I have a hard time struggling with this too but then Im also empathetic to a fault and actually pity both my STBXH and the OW.
She is a lot different than me. Uneducated, trashy, has a ton tattoos - now there are tattoos that are works of art and then there are tattoos that clearly look like you got them done in a small hick town when you were a teenager. She has (a tongue and nipple rings) as she posts on social media about lol... and has a toddler with a baby daddy that cheated on her with a stripper. Clearly we come from very different backgrounds. Idk if she thought this was all normal but its not.
I had a feeling she was after my husband when I saw her liking his pics, etc. She was on the prowl for him. And his weak ass gave in. 12 YEARS together down the drain.
After I caught them (in my own home, on a doggy camera - yes I got to hear it!) My STBXH tried to deny at first, while he was wasted sleeping with her in my bed, I have also come to find out he fucked her in our bed the weekend prior (probably many) and didn't even have an ounce of respect to change the sheets, Really deranged if you ask me. The day after I found out though she moved into our new lake house (we bought it in Sep 2020) so I hadn't even experienced a summer there yet. So she got the bakehouse, my STBXH and his $.
I was talking to my therapist about the "in our own home" aspect of cheating. There are a few thoughts I have on this. One - this was clearly a power move by my STBXH - basically him subconsciously or consciously deciding to do her in our bed and home to show its HIS home and not ours. SO disgusting and disrespectful. All cheaters suck but at least take your whore to a motel... My God. The other aspect is another woman coming into my home. I feel like there is a certain kinship among women. Yes, lines get crossed and shitty people cheat, but to walk into another woman's home, see the love & care she puts in, her decor, her dogs, and STILL feel ok fucking her husband in those sheets?? WTF is wrong with you???
Im more mad at the illusion of what she has than what she actually has. What is she winning? A pathological liar who would chose to screw a trashy whore in his wife's bed while she's visiting a friend? A gaslighter? A Manipulator and abuser? I mean really, its SO delusional to me that they think these men are prizes. ESPECIALLY when she has a fucking toddler?? Mine also is an alcoholic and I believe was doing shady business near the end of our marriage. So Im assuming he wanted someone to drink with, fuck, build up his ego and do illegal business without having a honest wife tell him to NOT do those things. Water finds its own level huh? I assume that he will do the same thing to her in time. Especially because he is analytically very intelligent (emotionally braindead clearly) but her body, her inadequacy and clear bad morals will start to get old. She will probably go back to her baby daddy and cheat.
Idk I feel bad for them because they are awful people. Gross, insensitive, delusional people.
Example of delusional - I remember the last time I had to see him to sign our divorce papers. She was BLOWING his phone up about how long he was spending with me, telling him to get home now etc. I even saw one of the texts and it said "This is how you would feel if I was with Josh for a long time" Jose is her baby daddy... so she's equating a 12 year marriage to some 1 year relationship with a loser that got her pregnant on accident?? THAT IS NOT THE SAME.
[This message edited by tealmermaid at 8:38 PM, Thursday, September 16th]