Newest Member: littleitten

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

Happy update

First of all, I finally gave notice at my job. I went back after my foot surgery on 1/6. And my administrator summoned me to his office. And raked me over the coals for 30 minutes. If you’re playing along at home, you may remember that 2 days before my surgery, my direct supervisor, who reports to the administrator, made very derogatory statements to me regarding my "physical disabilities, family drama, and mental issues." So her boss’s solution was to inform me that I had a personal issue with her that I was gonna have to work out. Because he has 100% confidence in her and she’s not going anywhere. He sent me home to think about whether I REALLY wanted to work there.

Well, f*ck no, I don’t. But I REALLY like paying my mortgage and eating and shit like that. 🙄🙄🙄

So I have to give a 30 day notice in order to be paid out my accrued time. And I earned that and I’m not letting them off the hook for that.

I am actually going to work with someone I have worked with before. We used to share an office so we already know each other’s quirks. It’s much less work, less stress for almost the same pay. And it’s absolutely worth it for my mental health.

Also……
This should be in a separate post but I have to keep it as quiet as I can while also sharing this amazing news with those of you who have "known" me for going on 14 years. Y’all, my daughter has emailed me twice. This isy daughter who I gave up for adoption and have wept and grieved over for almost 38 years. It’s very tentative and I won’t share any details. But I am ecstatic and finding healing and peace there. I know there are some of you who have been praying with me for this and I thank you.

19 comments posted: Monday, January 20th, 2025

New job, maybe?

Y'all have listened patiently to me complain about my job for a long time. In 2017 things got so bad I started job seeking and couldn't find anything that I could physically do that also came close to the pay/benefits at my current job. So I stayed put, but all of the suckiest parts improved. I have loved my job more often than not. I have 18 years there total,12 years on my current hitch.

The past 2+ years have been really bad. First, our DON (Director of Nursing,and my direct supervisor) left and her replacement was the first "outside" candidate to have been hired as DON since I started in 2005. All of the others have been promoted from ADON so we had established relationships, respect and boundaries. I got off to a bad start as my chronic back issue flared up and I was out for about 6 weeks. At the first nurse management meeting she started out with, "I've been looking through things and the first problem I'm gonna address is this: I count 9 managers around this table but only 6 on this call schedule. That's fixing to change right now." I raised my hand and said, "Well,there are three of us with medical limitations which have been accommodated because we aren't able to work on the floor." She rolled her eyes, and since that day she has done everything in her power to roll over me and the other 2 nurses,to either force us to work on the floor or punish us because "It's not fair to the other nurse managers."

I'm almost 58, the other 2 are 62 and 68. We've put in our time doing the hard stuff. I've been a nurse for 36 years. My accommodations were accepted by the company after my back surgery in 2015. The other 2 "oldies" have violated their own restrictions but I refuse. Lifting, bending, standing, and/or walking could paralyze me. I'm not risking that for anyone.

So more and more new duties have been dumped on me. Its become very clear that she is not qualified for the job. I quit going to her with any issues because her response was, "I'm going to let you head that up." I had 3 major programs added to me, while also still needing to get my actual work done within CMS required timelines. Whenever a new person started in our region, they were sent to train with me. So back in January our administrator decided to reopen our main dining room on weekends, after it being closed throughout COVID. During the week the MDR is staffed by 3 department heads, 2 dietary aides and they have help transporting patients to and from.on weekends, there are 2 managers and 2 CNAs or other personnel. Its 1.5 to 2 hours of standing, walking, bending... All the stuff I'm not supposed to do. I agreed to try and it was HORRIBLE. I could hardly bear weight on my foot when I left. Then we were required to take the staffing phone for the weekend that we were working. But with no compensation. I went to the administrator about that and said I wasn't going to work without being paid, especially since another one of the DON's edicts was that I was no longer allowed to work from home.

In April, one of my subordinates left. Since then, it's been me and L (the 62 year old) managing work that should have 4 people to be adequately staffed. I have averaged 48-50 hours per week since April. I waited since February for a foot surgery that my surgeon strongly recommended. When I finally scheduled it, we discovered my 2nd metatarsal had been broken for an unknown period. So I'd been walking around on a broken foot,working ten hour days, worrying about JM, worrying about our son who has epilepsy. Oh, and my part time job too. So you can imagine my mental health has also taken a hit. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist, a counselor, and a trauma specialist.

Which brings us up to the week before my surgery. I found out I'd not only been passed over AGAIN for a promotion for which I am extremely well qualified, but I had literally drawn up a proposal for this position and submitted it to regional staff 3 years ago. So I expressed to DON that I was stung by that decision. She LAUGHED IN MY FACE. Said that with my physical limitations, family drama and mental issues I would never be considered for a regional job. Then I found out she had finally hired 2 people for my department without even introducing us. And planned their start dates to coincide with my time off. As neither of them have any experience, it didn't make sense to me. I asked my DON if she could explain the decision making there. She said, "You want the brutal truth? Because you are toxic and that office is toxic. I don't want you anywhere near these new hires." Apparently her plan is to have our offices spaced all over the building with no direct contact.

So... I started fooling around on Indeed and Glassdoor. And now I have a job offer that is 10 miles closer to home and $1.25 an hour more than my current pay. I have worked with this DON before and she is competent and professional.

I can't give notice while I am on FMLA. And we are going through a huge Medicare audit at my current job and nobody else knows how to compile and summarize the records to justify the amount billed. (Not for lack of my trying to teach others).

I'd be a idiot to turn down the new opportunity wouldn't I?

11 comments posted: Friday, December 13th, 2024

Old feelings, new trauma, just…. F M L

Some of you may have seen my threads in OT. But this one definitely skirts ON topic so here we are.

This time 16 years ago I was preparing to go to rehab. Things were really bad between JM and me. He’d been chatting with his previous gf and we’d had a couple of big fights about it. I remember telling him that my biggest fear was him hooking up with this xgf while I was gone. He promised me, swore a sacred oath, all that stuff, that he would not do anything like that. Well, 30 days later plus a few days, I find a sweet little romantic e-card he’d sent to her. Phone records proved he’d spent hours on the phone with her, while I was allowed 30 minutes twice a week to talk to him and our kids. This was actually not the A that broke us. He refused MC and I knew I couldn’t stay sober and walk away from my M at the same time.

So of course, nothing changed with us. And a couple of years later the A that broke us happened. Blah blah blah, S then false R and then S again and then true R. Things were really good. Are still good.

But tomorrow morning he is driving several states away. For something like rehab. His PTSD is off the rails. The ketamine treatments and EMDR were very helpful. Until they weren’t. He snapped 2 weeks ago. OD’ed on clonazepam. He was unresponsive for about 36 hours and did not wake up well. He was hallucinating and fighting. Our younger son was planning to stay the night with him so he was in the room. I went to the bedside and just said "Baby, you’re safe. You’re in the hospital and I am here." Y’all, his eyes opened but he did not see me. And he reached up suddenly and grabbed the neck of my shirt. He yanked me down across the bed rail. Our son acted fast and was able to get JM’s hands loose. He was also able to talk him down and JM went back to sleep/unconsciousness whatever you want to call it.

It took me 2 weeks to process this and recognize it as very real trauma. Isn’t that crazy??? He. Choked. Me. It wasn’t me he was trying to choke. He was certainly not in his right mind. He doesn’t even remember it. In fact he doesn’t remember anything from Wednesday through about Sunday of that week. But it was his hands and my throat. I remember it all. Our son remembers it all.

And it’s just so… bizarre. The timing of it. I’m grateful for 16 years of sobriety. I’m grateful for 13 years of a truly reconciled and rebuilt M. But I am shaken and sad and I don’t even know what. In 28 years I have never been afraid of him. But in the mornings I don’t want to wake him up. It sucks. I have been in IC again since about February when all hell broke loose in our family… our niece and her boyfriend were running a meth operation on the property we all live on. I’m stepping up my visits with her.

And so tomorrow, JM is off to a PTSD residential treatment center. 4-6 weeks is the time frame we were given. It is far enough away that it’s unlikely I will be able to visit. Maybe that’s a good thing.

Oh, FFS. I’m just word vomiting here. Please keep us in your thoughts/prayers. For his safety driving, and for a breakthrough in his treatment. For me to find a way through this mess of trauma and yucky feelings. My default is to take care of him. That’s obviously not really healthy. So I have to find a way to sit with this discomfort knowing it won’t kill me, even if it feels like that.

4 comments posted: Saturday, September 7th, 2024

It’s just me here, still living in a dumpster fire

I’m really glad that some of you know me IRL so you can vouch for me that I’m a real person and not some troll or fiction writer.

So when we last spoke about the Hooterville Drug Cartel, there was all sorts of drama about my niece, M, and where she was going to live. Just to recap, we live on 40 acres of family land owned by JM’s dad. It’s a rectangular plot that is bordered by 3 roads, 2 parallel and one perpendicular, and then a shared border with absentee neighbors at the back. JM and I live facing one of the parallel roads, facing away from the main property. My mom lives on the corner right next to our house. There’s a long paved driveway parallel to the road we live on that leads up to my FIL’s house. There is a very large field taking most of the space. FIL grows and harvests hay every year. My SIL has a home (double wide trailer that is on a foundation and has a porch. So it’s FANCY). M has a 5 year old and a 6 month old that was born in jail. They were raised twice in February with large amounts of cash, meth, weed, and guns stashed. M was charged (while 8 mos pregnant) with felony child endangerment because there was 3 lbs of weed in the DISHWASHER.

So SIL apparently got tired of the drug dealing, etc, and moved into a camper. It’s a one bedroom camper. After the 2nd raid, when M and her BF were held without bond, SIL got custody of the then 4 year old. Once the baby was born she got custody of him too. So she’s living in a damn camper with 2 kids. She gave her house to Thug Life and his 4 kids from 3 other baby mamas. One of whom has CDV charges still pending against him. And M, who has 2 felony child endangerment charges

is somehow living in the camper with SIL and the kids. 🤬🤯

So… something JM and I did back in March has now come out in the open. He found a video camera with the memory card still in it that the police somehow missed. He watched it and was disgusted. He cried for days. There was video evidence of my SIL being involved in the drug use with the 4 year old in the house. There was a video of the 4 year old on his hands and knees drinking and eating from a dog bowl while all the adults laughed. We prayed about it and decided to turn it in to the police. We were told they’d keep our name out of it if possible. Well, it wasn’t possible and now M and Thug Life know we turned in the video card. And they are mad at us???!!!!

We live here. My mother lives here. My FIL lives here. They decide to run a damn drug operation on land that my FIL has owned for 45 years. They had weed stored in his hay bales on his property. My FIL could lose everything, not to mention the potential for violence that accompanies meth trafficking. And they have the nerve to be mad at us?

It’s triggered JM really bad. He is right now on an involuntary psych hold due to ODing on clonazepam Thursday night. He was unresponsive and had heart rate in the 40s for most of Friday. This is now the third time he’s been hospitalized in less than 2 years. We are still at least 15 months away from anyone even looking at his SSDI case for medical review. I am working 2 jobs. My last 2 pay periods at my FT job were 92.5 hours and 97 hours. I. Am. Exhausted. I don’t know what people are supposed to do. He can’t work. He has meltdowns where he hallucinates and fights the hallucinations. Friday night when he was half waking up and very fighty, I tried to speak to him and bring him back. He put his hands on me for the first time of our entire relationship. 28 years. He was looking right through me as he grabbed the neck of my shirt and jerked me down to the bed.

What the actual fuck am I supposed to do? Rob a bank? Sell my fat ass? I have reached out to one of our state senators for help with VA and SA benefits. Hopefully something will happen before we lose our home.

Oh, and our 32 year old son who has epilepsy had an awful seizure a few weeks ago. JM took him to urgent care because he had hit his head pretty hard (huge black eye) and hurt his shoulder. They sent him to the ER. I met them over there and it was really weird. There were law enforcement vehicles everywhere and they were not going to let me go back at first. I said, "Well my son has difficulty communicating and my H has PTSD and might melt down any minute but I’ll be right out here." They decided they could make an exception lol. So while I was waiting for DS to come back from CT scan, I start scrolling Facebook and found out the HOSPITAL WAS ON LOCKDOWN because THERE WAS A SHOOTING IN THE ER! Literally moments before JM had gotten there.

10 comments posted: Wednesday, August 28th, 2024

Well, I guess crazy was ready for me

Y’all.

For the back story here, see my thread about being an idiot.

I am now legit spooked by this nut and I’m not sure what to do.

H——, I didn’t contact you for an apology.  I quit my job cuz of you.  I needed that job!!! You only felt bad cuz B—— came to you and said something…  M—- (Administrator) didn’t believe me and I didn’t deserve what you did to me, in front of people that I didn’t even know!!  That was my personal private medical information…. I will be taking you to magistrate court for this seeking the highest possible penalty, $7500, unless you are willing to come to an agreement with me. You have totally fucked up my life but I’m sure you still have your job.

I received that this morning.

I responded

Again, I am sorry. I did not share any PHI. I realize I made you uncomfortable (yes, because B—— informed me). I’m not psychic so I wouldn’t have known if someone didn’t tell me. You made a decision that you’re now unhappy with. That’s on you. My attorney is P——N——- and you may contact him for any further communication.

Blocked her number.

An hour later I get this from another number.

Yea you did, to me it’s my PHI… I’m not interested in your lawyer…. B——- now knows who my gynecologist was and that is MY private health information…. You wouldn’t like it if someone did it to you, and u violated my rights…. SO, I’ll see you in court then

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

I never said anything about the Dr’s specialty. In fact his son has the same name and has been a dentist here for 25 years. Maybe I was talking about him. She’s the one blowing it all up and revealing the "private info".

Gonna call my lawyer in the morning to see how much he’d charge for a cease and desist letter.

9 comments posted: Monday, May 13th, 2024

What R looks like

The past couple of years have been really really hard for JM and I, and our families. My daddy passed away, my brother and his family were in a serious car crash that left 2 of them with serious injuries. JM has had 3 major surgeries, 2 psychiatric hospitalizations, 3 months of intensive outpatient treatment and is continuing with EMDR and ketamine treatments. My sister was in a bad wreck and has had post concussion syndrome. I had major foot surgery, colitis, a concussion that put me out of work for 2 months, and have been working 2 jobs through all of that. My brother’s wife was diagnosed with a very aggressive breast cancer last May and is almost done with her targeted infusions. My mom has now been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having bilateral mastectomy next week.

But through all of that, JM and I are as one. Despite the suffering he’s been dealing with, he finds a way to lift me up every day. We truly enjoy our time together. Our sons are productive, respectful, intelligent men. When I look back at who we were in 2010 leading into 2011, I don’t even recognize those people. We were miserable. We fought. Sometimes viciously (never physically but with our words).

Last month I received a national award for excellence in my job and going above and beyond with compassion and inspiring those around me. JM was able to travel with me and see me receive the award. I’m gonna share a picture from the conference that made me cry when I saw it. Because there is just… pure joy on my face. And love, respect, joy on his.

For us, this is what R looks like.

8 comments posted: Saturday, May 11th, 2024

I can be an idiot sometimes. Need advice

Ugh.

I have a freakish memory. Sometimes it’s a blessing. More often though, it’s a curse.

We had new partner orientation yesterday. Our administrator does the general orientation and all of the managers and department heads will go in as a group and introduce ourselves, then the new partners introduce themselves. One of the new nurses had a name I recognized but I couldn’t figure out how I knew her. I asked if we’d maybe worked together and then like an IDIOT I asked if the doctor I worked for 30 years ago might have delivered her baby. (I know. I know).

She went… just weird. Like super pissed and also frightened. She acted kind of psycho through the rest of orientation (according to another person in the group who started working with me last week) and then just started packing her stuff up and said she was leaving and didn’t want the job.

Last night my stupid memory filled in the rest of the story. Her baby died shortly after birth. It was horribly traumatic and while she didn’t blame us, she never came back to our practice.

I feel like such an asshole. I want to reach out and tell her how sorry I am for what was obviously an enormous shock and re-traumatizing her but also don’t know if that would be even worse.

Do I just sit with this discomfort and use it to be better? And please, I don’t need any 2X4s on this. I absolutely understand I was inappropriate and wrong.

14 comments posted: Wednesday, May 8th, 2024

Just happy and peaceful, mostly

Tonight is our last night in sunny South Florida. It has been amazing. Much needed rest and time away from work, home and family drama (for the most part.).

On our way out of town JM’s sister called to tell him that niece was being released from jail that day and was going to put up a tent "on the edge" of our property. This after we had told her weeks ago that we were not willing to have her stay with us. But she was hell bent on getting her out that day. JM and SIL went back and forth a few times and when she told him she was "praying for his soul" because he "went back on [his] word" I went off on her. Told her she was not to call or text JM or me again until we were home and can talk face to face. Then she had our son message that she found out the original paperwork (that she submitted without our permission) had our address wrong and they were able to get the address changed. 🙄

So if this dim bint had just done what we said to begin with she’d have been out 3 weeks ago.

Okay, that’s all the bad. Now for the good.

We had a really enjoyable trip down here. The conference was wonderful and I learned some great information. The award ceremony Wednesday night was like a dream. I didn’t really prepare a speech, just spoke from my heart about my dad. How every day I try to be the kind of nurse that he was . And on a whim, I asked the presenter if it would be okay for me to sing. I sang one verse of Amazing Grace. It was like Daddy was there in the audience. Just magical.

The beach is gorgeous. White sand, crystal blue-green water. I haven’t get comfortable in a bathing suit for years, but after losing 40 lbs I bought 2 really cute ones and felt beautiful.

We are heading home tomorrow. I feel rested and ready to get back to life. My mom has just been diagnosed with breast cancer—she had the biopsy on the day we were traveling and got the results on Thursday. She has a really plucky attitude and is ready to fight. And my sibs and I are ready to battle with her.

4 comments posted: Saturday, April 13th, 2024

More news from the Hooterville Drug Cartel

Dear lord.

Niece and her boyfriend were arrested again today. Both houses were raided again. My SIL is delusional. She and boyfriend’s mother were outside the house when I got there and were going on and on about how there was no probable cause for the search and because no drugs were found at SIL’s house that niece should not have been arrested.

Y’all… they have both of them ON VIDEO selling 2 days after they were bailed out. There was an undisclosed amount of cash in the freezer and a bunch of ammunition.

Anyway… SIL was blowing up my phone and I was afraid something had happened with my FIL. Then she started telling me all this and I just pretty much dropped everything because this time my niece’s 4 yr old was there. I was hoping to get there in time to speak to the DSS worker but by the time I got there SIL had already signed the temporary emergency paperwork. She lives in a camper. I’m not sure she will pass the drug test she had to take but she’s sure she will. I STG she told me this morning "I don’t do drugs. I mean, I haven’t smoked weed in at least a month."

I just can’t.

We have a room ready for him. I don’t know what to do about the baby that is due any minute. I don’t want him to go into foster care but with what I have going on with JM, my own health issues and the fact that I’m 57 years old, I have to be honest and realize I can’t do it.

How was your day??

19 comments posted: Friday, February 23rd, 2024

Psych stuff, P T S D, possible triggers

I’m just about out of words.

I’m sitting in the ER waiting room right now as JM is being evaluated. He was actively psychotic on and off all weekend. I got him in to see the psychiatrist today and she felt he needed inpatient stabilization.

Last time we were here they stuck him in a police car with cuffs on to transport him. I promise you that will NOT happen tonight. They may be putting me in a police car lol. Praying there is a bed here in this hospital so he will just be moving upstairs. I am beyond exhausted.

PTSD is a beast, y’all. And I am so tired of fighting it.

12 comments posted: Thursday, February 15th, 2024

Mod Please

Can someone fix the title of my post in OT? Apparently the 2 emojis I used are causing it to crash.

Just pick a title because I couldn’t come up with any words.

Thanks

5 comments posted: Thursday, February 15th, 2024

PTSD

I’m just about out of words.

I’m sitting in the ER waiting room right now as JM is being evaluated. He was actively psychotic on and off all weekend. I got him in to see the psychiatrist today and she felt he needed inpatient stabilization.

Last time we were here they stuck him in a police car with cuffs on to transport him. I promise you that will NOT happen tonight. They may be putting me in a police car lol. Praying there is a bed here in this hospital so he will just be moving upstairs. I am beyond exhausted.

PTSD is a beast, y’all. And I am so tired of fighting it.

2 comments posted: Tuesday, February 13th, 2024

Just… seriously????? W. T. A. F. ????

Y’all.

I don’t know how to explain this but I am simultaneously at a loss for words but also so full of words I feel like I’m going to explode.

Background:

We live on 40 acres of family land. My FIL lives in the home he and my MIL built on one corner. We live on another corner. There is a large hay field and my sister in law lives at the back of the field. Her younger daughter has been getting in trouble since high school. She’s 26 now. The first time she was arrested was in 11th grade when she beat a younger girl up badly. She’s run away multiple times. Then there’s been the drug activity. She’s used, dealt God only knows what drugs.

She has an almost 5 year old son. The weekend after my MIL passed away in 2020, she was literally stopped twice in one night with drugs in her car. The second time was 4 am with the baby in the car. They wrote her a ticket to appear both times, confiscated the drugs and sent her on her way. She’s never been punished for any of it.

Meanwhile she and baby daddy split up and the day that he and her new boyfriend were firing shots at each other in their front yard I called DSS (child protective services) and reported her. They investigated and monitored her for about a year and nothing happened. She leaves the baby with anybody who will keep him so my SIL has mostly raised him.

Which brings us up to yesterday. Niece is 8+ months pregnant with baby #2. This baby daddy is 33 years old with 4 other kids by 3 different mothers. Oh and he deals. Niece has an Only Fans. She lives in SIL’s house and he maintains a separate home that he mostly does his business from. Both houses were raided yesterday by ATF and DEA. Niece and her BD were arrested. There were drugs (meth and weed), guns and money found in my SIL’s house. The house was just ransacked. Walls torn out. JM and our older son took 5 truck loads of trash to the dump today.

Niece called my SIL demanding to be bailed out. SIL laughed and said "with what???" Niece tells her there’s $25k in the house.
SIL says "Not no more there isn’t."

So BD’s uncle bails them out today. And they show up to harass SIL. And they are apparently trying to pin it on her. Seriously??? WTAF?? How evil must you be to try to pin this on your mother?? Who is raising your child for you??

So, here we are. We are willing to help raise the baby if DSS actually comes through to protect these kids. I’m thinking they might not be willing to place him with my SIL because she was living in the house and knew what was going on. But we are concerned about safety because this guy is not a kingpin and there are surely people who are gonna be upset about losing their drugs and money.

I am just… beside myself and JM is a thousand times worse. I am only glad that my MIL was not alive to see this happen. But my FIL is not in good health and this is killing him. JM is barely holding together. My SIL is destroyed. I am 57 years old. Falling apart myself. And we are seriously looking at raising a newborn. And possibly a 5 year old if his dad doesn’t step up for him. But it will be even worse if she slides through this again with no consequences.

Thanks for letting me vent. I had to get this out somewhere.

We would greatly appreciate your prayers, good thoughts, vibes, whatever you have.

15 comments posted: Saturday, February 3rd, 2024

A trip to the gyno with my mom 🤣.

Spoiler alert: I’ll be talking about lady bits and girlie doctor stuff so, menfolks beware. You’ve been warned.

So. My mom hasn’t been to a gyno since the doc I worked for retired around 2000. She just went to her PCP. As I’ve share here before she has bipolar disorder and is also just… f*cking weird. She’s obsessed with her hooha. But wouldn’t go to to the expert. She just buys stuff like Vagisil and A&D ointment by the case. Last week after she told my sister she had tried putting aloe gel on it ("That sure burned! I won’t do that again.") I called and made an appointment for her.

Now I have to explain that when I was working for my doctor we had a patient in her 80s with dementia whose daughter would bring her in for routine exams and I swore I would never make my mother go to a gyno in her 80s. But I was starting to worry she’d try putting baking soda and vinegar in the thing and making a volcano out of it.

As it happened, my doctor’s son joined the practice around the time I left and I made the appointment with him. So we were familiar with each other. After we explained the symptoms and what I thought the problem might be, he asked me if I had looked at it.

Yeah, that’s a hard pass from me. I said that’s what he gets the big money for. Then, the best moment of the day. He asks my mom what kind of soap she uses. Are y’all ready for this?????

She said………. "Dawn."

He looked at me with confusion and I just shrugged to say "I got nothing."

He bravely ventured on. "Um, you mean like Dawn dish soap?"

"Oh yes! I use it on my hair, everywhere."
🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I have now supplied her with appropriate soap.

15 comments posted: Thursday, October 26th, 2023

This should really be in the “stupid things” thread.

Y’all. I swear I must have been some kind of awful person in a past life or else we built our house on an ancient burieal ground or some shit. I know y’all aren’t used to me cussing a lot but my speech therapist told me cussing decreases frustration and helps me find th word I’m looking for.

On August 5 I fell. I was getting in the bed and i missed. If that isn’t the stupidest thing ever… well, actually it’s not even the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s way up there. Anyway, my bed is high. I fell about 4 feet, landed on my well padded ass and smacked the back of my head on the wall. Laughed it off. Played "find the bruise" all week. Then I fell again last Sunday. Just bad vertigo that hit and JM made me go to Urgent Care. They did a CT that showed nothing, gave me some fioricet and sent me home. Over the next 3 days I developed worst vertigo I’ve ever had, headache since August 5 that would not quit, emotional lability that has me just bursting into tears for no reason at all. Then double vision and my favorite "fun feature" is that when I’m talking, I’ll just suddenly draw a blank and can’t think of the word I want. I can talk around it but the damn word won’t come.

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve fallen, how many bruisers. I have a lovely shiner on my left eye.

So I’m out of work now indefinitely. I can’t drive because the whole
Double vision thing is apparently very dangerous. I’m driving along, I see 2 cars, one of which is in my lane and idk which one is real. I also got lost going to my Dr office which is 4 miles away a.

So… here’s where I’m
At. Out of work. I have maybe 4 days of time off accrued since my surgery. ST disability is a 15 day
elimination period. Idk if that’s the damn word I need but that’s what I’m going with. We are trying to save our house from foreclosure and have exactly encough for that thanks to my FIL. But we can’t go
2 weeks without a paycheck.

Y’all just pray please. For my scrambled brain to unscramble. There is a MAJOR change happening with my job on October 1 and I already missed the training because of the stupid respiratory virus I had.
Maybe it’s just time to retire an let ‘em have the damn house. We can always move in with my batshit crazy mother.

14 comments posted: Sunday, August 20th, 2023

Okay. That's it. I'm drowning.

Y'all I'm here whining again and I'm sorry. I've been holding it all, trying to keep all the plates up in the air but today just did me in.

JM was hospitalized in October after not sleeping for a week or more. Since then he hasn't been able to work consistently. He has a woodshop and has been trying to get a business started. But he has a hard time being alone in the shop. He has been doing EMDR since before the hospital stay. His daytime symptoms have improved a lot but his nightmares have gotten worse. He has rage attacks (never at or around me). But that scares me for his safety as well as others'. Anyway, he is starting IV ketamine on Monday and our church is paying for it. So that's a really good thing, wrapped up in a whole bunch of hard shit.

I have recovered well from my surgery but have had a series of other issues. I tore a gastroc muscle in the leg I didn't have surgery on. Then I've started having pain in my right upper side and stomach. So far, I know it's not a kidney stone, not diverticulitis, not appendicitis, not ulcers, not a residual gallstones (had GB out in 2005) not pancreatitis. Still no ideas what it is after 2 urgent care visits, PCP and GI visits, EGD, CT scan and MRI and MRCP. I'm so tired of feeling bad.

I have a FT job and a PT job and our house is in foreclosure. Turns out we may qualify for help from a homeowner rescue program. So... Yay? Hopefully.? I can't even think about it right now.

Because today I had to stand beside my son as we said goodbye to his dog, Buddy. DS is 24 and Buddy was his first dog. We rescued him from a shelter with less than 24 hours left. He survived getting into rat poison a year after we got him. He helped pull my DS through some tough, tough times. As I was driving to the vet I remembered my Daddy making that same drive with me when I wasn't much younger than DS is. My dog wasn't too old but was suffering. My parents let me make the decision and didn't push me. We did the same with DS. And damn, it hurt. I realize how Daddy must have felt.

Just been a really hard day, week, month. Year.

Life.

13 comments posted: Saturday, July 15th, 2023

Ontario members

I have a question for members living in Ontario. Thanks!

1 comment posted: Friday, June 16th, 2023

Any of y'all following the Murdaugh Trial?

This is some crazy shite happening down here.

Just makes me so proud of my state, lol.

32 comments posted: Friday, February 3rd, 2023

Gotta vent.

Oh, man, I'm pissed. And there is NOTHING I can do about this situation but vent here where I am anonymous for the most part, and it can't be linked to my son.

Our younger son is in Army basic training. This is my son who spent 4 years at a military college and endured everything that setting could throw at him. There was a classmate his knob year (freshman year) who on MULTIPLE occasions entered my kid's room, dropped trou and laid his junk on my kid's lap top.

Same classmate used to throw his entire body weight into the bathroom stall door when my kid was in there. He had upperclassmen who decided he didn't belong there and made it their "life mission" to make him quit. (Didn't work.)

He also had a classmate and friend die by suicide with another classmate attempting suicide days after the first one. The boy has been through some shit.

Now in BCT, he is one of the older SITs. (Soldiers in Training) He has tried to stay above the petty crap that happens. Has a few younger soldiers that he tries to look after and be an example. He was selected as bay boss and lost that after an inspection turned up some nasty underwear behind a cabinet and something even worse that I'm not even going to name. When he told us about that I felt like he was sabotaged.

Last week he was promoted to platoon leader. He's excelled in every exercise. Made Sharpshooter in marksmanship. Well, he called today and to REASSURE ME tells me at least he didn't get arrested. Of course I got spooled up about that. He said he wasn't ready to talk to me or his dad about all the details but the upshot was he was fired from the platoon leader position because someone filed a sexual harassment complaint.

Now I know the cliche mother who could never imagine her baby doing anything wrong. That ain't me. But I know my son and his character. He would not abuse or harass anyone, and certainly not any sort of sexual situation. He promised he'd fill us in next time we talk, so I was left imagining all the ways this could have played out.

His fiancee reached out to me after talking to him. (He always calls us, talks for 5-10 minutes and then spends the rest of his phone time with her). He did tell her everything. And WEEKS AGO, he got out of the shower and walked into the locker area with no clothes or a towel on. And apparently somebody was uncomfortable with that. To be clear, this was a men's locker/shower room and he walked from the shower to his belongings on a bench directly across. He wasn't waving his johnson around like a flag. He wasn't trying to sword fight with it. But it bothered some pathetic dickhole SOOOO much that they waited 3 whole weeks, until he was promoted to a leadership role, to bring the complaint.

WTF? These are purported grown ups who are supposed to go out and defend our country. And, "Damn, man! Put a towel on" is not in their vocabulary?

I feel so bad for Drill Sergeants having to referee shit like this.

But mostly I feel bad for my kid who is truly committed to doing the best he can and helping those around him succeed.

And because I will never have a chance to say this to his "accuser", I'm just gonna say this now. It's not my kid's fault that you did steroids or whatever and you're embarrassed by what you have. Don't piss on him with it.

8 comments posted: Sunday, January 29th, 2023

Our anniversary

We've been married 26 years today. 11 years since our vow renewal, when our life together truly began.

I was looking at pictures today. I have a picture of the day we met. JM's sister and I shared a babysitter. Her DD is about 6 months younger than my older DS. It was my (now) niece's birthday party. (now) SIL had been trying to introduce me to her brother. But he was/is 7 1/2 years younger than me. He had just turned 22. I was pushing 30 and had a child. I couldn't imagine us having anything in common. But he took a weekend pass from his USMC assignment to come home for his niece's birthday party. And he was so attentive to her. That got my attention. His sister had us both over for dinner 2 weeks later and that was all she wrote, lol.

We've been through some horrible times, some self-inflicted and some that were beyond our control. My addiction caused much damage. His PTSD and selfishness caused damage as well. Neither of us had any boundaries, and that caused the most damage of all. We both had EAs and online/sexting As. We rugswept so hard Stanley Steemer should've used us in commercials. So of course, it all led up to December 2010, the beginning of our Annus Horribilus.

I shared in General about my childhood and FOO stuff. I am grateful that I found sobriety and was on my way to emotional health before 2011 happened. I'd built almost 3 years of sobriety and had a strong relationship with my IC. I was strong enough to draw my line in the sand, finally. But I still hadn't found SI.

He left and moved into an apartment shortly after DDay 1. After about 6 months he was tired of that "wild single life" he'd wanted so bad. He begged, literally begged on his knees to come home. I said yes and we had what I called his amnesty conversation. I told him I needed to know all of the truth. There was nothing he could tell me at that time that would make me change my mind. Well, most of you know how THAT turned out. Within 2 months, everything finally exploded as the truth of his A came out. It was a hundred times worse than the worst thing I'd imagined. I was DONE. So done. He threatened suicide and got himself a week's stay at the Psychiatric Hilton. I refused to let him come home. Packed up his crap and moved it to the garage. There was a day or so when he was going to be driven to a men's homeless shelter at discharge because his parents initially refused for him to stay there.

That was also when I found SI.

And this is where I want to say that there is hope, even in what seems to be the worst infidelity story. Serial cheating, mad hatters, drug addiction, alcohol abuse, PTSD. We shouldn't have made it. But the day he was released from the nuthouse, JM began his quest for spiritual, mental and emotional health. He figured out on his own how to make an IC appointment and keep it. He did things to help me even when I didn't ask him or thank him. (Things like yard work, car maintenance, etc). I had taken the album of our wedding pictures and torn it apart, throwing all of the pages into our front yard. I'll never forget seeing him with a trash bag out front, picking all the ruined photos up, looking at each one before throwing it away. (Part of me was gleeful that I could see pain on his face). My faith is profoundly important to me and had been one of the issues that pulled us apart, because he didn't want any part of it. But during our final S, he started going to church to try to figure it all out. He didn't come to the church our boys and I attended. I had no idea he was going anywhere.

Then he showed up one Sunday when the praise team (which DS and I were part of) had a music service. And he came forward at the invitation (which is a big thing, especially in Southern Baptist churches). I'd seen fake emotional responses before. He'd done a few of them. But there was no mistaking on that day. He was different. He even seemed physically different somehow. It still took me a couple of months after that before I let him move back in and we renewed our vows. He was willing to do whatever I required, and came up with some things on his own. We started MC together then.

There was still one more bump in the road for us, about 6 months after our vow renewal. I discovered he'd broken NC several times. I was devastated and furious. I'd said broken NC would be a deal breaker, but when it happened, I didn't want to be done. I felt so pathetic.

Here's where I want to share hope again. A very dear lady from SI (PainPainGoAway, for the old timers) drove over an hour to take me out to lunch. She let me cry and vent and rant and she just hugged me and told me I'd be okay no matter what path I chose. I needed that so badly. I decided to give him another chance. He joined SI and posted on the Wayward forum. He asked for advice and listened. AuthenticNow, FloridaRedMan, Fallen, Aubrie.. they will never know what a difference they made for us.

I cannot believe the life that we have now. We still have struggles. His PTSD, both of our bodies are falling apart, lol. But we are in it all together. We love each other, respect each other, appreciate each other.

If you are new at this and struggling to find hope, we are proof that R can happen, even in the worst situations. Please don't misunderstand me. R does not always happen, nor should it. If both partners are not all-in, you're not in R. You're in false R or limbo at best, and that shit will kill you.

To increase the odds of success:

First of all, know your worth. And settle for nothing less. In the wake of betrayal, our self esteem takes a monumental hit. It is so important to find yourself, get your emotional balance, and realize you don't have to stay in that place.

Second, and this flows from #1, don't do the Pick Me dance. It sucks. It's not fun, nor is it ever effective in establishing a healthy R.

Third, don't rugsweep. This is the time to hold everything under scrutiny. Every time you allow a conversation to be squashed because the WS doesn't want to talk, or thinks you've had long enough to heal, or thinks s/he is protecting you, or whatever other bullshit reason they give, you are teaching them what you will accept. Eventually so much time has gone by that you just resign yourself to never having those conversations. And that is your ticket to The Next Time. And there will always be a Next Time if you don't deal with This Time.

Fourth, establish your boundaries and dealbreakers, but allow yourself room to change your mind. I know for both JM and myself change did not come immediately nor easily. It took me almost a year into sobriety before I quit lying. Because of that, I knew that there were some patterns ingrained in JM that he would have difficulty overcoming. I am so thankful that I hung in there after the broken NC.

I'm sure there are a million other little things but those are my big 4.

I stay at SI because I firmly believe JM and I would not be together today if I hadn't been sent here by a friend. I can never repay the people who were here and helped me, but I keep the cycle going. MangledHeart, thank you so much for taking the chance on DS and for the work that you two put into SI. She remains so dear to my heart. I sure hope I get to meet her in heaven and give her a thousand years worth of hugs.

W2BHA, this is for you. It's a novel, so it may push the Positive Stories thread to a new page all by itself.

13 comments posted: Wednesday, December 14th, 2022

Mod Please

Can somebody please reopen the Positive Reconciliation Stories thread?

It's my annual anniversary post.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, December 14th, 2022

Go ‘Cocks!!!!

Sorry if you thought this was gonna be a sex post!

Y’all know I’ve had a run of crappy circumstances, literally and figuratively. I was due.

My alma mater, my favorite team, my Daddy’s favorite team just beat our most bitter rival for the first time in 8 years. Handed the Clemson team its first home defeat in 6 years.

I am a happy Gamecock fan today.

4 comments posted: Saturday, November 26th, 2022

How it’s going in S S C land

Saw the Dr today. I now have a real cast instead of the soft cast. Still non weight bearing for another 8-10 weeks. He was very pleased with how the surgery went and my X-rays today. The skin on the dorsal surface of my foot is still pretty raw. He unroofed another area about the size of a quarter. That felt great. 🙄🙄🙄

Our septic system continues to be a problem. The truck that came to pump it 2 weeks ago got their truck stuck and apparently in the process of pulling the truck out they ran over the drain field. So, yay for that.

Then my sister texted me yesterday from the doctor with our mom. She had a very low heart rate and blood pressure. So she saw cardiology first thing this morning (she has never had heart issues at all). She is wearing a holter monitor and has a treadmill test scheduled. She says he will refuse to have a pacemaker put in. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Who knows.

Anyway, a little while ago she posted a video link on my Fb wall and typed in “Somebody’s penis hahaha”. So there’s that. My mom posting peen videos on my damn Facebook feed.

Who wants to pitch my reality show to the networks. I’m gonna call it “Welcome to the Shit Show.” I

8 comments posted: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

One week out

Today is one week since my surgery.

I feel really good about 90% of the day. The other 10% is mostly fatigue. I’m sleeping when I get tired. The only pain I’m really having now is where the cast is restricting my foot movement. I get muscle spasms. So I’m taking Flexeril for that, Tylenol and meloxicam for pain and I’m good.

Tried using the knee scooter yesterday and I’m not quite ready for that. So I went back to the wheelchair.

In other news, I’m bored outta my mind 😂😂😂

12 comments posted: Monday, November 14th, 2022

Surgery update

Well, it wouldn’t be the SSC family if something didn’t go sideways

The surgery itself went well. He had to do the most extensive procedure, which we had anticipated. But he was very positive about it when he talked to JM.

The first bit of drama came when a doctor called for someone and

It apparently sounded like our name. So JM stood up and the dr escorted him to a small room. Tells him how good “everything” went. Then he said, “I made an incision on the left side of her neck” and JM said, “Uh, you’re joking, right?” 🙄. Lord. So that dr found the right person I guess, and JM went back to waiting.

The second SNAFU (actually FUBAR) was not funny at all. Apparently my doctor is on a non narcotic kick and did not prepare me for this. So as I’m in the wheelchair literally about to roll out the door, the nurse goes over my discharge instructions and I it there absorbing this news. JM called our ds24 and asked him to go get the meds so I would have everything there as soon as I got home. I was supposed to be alternating Tylenol and toradol every three hours.

Well, there was no toradol in the bag. Called the pharmacy and they said the insurance didn’t cover it so they didn’t fill it. They didn’t say a word to ds about it. The nerve block was wearing off and I cried for about an hour straight. So that was really fun.

This morning is much better.

18 comments posted: Tuesday, November 8th, 2022

Can't make this crap up. Literally!!!!

Y'all, seriously.

I couldn't sell a book based on my life because it's just so ridiculous.

First, the good news. JM is doing well. He started learning EMDR this week with his therapist and feels very hopeful. And he is sleeping with the meds and no nightmares.

Yesterday was my last day of work for a LONG time. I was able to sit down on Tuesday with the assistant DON with whom I was clashing and we talked a lot of stuff out. She had no idea the things I was dealing with at home, and also did not know a lot of the back story with the flu shots and other issues at work. She was genuinely sorry for her crack about going through a divorce and not yelling at anyone. So I am glad to have some peace there. I couldn't deal with the constant anger.

First thing yesterday though, I got a call from the ortho office. I'd called on Monday as instructed for my preop interview at the hospital. They didn't call me back until Wednesday afternoon and then left a message just before 5 pm that I might need cardiac clearance. Because of a procedure I had 15 years ago and have never had a recurrence of symptoms. Was cut loose from the cardiologist around 2009. I also had a cardiac workup last year after my long COVID symptoms with shortness of breath, and that was clear. Waited all day before I found out the anesthesiologist cleared me.

Then our ds23 called from the city a couple of hours away where he was spending his birthday week with his fiancee, planning to come back on Monday. His truck broke down so JM had to drive there and then return with ds and the truck.

I thought I'd take a nice relaxing bath. And it was...

until I let the water out and the toilet and shower started making very strange and loud noises.

And our septic tank threw up.

Seriously. So JM and the guys are doing whatever horrible labor is involved with fixing the septic system and then fixing the clutch on ds's truck. And I just want to go to bed until Monday morning when I can get some good drugs before my surgery.

Can whoever has the little voodoo doll that is fat and limping with a sparkly cane just quit f*cking with me and play with someone else for a while???

8 comments posted: Friday, November 4th, 2022

Long term care— finally feels like we can breathe

No pun intended.

After 2 1/2 years of ALL COVID ALL THE TIME, 2 1/2 years of constantly evolving regulations and recommendations from multiple government bodies, we finally received an update that relaxed the requirements rather than making us jump through more hoops. We’ve watched all other health care settings walk back the restrictions imposed during the pandemic emergency while CMS, the CDC, OSHA and our state health departments have continued to require the strictest infection control measures in our setting.

Since March, 2020, we’ve had to screen before clocking in. Temperature check, hand hygiene, mask on, answer a list of questions, and sign our names. Visitors have had a similar screening requirement. Our residents have not seen a staff member’s entire face during this time. New admissions were subject to up to 14 days of isolation, based on vaccination status. I don’t even want to imagine the amount of money that has been spent on PPE. Our reimbursement didn’t increase but we were spending significantly more to care for each patient.

Worst of all has been the denigration of our industry and the way we’ve responded to the pandemic. Nobody was prepared for this. There were no precedents for a pandemic response. No protocols in place. In the early weeks of the pandemic there were days when the “guidance” (AKA regulations and requirements) changed 3 or 4 times in one day. Were there bad nursing homes out there? Did some of them drop the ball? Sure. But the vast majority of skilled nursing and assisted living facilities are staffed by people who provide the best care possible. We’ve hung in through unimaginable trials and we are still there. And it really sucks to hear people with no experience or direct knowledge accuse our industry of patient neglect or fraud/overbilling.

Anyway, the CDC dropped a huge update last Friday. Our sign-in binders are gone. The thermometers at the front door have been put away. Patients who do not have confirmed COVID aren’t required to be isolated. And there is hope that some time in the future we won’t have to wear masks in patient care areas.

It really feels good.

4 comments posted: Sunday, October 2nd, 2022

13 Reasons Why (Netflix series)

Just finished this tonight and I am WRECKED.

Lots of really difficult topics including several that are very familiar and personal to me. Some of the characters are just awful people. But the series drew me in and by the time I got to the last few episodes I cried through most of them.

The scene in season 3 when Tyler stands up and identifies himself as a survivor of sexual assault… damn.

Anyway, I just wondered if anyone here watched it and what did you think?

1 comment posted: Saturday, September 24th, 2022

Well this was a nice surprise

I’ve been home and quarantined since last Wednesday and losing my mind since about Monday.

So I’ve been bored. Anyway we have a palm tree in our front yard that we’ve had at least 15 years, probably closer to 20 because we had it for a couple of years before we built our house in 2007 and then moved it here. Had no idea what type of palm it is, and we certainly had no idea it could or would bear fruit.

About a month ago it grew this huge bunch of what looked like grapes. They grew into these really pretty bright yellow fruits. So I started researching and it turns out to be called Pindo Palm or “Jelly Palm”. The fruits apparently are loaded with natural pectin and are ideal for making jelly. I got brave enough to taste one and it was like a mixture of plum, citrus, and wild cherry.

So I’m going to try making jelly this weekend.

Anyone else try something new lately?

7 comments posted: Friday, August 26th, 2022

Just… crap. Lots of uncomfortable topics.

Gonna be my usual novel. I’ve got so much going on and need to get it all out. I couldn’t decide if I should post 3 separate threads or just one long one and one long is what I decided.

First, I have a cold and feel like crap. That makes everything worse. I’ve rapid tested every day since Saturday and they’ve all been negative. Blech.

Second, after years of pain in my right foot and going through every imaginable treatment it’s finally become clear surgery is required. I have end stage arthritis (I did not know that was even a thing) in the bones of the midfoot. I saw ortho back in June to start that process. A week later, JM tore his knee up and ended up having arthroscopic knee surgery almost a month ago. On July 4 while I was at work, I noticed my right knee was stiff and painful. Every time I stood up it was harder and hurt worse until I got ready to leave and almost fell because of the pain. So I saw the ortho about my knee. Long story short, I’ve had 2 cortisone shots into my knee but won’t need knee surgery. The knee surgeon told me the only thing that will fix my knee is to fix my foot. So I will be seeing the foot specialist again the first week of September and we’ll schedule the surgery then. I’ll be non weight bearing for 8 weeks at least. I’m trying to prepare my job for the fact that I AM NOT WORKING FROM HOME after my surgery but I’m not sure they will believe it until it happens.

Third, my sister and I met with a reporter tonight to talk about our dad. Daddy worked for the Dept of Corrections for his entire career. He was a nurse, an RN. Back in 1985 our state began to enforce the death penalty again. Daddy was the night shift nursing supervisor and the executions were carried out at midnight. At that time, with it having been entirely theoretical, he was a proponent of capital punishment. He was… requested to serve on the death team which consisted of him, the medical director of the prison, several correctional officers. Daddy was responsible for taking vital signs until they were absent.

It gutted him. He was not the same afterward, not for a long time, if ever. Over the years, he and Dr. N, who became a very close friend, served together on several more executions. Daddy volunteered because he didn’t want any of his staff to go through what he had. I think he felt like he was already damaged and wanted to protect the others.

Just before he passed away I read a newspaper article about the Death Penalty in my state. Over the next few months the same reporter did articles focusing on different aspects, with focus on the lasting effects on the people involved in carrying out the sentence. I contacted the reporter and that led to our meeting tonight. It was cathartic but brutal. It was wonderful to talk about him, the good parts of him. But the wounds to his soul, his psyche… those wounds never healed.

This is not meant in any way to start a debate about the death penalty, please. But, I say this with knowledge that came at a devastating cost, it is one thing to say “I support the death penalty.” It is another thing entirely to be charged with carrying that sentence out.

Finally, I’ve posted here before that I have a daughter I released for adoption just after her birth. She’s 35 now and I found out last weekend that she has a child now. I have a grandson.

But I have no relationship with her. The last contact I had was 12 years ago when she said that she wants to meet me “some day.” I’m able to see her Facebook page but she made it clear back in 2010 that she doesn’t want me to contact her.

I am happy that she is happy. She’s healthy. From what I can tell her baby is healthy. But it’s just so hard to wait. I don’t doubt my decision. It was the right thing, no doubt about it. But I have wanted to see her, to know her, since she turned 18. And I just struggle with understanding how I can want to know her so much the feeling is almost a physical longing, but she doesn’t have any inclination to know me. And I know birth mothers who didn’t want anything to do with their birth child. I have a friend who reached out to her birth family and was treated cruelly.

And y’all, I get it. I have no right to even hope for a relationship with her. I signed the relinquishment of my own free will because I wanted the best for her. But if there’s any mother who could have found out by accident the name and location of a child she gave up for adoption and the just sit on that info and never do anything with it, well they are better people than I am apparently.

Anyway, I’m shredded right now. It’s all balled up and intermingled in my mind. I needed to get this all out to be able to organize my thoughts and figure out how to process it all.

Thanks for letting me do that here.

18 comments posted: Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

Aaaaaargh!!! Screw Covid!

Dammit I'm so sick of this!

One of our long term care units is infected AGAIN. Mostly unvaccinated or not fully vaxxed/boosted patients. We've had 4 patients and 3 staff test positive since Friday.

Just. So. Freaking. Done.

13 comments posted: Monday, June 27th, 2022

Parents of adult disabled offspring

I know there are a few others on here.

My disabled DS is 30. I’ve shared before that he has epilepsy, intellectual disability and a constellation of symptoms that probably represent some syndrome according to one of the many specialists over the years. He is certified through Disabilities and Special Needs and also has has SSI since he was 18. We did not choose to be designated representative payee for SSI because we did not want to take away the independence that he does have.

Up until this past year I haven’t had any difficulty managing his heath care. He’s had the same neurologist since he was 15. He switched from his pediatrician to a family practitioner who also treated my parents. Last fall he was hospitalized with kidney failure. And I was… I guess surprised is the best word, when he was discharged from the hospital without them consulting me. They had changed his seizure meds because one of them caused the kidney stone that caused the kidney failure. They were discharging him on a Saturday night, one of the meds required a prior auth and they were just sending him home with no backup plan. I had to raise a stink to get the dr called and the meds straightened out.

Fast forward to this week. We saw urology in April and the stone is still there. 1.5 cm in diameter. Scheduled a procedure for yesterday. DS told me on Wednesday night that someone from “Medical Center” had called to say he needed to get a CT scan. He told them they needed to call me to schedule anything. No one did. Then he says “I have to have the CT before my surgery.” 🤦‍♀️ This was Wednesday night at 6:30 pm. So I called Thursday morning and spent an hour calling different departments. Finally I got a call from a urology resident. She said she was the one who had called DS. Turns out that anesthesia scrubbed the procedure because they didn’t want to do it in an outpatient center. Since it was scrubbed, urology decided to get a CT before the rescheduled procedure. DS is not capable of understanding all of that.

Meanwhile, I’ve become disgruntled with his neurology management. He’s been treated at a major teaching hospital since he was a teenager. His previous neurologist retired last year. His new one is booked a YEAR in advance. That’s unacceptable to me. DS’s PCP has referred him to a different group that is a little closer to us. They won’t talk to me because of HIPAA. I called to find out the status and they said they will contact “the patient” when the dr has made a decision whether to see him or not.

I am so damn frustrated. I get it. I understand HIPAA. But I have to be able to manage things like appointments and medical decision making. And the truth is JM and I won’t be here forever and DS is going to need arrangements for his future.

Thank you if you’ve managed to read this far. What do we do? Would a HCPOA give us what we need here? I don’t want him to be “incompetent” legally. I just need to be the default first contact for all of his health care.

7 comments posted: Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Message from Dragn

Dragn asked me to let y’all know she is sorry for missing SPF today. Internet problems at the farm.

Hopefully too_trusting will be along soon before we all start having withdrawal symptoms. 😂

3 comments posted: Friday, November 5th, 2021

A new game--More realistic versions of songs

I need to be silly for a bit.

I was thinking the other day about the old children's songs I used to sing to/with my boys. "Wheels on the Bus" and so forth. This one especially stuck out to me:

There were 9 in the bed and the little one said,"roll over! Roll over!" So they all rolled over and one fell out.

There were 8 in the bed and the little one...

It repeated until it got down to "There was one in the bed and the little one said, "Good night!"

Don't y'all think a more realistic version would be,"There were nine in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over!" So they all rolled over and beat the shit out him and told him to shut up so they could sleep. The end."????

So, lay some more on me. Alternative (better) lyrics that make more sense than the original song.

0 comment posted: Tuesday, January 9th, 2018

Stacked threads in OT

This made me literally LOL.

Celebrating 8 Years of Sobriety

Happy Four-Twenty

Pharmaceuticals and mood/demeanor

1 comment posted: Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017

My alligator mouth

My daddy used to tell me that one day my alligator mouth would get my hummingbird butt in trouble.

Well, I do not have anything close to a hummingbird butt these days, but my alligator mouth is still causing me problems.

I work for a nursing home/rehab center that is part of a corporation with over 100 facilities in the Southeast, Northeast and Midwest areas. Our mandatory training is contracted to a web based company and we're supposed to do 2-3 training modules each month to satisfy the annual training requirements from Medicare and the state health departments. I despise these modules. The previous company that we used had slide shows that would allow you to read at your own pace and advance the slides. The current system requires you to wait..for..the..speaker..who..sounds..like..they..are..speaking..to..kindergarteners before you can advance the slide. So something that I can read and comprehend in 0.2 seconds requires me to sit for 3 minutes while the speaker carefully enunciates each word on the page.

It makes me stabby.

Then we have the interactive training sessions which require us to do fun stuff like "click the cell phone to make a phone call" and "click the mop to clean up the chemical spill."

So I've started being VERY honest in my evaluations. In one of them I wrote that I'm a college graduate with almost 30 years experience in health care and I do not appreciate being forced to play "Dora The Explorer" to demonstrate my knowledge of chemical exposure control measures.

Well, now they've upped the ante. In addition to the stupid training sessions, we're now barraged with "brain spark" emails to stimulate further thinking and help us retain the knowledge. I sent an email to the company asking if there was a way to opt out of those emails. I may have written something to the effect of it was bad enough to have to sit through Blues Clues or Dora the Explorer training, but completely unacceptable for them to harass me with emails afterward.

That was last weekend.

Today, I was approached in the hall by my regional nurse. She's 2 managers up the chain of command. She told me that my email had ended up with the freaking vice president of the whole company over nursing and clinical services. And that the VP would appreciate if I wouldn't send any more emails like that.

Well hell, all I can say is at least when I screw up, I go ahead and swing for the bleachers. Go big or go home!

15 comments posted: Friday, January 13th, 2017

Choosing colors

We are in the process of moving my parents into a modular home next door to us. There were no options for the interior, which was fine. Neutral colors and very nice floor and wall coverings. Today was the last of the paperwork and stuff to order the home. Our salesman informed me that we can choose from different colors for the exterior-- siding and shutters.

I asked if he could send me something with the available options so we could decide. He sent me a brochure.

In BLACK AND WHITE.

After I got done laughing, I sent him a reply. "Thank you so much for your quick response. Do you, by chance, have any pictures that are in color? It's really hard to decide based on the names."

He replied, "Oh, crap! I didn't realize it scanned in black and white!"

He sent me a color picture and said "That was really nice--'Here's a black and white picture for you to pick your colors'"

8 comments posted: Monday, January 9th, 2017

Hfssc and her new bathing suit. T M I alert

Oh lawd.

First of all, before anyone says anything... yes! I know it was gross but it was an emergency. And I've learned my lesson quite painfully.

Okay. That's out of the way.

JM took me away for our anniversary. A surprise trip to our favorite beach. But because he did not (would not) tell me where we were going, I didn't pack my swimsuit. Our hotel had indoor heated pools and a hot tub so we went shopping. You may not know this, but it's the off season at East Coast beaches right now, so let's just say there were not many available options for me. In fact, there was exactly one fat girl swimsuit to be found, so we paid $64.99 for that sucker.

I would ordinarily not wear a swimsuit without washing it first. But we only had one night. So I decided to wear it.

Boy, was that ever a bad decision.

You know that crotch-protector thing they put in there? Well, it was put there with some sort of bizarre, industrial grade adhesive. The plastic came right off. But the freaking glue stayed. I didn't realize it until I took a step and yanked a bunch of hairs out.

I tried to pull the suit off but it just spread that shit around. My butt cheeks were stuck together. My lady bits were folded over and glued shut. I got a wash cloth soaped up and was scrubbing my nethers and screaming while JM offered a weak, "Honey, Are you okay in there?"

It was like the world's worst Brazilian wax job.

All I could think was, at least with everything glued shut, it'll be like I'm a virgin again.

Never again.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 8:37 PM, December 15th (Thursday)]

25 comments posted: Thursday, December 15th, 2016

I wasted way too much time on this

I don't know when this happened. I'm probably the only moron in the country who is just finding this out.

But my iPhone does all sorts of cool things when people text certain words. My sister sent me "congratulations" last night about my son's college acceptance. And confetti covered my screen. "Happy Birthday" sends up balloons. I don't know what else happens.

What other fun features do y'all know about?

6 comments posted: Tuesday, November 8th, 2016

Laughing at myself

Well, I can laugh at myself. So I'm gonna put this up here so y'all can laugh at me too.

JM took me out to dinner the other night. To a FANCY restaurant. With real silverware and plates and stuff.

I got prime rib. And got a piece of meat stuck between 2 teeth. I tried everything to loosen it. We had some shopping to do and it was driving me crazy.

So I got resourceful. I am a redneck and I'm not above MacGyvering a solution.

I have very long hair that is very tough to break. So I had the brilliant idea to use a strand of hair as dental floss.

DON'T JUDGE!! You don't know my pain.

Well, my unbreakable hair broke off. Great. Now I had a piece of meat and a hair stuck in my teeth.

We kept driving. I noticed a couple of finger nails that were getting a little long. WHAT?? Don't tell me you've never bitten off a nail and used it for a toothpick in an emergency.

What? Oh, it's just me? Well, don't try that because the fingernail broke off and then I had a piece of meat, a hair and a fingernail stuck between my teeth.

So I demanded a trip to anywhere that sells dental floss. Well, real dental floss. We went to CVS and you know what my sweet husband asked me? If I wanted some caramel corn.

Yeah. Cuz what I really need right now is to add a popcorn kernel to this friggin' Dental Jenga game I have going on in my mouth.

5 comments posted: Monday, October 17th, 2016

e.a.b.o.d.

I came across that term here a while back. It took me days to be able to even say it without uncontrollable giggles.

If you've never seen it before, it means "Eat a bag of dicks"

Oh Lawd, I laughed so hard at that.

Imagine my reaction when I looked in the fridge and saw this:

[This message edited by HFSSC at 9:31 PM, September 14th (Wednesday)]

2 comments posted: Wednesday, September 14th, 2016

I am so juvenile!!!

I was walking through a patient's room today and caught a glance of our weekly menu package on the bed. We offer menus that the patients can select from for the next week's meals.

The packet was lying on the bed such that the patient would be reading it, so it was upside down for me.

Here is what the cover looks like:

It has a nice little clip art of a chef hat. How sweet.

Only THIS is what I saw:

That was CLEARLY not thought out well. I can't decide if I'm going to tell the dietary manager or just let it ride.

4 comments posted: Saturday, August 6th, 2016

Cuteness to help you get over dragn's stupid tarantula thread

For those of us who are simultaneously shuddering, puking, and sucking our thumbs, here are some adorable pictures of our goats.

This is Beyonce' at approximately one week old, being bottle fed by ds17.

This is baby Biscuit a couple of hours after she was born.

Our four silly girls on the playground JM made for them.

And our newest baby, who will be joining us as soon as s/he is weaned.

You're all welcome.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 11:07 PM, July 20th (Wednesday)]

15 comments posted: Wednesday, July 20th, 2016

Stacked forums O M G

Just looked at the forums list and from OT to Book Club, the last topic posted reads:

A laser for your hoo-ha

Anyone need my help?

Radical Self Love

I am dying!

5 comments posted: Thursday, June 23rd, 2016

Great moments in texting

So I was texting with DS17 a little while ago and meant to send a smile emoji. Unfortunately, it was right next to another emoji. Needless to say, DS did not really appreciate it.

1 comment posted: Thursday, June 2nd, 2016

Out of the mouths of babes

Oh Lord, I've been laughing about this since last night.

Yesterday during children's church, the teacher was talking about the creation story. Every day, after God finished His work for the day, He said, "It is good." After He created man and woman, He said, "It is very good." As they were coloring pages, the children were talking about all the things they are thankful for God making. One of the little girls, who is about 5, said, "God made my bladder?" The teacher said yes. Then she said, with great joy, "and He made my private parts!!!!"

At this, the teacher was trying to hold it together. That's when the pastor's son, also about 5, said, "And it was GOOD!"

7 comments posted: Monday, April 18th, 2016

I can laugh now

Sort of a T/J from the "hardest I ever laughed" thread.

Stories that weren't funny at the time but crack you up now.

I'll start.

One evening a few years ago I had to stop for groceries after work. I was driving JM's truck for some reason. When I came out, it was POURING rain. I had like 6 bags of groceries. So I planned my move. I was going to hold all the bag handles in my left hand, open the door with my right and then swoop the groceries in with one smooth motion.

Well, I got the door open, so that part of the plan was A-okay. Where it went wrong was when I realized I had the wrong truck. And the owner of this truck was sitting in the driver's seat talking on his cell phone. I was about to jump on his lap.

I laugh about it now.

15 comments posted: Friday, February 19th, 2016

I feel so sorry for all of you

I've had the BEST day EVER!!!!

When I share the awesomeness of my day with you, you will all just wilt into tears of envy. Here are some tissues for you all.

First of all, we had a FIRE DRILL today at work. Those are SO much fun. Old people in nursing homes just love it when lights start flashing and klaxxon alarms sound at 900 decibels. Everybody was just... really irritable after that. A little while later, I had to pee. So I went in our one freaking bathroom that we have on our side of the building. There was a half-roll of toilet paper sitting on top of the dispenser. Thought I'd be a good citizen and use it. Well, I bobbled it as I was grabbing it, and managed to just barely grab the end piece. So it proceeded to roll out and then roll all over the bathroom. I was not really in a position to be able to stand up and try to grab the roll, so I thought MAYBE I could gently pull it towards me.

Yeah, not so much. Damn thing just continued to roll all over the room like a deranged pinball game. I ultimately just wiped and then grabbed the whole thing off the floor and slung it into the trash.

Then, came the CROWNING experience of my glorious day. My dear, darling husband, who is the light of my life and all that crap... decided to schedule a visit from some energy conservation consultant. To talk about solar energy.

Now, please understand. If this is how you make your living, I do not intend any offense. We all have our callings and have to pay the bills. But this guy caught me after a long day, before I'd even had supper or even a chance to take of my damn pantyhose. And he had a whole presentation with videos and powerpoints and all sorts of little graphics to explain the intricacies of solar power to me. I wanted to scream at him that I have an IQ over 150 and understood every single thing he said as soon as he said it. I did not require cartoon images and little invisible hands writing out the points in COMIC SANS font. I did not need his condescending, "It makes sense, right??" After every single point he made. (Picture David Spade in Tommy Boy here. That's what this guy sounded like) After an hour of education, he then took JM up in the attic to show us how horrible our insulation is and how it's a miracle we haven't all either died of heat/cold exposure or starved to death from paying our outrageous power bills.

At one point I told him that I was hungry and tired and could not process his questions. He told me to feel free to eat my supper and come back to the table. I told him an amusing story about how we were at the beach one time and some guy tried to get me to listen to his time share presentation. I told him I didn't have time because I'd just gotten out of prison for killing the last guy who tried to sell me something.

He laughed, I guess in an attempt to appease me and keep me from turning violent. I very kindly did not point out the misspellings and grammatical errors that I had noted in his presentation.

JM finally banished me to the bathtub. Not sure if that was a punishment or a reward, but I'll take it.

So, all of you peasants that didn't have a day as awesome as mine, go to bed. There's always tomorrow.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 9:37 PM, January 26th (Tuesday)]

17 comments posted: Tuesday, January 26th, 2016

Fragrance Commercials

I posted this on fb a couple of days ago but thought we could have fun with it here, too.

I don't understand fragrance commercials. Who sits around, sniffing perfume and then saying, "Oh yes! This smells like Charlize Theron climbing up a long rope of brown silk and onto a rooftop. Everyone will want to smell like that!"???

Last night there were a couple of malnourished models rolling around on a beach together. I'm pretty sure I don't want to smell like THAT, either.

Discuss.

16 comments posted: Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

There! I fixed it. Christmas tree edition

It's been a tough year. JM and I have had 3 surgeries, one major accident and a heart scare between us in the last 8 months. We have family drama and issues on both sides. I had surgery on my hand last Friday and he had surgery on his shoulder this past Friday.

To say we haven't had any Christmas spirit is putting it VERY mildly. We decided we weren't going to get a Christmas tree this year. We've always gotten real trees and I have always loved decorating our house, but I just don't feel it this year. When my MIL found out we weren't getting a tree, she freaked out and insisted we HAD to have one. So she brought me one in a box today.

Here it is:

Hope she's happy.

7 comments posted: Sunday, December 13th, 2015

Why I love living in the country

You just never know what you're going to see.

We live on the other side of a crossroads from a large farm/animal sanctuary. The owners are vegans. They take in farm animals that have been abandoned or mistreated. The animals are well fed and cared for. As vegans, they are obviously not big fans of hunting, etc. They also don't build very good fences. On July 3rd, one of their small pigs (they have about 50) got out, walked to our yard and then just gave out. She laid on the ground and refused to move. JM had to put the pig in his truck and drive her home.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, one of their very large (600+ lbs) hogs got loose and tore up another neighbor's yard. So that guy, 85 year old man, shot the hog and killed it.. He called my FIL and asked him to get the hog into his truck and take it to be butchered. FIL just got there when the owner showed up. She refused to allow them to take the pig and instead dragged it home with her tractor and buried it. Funeral and all.

But the best damn thing I've seen was Sunday afternoon. I was going to choir practice and when I turned on the dirt road just around the corner from our house, I encountered 30 or 40 people on horses coming toward me. Then I realize on horse did not have a rider, seemed quite agitated and was running directly toward me. It was just so freaking bizarre. The road was torn all to Hell. I called 911. "911, what is your emergency?"

I said, "I'm not sure if it qualifies as an emergency, but I am pretty pissed off right now." I went on to tell her what was going on and asked if that was against the law. She was silent for a few seconds and said, "Um, Ma'am, I gotta tell you I really don't know. But it sure oughtta be."

Edited because my Kindle is just an idiot.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 5:36 AM, September 10th (Thursday)]

19 comments posted: Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

So this just happened

(Poof)

we just had the most delightful lunch with Aubrie and her kids! JM, ds16 and I are in the area on vacation and we were able to meet up for lunch. JM and the kiddos were camera-shy so Aubrie and I went crazy with the selfies. I'm sure she will be here later to post the ones on her phone.

It was such a treat to finally get to meet another one of my SI friends face to face, after spending a couple of years getting to know each other online. If you ever get the chance to go to a G2G or just meet up one on one, go for it. It's another blessing that comes along with the dubious honor of

Membership in this club.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 1:58 PM, August 20th (Thursday)]

13 comments posted: Thursday, July 9th, 2015

Let's rename the V

Seems to be a quorum, if not a consensus that vagina is an awful word for, let's face it, an awesome body part. It brings pleasure, it cleans itself, it brings new life into the world, and in the (possibly misattributed but still damned funny) words of Betty White, "Those things can take a pounding."

So, let's come up with a new word or phrase. Or let's see how many awesome words we can come up with (pun intended)

Vulvalicious??

Go!!!

[This message edited by HFSSC at 7:43 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]

31 comments posted: Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

Well, since my "private donation" didnt work out...

I have a new idea that is guaranteed to make me rich.

A clothing line designed for menopausal women. I'm gonna call it Red Hot Mamas. I'm thinking little vents down the sides. Sleeves that attach with Velcro to allow the wearer to remove them during hot flashes. Then they could reattach them when the inevitable rebound cold flash occurs. Maybe also a v-shaped piece that Velcro's to the neckline and could be removed and reattached as needed.

Oh,oh, oh!!!! I just thought of another feature. Concealed pockets which could hold chemical cold packs.

Now I just have to find someone to help me make prototypes and market them.

9 comments posted: Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

I'm rich!!!! See you chumps later!!

Well, I don't like to brag, but I just received this email:

Private donation to you,write back for more information's

I have replied but haven't received my "information's" yet. Probably tomorrow. I'll be thinking of y'all when I'm sitting on my own tropical island.

39 comments posted: Monday, November 10th, 2014

Oh dear Lord, I weep for the future

I work with a lot of younger nurses. But, damn, we are in the South. I just read this, written by one of our nurses:

"Patient picked turn-up greens and said she possibly fell."

TURN-UP GREENS????????????? WTF???

Are there really people who have never heard of turnips??

4 comments posted: Thursday, October 30th, 2014

Ad on a for sale/free/wanted site

For sale! Need gone before tomorrow afternoon. Car is ugly at best. Nasty interior broken bumpers. Previous owner must of had 3 dogs and 7 children in the car at all times cause there's hair all over the seats and roof of the car. Basically the car is good for getting places and gets 30+ mpg on the interstate. I'm selling it to help pay for my mustang.

This just cracked me up this morning.

2 comments posted: Thursday, October 30th, 2014