Me: BS 59 at DDay
WH: 61 at DDay
Married: 27 years at DDay
Dday: 22 March 2019
In R since 11 April 2019
I love him and have forgiven him. He’s very contrite.
Need to vent to people who understand
My middle daughter has been with her husband for 15 years. They had been in a relationship a very short time when she got pregnant at the age of 20. I’ve always been proud of them as they stayed together, raised their gorgeous son, got married and had another son. I always thought they got on really well and were good friends as well as spouses.
Since lockdown they’ve both worked from home, and again I’ve been impressed with them as they literally work side-by-side every day
Anyway, recently I’ve felt her husband is a bit depressed as he never seems to want to go out anywhere. Daughter had covid a couple of months ago and never seems to have got back to her normal self.
Last week she told me they’ve split up. Says she’s been unhappy for a long time. Her husband tells me he has only just discovered she’s unhappy. He also told me she ‘has feelings for’ a friend and texted the friend to tell him how she feels but told him not to respond. Yesterday daughter texted me to tell me she’d had feelings for this person, which led to her knowing she’s done with the marriage. But now the friend has separated from his partner and all her friends are convinced there’s an affair and are angry with her. She insists there’s no affair.
Tomorrow daughter is coming to stay in our tiny cottage with us. She’ll be going home to have dinner with the family every day, but wants space while they work out what to do going forward. It’ll be difficult in many ways as I also work from home and our spare bedroom is also my office, so I need to rethink a few things.
I’m sure you can all imagine how I’m feeling. As far as I’m concerned telling the other person she has feelings is cheating. We all get crushes from time to time, especially when we’re not feeling cherished in our relationship, but to reach out and then end the marriage….. I am so disappointed in her. As my eldest daughter said, she saw the devastation when my FWH cheated. But I assume that she feels ‘it’s different for her’.
I just don’t know. I won’t be causing any difficulties. It’s not my way, and this house is too small to have bad feelings knocking around. I just wanted to vent to people who understand.
4 comments posted: Sunday, April 30th, 2023
4 years ago today
4 years ago today my FWH sent our youngest daughter a text meant for his AP. Daughter forwarded it to me, thinking it was a ‘sexy’ message for me, and saying how embarrassing it was. The rest, as they say, is history. I threw him out, but three weeks later we started talking again and decided to try R.
From the day he came home he has been remorseful and willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel secure and happy again. Obviously there were some bumps along the way, and some trickle truth, but it’s mainly been positive. Obviously I was distraught and traumatised. For the first year I was in a state of shock/panic/trauma. But things got easier after the first antiversary.
I have made it clear that I forgave and offered R as a one time offer, but if he strays again that’s it. In my head I know what I will do if that happens, but as the years pass it feels less likely.
What has helped is that FWH continues to work on himself and to be a good, safe husband. He ‘only’ had a sexting ‘relationship’ with the POS AP, and I’m as sure as I can be that there was no PA. He blocked her as soon as we decided to R, and we haven’t heard from her.
So it can be possible for R to work. We continue to be closer than we used to be, and I am grateful for that, if not for what caused it.
5 comments posted: Wednesday, March 22nd, 2023
3 year update
It’s 16:30 here in the UK and I’ve just realised today is the three year anniversary of DDay. It’s funny really as I’ve been in a bit of a funk the last few days, knowing it was approaching. But now that it’s here... meh. Two years ago I had to take FWH into the shower with me as I knew I’d be hugely triggered. Today we haven’t even been together and it’s fine.
For me, FWH’s true remorse and willingness to really work on himself are what has made me able to recover quicker than some. The first year was pure torture but since then things have got easier. I still think about the A every day, but I rarely get into a panic any more.
Wishing you all the healing you deserve, all of you SIers out there. Infidelity is the worst thing to happen to any of us and takes the longest time to get over. I thought that first year would never end. But it did, and here I am. Still standing, still walking around like a ‘normal’ person. Still remembering that there is so much good in the world, and so much love.
6 comments posted: Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022