BW (SSM) D-Day: 6/9/2018 Status: Divorcing
Unable to do italics/bold when editing a message
If I'm missing something please let me know. I've tried on my phone and laptop. The bold/italic/quote options seem to only be available when I'm typing an original post but upon editing I do not see these options.
0 comment posted: Friday, September 10th, 2021
Book Suggestions on Sexual Aversion/Disgust
And or related to moving past aversions or disgust feelings likely brought on by prior sexual traumas?
6 comments posted: Wednesday, August 18th, 2021
Shower or at least clean up before sex…yay or nay?
Talking to a friend today and the discussion of morning sex came up to which I discussed how I personally haven’t done that myself but also wouldn’t want to kiss morning breath. I also find that I prefer for me and the person I’m having sex with to shower or at least clean up somehow prior to the act.
My friend said she had an ex that felt that way but she doesn’t actually feel like that herself - morning breath isn’t an issue, shower isn’t necessary (of course so long as it’s not like dirty) and a good swig of water in the morning to take the morning breath down is good enough for the makeout sesh (ick!😝).
Then I’m like well…I’m actually one of those people that even gets all eww when I see people making out on tv. I’ll see the saliva string going from one persons mouth to the others and I’m like gross!!! I don’t know why I’m just a super stickler for this stuff. I am exploring a lot of my own relationship with sex in therapy due to past abuse/rape/molestations and sometimes wonder if that’ll change my perspective but for now, this is me!
Am I alone? I thought I’d post this to see where others stand on this. No judgment of course. Just curious and interested.
[This message edited by maise at 6:43 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]
6 comments posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021
My grandmother passed away today
She was 89 years old. She lived next door to me and I loved her deeply. She was in a lot of pain prior to leaving us - I hate that for her. I’m very heartbroken, I will miss her so much but I also would have never selfishly wanted to keep her here longer with the amount of pain she was in. She was such a great grandmother. I hope she knows we loved her deeply.
Yesterday she was in hospice. She was supposed to be there for three days or so while they set her bedroom up at home. She told us she didn’t think she’d make it past the evening. I went up there with my bestie, my wife, and my kids to see her through the window while three of her daughters were inside with her. Eventually more and more grandchildren, great grandchildren and even her last remaining sister showed to her window to see her. I hope she received the love we sent. I’m glad we listened.
In the past I’ve had a history of not telling people when things happen to me. I’ve had a history of not sharing when I’m in pain or experiencing some form of loss. After the healing I’ve done I’ve opted to share instead. To allow for others to choose to be there for me if they want to be...
22 comments posted: Wednesday, April 7th, 2021
Happy birthday DS!
That is all 🥳
10 comments posted: Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021
Words you can’t pronounce!
Worcestershire sauce. Yes, my phone had to help me even spell that! I can never say it! I’m sure I’m not alone. I just heard someone say it right now with ease and was like wow...you said that word.
What’s a word you can’t pronounce?
26 comments posted: Saturday, March 20th, 2021
How do you manage yours in a healthy way? Trying to learn 😣
13 comments posted: Saturday, March 6th, 2021
Ihs - leaving wayward in home alone
I have struggled for a long time with the idea of leaving WS alone in our place. When I want to go somewhere or do something it bothers me to have her there. I lock my bedroom so she can’t go in there at all (she and the AP had sex in what was our bedroom at the time multiple times). Since then I’ve recreated everything and made WS buy me an entire new bed. I ripped up the carpet that was there and put new flooring and WS painted the walls. I put positive quotes on my wall to help me when I was struggling and recently redesigned the entire room. It’s officially *mine* and I made sure to give myself everything I wanted in there. It’s beautiful.
Anyway, my room is locked when I’m gone so I know that won’t be accessed...but I don’t like the idea of her bringing some dumb ho bitch into my place when I’m gone either. If she wants to ho around I tell her to go to them or take it to their vehicle or whatever but don’t bring it here. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to think that she would actually listen...I mean we were “committed in a marriage with an understanding not to do certain things” and we see how THAT turned out.
What to do with these feelings? I thought of cameras as an option but don’t like the idea of having to check them when I’m out trying to just have some me time - I feel like it defeats the purpose of that. Ive also thought of telling her to bounce when I’m not home. Go somewhere. Virus makes that a little bit more challenging but at this point I DGAF if she sits in her car.
I probably sound like a bitch. Can’t say I really give two shits if I do.
3 comments posted: Friday, September 11th, 2020
Happy birthday to me!
12 comments posted: Wednesday, April 8th, 2020