Newest Member: zurichtime

maise

BW (SSM)
D-Day: 6/9/2018
Status: IHS

Unable to do italics/bold when editing a message

If I'm missing something please let me know. I've tried on my phone and laptop. The bold/italic/quote options seem to only be available when I'm typing an original post but upon editing I do not see these options.

0 comment posted: Friday, September 10th, 2021

Book Suggestions on Sexual Aversion/Disgust

And or related to moving past aversions or disgust feelings likely brought on by prior sexual traumas?

6 comments posted: Wednesday, August 18th, 2021

Shower or at least clean up before sex…yay or nay?

Talking to a friend today and the discussion of morning sex came up to which I discussed how I personally haven’t done that myself but also wouldn’t want to kiss morning breath. I also find that I prefer for me and the person I’m having sex with to shower or at least clean up somehow prior to the act.

My friend said she had an ex that felt that way but she doesn’t actually feel like that herself - morning breath isn’t an issue, shower isn’t necessary (of course so long as it’s not like dirty) and a good swig of water in the morning to take the morning breath down is good enough for the makeout sesh (ick!😝).

Then I’m like well…I’m actually one of those people that even gets all eww when I see people making out on tv. I’ll see the saliva string going from one persons mouth to the others and I’m like gross!!! I don’t know why I’m just a super stickler for this stuff. I am exploring a lot of my own relationship with sex in therapy due to past abuse/rape/molestations and sometimes wonder if that’ll change my perspective but for now, this is me!

Am I alone? I thought I’d post this to see where others stand on this. No judgment of course. Just curious and interested.

[This message edited by maise at 6:43 PM, August 3rd (Tuesday)]

6 comments posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021

Mod please

:)

1 comment posted: Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021

Mod Please

.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

My grandmother passed away today

She was 89 years old. She lived next door to me and I loved her deeply. She was in a lot of pain prior to leaving us - I hate that for her. I’m very heartbroken, I will miss her so much but I also would have never selfishly wanted to keep her here longer with the amount of pain she was in. She was such a great grandmother. I hope she knows we loved her deeply.

Yesterday she was in hospice. She was supposed to be there for three days or so while they set her bedroom up at home. She told us she didn’t think she’d make it past the evening. I went up there with my bestie, my wife, and my kids to see her through the window while three of her daughters were inside with her. Eventually more and more grandchildren, great grandchildren and even her last remaining sister showed to her window to see her. I hope she received the love we sent. I’m glad we listened.

In the past I’ve had a history of not telling people when things happen to me. I’ve had a history of not sharing when I’m in pain or experiencing some form of loss. After the healing I’ve done I’ve opted to share instead. To allow for others to choose to be there for me if they want to be...

22 comments posted: Wednesday, April 7th, 2021

Happy birthday DS!

That is all 🥳

10 comments posted: Tuesday, March 23rd, 2021

Words you can’t pronounce!

Worcestershire sauce. Yes, my phone had to help me even spell that! I can never say it! I’m sure I’m not alone. I just heard someone say it right now with ease and was like wow...you said that word.

What’s a word you can’t pronounce?

26 comments posted: Saturday, March 20th, 2021

Realized I reached a milestone

Last night I officially realized that the sexual thoughts of my WS and the AP’s no longer effect me like they once did. It was both surprising and relieving to realize that upon experiencing certain moments in time where I would usually be triggered with mind movies or intrusive awful mental images - I no longer:

a) could conjure up those thoughts/images even if I tried and,

b) no longer cared about it anymore.

I remember when I never thought I’d feel “normal” or ok again - especially in areas like the bedroom where they had sex and I would trigger immensely in if it were ever completely dark - but now here I am! I’m ok in my home despite what she did here, I’m ok in my mind, I’m ok in so many ways. I don’t know if I’m at the point where I can pass the AP’s house and be ok yet but still! I’m so happy for myself! I know my healing is due a combination of my overall gradual detachment from my WS and my own healing of FOO, traumas/abuse, and continued progression away from codependencies. I’m still in an IHS with WS and shared this news with her but she was eh to it so I was like, you know what WS...you’re right, I should be sharing this with my support people instead. My mistake! I know better *face palm*

Im so proud of myself, I’ve come so far *big self-hugs*

11 comments posted: Tuesday, March 16th, 2021

Stress

How do you manage yours in a healthy way? Trying to learn 😣

13 comments posted: Saturday, March 6th, 2021

Question

How did you know when you were done having kids?

14 comments posted: Monday, November 23rd, 2020

Covid question

So I used to be under the impression that a person that had Covid would have to quarantine for 14 days and after that, they’d have to test to make sure it’s negative before being around others.

After some research and asking around, I saw it says that a person can safely be around others ten days after no symptoms. My brother is ten days+ symptom free and still testing positive. He came around last Sunday and Wednesday, we’re fine but I still get nervous being around him. Feedback?

[This message edited by maise at 12:36 PM, November 22nd (Sunday)]

2 comments posted: Sunday, November 22nd, 2020

Explosive teenager

Anyone have experience with an explosive child? I’ve been maneuvering my son’s temper tantrums and loud screaming and banging when he’s upset for a while now. When he was little I thought it was something he’d outgrow, but this actually seems to be his go to when he’s feeling emotionally upset. I know it’s because he doesn’t know how to process any other way. I don’t get upset with him or explode with him in any way. I try to remove things he may hurt himself with and leave him be on his own until he calms. There’s no talking to someone when they’re that angry.

Usually once he’s settled I’ll go in there and have a very conversation with him. He tries to negotiate his loss of privileges, tried to excuse his behavior, in the past this may have worked out of guilt on my part. Not this time though. I calmly told him his privileges could not be negotiated. I sat with him and empathized for how upset he is. Discussed the choices he made and attempted to have him see he could have made better choices. Once he realized he couldn’t negotiate he exploded again, so I left him on his own yet again. Will go talk to him once again when he’s not upset to this degree.

Anyway, I know I’m improving on my end but, any pointers? This process is exhausting and tricky to maneuver.

I’ve checked on my other child and talked to her too. Sigh...

[This message edited by maise at 5:01 PM, October 28th (Wednesday)]

10 comments posted: Wednesday, October 28th, 2020

Writer's Block

I have a paper to write, omgee it’s the most grueliiiiing process for me! I can’t seem to come up with words! I don’t understand. I’ve asked for an extension, and thought maybe that would help. Maybe it would lessen the stress I was feeling and my thoughts would gather. Writing papers used to be so easy for me. Lately though I just sit and stare and stare at the computer screen. I have so many thoughts but they don’t formulate into sentences that make any sense! How do I get past writers block? Any suggestions? I’m so stressed I’m wondering if dropping this class may be the solution...but I’d seriously hate to do that. I don’t drop unless I’m failing and I’m not failing any of these classes...

*smacks forehead*

[This message edited by maise at 1:44 AM, October 20th (Tuesday)]

12 comments posted: Tuesday, October 20th, 2020

Var & Indoor camera

I wanted to see if you could had recommendations for both of these. Which to buy?

VAR/Indoor Security Camera (or nanny cam)

2 comments posted: Saturday, October 3rd, 2020

Ihs - leaving wayward in home alone

I have struggled for a long time with the idea of leaving WS alone in our place. When I want to go somewhere or do something it bothers me to have her there. I lock my bedroom so she can’t go in there at all (she and the AP had sex in what was our bedroom at the time multiple times). Since then I’ve recreated everything and made WS buy me an entire new bed. I ripped up the carpet that was there and put new flooring and WS painted the walls. I put positive quotes on my wall to help me when I was struggling and recently redesigned the entire room. It’s officially *mine* and I made sure to give myself everything I wanted in there. It’s beautiful.

Anyway, my room is locked when I’m gone so I know that won’t be accessed...but I don’t like the idea of her bringing some dumb ho bitch into my place when I’m gone either. If she wants to ho around I tell her to go to them or take it to their vehicle or whatever but don’t bring it here. Of course, I’m not stupid enough to think that she would actually listen...I mean we were “committed in a marriage with an understanding not to do certain things” and we see how THAT turned out.

What to do with these feelings? I thought of cameras as an option but don’t like the idea of having to check them when I’m out trying to just have some me time - I feel like it defeats the purpose of that. Ive also thought of telling her to bounce when I’m not home. Go somewhere. Virus makes that a little bit more challenging but at this point I DGAF if she sits in her car.

I probably sound like a bitch. Can’t say I really give two shits if I do.

3 comments posted: Friday, September 11th, 2020

Shower heads

Good morning ☀️

We just had to replace our shower head (hoping we chose a good one this time)

I read reviews and used it already - all seems great so far! The last one seemed to clog so I’m crossing fingers this one won’t do that. Anyway, I wanted to ask you all what shower heads you think are good ones? Hoping this one lasts us but I figured having ideas for future references would be good.

[This message edited by maise at 9:38 AM, September 10th (Thursday)]

14 comments posted: Thursday, September 10th, 2020

Happy birthday to me!

🤗🙂🥳

12 comments posted: Wednesday, April 8th, 2020

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