhinged...challenged me last year to NOT do one this year!! I accepted that challenge...and y'all will be happy to know that you don't have to see any thread like that from me THIS year. Sort of...LOL!!
I came on here to write about why this happened. I KNOW what it is...I write about it often. My limbic system has kept track of the experience I have had with this particular day. Lizard brain went into hyper drive and woke me up!! I KNOW how to combat it. I can have a GOOD experience today...and that will calm my lizard brain in the future. It's harder than it seems though...as most of us already KNOW.
When I got on here...the FIRST thread I saw when looking at the different Forums on the main page is the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the top of this Forum!! I am the unofficial cheerleader for that thread...as most of you already KNOW as well!! That was an extremely GOOD experience!! Then I read the posts from SoveriegnCrux and Notaboringwife...and I SMILED.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I KNOW that it was meant for me to wake up when I did...get on here when I did...and read what I did. Thank You God!!! Surprisingly...not surprisingly...I am now sleepy again...LOL!! But my alarm will go off in 10 minutes for me to start my day...so maybe I will plan for a little afternoon nap later. Or not. I just KNOW that I am in control of MY thoughts...and TODAY...will be a POSITIVE one for me!!
13 comments posted: Monday, May 1st, 2023
Will I get my Christmas present again this year????????
I can't remember when I started this...but it has been at least 3 or 4 years when I ask for y'all to give me a Christmas present...turning the page on the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread . EVERY year you WONDERFUL friends and family have made sure I have gotten my Christmas present !!! May I have it again...PLEASE ???!!!
I do this for several reasons...but the one that sticks out the most to me is the memory from when I first joined this site. I was looking all over the internet for POSITIVE stories from people who had survived infidelity...and went on to THRIVE despite it. When I found THIS site...there was actually a PLACE designated for just that !!! At the time...there were only 8 pages to go through...but I read EVERY POST. It gave me HOPE when I had very little. It made me SMILE when I was so tired of crying. It let me see that if others could go through infidelity HELL and still come out intact...then maybe I could too!!!
Most of the stories I read in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the top of this Forum were from BW's. Now though...there are several posts from people who are on all sides of the A triangle...giving a very diverse perspective of what a POSITIVE reconciliation looks like . A good plug for this site...if you UPGRADE...you can read all the EDITED posts in that thread too !!
Finally...and probably most importantly...POSITIVE mindsets bring out the feel good hormones and give us a great sense of well being . THIS particular thread is about reconciliation. So even if you are just starting out...like I was back on page 9...or are years out...like I am on page 28...being in R will have some very POSITIVE things going on. I want to read ALL about it !!!
Another PLUS about having an UPGRADE is that you can see who has been on here in the last 5 minutes. I SEE you people who have been on this site for YEARS popping in and out...but you don't post . NOW would be a great time to post your Positive Reconciliation Story !!! We would TRULY LOVE to read it !!!
So...even though this is all about ME ...it is really all about US who are in a positive reconciliation . There are other Forums dedicated to POSITIVE new beginnings...and POSITIVE divorces and separations. I have very POSITIVE things to say about when I went for D with my 1st H and when I had my new beginning with my 2nd H ! But THIS thread is the one in this Forum dedicated to POSITIVE reconciliation stories . I've already written TWO on page 28...along with my H who wrote one as an anniversary present to me . There are only 5...maybe 6 stories needed in order to TURN THE PAGE. Would YOU be the one to give me my Christmas present this year??????? PLEASE ???!!!
10 comments posted: Wednesday, November 30th, 2022
Unusual triggers around this time of year
The devil really is trying to screw with my head right now!! I normally don't have triggers around the holidays anymore...but these last few days have brought up memories from 8 years ago that have me...well...triggered .
The World Cup is playing now. They were playing 8 years ago...during the time my H was having his A. The United States had gotten out of contention...but the Netherlands was still going strong...so my H and I were rooting for that team since he was over there. After Dday I found that he and the adultery co-conspirator were talking about it too...just like others in that country.
Then there was recently the conviction of 3 people for murder in the downing of MH17 back in 2014...on the same day that my H flew out of the Netherlands. I froze when I saw the date come on the TV screen. It was something that I wasn't expecting to see...and it took me back to that day...when I was so worried about my H's flight.
I know that these triggers aren't anything happening NOW...but lizard brain doesn't care about WHEN...it just cares about the experience . I'm doing well...especially since we all have electricity and other things that we didn't have last year after Ida. I have been really excited to get back to having a NORMAL holiday season after these last 2 years of NOT normal!!! It is just seeing these things happening...when they usually aren't in this time frame...it makes me feel like something evil is trying to steal my peace.
I pray for all of us having to go through times like these. The "firsts" are always hard (((HUGS))). Then there are those who have had Ddays around the holidays...which only adds another layer to this heaping pile we have all been dumped in. Life does go on...and it CAN be a happy time again . I have the tools to combat this...and I am far enough removed to be able to have peace as well. But even this far out...some things just come up to remind me of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day when the world as I knew it...ended .
10 comments posted: Thursday, November 24th, 2022
The shit sandwich
My H and I just got back from an AWESOME vacation...and I can honestly say that it was FUN...but there is NO place like HOME !!
I looked in every now and then on this wonderful site...and those words..."shit sandwich" kept popping up on different posts on here. I never did like that phrase...or even the thought of having to EAT that...just YUCK !! I apologize for not remembering the exact threads that these words showed up in...but I noticed a distinction in how those words were used. It seemed to me that the people writing about having to EAT the shit sandwich were people who were NOT in R. They either stayed in the M for other reasons...or they were D.
I also seem to remember people who were in R who stated that they didn't eat ANY shit sandwich. That is how I feel. I truly feel that I got shit ON when my H confessed to his A...but there was NO WAY I was going to EAT any of it!! It was my H who piled that stinky...sticky...putrid NASTY on our M. If anyone was going to HAVE to eat it...it would be HIM!! However...like someone's tagline says on here...shit can be cleaned up . NO ONE HAS TO EAT IT. That is MY perspective anyway .
I often write about how things are all about perspective. So I am wondering...for those who feel they have had to EAT a shit sandwich...what is YOUR perspective on that? WHY do you feel you HAD to eat it in order to R? Are you in R?
For those who feel like I do...what is YOUR perspective? WHY do you feel there was NO shit sandwich you ate when you decided to R? Are you in R?
31 comments posted: Thursday, August 11th, 2022
Happy Anniversary of Mv2.0!!
TODAY...8 years ago...the precious M that I LOVED was destroyed when my H confessed to his A that he had while working overseas . It is gone...and although we have been able to get many things back...it is something we won't ever have again.
But wait...there's MORE !! We COULD dwell on what was LOST. But we have CHOSEN to instead focus on what we HAVE!!
I wrote about this day in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread. It is on page 13 if anyone is interested .
OUR life changed forever that day...for the BETTER!! I honestly thought we had a GOOD M. But that was the issue. WE weren't thinking the same...and my H made a choice that showed just how out of sync we were.
Not anymore!! We have truly become ONE. A TEAM!! I can honestly say that I HATE what my H did...and also honestly say that I am MORE in love with him than ever before . His ACTIONS have proven to me that he is a man of integrity...but WORDS matter too. His words that he uses NOW truly reflect his actions. That was something I never caught before. You don't know what you don't know though...you know?!
We WILL be celebrating tonight because OUR story didn't END on Dday. It CHANGED...it got MESSY...and it was UNCERTAIN for a while. But WE both went ALL IN for each other...and I LOVE the story of US now !!!
11 comments posted: Wednesday, July 20th, 2022
Here it is again
May 1st...the beginning of the month where BOTH of my H's started their A's...almost 30 years to the DAY . Every year you wonderful people allow me to indulge in my journey of MY A season antiversary. Thank y'all for that .
A little back story for those who don't know. Because my H had his PA while working alone overseas...I have finite times to when THEY first met...down to THEIR last kiss. I could practically tell how long THEY were together...ate dinner...fucked...thanks to the google timeline that I was told about from this amazing site. The phone records...emails...whatsapp messages and SKYPE provided a plethora of information too. I have calendars that I made in Excel for May-July that are FULL of all of that...plus the minutes...sometimes seconds...from the time-stamped receipts of the events that THEY went to.
SO...EVERY freaking year I would pull out those danged calendars...pore over them...and get very BUMMED OUT remembering how I FELT during this time while he was away . I didn't get all of the info at first. In fact...the Craigslist account that I found out about on here...was somewhere after year 1. The google timeline I found out somewhere between year 2 and 3 I think. With the new information gathering from these two...I had to look at the calendars and make sure everything FIT. Doing all of this just created a RUT in my brain of EVERY FREAKING THING THEY DID during A season. It was pure torture. Especially June . THEY met after May started...and my H left the adultery co-conspirator's country in the middle of July...so there are parts of those two months where THEY didn't know or have contact with each other. But in June...my H called the adultery co-conspirator EVERY DAMN DAY .
This is my 8th A season that is coming up. I have tried different things to help me HEAL from this time. The BEST thing I ever did was to have my H PLAN a fabulous vacation on the FIRST A season that correlated with some of THEIR firsts...first date...first kiss...etc. It was so HARD to go through this vacation in a city that WE had never been to...so it was OUR first time there. EVERYTHING we did there was a FIRST for US...and it was NOT a fun time for me...at first. But as I went through these days...and STARED THEM DOWN...I became STRONGER . I now have AWESOME triggers to combat the horrible triggers from around that time. I OWN their FIRSTS!!! Did you see what I did there??? Extra points to those who figure it out !!!
Around year 4 I purposefully made myself STOP looking at the calendars. I had ALL the information I could possibly have...I conquered everything I could...and there was NO reason to keep looking BACK. I honestly couldn't forget what had happened though because I had relived it from the previous years. But by year 6...I really had begun to forget...WIN-WIN for ME . Last year I decided to look at the calendars and the google timeline again. I was far enough removed from the emotion to look at it more clinically. I actually saw things that I had never realized before when the emotions were so high. These were things that helped me to understand WHY certain things happened during the A. Things that showed how MANIPULATIVE they each were toward one another . We ALL know that every A is FAKE. Like someone once pointed out though...the sex is real. True. But the manipulation...the USING of each other that goes on with an A...that is real as well .
THIS year I am doing something that I started doing last year toward the end. I am going to look at the google timeline...for ALL of the years AFTER 2014 . I've got SEVEN times...SEVEN memories...EVERY DAY to look through the 68 days of their A...that WE have had since then . I actually started yesterday...with my H eagerly looking with me!! The first one brought a sad memory...it was a funeral we went to for a dear friend of ours . But it was FUN to see the other 6 and try to figure out exactly what was happening on that day . The year 2020...we didn't go anywhere on May 1st...and I am sure that will be the case for most of those days for that year !!! Thank God THAT is behind us too!!
I will come back to this thread from time to time as A season progresses...just like I have with other threads I have started during this period. It is sort of a way for me to chronicle MY journey...MY feelings...and MY TRIUMPHS over A season . But I feel the need to write about it less and less. There is too much LIFE to LIVE on THIS side of infidelity!! Thank You God .
22 comments posted: Monday, May 2nd, 2022
I got a new vehicle
After Dday...I started working on a PLAN for what I wanted MY life to be. I WANTED a healthy and happy M with a loving and faithful spouse . I told my H about it...and told him if HE didn't want this too...I would find somebody who DID!! Thankfully...my H told me this was what he wanted as well...and we started working toward this plan .
I still had the thought in the back of my mind at that point...WHAT IF? What if my H wasn't sincere? What if this happened again? With me being a SAHW...I was NOT financially at a point where I could quickly LEAVE if any of the "what ifs" came to be true. So I put another PLAN in action...one to where I could leave at ANY moment. I got a checking account in my name only...with enough money to sustain me in a new apartment until I found a job and started earning a living. I also got a credit card in my name only. Finally...I got a new vehicle...in my name only.
That was almost 8 years ago. I still have the checking account...and the credit card...but my vehicle was getting a little rough around the edges . I really didn't use it much...and it was more of a symbolic part of my independence. But there were repairs that needed to be done that were signs that maybe it was time to look for something else. With inflation the way it is now...I was NOT happy about the prices I was seeing when I was looking online for vehicles. There was this ONE car though that looked cool...and the price was right .
Of course...other things in our life started taking precedent...and we found ourselves traveling again. We also had our anniversary coming up . When we got back home...and went to one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate almost 40 YEARS together...my H asked if I wanted to go and see the car I had looked at online. I just KNEW it was gone by this time...late model used cars nowadays don't last very long on the lots. But...I figured...why not? So I called...and surprisingly...it was still for sale! Y'all know that when God wants us to have something...He finds a way for us to get it !! Everything just fell into place...like it was meant to be.
When we were negotiating the sale...my H told the salesman we wanted it in MY name . He didn't have to do that...I am very secure that WE will be together for the long haul. But I really thought that was a sweet gesture my H made to insure that I felt SAFE!
ANOTHER GOOD thing that happened...I OWNED another trigger !! That part I have in italics in a previous paragraph...Everything just fell into place...like it was meant to be. Those words were what WE used to say when God had a hand in our lives. Those were also the words my H used when he described his A . To ME...and HIM...he felt like God was condoning the A . That was...until my H started recounting what had actually taken place up to the time he fucked the adultery co-conspirator. Things definitely DID NOT just fall into place...and there was NO WAY God was having it being something that was "meant to be" . BUT THIS CAR PURCHASE WAS . It was NO coincidence that things happened the way they did...at the time they did...and EVERY detail...even the salesman we had...was very much a part of God's PLAN!! So YES dear friends and family on here...this was so much MORE than just a car purchase . This was EPIC!!!
THEN we came home and my H gifted me with the anniversary present I asked for...a story to put in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the top of this Forum . Did y'all even notice???!!! I have been advocating for people to write THEIR positive posts into that thread...but I am kind of liking seeing my H's username up there...so y'all don't need to be too quick to write something in there...for now !!!
We each read the other one's post...and were smiling at the similarities . We each wrote our story separately...and we LOVED how we had God be a huge part in our individual stories !! It is logical though. God played such an IMPORTANT part in OUR R...and we both felt it was equally as important to include Him in our story! He truly IS the BEST IC and MC anyone could ask for!!! I NEVER thought about US being the WS/BS couple to write in that thread before either! I really HOPE we won't be the LAST couple to do it either !! Having something GOOD coming out of something that was so BAD is truly worth writing about !! WE are LOVING our Mv2.0!!!
Now it is time for me to go and pick up my NEW (to me!) car !!! If y'all are in Cajun Country...and see an old woman zooming around town in a cute car...grinning from ear to ear...well...DAT BE ME !!!
9 comments posted: Monday, April 25th, 2022
When I opened my personal devotional today during Bible Study...the title "Passion" came up for that section. That word is seared in my brain from Dday.
My H started his confession on Dday by telling me..."I love you like I've never loved anyone else, but I don't think I am in love with you anymore". He then followed it with..."I need PASSION in my life, and I haven't felt it with you in a long time".
We had been apart for almost 11 weeks at that point...and he had just been home from working overseas for 2 days. I didn't know that my world as I knew it had already been destroyed...but I was going to find out after he confessed to his 9 1/2 week A just a few minutes later .
Our thoughts dictate our feelings. Well...my thought about PASSION sure made me feel like I did when I heard it that day . At first. Then I turned my thought to the last PASSION I felt...which was a very passionate night last night . I started feeling better almost instantly...but that twinge was still there.
My H picked up on it right away...asking if I was alright. I told him about my thoughts. He instantly grabbed my hand and told me he was sorry that what he said and did back then still hurt me. We smiled at each other and continued on with our Bible Study...reading our daily devotionals out loud.
One part that I was reading aloud talked about the "nether world". My H's A happened in the Netherlands . Yes...we BOTH rolled our eyes at that one . Then I read a prayer that mentioned..."keep the promises You've made". One of the messages the adultery co-conspirator wrote to my H said in part..."...give me the dignity I deserve and hold on to the promises you've made..." . MAN...the devil really wanted me to have a DOWN day today!!!
Tears started rolling down my cheeks . The stress from family issues we are currently having to deal with...plus these triggers...it was just a little too much for me to change my thoughts in order to change my feelings. My H didn't remember the adultery co-conspirator's message...so he didn't understand why I would be crying at what was a really beautiful prayer. Until I told him. Then he grabbed my hand and told me that HE would keep the promises he made to ME . I KNOW he will...now . NOW is what counts !
We ended the Bible Study and then we stood up and hugged each other. My H talked very lovingly about things...about US. It made me feel a little better . We ended up saying goodbye when he went off to work on a positive note...even though the thoughts were still in the back of my mind.
Then I remembered something that happened 7 years ago TODAY . My H's A was 68 days. But for that 1st year after Dday...EVERY day of EACH month that first year that correlated with something THEY did...I would relive . For instance...on May 25th...the day after their first night together at the hotel...my H brought the adultery co-conspirator to a windmill restaurant. This particular restaurant was one that WE were going to go to when I was there...but it was only open at certain times...and my H would always be working during times it was open...while I was there anyway. My H thought nothing of it by bringing HER there. He even took pictures of the inside to share with me...and told me some history of it from what the waitress told him. I was so EXCITED at the time that he was able to go and SHARE that experience with me. He left out one small part though...that he was actually sharing it IN REAL TIME with the adultery co-conspirator . Anyway...EVERY month after Dday of that year...on the 25th...I relived THAT day in my head .
However...7 years ago TODAY...my H found a way for me to OWN restaurants . You can read more about it on page 9 of the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread !! I just read it to find where it was...and I actually wrote almost the EXACT thing when I was describing the scenario in the paragraph above !! What a GOOD trigger I have to replace the bad triggers that invaded my thoughts earlier this morning !!!
Needless to say...I am feeling pretty good again . There are circumstances in our lives right now that aren't going to go away anytime soon...but we are dealing with this TOGETHER . The circumstances do not take away our PEACE...unless we let them! WE have a PASSION for each other that is still going STRONG...and we make sure we don't lose sight of that .
The devil THOUGHT he could defeat me today...but he can't EVER win against GOD . Thank You God for the PROMISES You have made...and for working ALL things together for the GOOD of those who love YOU !!!
3 comments posted: Friday, March 25th, 2022
Happy Lundi Gras, Y'all!!!
Today is Lundi Gras...Fat Monday . The day before Mardi Gras...Fat Tuesday!! Thanks to the ever AWESOME MangledHeart...y'all get to have a taste of what Louisiana looks like during Mardi Gras season...THANK YOU for that Dear Sir !!! I was a little taken aback when I saw the fleur-de-lis on here at first...in my safe place. Fleur-de-lis means "flower of the lily". YEP...that is my H's adultery co-conspirator's name...Lily . But...the fleur-de-lis is EVERYWHERE over here all year long...so I OWN it .
For us Catholics...Wednesday is Ash Wednesday...the beginning of Lent. For the last 7 years...Lent was something that I was going to do...or NOT do...that centered around my H's A. THIS year though...I have nothing to give up...or do...concerning that. It has all been DONE . For all these years I have FOUGHT to get to this place...and it feels...well...really really GOOD .
God has been by my side through all of this...guiding me when I was so blinded by rage and pain that I could barely see. He brought me to you wonderful angels HERE!! So I have decided that for Lent...I am going to be more GRATEFUL . I will smile more...help more...and just be THANKFUL for being able to smile and help!
Until Wednesday though...Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler !!!
4 comments posted: Monday, February 28th, 2022
"You can't start the next chapter of your life...
...if you keep re-reading the last one."
This was one of the quotes that the adultery co-conspirator showed my H on the only full weekend he stayed at her house during his A. He said she had this written down in a journal...along with several other writings she "came up with". He was amazed at all of these thoughts she had that were put into words with these profound writings...so she sent him a picture of this one and another one for him to keep . He was so SHOCKED when I showed him these same "writings" in memes. He really thought SHE had written these herself . Nope...just one more LIE she let him believe about her...just like the LIES he let her believe about him .
I actually used this quote in the final email I sent the adultery co-conspirator . I THANKED her for giving my H that quote ...and let her know that WE were starting the next chapter of OUR life...because his chapter with her was DONE . I can picture her face to this day...what it would have looked like when she read that quote I wrote to her...and KNEW that my H then KNEW another LIE she told him. I am not sure if that was the final nail in the coffin...because I wrote a LOT of venomous things...even though they were all true...in that email. She never tried to contact either of us since that time though...so mission accomplished .
This morning my H and I exchanged Valentine's Day cards . My day started off so WELL !! Then we started our daily Bible Study. WARNING: there is some faith based stuff after this!!
As a Catholic...I subscribe to "The Word Among Us" and read the articles as part of my personal daily devotional. I was reading the article titled "Silence is not Absence". It was a pretty fascinating article that started off with a psychological study that was called "planning fallacy". This study showed how people underestimate how much time it will take to accomplish a task.
The article then went on to talk about growing Chinese bamboo. It seems like nothing is happening with this bamboo...until about year 5. No sprouts...no stems...nothing. Then suddenly...this bamboo can grow about 90 feet in 5 weeks !! What has been going on for those 5 years is something that can't be seen...above ground anyway . During that time though...the seeds of the bamboo have been setting out a root system that goes wide and DEEP in order to sustain the plant when it does start to sprout . I tell you...I was really getting into this article !!!
Suddenly I saw the words...in BOLD letters...Turn the Page. DANG . Trigger city . It brought me right back to the day my H showed me the picture of that quote. How he described where they were...in her living room...on her couch...when she shared with him her PRIVATE journal. He remembered thinking how he felt bad for leading her on into thinking that he cared...and she actually took a picture and sent two of those quotes to him. He also told me about being amazed at how PROFOUND her writings were...he was really impressed at that moment. It was a moment they SHARED. He had no idea at the time that she was lying to him...and had her own agenda like he did. To HIM...she was baring her soul to a man she was head over heels in love with...and he felt bad...but good...at the same time . Of course...with my help ...he realized that this SHARED moment was not REAL . It was just two SELFISH people creating this FAKE moment to propel their agenda forward .
I OWNED this quote on the day I wrote it to the adultery co-conspirator in that venomous email. But MAN...it sure caught me by surprise when I read those words today. Isn't it weird how ALL of this can come flooding back in SECONDS? Only...time stood still when I read those words...and not in a good way .
I am not sure if it was because Valentine's Day was coming up...or because I am home in a self imposed quarantine...or because I have been reading about all of the posts on here showing the heartache that THIS day brings. But the devil has sure been trying his best to get me down lately. he didn't succeed...until I read those words . I tried to hide the tears from my H...who was sitting right next to me reading his personal daily devotional. But when it came time for us to read OUR devotional together...he could sense that something wasn't right.
He grabbed my hand and asked if everything was alright. I shook my head NO...and then the tears started . He immediately said he was sorry to see me hurting. Then he asked if I wanted to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it because I don't want to bring his A up in his face anymore. But he gently persuaded me to open up...and then the damn broke. Tears flowing freely...I told him what triggered me .
My H sat there and listened...never letting go of my hand . After I finished he apologized for being the one to cause me so much pain. We went on to finish Bible Study...and then hugged before he went to get dressed to go to work. He makes sure I get my 4 hugs a day!
While he was getting dressed I asked him how all of this made him feel. He said he feels shame that HE is the cause of this pain. He feels helpless because he knows there is nothing he can do to erase anything that he did. He feels hopeful though because we can talk it out now and we can move on from it. Move on from it. Turn the page. See where I am going?!
After my H left for work...I went back to that article. I started where it said in bold...Turn the Page. The paragraph talks about how some people may be reading a book...then something really bad happens to their favorite character. Some people may just stop reading the book...or even throw it against the wall! But then they pick the book back up and keep reading...because they want to know what comes next. It then ends the paragraph with THIS profound writing...Just because something terrible has happened doesn't mean you abandon the story. It means you turn the page.
I turned the page . WE turned the page . I am going to add the above writing to my mindset about that quote that the adultery co-conspirator used. WE can't start the next chapter in our M if we keep re-reading the last one. Something TERRIBLE happened in our M...but we didn't abandon it...we just turned the page !!
This also applies to my 1st M...which ended in D after my H left me after I caught him with a 2nd adultery co-conspirator . It was a TERRIBLE time...but my life's story did NOT end there! I turned the page...and my story kept going . YES...I was put in infidelity HELL again through no fault of my own. But God never abandoned me...and somehow...He made my life RICHER despite it . He's amazing at doing stuff like that when we let Him !
May we never underestimate what God is doing when it seemed that He was doing nothing. Pretty profound . I won't be like the adultery co-conspirator...and pretend that I could come up with this! This was the last sentence in that article this morning . My DEAR faith filled friends and family on here...no matter WHAT life throws at us...we KNOW the end of our story will be GLORIOUS . Let's don't abandon OUR story just because something bad happens. Just turn the page...start the next chapter of our lives...whatever path we take...and ENJOY the ride .
15 comments posted: Monday, February 14th, 2022
Respectful dialogue about Covid
There have been LOTS of topics written about Covid on here. We could go on and on about all of this. What we NEED is to have a respectful dialogue to HELP each other.
I'll start . I take Zinc and extra doses of Vitamin D. I have found by doing this that the sinus issues I normally have during this time of year because of it being sugar cane harvesting time...has not happened. Big PLUS for me !
Also...because sunlight kills Covid...I take a shopping cart from outside that has been in the sunlight...before going into the store. I used to wipe it down as well...but then the wipes started to run out. I still take them from outside though.
I also have wet wipes that my H has poured alcohol into...since alcohol kills Covid. I use those wipes a LOT!! I have been teased for YEARS about my obsessive handwashing...so washing my hands regularly is not a big deal. I am also LOVING the extra hand sanitizing stations everywhere now . We are told that this is an airborne virus...but masks obviously don't work for it. For ME...keeping my hands clean and away from my nose and mouth have worked well with other viruses in the past...and seem to be working well now.
I feel it is not a matter of IF I will get the virus...it is a matter of WHEN. However...I am in my 60's and have never had the flu. I very rarely had the cold either...and have not had one since my children are grown. So either my immune system is doing very well...or my mitigation efforts are working. I feel it is probably a combination of both. I am also a SAHW...so I am not in a work environment with a lot of people. Even when I did work though...I was pretty healthy. Also...I get out and go into the grocery store...pharmacy...department stores...etc. It is much easier to avoid contact though when I am not in an enclosed environment with several people for hours. This was how most of the people I know who have had Covid contracted it.
Is there anyone else who would like to have a respectful dialogue about this?
473 comments posted: Friday, January 7th, 2022
Lizard brain antics
I had a revelation that I wanted to share...only I can't share everything so I hope this will make sense !!
Hurricane Ida really did a number in our Parish...or County for the rest of you non-Louisianians . We are still not back to "normal"...but for the industry that my H is in...this has become a very BUSY time for him. His working hours are long...and they just keep getting longer.
Toward the end of last week...I was feeling anxious...but I didn't understand WHY . There have been some issues these last few months with Ida of course...as well as Covid that the whole world has been having to deal with. On top of all this...I ended up having to go to the doctor a few days ago and get antibiotics for a sinus infection that popped up at the most inconvenient time !!
With all that has been happening...my H and I have been EXHAUSTED. I mean...we are falling asleep watching TV shows we LOVE to watch...during early times in the evening...not too long after supper !!! By the time we get into bed...we are asleep almost as soon as our heads hit the pillow! Our sex life has been kind of LOW on the list of things we are doing lately.
Needless to say...there have been "issues" in our day to day life right now...so I wasn't sure WHICH issue was causing the anxiety...or maybe a combination of all of them were. But...the thing is...this FEELING seemed to stem from something to do with my H's A . I couldn't put my finger on what ANY of these issues we are dealing with had to do with his A though .
I was messaging with a DEAR friend on here and letting them know all this...when I typed the TIME that my H was now working. All of a sudden my stomach DROPPED . AHA!!! I never logically put it together until I saw it written out...but my limbic system did!! The time he is now working is EXACTLY the time he was working during his A!!! Also...I was with him when he first started working in Holland...and our sex life was pretty much NIL at that point too. We talked about it then...and he told me he was in a new country...new job...new boss...new culture...and LONG hours. He assured me that he just needed a little more time to acclimate himself to everything. So I did what a loving spouse does...and sacrificed MY desires for HIS needs. Only...just EIGHT DAYS after I left Holland...he met with the adultery co-conspirator for the first time...and stayed at the sushi restaurant WELL PAST the time he EVER stayed up while I was there . I would have LOVED to have had even HALF of that time with him while I was there...not to mention even half the sex .
Even though this happened over 7 years ago...my lizard brain was experiencing something similar...and was "warning" me...in its lizard brain way !! I would have never thought my H working THOSE hours would cause anxiety...but that is exactly when the anxiety started!! I let a few other friends and family members on here know...as well as my H. It amazes me just WHAT our limbic system keeps track of...things we normally don't pick up on. But I learned early on that I shouldn't just let that feeling pass...I ALWAYS trust my GUT now . Thankfully...what happened THEN...is not happening NOW. My anxiety is gone now and my GUT is calm again...so mystery solved !!
But wait...there's MORE !! As I was figuring this out...another issue happened . Something that is going to cost more money and time!! My H and I discussed it...and I went online to go shopping for what we need...like I really needed to do all of this in the middle of all of the OTHER stuff I am doing around this time of year!!
My H called later in the afternoon...saying he was coming home . I just ASSUMED he was coming home early so that we could go and look for the things we now needed to buy. I assumed incorrectly . Yes...even I make mistakes !!! As we were heading to our destination that I had established we needed to go to from my online shopping...I brought up my revelation from earlier. I asked my H if he even had much time to think about it since I knew how busy he is right now. He told me that he sure did...and that was why he took off when he did . He didn't want the time he worked here to correlate with the time he worked in Holland...because he didn't want me to be triggered by that anymore . I tell you...hearing him say that brought so much COMFORT to me . That man amazes me more and more...and I feel so BLESSED to have him as my H...warts and all !
Needless to say...we were again exhausted by the time we went to bed after having to go and take care of the issue that popped up during the day yesterday. But THIS time...well...we made sure to put things in the proper priority . From what research has shown...in order to retrain my lizard brain...I have to have POSITIVE experiences to combat the negative ones. So...we were following the science !!
5 comments posted: Wednesday, December 22nd, 2021
Another year...another Christmas present You can give Me!!!
It's that time of year again...when I make a SHAMELESS plea for MY Christmas present . I WANT to see the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread that is pinned at the TOP of this Forum get to page 28!! It really isn't all that hard to give it to me this year...only THREE positive stories and that page will turn .
I know all the excuses..."I don't feel we are fully reconciled yet". "I may jinx my reconciliation by posting about it". "No one will want to read MY positive story". "If I post a story then Want2BHappyAgain will never stop bugging me again".
Those excuses are all valid ! But WHAT IF just ONE person in this world would be HELPED by YOUR story??? Would it be worth it then??? I can honestly tell you that YES...it would definitely be worth it . How do I know??? Because people have messaged ME telling me how one of my positive stories DID help them . Heck...those stories helped ME when I first came on here so many years ago!!! This site if FILLED with people who really want to HELP others survive infidelity. This is a PERFECT opportunity to reach out and HELP .
So get those thoughts going...think of something POSITIVE that has happened in YOUR R...and write a post about it . BS...WS...MH...it doesn't matter...SOMEONE will be HELPED by YOUR story...I gar-on-tee!!! If THREE stories are posted...it will help ME get my Christmas present !!
THANK YOU ALL in advance !!!
14 comments posted: Thursday, December 9th, 2021
Hi there all you SI Reconcilers !! It is a GORGEOUS day in NOLA...and I am feeling pretty good today. Especially since I saw another AWESOME post in the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread which is pinned at the TOP of this Forum !! THANK YOU sunwillshine!!!
Maybe we can have a breather from thoughts of infidelity for a bit and come up with some things that bring us happiness in our reconciliation . I'll start!!!
The other night I told my H that he was my whole world. He responded by saying that I was his whole universe PLUS one planet . I asked WHICH planet...thinking that he was going to say VENUS...the planet of LUUUUUVE.
His response...with that cute grin of his...URANUS !!! We had a big laugh about that...laughter truly IS the best medicine isn't it ?!
So...maybe that book is wrong...men aren't from MARS...they have a whole different mindset !!!
Anyone else have a cute...funny...thankful...HAPPY story to tell??? I am looking forward to reading all about it !!
655 comments posted: Friday, October 16th, 2020
NtV...does this count???
My H was preparing jalapenos...stuffing them with cream cheese and wrapping them in bacon . He made the comment that he, "can cut the cheese with a butter knife" .
Will THIS be enough for the favor you said you would do for me ???!!!
What do the rest of you dear SIers say...is THIS an appropriate fart joke???!!! Help me out people...I am NOT very good at this kind of stuff...but I need y'all to help me convince NTV that this is good enough .
33 comments posted: Saturday, December 23rd, 2017