Newest Member: Saltishealing

HFSSC

Me, 56 Him, 48 (JMSSC) Married 26 years. Reconciled.

Gotta vent.

Oh, man, I'm pissed. And there is NOTHING I can do about this situation but vent here where I am anonymous for the most part, and it can't be linked to my son.

Our younger son is in Army basic training. This is my son who spent 4 years at a military college and endured everything that setting could throw at him. There was a classmate his knob year (freshman year) who on MULTIPLE occasions entered my kid's room, dropped trou and laid his junk on my kid's lap top.

Same classmate used to throw his entire body weight into the bathroom stall door when my kid was in there. He had upperclassmen who decided he didn't belong there and made it their "life mission" to make him quit. (Didn't work.)

He also had a classmate and friend die by suicide with another classmate attempting suicide days after the first one. The boy has been through some shit.

Now in BCT, he is one of the older SITs. (Soldiers in Training) He has tried to stay above the petty crap that happens. Has a few younger soldiers that he tries to look after and be an example. He was selected as bay boss and lost that after an inspection turned up some nasty underwear behind a cabinet and something even worse that I'm not even going to name. When he told us about that I felt like he was sabotaged.

Last week he was promoted to platoon leader. He's excelled in every exercise. Made Sharpshooter in marksmanship. Well, he called today and to REASSURE ME tells me at least he didn't get arrested. Of course I got spooled up about that. He said he wasn't ready to talk to me or his dad about all the details but the upshot was he was fired from the platoon leader position because someone filed a sexual harassment complaint.

Now I know the cliche mother who could never imagine her baby doing anything wrong. That ain't me. But I know my son and his character. He would not abuse or harass anyone, and certainly not any sort of sexual situation. He promised he'd fill us in next time we talk, so I was left imagining all the ways this could have played out.

His fiancee reached out to me after talking to him. (He always calls us, talks for 5-10 minutes and then spends the rest of his phone time with her). He did tell her everything. And WEEKS AGO, he got out of the shower and walked into the locker area with no clothes or a towel on. And apparently somebody was uncomfortable with that. To be clear, this was a men's locker/shower room and he walked from the shower to his belongings on a bench directly across. He wasn't waving his johnson around like a flag. He wasn't trying to sword fight with it. But it bothered some pathetic dickhole SOOOO much that they waited 3 whole weeks, until he was promoted to a leadership role, to bring the complaint.

WTF? These are purported grown ups who are supposed to go out and defend our country. And, "Damn, man! Put a towel on" is not in their vocabulary?

I feel so bad for Drill Sergeants having to referee shit like this.

But mostly I feel bad for my kid who is truly committed to doing the best he can and helping those around him succeed.

And because I will never have a chance to say this to his "accuser", I'm just gonna say this now. It's not my kid's fault that you did steroids or whatever and you're embarrassed by what you have. Don't piss on him with it.

6 comments posted: Sunday, January 29th, 2023

Our anniversary

We've been married 26 years today. 11 years since our vow renewal, when our life together truly began.

I was looking at pictures today. I have a picture of the day we met. JM's sister and I shared a babysitter. Her DD is about 6 months younger than my older DS. It was my (now) niece's birthday party. (now) SIL had been trying to introduce me to her brother. But he was/is 7 1/2 years younger than me. He had just turned 22. I was pushing 30 and had a child. I couldn't imagine us having anything in common. But he took a weekend pass from his USMC assignment to come home for his niece's birthday party. And he was so attentive to her. That got my attention. His sister had us both over for dinner 2 weeks later and that was all she wrote, lol.

We've been through some horrible times, some self-inflicted and some that were beyond our control. My addiction caused much damage. His PTSD and selfishness caused damage as well. Neither of us had any boundaries, and that caused the most damage of all. We both had EAs and online/sexting As. We rugswept so hard Stanley Steemer should've used us in commercials. So of course, it all led up to December 2010, the beginning of our Annus Horribilus.

I shared in General about my childhood and FOO stuff. I am grateful that I found sobriety and was on my way to emotional health before 2011 happened. I'd built almost 3 years of sobriety and had a strong relationship with my IC. I was strong enough to draw my line in the sand, finally. But I still hadn't found SI.

He left and moved into an apartment shortly after DDay 1. After about 6 months he was tired of that "wild single life" he'd wanted so bad. He begged, literally begged on his knees to come home. I said yes and we had what I called his amnesty conversation. I told him I needed to know all of the truth. There was nothing he could tell me at that time that would make me change my mind. Well, most of you know how THAT turned out. Within 2 months, everything finally exploded as the truth of his A came out. It was a hundred times worse than the worst thing I'd imagined. I was DONE. So done. He threatened suicide and got himself a week's stay at the Psychiatric Hilton. I refused to let him come home. Packed up his crap and moved it to the garage. There was a day or so when he was going to be driven to a men's homeless shelter at discharge because his parents initially refused for him to stay there.

That was also when I found SI.

And this is where I want to say that there is hope, even in what seems to be the worst infidelity story. Serial cheating, mad hatters, drug addiction, alcohol abuse, PTSD. We shouldn't have made it. But the day he was released from the nuthouse, JM began his quest for spiritual, mental and emotional health. He figured out on his own how to make an IC appointment and keep it. He did things to help me even when I didn't ask him or thank him. (Things like yard work, car maintenance, etc). I had taken the album of our wedding pictures and torn it apart, throwing all of the pages into our front yard. I'll never forget seeing him with a trash bag out front, picking all the ruined photos up, looking at each one before throwing it away. (Part of me was gleeful that I could see pain on his face). My faith is profoundly important to me and had been one of the issues that pulled us apart, because he didn't want any part of it. But during our final S, he started going to church to try to figure it all out. He didn't come to the church our boys and I attended. I had no idea he was going anywhere.

Then he showed up one Sunday when the praise team (which DS and I were part of) had a music service. And he came forward at the invitation (which is a big thing, especially in Southern Baptist churches). I'd seen fake emotional responses before. He'd done a few of them. But there was no mistaking on that day. He was different. He even seemed physically different somehow. It still took me a couple of months after that before I let him move back in and we renewed our vows. He was willing to do whatever I required, and came up with some things on his own. We started MC together then.

There was still one more bump in the road for us, about 6 months after our vow renewal. I discovered he'd broken NC several times. I was devastated and furious. I'd said broken NC would be a deal breaker, but when it happened, I didn't want to be done. I felt so pathetic.

Here's where I want to share hope again. A very dear lady from SI (PainPainGoAway, for the old timers) drove over an hour to take me out to lunch. She let me cry and vent and rant and she just hugged me and told me I'd be okay no matter what path I chose. I needed that so badly. I decided to give him another chance. He joined SI and posted on the Wayward forum. He asked for advice and listened. AuthenticNow, FloridaRedMan, Fallen, Aubrie.. they will never know what a difference they made for us.

I cannot believe the life that we have now. We still have struggles. His PTSD, both of our bodies are falling apart, lol. But we are in it all together. We love each other, respect each other, appreciate each other.

If you are new at this and struggling to find hope, we are proof that R can happen, even in the worst situations. Please don't misunderstand me. R does not always happen, nor should it. If both partners are not all-in, you're not in R. You're in false R or limbo at best, and that shit will kill you.

To increase the odds of success:

First of all, know your worth. And settle for nothing less. In the wake of betrayal, our self esteem takes a monumental hit. It is so important to find yourself, get your emotional balance, and realize you don't have to stay in that place.

Second, and this flows from #1, don't do the Pick Me dance. It sucks. It's not fun, nor is it ever effective in establishing a healthy R.

Third, don't rugsweep. This is the time to hold everything under scrutiny. Every time you allow a conversation to be squashed because the WS doesn't want to talk, or thinks you've had long enough to heal, or thinks s/he is protecting you, or whatever other bullshit reason they give, you are teaching them what you will accept. Eventually so much time has gone by that you just resign yourself to never having those conversations. And that is your ticket to The Next Time. And there will always be a Next Time if you don't deal with This Time.

Fourth, establish your boundaries and dealbreakers, but allow yourself room to change your mind. I know for both JM and myself change did not come immediately nor easily. It took me almost a year into sobriety before I quit lying. Because of that, I knew that there were some patterns ingrained in JM that he would have difficulty overcoming. I am so thankful that I hung in there after the broken NC.

I'm sure there are a million other little things but those are my big 4.

I stay at SI because I firmly believe JM and I would not be together today if I hadn't been sent here by a friend. I can never repay the people who were here and helped me, but I keep the cycle going. MangledHeart, thank you so much for taking the chance on DS and for the work that you two put into SI. She remains so dear to my heart. I sure hope I get to meet her in heaven and give her a thousand years worth of hugs.

W2BHA, this is for you. It's a novel, so it may push the Positive Stories thread to a new page all by itself.

13 comments posted: Wednesday, December 14th, 2022

Mod Please

Can somebody please reopen the Positive Reconciliation Stories thread?

It's my annual anniversary post.

1 comment posted: Wednesday, December 14th, 2022

“Doesn’t everybody know the difference between right and wrong??

This was my response on another thread but I wanted to pull it out because it would have been a T/J.

Hippo16 opined that anyone making it to adulthood has surely become familiarized with the concept of right and wrong. (That’s a paraphrase). I’ve read and heard variations on that theme many times once joining SI:

“Of course they knew it was wrong! Everyone knows it’s wrong to cheat on your spouse! “

“Of course she knew she was lying to your face! And she knew it was wrong”

“Who doesn’t understand that an intimate relationship outside of your marriage is cheating and therefore wrong?”

What you may not realize or fully grasp is that there are a lot of us out here who grew up in very chaotic, unpredictable, unsafe families. There is mental illness, sexual perversion (incest, to include daughters giving birth to babies by their own father), substance abuse, and suicide running rampant in both sides of my FOO. My mom was abused by her father... never told anyone until we, her children, were grown. She, as well as her 2 sisters, were also abused by their brother. He fathered a child with one of my mom's sisters. He also abused every child born into my generation. FFS my mom let him live with us for a year to provide free "child care".

We were also a church family. Who we were at church was VASTLY different from who we were at home. As children we all learned to keep the secrets. But it got hard keeping it all straight. I remember one time my uncle was trying to pull me out from under my bed by my feet. I was screaming. My mom came in and yelled at me for waking her up. Yet we were told "of course" our parents loved us. Sunday mornings we were clean and pretty and had our hair brushed and all that stuff. We were smiling, even though there was probably just a screaming, cursing fit by Mama on the way. But you could never tell anybody any of that.

Discipline was capricious. The same behavior might be ignored 8 or 9 times, but then we'd get smacked. Mama's favorite punishment for us was the silent treatment. We would do almost literally anything to get her to talk again. To keep her from killing herself, which was also an almost constant presence in our home.

Again, you couldn't tell this to anyone. No one would believe us...after all, my parents were the mentors to all the younger couples just starting. They taught a Sunday School class on parenting.

So while I certainly was exposed to the theories of right vs wrong, truth vs lies, I did not receive much practical application of either. Right was what you got away with and wrong was what you got punished for. The cognitive dissonance created by having experience with the same action being both right and wrong was pushed down, compartmentalized. And if you are aware of the psychological principal of intermittent variable rewards, that kind of system instilled in my brother and I both the tendency to do what we wanted regardless of rules because there was always a solid chance it would work out okay for us. Truth vs lies... did not matter to me. I told whatever story would gain me the most territory/rewards/social power. Telling the truth was never safe. That got people looking at you weird and then hearing muffled conversations leading to confrontations leading to us being shut down again that "OF COURSE YOUR PARENTS LOVE YOU. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????"

I did not set out to destroy my life and my family by using drugs. Nor did my brother set out to destroy his with alcohol. Nor did my sister set out to destroy hers with codependence and an abusive M. But we all reached our desperate rock bottoms just the same. I'm proud that we each took the reins of our lives and did very hard work to assimilate these characteristics that seemed to come SO easy to everyone else on earth. And it was HARD work. Should it have just come naturally to me? God I wish it had. Would have saved so much heartache and damage.

So, yes, even though it seems SO obvious that dishonesty is wrong and will cause pain, it took a lot of work with counseling, 12 step programs, and spiritual work in myself to get there. While it seems so obvious that cheating is wrong and will destroy your life, your family, your spouse...but people do not cheat because they are so healthy and well adjusted.

And I am truly, truly sorry for all of you “earthlings” who ended up with aliens like me, my siblings, my FWH. But I can share hope that some of us do get it eventually. Some of us do have that awakening leading to true change. But it rarely comes without a devastating rock bottom experience. My bother was left alone with 2 toddler sons and had to get it together in a hurry. I was facing prison time. My sister jumped into moving traffic on a very busy highway and was somehow spared even a scratch or a bruise. I know I was never going to change until the pain of staying the same was worse than the pain of trying to change.

I hope this helps somebody understand a little.

And please, let me be very clear: I have been responsible for my choices and actions. I do not blame my parents or our crazy dysfunctional life for the destruction that I caused. None of that excused my breaking laws, endangering patients, endangering my children. I’m just providing the framework for how some of this stuff just didn’t come natural to me.

36 comments posted: Sunday, December 11th, 2022

Go ‘Cocks!!!!

Sorry if you thought this was gonna be a sex post!

Y’all know I’ve had a run of crappy circumstances, literally and figuratively. I was due.

My alma mater, my favorite team, my Daddy’s favorite team just beat our most bitter rival for the first time in 8 years. Handed the Clemson team its first home defeat in 6 years.

I am a happy Gamecock fan today.

4 comments posted: Saturday, November 26th, 2022

How it’s going in S S C land

Saw the Dr today. I now have a real cast instead of the soft cast. Still non weight bearing for another 8-10 weeks. He was very pleased with how the surgery went and my X-rays today. The skin on the dorsal surface of my foot is still pretty raw. He unroofed another area about the size of a quarter. That felt great. 🙄🙄🙄

Our septic system continues to be a problem. The truck that came to pump it 2 weeks ago got their truck stuck and apparently in the process of pulling the truck out they ran over the drain field. So, yay for that.

Then my sister texted me yesterday from the doctor with our mom. She had a very low heart rate and blood pressure. So she saw cardiology first thing this morning (she has never had heart issues at all). She is wearing a holter monitor and has a treadmill test scheduled. She says he will refuse to have a pacemaker put in. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Who knows.

Anyway, a little while ago she posted a video link on my Fb wall and typed in “Somebody’s penis hahaha”. So there’s that. My mom posting peen videos on my damn Facebook feed.

Who wants to pitch my reality show to the networks. I’m gonna call it “Welcome to the Shit Show.” I

8 comments posted: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

One week out

Today is one week since my surgery.

I feel really good about 90% of the day. The other 10% is mostly fatigue. I’m sleeping when I get tired. The only pain I’m really having now is where the cast is restricting my foot movement. I get muscle spasms. So I’m taking Flexeril for that, Tylenol and meloxicam for pain and I’m good.

Tried using the knee scooter yesterday and I’m not quite ready for that. So I went back to the wheelchair.

In other news, I’m bored outta my mind 😂😂😂

12 comments posted: Monday, November 14th, 2022

Surgery update

Well, it wouldn’t be the SSC family if something didn’t go sideways

The surgery itself went well. He had to do the most extensive procedure, which we had anticipated. But he was very positive about it when he talked to JM.

The first bit of drama came when a doctor called for someone and

It apparently sounded like our name. So JM stood up and the dr escorted him to a small room. Tells him how good “everything” went. Then he said, “I made an incision on the left side of her neck” and JM said, “Uh, you’re joking, right?” 🙄. Lord. So that dr found the right person I guess, and JM went back to waiting.

The second SNAFU (actually FUBAR) was not funny at all. Apparently my doctor is on a non narcotic kick and did not prepare me for this. So as I’m in the wheelchair literally about to roll out the door, the nurse goes over my discharge instructions and I it there absorbing this news. JM called our ds24 and asked him to go get the meds so I would have everything there as soon as I got home. I was supposed to be alternating Tylenol and toradol every three hours.

Well, there was no toradol in the bag. Called the pharmacy and they said the insurance didn’t cover it so they didn’t fill it. They didn’t say a word to ds about it. The nerve block was wearing off and I cried for about an hour straight. So that was really fun.

This morning is much better.

18 comments posted: Tuesday, November 8th, 2022

Can't make this crap up. Literally!!!!

Y'all, seriously.

I couldn't sell a book based on my life because it's just so ridiculous.

First, the good news. JM is doing well. He started learning EMDR this week with his therapist and feels very hopeful. And he is sleeping with the meds and no nightmares.

Yesterday was my last day of work for a LONG time. I was able to sit down on Tuesday with the assistant DON with whom I was clashing and we talked a lot of stuff out. She had no idea the things I was dealing with at home, and also did not know a lot of the back story with the flu shots and other issues at work. She was genuinely sorry for her crack about going through a divorce and not yelling at anyone. So I am glad to have some peace there. I couldn't deal with the constant anger.

First thing yesterday though, I got a call from the ortho office. I'd called on Monday as instructed for my preop interview at the hospital. They didn't call me back until Wednesday afternoon and then left a message just before 5 pm that I might need cardiac clearance. Because of a procedure I had 15 years ago and have never had a recurrence of symptoms. Was cut loose from the cardiologist around 2009. I also had a cardiac workup last year after my long COVID symptoms with shortness of breath, and that was clear. Waited all day before I found out the anesthesiologist cleared me.

Then our ds23 called from the city a couple of hours away where he was spending his birthday week with his fiancee, planning to come back on Monday. His truck broke down so JM had to drive there and then return with ds and the truck.

I thought I'd take a nice relaxing bath. And it was...

until I let the water out and the toilet and shower started making very strange and loud noises.

And our septic tank threw up.

Seriously. So JM and the guys are doing whatever horrible labor is involved with fixing the septic system and then fixing the clutch on ds's truck. And I just want to go to bed until Monday morning when I can get some good drugs before my surgery.

Can whoever has the little voodoo doll that is fat and limping with a sparkly cane just quit f*cking with me and play with someone else for a while???

8 comments posted: Friday, November 4th, 2022

Don't even know where to start

TRIGGER WARNING: mental illness, suicide and possibly graphic descriptions of violence

First of all, there is nothing new that has happened infidelity wise, so that's not why I'm posting in General. It's just very, very triggery and there's no way I can talk about it without mentioning the very ON TOPIC stuff.

JM was admitted to a psych hospital last night after several weeks of PTSD symptoms which have just spiraled and multiplied exponentially over the past week. Some of you know that he's had 2 very violent events, one while he was in the Marines and one on a mission trip to Nicaragua. He's begun talking to me and DS23 about several other events starting when he was 13 and witnessed a man hit and killed by a truck while riding a bicycle. He had horrible nightmares after the Nicaragua trip and would imagine seeing (or hallucinate) the men/boys in Nicaragua who were pulling people out of cars and shooting them, and who held a rifle on JM's head at one point. He ended up driving the van directly into/through the crowd of rebels and thinks he ran over at least 2 of them.

I took him to our PCP 2 weeks ago, and he prescribed an antipsychotic and antidepressant. Seroquel helps with sleep as well as the intrusive thoughts and hallucinations. But this weekend was just awful.

My niece was getting married this weekend, on Saturday, and I was singing during the ceremony. JM built a beautiful cross for the ceremony. We were able to deliver the cross to the venue but he was just... spinning for lack of a better word. He couldn't stop the thoughts from just spinning and he would literally hold onto his head as though it might explode. I went to the wedding by myself and made it through the song. It was a beautiful, perfect wedding but I was a basket case worrying about him. Oh, also, DS31 has had 2 horrific seizures in the past week, including one on Friday night. So DS23 stayed at the house with JM and DS31. Then we switched because he was emceeing the reception so I left immediately after the ceremony so he could get there.

JM was sleeping when I got home and I kept watching him and checking on him. I called the on-call for our PCP and she had me double up on the antipsychotic that our PCP had prescribed. He woke up Sunday morning jumpy and tearful and moving from one thing to another. He insisted on going to church so DS went as his wing man while I went to another church that I'd committed to singing for yesterday. He did not want me to back out because I had done that last year when Daddy was close to dying. Yeah, it's also right at the anniversary of Daddy passing away.

It's triggering me badly because the last time he needed psychiatric inpatient care was after our false R blew up and he threatened suicide in front of our MC. At least he is not at the same place.

I won't go into the ridiculous shit that went down at the ER because it was really not the hospital's fault. They treated us kindly and the psych intake nurse was exceptional. But because he made some statements that were of concern, he had to be transported by law enforcement, in handcuffs because there wasn't a bed at the hospital where we were.

Meanwhile, my job sucks. New boss started back in January and she's never been a DON before. There is a bunch of middle school mean girl bullshit happening, and I am told, along with a couple of others, that we need thicker skin and to let this stuff "roll off us". We've been "forbidden" to go to our administrator with any nursing department problems. The people perpetrating the middle school bullshit can run to the boss and we get scolded, counseled, etc. But when we try to take something to her, it's "high school stuff" that we shouldn't be taking seriously. So, you know, where is the line between having thicker skin and tolerating open disrespect and abuse from a coworker?

My foot surgery is in 2 weeks. I'm going to be non weight bearing for 3 months. I can't put it off. I am in so much pain daily that it's all I can do to walk to my car at the end of a day.

I am so sad and frightened for JM. I don't know how long he is going to be where he is and I really want him to be there until it's safe for him to be home. He ripped down the blinds in our bedroom one night thinking there was someone there. He is afraid of hurting me or one of our sons.

At the same time, I'm freaking exhausted. I've put off taking care of my self until my the bones in my foot are literally disintegrating. I am having rage and panic attacks over this situation at work. I literally called in sick last Tuesday because I was so angry and did not trust myself to not go off on somebody and get fired.

I've been talking to the IC that I saw back in 2011. (Actually from 2008 until about 2012) I'm waiting for her office to set up an appointment for therapy and medication management because this Cymbalta I'm on ain't cutting it. I have no idea if he will be well enough to help me after my surgery. DS 23 is leaving on 11/23 for basic training in Kansas. And I miss my Daddy so much.

If you've managed to make it through all of this and it makes any sense at all, congratulations. I feel like all I ever do is vent on here about my life and all the drama. But damn. Could I catch a break? I try to be a decent human being. I try to treat people kindly, although I do fail more than I would like to admit.

15 comments posted: Monday, October 24th, 2022

Long term care— finally feels like we can breathe

No pun intended.

After 2 1/2 years of ALL COVID ALL THE TIME, 2 1/2 years of constantly evolving regulations and recommendations from multiple government bodies, we finally received an update that relaxed the requirements rather than making us jump through more hoops. We’ve watched all other health care settings walk back the restrictions imposed during the pandemic emergency while CMS, the CDC, OSHA and our state health departments have continued to require the strictest infection control measures in our setting.

Since March, 2020, we’ve had to screen before clocking in. Temperature check, hand hygiene, mask on, answer a list of questions, and sign our names. Visitors have had a similar screening requirement. Our residents have not seen a staff member’s entire face during this time. New admissions were subject to up to 14 days of isolation, based on vaccination status. I don’t even want to imagine the amount of money that has been spent on PPE. Our reimbursement didn’t increase but we were spending significantly more to care for each patient.

Worst of all has been the denigration of our industry and the way we’ve responded to the pandemic. Nobody was prepared for this. There were no precedents for a pandemic response. No protocols in place. In the early weeks of the pandemic there were days when the “guidance” (AKA regulations and requirements) changed 3 or 4 times in one day. Were there bad nursing homes out there? Did some of them drop the ball? Sure. But the vast majority of skilled nursing and assisted living facilities are staffed by people who provide the best care possible. We’ve hung in through unimaginable trials and we are still there. And it really sucks to hear people with no experience or direct knowledge accuse our industry of patient neglect or fraud/overbilling.

Anyway, the CDC dropped a huge update last Friday. Our sign-in binders are gone. The thermometers at the front door have been put away. Patients who do not have confirmed COVID aren’t required to be isolated. And there is hope that some time in the future we won’t have to wear masks in patient care areas.

It really feels good.

4 comments posted: Sunday, October 2nd, 2022

13 Reasons Why (Netflix series)

Just finished this tonight and I am WRECKED.

Lots of really difficult topics including several that are very familiar and personal to me. Some of the characters are just awful people. But the series drew me in and by the time I got to the last few episodes I cried through most of them.

The scene in season 3 when Tyler stands up and identifies himself as a survivor of sexual assault… damn.

Anyway, I just wondered if anyone here watched it and what did you think?

1 comment posted: Saturday, September 24th, 2022

Well this was a nice surprise

I’ve been home and quarantined since last Wednesday and losing my mind since about Monday.

So I’ve been bored. Anyway we have a palm tree in our front yard that we’ve had at least 15 years, probably closer to 20 because we had it for a couple of years before we built our house in 2007 and then moved it here. Had no idea what type of palm it is, and we certainly had no idea it could or would bear fruit.

About a month ago it grew this huge bunch of what looked like grapes. They grew into these really pretty bright yellow fruits. So I started researching and it turns out to be called Pindo Palm or “Jelly Palm”. The fruits apparently are loaded with natural pectin and are ideal for making jelly. I got brave enough to taste one and it was like a mixture of plum, citrus, and wild cherry.

So I’m going to try making jelly this weekend.

Anyone else try something new lately?

7 comments posted: Friday, August 26th, 2022

Just… crap. Lots of uncomfortable topics.

Gonna be my usual novel. I’ve got so much going on and need to get it all out. I couldn’t decide if I should post 3 separate threads or just one long one and one long is what I decided.

First, I have a cold and feel like crap. That makes everything worse. I’ve rapid tested every day since Saturday and they’ve all been negative. Blech.

Second, after years of pain in my right foot and going through every imaginable treatment it’s finally become clear surgery is required. I have end stage arthritis (I did not know that was even a thing) in the bones of the midfoot. I saw ortho back in June to start that process. A week later, JM tore his knee up and ended up having arthroscopic knee surgery almost a month ago. On July 4 while I was at work, I noticed my right knee was stiff and painful. Every time I stood up it was harder and hurt worse until I got ready to leave and almost fell because of the pain. So I saw the ortho about my knee. Long story short, I’ve had 2 cortisone shots into my knee but won’t need knee surgery. The knee surgeon told me the only thing that will fix my knee is to fix my foot. So I will be seeing the foot specialist again the first week of September and we’ll schedule the surgery then. I’ll be non weight bearing for 8 weeks at least. I’m trying to prepare my job for the fact that I AM NOT WORKING FROM HOME after my surgery but I’m not sure they will believe it until it happens.

Third, my sister and I met with a reporter tonight to talk about our dad. Daddy worked for the Dept of Corrections for his entire career. He was a nurse, an RN. Back in 1985 our state began to enforce the death penalty again. Daddy was the night shift nursing supervisor and the executions were carried out at midnight. At that time, with it having been entirely theoretical, he was a proponent of capital punishment. He was… requested to serve on the death team which consisted of him, the medical director of the prison, several correctional officers. Daddy was responsible for taking vital signs until they were absent.

It gutted him. He was not the same afterward, not for a long time, if ever. Over the years, he and Dr. N, who became a very close friend, served together on several more executions. Daddy volunteered because he didn’t want any of his staff to go through what he had. I think he felt like he was already damaged and wanted to protect the others.

Just before he passed away I read a newspaper article about the Death Penalty in my state. Over the next few months the same reporter did articles focusing on different aspects, with focus on the lasting effects on the people involved in carrying out the sentence. I contacted the reporter and that led to our meeting tonight. It was cathartic but brutal. It was wonderful to talk about him, the good parts of him. But the wounds to his soul, his psyche… those wounds never healed.

This is not meant in any way to start a debate about the death penalty, please. But, I say this with knowledge that came at a devastating cost, it is one thing to say “I support the death penalty.” It is another thing entirely to be charged with carrying that sentence out.

Finally, I’ve posted here before that I have a daughter I released for adoption just after her birth. She’s 35 now and I found out last weekend that she has a child now. I have a grandson.

But I have no relationship with her. The last contact I had was 12 years ago when she said that she wants to meet me “some day.” I’m able to see her Facebook page but she made it clear back in 2010 that she doesn’t want me to contact her.

I am happy that she is happy. She’s healthy. From what I can tell her baby is healthy. But it’s just so hard to wait. I don’t doubt my decision. It was the right thing, no doubt about it. But I have wanted to see her, to know her, since she turned 18. And I just struggle with understanding how I can want to know her so much the feeling is almost a physical longing, but she doesn’t have any inclination to know me. And I know birth mothers who didn’t want anything to do with their birth child. I have a friend who reached out to her birth family and was treated cruelly.

And y’all, I get it. I have no right to even hope for a relationship with her. I signed the relinquishment of my own free will because I wanted the best for her. But if there’s any mother who could have found out by accident the name and location of a child she gave up for adoption and the just sit on that info and never do anything with it, well they are better people than I am apparently.

Anyway, I’m shredded right now. It’s all balled up and intermingled in my mind. I needed to get this all out to be able to organize my thoughts and figure out how to process it all.

Thanks for letting me do that here.

18 comments posted: Wednesday, August 17th, 2022

Mod Please

😊

1 comment posted: Monday, August 1st, 2022

Poem I found very fitting

This may have been posted before. I was reminded of this when reading a thread in D/S and I realized how much it can apply to so many of the situations we find ourselves in. It’s not specific to infidelity but it sure does fit. Mods, if you think it’s better in OT you won’t hurt my feelings.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in.

I am lost ... I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place

but, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in ... it's a habit.

my eyes are open

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Copyright (c) 1993, by Portia Nelson from the book There's A Hole in My Sidewalk.

3 comments posted: Friday, July 8th, 2022

Aaaaaargh!!! Screw Covid!

Dammit I'm so sick of this!

One of our long term care units is infected AGAIN. Mostly unvaccinated or not fully vaxxed/boosted patients. We've had 4 patients and 3 staff test positive since Friday.

Just. So. Freaking. Done.

13 comments posted: Monday, June 27th, 2022

Trigger out of nowhere

Holy crap! I honestly had no idea I had this in me.

We’ve been in R for 10 years. No A related missteps on his part in all that time. JM has consistently handled triggers in the past and handled them well.

But… we’re under enormous stress. Our younger son failed to graduate from college due to academics. He made it through one of the most difficult military college systems but was academically discharged. 🤯🤬. Older son (who is disabled due to epilepsy and multiple learning challenges) has had a terrible year medically. He had surgery last Monday for a massive kidney stone. His epilepsy has been very challenging since the kidney issues caused a change in his meds last October. My dad passed away that same month. I’m facing a major surgery on my foot and then JM tore his knee all to hell this past Thursday night.

We decided to watch a movie together last night with younger son. Agreed on an old Robert Redford film called “The Clearing.” Redford’s character is abducted and apparently held for ransom. It flashes back and forth in time, showing the aftermath of the abduction with his family interspersed with scenes of the abduction and hostage situation. It comes out that his character (of course) had an A. And at one point his wife goes to the OW seeking information. She tells the OW that she didn’t know OW and the WH had “started seeing each other again.” And this smug bitch says she’s sorry.

I was ENRAGED. But absolutely speechless. I got up and left the room. JM and my son kept asking if I was okay and I said I had to use the bathroom. And I just fell apart in the bathroom. I can’t even remember the last time I felt those feelings, let alone felt them that strongly. When I came back in the living room they both asked me again. I said I didn’t want to talk about it. Because I really didn’t feel like talking to my son about this trigger. He knows about the A—both sons do. But it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about with him. JM did have a stupid moment where he got mad at me for not wanting to talk. DS asked me if it was the movie and I said yes.

We were able to talk about it later as a family. JM kept saying that I should always talk to him about my triggers. I couldn’t get it across to him that I literally couldn’t in those first few minutes. I was emotionally paralyzed. I felt stupid and weak and 7 years old. It’s a trauma response that I’m very familiar with but thought I’d gotten past. The last time I shut down like that was at a church yard sale when a complete stranger touched my breast very boldly. It was close to 15 minutes later, after the man and his wife had left, that I was able to talk and tell the people around me what had happened.

I hate that feeling SO much. The paralysis. Feeling so weak for not fighting back, not speaking up, not standing up for myself. Ugh.

To make things even worse DS had a bad seizure last night. Heard this very pound crash from his room and ran in to find him standing in the corner of his room and banging his forehead into the wall. (He has complex partial seizures) So I didn’t sleep much last night at all.

10 comments posted: Sunday, June 19th, 2022

Parents of adult disabled offspring

I know there are a few others on here.

My disabled DS is 30. I’ve shared before that he has epilepsy, intellectual disability and a constellation of symptoms that probably represent some syndrome according to one of the many specialists over the years. He is certified through Disabilities and Special Needs and also has has SSI since he was 18. We did not choose to be designated representative payee for SSI because we did not want to take away the independence that he does have.

Up until this past year I haven’t had any difficulty managing his heath care. He’s had the same neurologist since he was 15. He switched from his pediatrician to a family practitioner who also treated my parents. Last fall he was hospitalized with kidney failure. And I was… I guess surprised is the best word, when he was discharged from the hospital without them consulting me. They had changed his seizure meds because one of them caused the kidney stone that caused the kidney failure. They were discharging him on a Saturday night, one of the meds required a prior auth and they were just sending him home with no backup plan. I had to raise a stink to get the dr called and the meds straightened out.

Fast forward to this week. We saw urology in April and the stone is still there. 1.5 cm in diameter. Scheduled a procedure for yesterday. DS told me on Wednesday night that someone from “Medical Center” had called to say he needed to get a CT scan. He told them they needed to call me to schedule anything. No one did. Then he says “I have to have the CT before my surgery.” 🤦‍♀️ This was Wednesday night at 6:30 pm. So I called Thursday morning and spent an hour calling different departments. Finally I got a call from a urology resident. She said she was the one who had called DS. Turns out that anesthesia scrubbed the procedure because they didn’t want to do it in an outpatient center. Since it was scrubbed, urology decided to get a CT before the rescheduled procedure. DS is not capable of understanding all of that.

Meanwhile, I’ve become disgruntled with his neurology management. He’s been treated at a major teaching hospital since he was a teenager. His previous neurologist retired last year. His new one is booked a YEAR in advance. That’s unacceptable to me. DS’s PCP has referred him to a different group that is a little closer to us. They won’t talk to me because of HIPAA. I called to find out the status and they said they will contact “the patient” when the dr has made a decision whether to see him or not.

I am so damn frustrated. I get it. I understand HIPAA. But I have to be able to manage things like appointments and medical decision making. And the truth is JM and I won’t be here forever and DS is going to need arrangements for his future.

Thank you if you’ve managed to read this far. What do we do? Would a HCPOA give us what we need here? I don’t want him to be “incompetent” legally. I just need to be the default first contact for all of his health care.

7 comments posted: Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Finally, some happy news!

Y’all, meet the newest member of the SSC family.

This is Delilah. We brought her home today and we are all besotted with her. Her big brother Samson, not so much. He’s gentle with her but clearly less than thrilled.

19 comments posted: Saturday, February 5th, 2022

Something Positive

This isn't gonna start out very happy, so stay with me. I promise it's a positive post.

I'm drowning here. Life continues to roll over me like waves that won't give me a chance to even breathe. One thing after another and the last week has been very very dark and hopeless for me. I'm not sure I have ever felt this empty and dark in my entire life, and haven't even felt I could talk to anyone about it.

But I reached out today, to another SI member I've never met IRL. We live on opposite sides of the world. She didn't have to respond, but she did it anyway. We had a video call that has left me feeling so much more hopeful. Just to be able to unburden myself to someone who understands depression and won't give me platitudes or tell me how much better I have it than others.

Y'all, I know we can get riled up here and we hurt feelings sometimes when we didn't mean to. We discuss serious issues with a lot of emotional energy attached, and I know it's easy to lose sight of the people who exist behind the keyboard and screen.

But we are real people. And you may never know how a kind word at the right time might literally save someone's life. I'm grateful for the relationships I've found here. I am sorry for the ways I can be an ass. If I have hurt your feelings by something I've written, I promise it was not my intention.

Today, let's share kindness.

9 comments posted: Thursday, January 20th, 2022

Dear life, could you at least use some lube?

I’m sitting in the ER with my 14 year old niece.

My brother and his family were in a bad wreck about an hour and a half ago. My sister in law, niece and 19 year old nephew were injured and taken to the hospital/trauma center. They were just going out to dinner and this jackwagon pulled out in front of them with no chance to stop or swerve. My nephew is the same one who has osteogenesis imperfecta and had a broken back about a year ago.

My niece is being so brave. But she’s still scared to death and in pain. Hearing the panic in my brother’s voice was awful.

I’m just so damn exhausted. I mean, seriously. What do I have to do to get a break?

17 comments posted: Friday, November 19th, 2021

Medicinal purposes

I wavered between here and F&G for this topic. Mods, if you see fit to move it, you won’t hurt my feelings.

I have a rotten cold. Not COVID—I’ve tested myself every other day. Just a miserable, rotten cold. Daddy used to make a hot toddy with honey, lemon juice and bourbon. I discovered a variation that I’ve named a Honey Badger.

Equal, or roughly equal parts honey, lemon juice and tequila. Mix together in a coffee mug and heat in the microwave for 30 seconds or so.

Drink until you don’t give a F*ck.

You might not feel better but you won’t care. 😂😂😂

6 comments posted: Wednesday, November 10th, 2021

Message from Dragn

Dragn asked me to let y’all know she is sorry for missing SPF today. Internet problems at the farm.

Hopefully too_trusting will be along soon before we all start having withdrawal symptoms. 😂

3 comments posted: Friday, November 5th, 2021

My dad is dying

Well, I had to ask. 3 weeks ago I asked how much one person can take.

Last Monday my mom asked me to go ahead and ask the doctor for hospice services for Daddy. He was admitted to hospice last Tuesday. And he’s in the last hours now. We’ve had a wonderful, sweet time with family over the last two days. Yesterday he was able to tell each of his children and grandchildren that he loved us. Today he has not been responsive at all. My mom tried to pull a control move and make us all leave. To be clear, there’s three of us children and our spouses. Yesterday all 12 grandchildren visited. Today they were in and out. So it’s not like there were 20 of us there. And we kept offering all day to give her some time with just her and Daddy but she didn’t want it. 🙄

Anyway, we compromised and my sister is staying. I’m in my house right next door and will be going down to give his morphine every couple of hours.

If you’re not familiar with my situation, please don’t think I’m unfeeling or bitchy about my mom. Just a couple of months ago I had to bring Daddy to my house for 2 weeks after she punched him. So I just wasn’t entirely okay with leaving her alone with him and a bottle of morphine.

He has been the best father, grandfather, man, nurse that anyone could hope to be. My brother reminded me yesterday of something about Daddy. He was a nurse for the department of corrections for over 25 years. And during the ‘80s when AIDS was first becoming known, people were terrified of being infected. AIDS patients were treated like lepers, and in the prison system they were doubly stigmatized. My dad would go in and take his gloves off, shake their hands and provide them with a compassionate human touch. He was such an example of everything it means to be a nurse.

And as a father, with our mom being mentally ill, he kept everything together at home. And there was never an activity or award presentation for me or my siblings that Daddy wasn’t there cheering us on. Not once. He was the band dad who went to all the football games and competitions.

I’m going to miss him forever.

38 comments posted: Tuesday, October 26th, 2021

How much is one person supposed to deal with??

Y’all, I wish I was making this shit up. It does not seem possible for one person’s life to have so much crap. And I promise, I’m no drama Queen.

So my mom is apparently meaner than COVID and is fully recovered. Daddy, who tested positive but was really not symptomatic, has lost 25 lbs and is just not eating. So we are making decisions about possible hospice for him.

And today I’m in the ER with my almost 30 yr old ds who has epilepsy. He had 2 seizures yesterday and hasn’t kept anything down since Tuesday. He is getting some IV fluid and seizure meds. He had not had a really bad seizure in a couple of years and had one yesterday that lasted close to 2 minutes.

JM is having major surgery next month for an ear problem that could potentially lead to a brain infection.

And I found out yesterday that there is nothing else but surgery that could help my foot/ankle arthritis. I have 4 or 5 joints that are bone on bone. But I can’t even think about surgery right now.

Y’all, I don’t have any reserve left. I’m trying to take care of myself but the hits just keep coming.

18 comments posted: Thursday, October 7th, 2021

I just can’t. More Covid

My mom has COVID. Yay.

She refused the vaccine, of course. It’s microchipped, or it’s the Mark of the Beast. Or some such nonsense.

My niece, who lives with them, started feeling bad last Thursday. She is between her 1st and 2nd vaccine doses. I rapid tested her Friday night and she was positive. Her room is on the opposite side of the house from my parents’ and she’s very responsible and strict w mask, hand washing and isolating herself. Except my mom was determined to catch it, as bizarre and stupid as that sounds. She kept going in my niece’s room, and then her bright and shining moment: she deliberately finished a sandwich that my niece had eaten off.

Mom called me at work Tuesday, sounding awful. I tested her that night and it was, of course, positive. So the last 48 hours has been just delightful. I’m checking her vitals and oxygen level every couple of hours. Thank God Daddy has tested negative every time. He got vaccinated when he was at my work for rehab in the spring. But Tuesday night when I went to check on Mom, Daddy was standing at the kitchen sink, naked from waist down. I asked what he was doing. “Trying to get the shit off my hands.” Lawd. So I got him to the bathroom and TMI ALERT discovered he was impacted. That took almost an hour to, um, address.

Today I had to take her to the ER. Her oxygen level was low and she was so weak I barely got her to the car and I couldn’t get her out of the car when we got to her doctor’s office. Long, exhausting day. But she ended up getting monoclonal antibodies infusion. It was scary… some of her tests were very suspicious for blood clots in her lungs but that was ruled out.

She did ask me how soon she could get her vaccine shot, so I guess she is a believer now. 🤦‍♀️

Praying that Daddy stays negative and I do as well. I’ve been wearing a KN95 mask and face shield when I’m in their house and in the car with her today. I’m so damn tired.

29 comments posted: Thursday, September 9th, 2021

More fun at the S S C compound

Y’all, I would write a book if I thought anyone would believe it.

I wrote on Tush’s COVID thread that my facility had to open the COVID unit back up again. We had one positive patient and 6 exposed that we know of. I had to work all day last Saturday after working 44 hours already.

Then, just because clearly my life was going a little too well, I got a text, then a phone call from my niece who has been staying with my parents. Just as a refresher for those who haven’t been playing along at home, my parents live about 200 feet from me and JM. My niece is 27 and lives there but works full time. She is there in the evenings and mom and dad have been on their own during the day. We check in on them frequently; my sister does their grocery shopping.

Anyway, Mom had a breakdown one morning last week and I spent an hour and a half listening to her vent and rage. Mostly about the topic I can’t bring up in this forum. She seemed better over the next couple of days. Until she lost it Saturday night and hit Daddy. Nobody saw it happen. He told my niece Mom had hit him. When I got to their house she was just seething and boiling over with rage. Just horrific. I told her one of them was coming home with me. She said “Take him!!! Take him away from her so I don’t have to look at him!!”””

So daddy has been here since Saturday. It’s like having a 250 lb toddler, bless his heart. He is super sweet. Compliant. No trouble at all. But has ZERO short term memory. Someone has to be with him constantly. He can’t dress himself or bathe without a lot of help. But he feeds himself and like I said is just so sweet.

Mom… not so much. We can’t let her hurt him. I am also afraid that he will not recognize her one day and hit back. And he would hurt her bad. My siblings and I have lived with this our entire lives. And so far in our lives when she reaches this point she has never been able to get it back together without inpatient care. So I’ve spent the whole week trying to find an inpatient psych bed for her, trying to keep Daddy clean, dry, safe, and fed,—oh, and doing my work from home because that has to keep getting done.

Took her to the dr and she was sarcastic and hateful. Told the dr we were shipping her off to a mental institution because she was crying on a couple of days. That we were holding Daddy hostage and forcing her to go to the loony bin.

I drove her around for 4 hours doing every little thing she wanted. Library, CVS, Walgreens (she wears a mask everywhere) and groceries. Got lunch and brought for her and Daddy to eat together. When she went home I crashed because daddy took a nap. I’d mentioned I wanted to shower him and JM sent our ds29 to get their shower bench for me to use. Mom posted this pissy thing on Facebook about how someone just walked in her house and took the shower chair she needs to bathe safely. Forced her to climb all over my niece’s belongings to get her other, less safe chair.

It pissed me off. So I took the damn shower chair back and threw it back in the bathroom. (Not a healthy way to have handled it.). Stormed out. She starts trying to back track saying “Oh, it’s okay. I’m fine with this other chair.” Rolled my eyes and left.

I was not happy with the way I acted and I wanted to try to make things right with her. Why, oh why would I think that would be possible??? She jumped right in and started with all of my buttons and I let her push them. To the point that I just broke. And as I was standing there, her youngest child, sobbing and shaking, my mom looked at me and SMILED. She said “HF, you are CRYING. You need to be in a mental institution.”

Y’all believe that shit? I’m almost 55. I have never allowed her to get to me like that. Never. And she was satisfied. Gloating that she’d broken me like that.

Oof. Oh and my brother and sister think I’m doing all the right things. They “have my back” and oh , “anything I need” you know, I should just ask. But neither one of them has showed up to give me a break or help so I could go in to work. My sister does not work. She lives rent free in the house my mom and dad lived in before moving next to me. My brother’s wife does not work. She home schools their 14 year old daughter but makes time to do what she wants to do.

Meanwhile I work full time in a SNF, have a part time home care job. JM is here but he works 40-50 hours minimum on the furniture he builds. DS29 is perfectly willing to help but again, it shouldn’t be his row to hoe.

I have a bed for her in a Geri-psych hospital unit that’s about N hour away. But the paperwork is not easy to get together. After she’s released, idk what that will look like. But I have a caregiver who can start in 2 weeks. We can’t afford much more than 4 hours a day but that will at least help me get back to work.

But I am so tired and overwhelmed. And angry.

JM is absolutely wonderful. He is taking care of me and making me take rest breaks and do things for me. But he’s pretty stretched with his dad. That’s a whole other story too.

We don’t have a flat on its back, fully deflated emoji. But we need one.

7 comments posted: Friday, August 6th, 2021

Fireworks

Fucking fuckers with the fucking fireworks.

Motherfuckers “celebrating.” Celebrating our country’s “Independence Day.” Most of them probably would never even think about serving this country in any way. Just an excuse to get drunk and make a bunch of things go BOOM.

Never mind the people who actually served and now have PTSD. Or animals that don’t understand what’s going on. My husband is in the bed. With pillows over his head. My dog is a nervous wreck and won’t sit for more than a minute.

I posted something on Facebook a couple of years ago and my sister tried to shame me because it hurt her son’s feelings. He has autism and he gets so much joy out of fireworks and he couldn’t understand why I was so angry about it. Wtf, my husband is shaking and crying and jumping out of his skin with every boom and pop. But let’s put on a fake happy face and not hurt anybody’s feelings.

It won’t stop. I’m surrounded by ignorant rednecks, especially the oh, so wonderful “Three Percenter” next door neighbors.

Why is this shit so important to people? Why is their “right” to get drunk and blow shit up more important than my husband’s right to peace and feeling safe in his own home?

I wish it would just start pouring down rain and ruin it all.

Thanks for letting me vent.

16 comments posted: Sunday, July 4th, 2021

Positive R Story

Well I wanted to post this in the sticky thread but it’s closed.

The first part of this post is in General, topic “50 years ago”

My parents have been M almost 61 years. My mom is mentally ill and was not controlled or treated at all for most of my childhood. Daddy was the glue that held our family together. He took care of my siblings and I. He was the one who attended all our school functions. He was the cool “band dad” who went to all the football games an competitions for 6 plus years as my sister, brother and I made our way through HS.

As I was typing out the other post I realized I know a LOT more about my parents than is probably healthy. I’ll skip most of that here. But basically, my mom had an A with their BIL (dad’s sister’s H) and they R’ed. (More rugswept than reconciled). A couple of years ago my dad confessed to multiple PA/ONS during their early M. It just about destroyed my mom. His dementia is so far advanced that there is nothing he could or can do to help heal their M. Oh, but she tried. She bought a SA workbook for him. Tried to do MC.

I felt so helpless. I understand her pain. But it’s my Daddy. Who is vulnerable and child like now. And my siblings and I have struggled with the decisions about the future.

Here’s the beautiful part of the story though. Since Daddy almost died in early April, Mom has done a lot of healing. I think it’s been happening slowly and the crisis with his health solidified things. She’s been going to work with me a couple of days a week and spending the day with him. We’ve talked a lot during the drive to/from. She has found acceptance and peace. I think she’s found, if not forgiveness, then the grace to just not keep punishing him. She acknowledged to me that she had been a terrible wife and mother a lot of the time. And I told her she didn’t cause him to cheat any more than he caused her to. They both made choices. But he took care of us and her during the times she couldn’t take care of herself. He never ever disparaged her or allowed us to disrespect her in any way.

And in all of the dysfunction and brokenness, they raised 3 children of their own, plus half a dozen unofficial foster children. And my sister, brother and I love each other. We love and honor our parents. All of our children have close relationships with each other and with their grandparents. So for all they did wrong, they got some stuff right.

Daddy is coming home from rehab next week. And Mom has been helping to prepare the house. She’s even willingly parted with stuff she’s hoarded, in order to make their home safer for him. (This is HUGE, y’all.). And she is planning a vow renewal and anniversary party a couple of weeks after he comes home. It will be on their 61st anniversary.

It’s never too late to do better. It’s never too late to change unhealthy patterns. That’s the one thing about my mom that I admire more than anything else. She’s 80. A CSA survivor. She has several mental illnesses that are difficult all by themselves. No one would blame her if she just quit trying. But she won’t quit trying to do better.

She has a peace about her now that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in my life. And that makes me a happy daughter.

5 comments posted: Saturday, May 22nd, 2021

A new game--More realistic versions of songs

I need to be silly for a bit.

I was thinking the other day about the old children's songs I used to sing to/with my boys. "Wheels on the Bus" and so forth. This one especially stuck out to me:

There were 9 in the bed and the little one said,"roll over! Roll over!" So they all rolled over and one fell out.

There were 8 in the bed and the little one...

It repeated until it got down to "There was one in the bed and the little one said, "Good night!"

Don't y'all think a more realistic version would be,"There were nine in the bed and the little one said, "Roll over, roll over!" So they all rolled over and beat the shit out him and told him to shut up so they could sleep. The end."????

So, lay some more on me. Alternative (better) lyrics that make more sense than the original song.

0 comment posted: Tuesday, January 9th, 2018

Stacked threads in OT

This made me literally LOL.

Celebrating 8 Years of Sobriety

Happy Four-Twenty

Pharmaceuticals and mood/demeanor

1 comment posted: Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017

My alligator mouth

My daddy used to tell me that one day my alligator mouth would get my hummingbird butt in trouble.

Well, I do not have anything close to a hummingbird butt these days, but my alligator mouth is still causing me problems.

I work for a nursing home/rehab center that is part of a corporation with over 100 facilities in the Southeast, Northeast and Midwest areas. Our mandatory training is contracted to a web based company and we're supposed to do 2-3 training modules each month to satisfy the annual training requirements from Medicare and the state health departments. I despise these modules. The previous company that we used had slide shows that would allow you to read at your own pace and advance the slides. The current system requires you to wait..for..the..speaker..who..sounds..like..they..are..speaking..to..kindergarteners before you can advance the slide. So something that I can read and comprehend in 0.2 seconds requires me to sit for 3 minutes while the speaker carefully enunciates each word on the page.

It makes me stabby.

Then we have the interactive training sessions which require us to do fun stuff like "click the cell phone to make a phone call" and "click the mop to clean up the chemical spill."

So I've started being VERY honest in my evaluations. In one of them I wrote that I'm a college graduate with almost 30 years experience in health care and I do not appreciate being forced to play "Dora The Explorer" to demonstrate my knowledge of chemical exposure control measures.

Well, now they've upped the ante. In addition to the stupid training sessions, we're now barraged with "brain spark" emails to stimulate further thinking and help us retain the knowledge. I sent an email to the company asking if there was a way to opt out of those emails. I may have written something to the effect of it was bad enough to have to sit through Blues Clues or Dora the Explorer training, but completely unacceptable for them to harass me with emails afterward.

That was last weekend.

Today, I was approached in the hall by my regional nurse. She's 2 managers up the chain of command. She told me that my email had ended up with the freaking vice president of the whole company over nursing and clinical services. And that the VP would appreciate if I wouldn't send any more emails like that.

Well hell, all I can say is at least when I screw up, I go ahead and swing for the bleachers. Go big or go home!

15 comments posted: Friday, January 13th, 2017

Choosing colors

We are in the process of moving my parents into a modular home next door to us. There were no options for the interior, which was fine. Neutral colors and very nice floor and wall coverings. Today was the last of the paperwork and stuff to order the home. Our salesman informed me that we can choose from different colors for the exterior-- siding and shutters.

I asked if he could send me something with the available options so we could decide. He sent me a brochure.

In BLACK AND WHITE.

After I got done laughing, I sent him a reply. "Thank you so much for your quick response. Do you, by chance, have any pictures that are in color? It's really hard to decide based on the names."

He replied, "Oh, crap! I didn't realize it scanned in black and white!"

He sent me a color picture and said "That was really nice--'Here's a black and white picture for you to pick your colors'"

8 comments posted: Monday, January 9th, 2017

Hfssc and her new bathing suit. T M I alert

Oh lawd.

First of all, before anyone says anything... yes! I know it was gross but it was an emergency. And I've learned my lesson quite painfully.

Okay. That's out of the way.

JM took me away for our anniversary. A surprise trip to our favorite beach. But because he did not (would not) tell me where we were going, I didn't pack my swimsuit. Our hotel had indoor heated pools and a hot tub so we went shopping. You may not know this, but it's the off season at East Coast beaches right now, so let's just say there were not many available options for me. In fact, there was exactly one fat girl swimsuit to be found, so we paid $64.99 for that sucker.

I would ordinarily not wear a swimsuit without washing it first. But we only had one night. So I decided to wear it.

Boy, was that ever a bad decision.

You know that crotch-protector thing they put in there? Well, it was put there with some sort of bizarre, industrial grade adhesive. The plastic came right off. But the freaking glue stayed. I didn't realize it until I took a step and yanked a bunch of hairs out.

I tried to pull the suit off but it just spread that shit around. My butt cheeks were stuck together. My lady bits were folded over and glued shut. I got a wash cloth soaped up and was scrubbing my nethers and screaming while JM offered a weak, "Honey, Are you okay in there?"

It was like the world's worst Brazilian wax job.

All I could think was, at least with everything glued shut, it'll be like I'm a virgin again.

Never again.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 8:37 PM, December 15th (Thursday)]

25 comments posted: Thursday, December 15th, 2016

I wasted way too much time on this

I don't know when this happened. I'm probably the only moron in the country who is just finding this out.

But my iPhone does all sorts of cool things when people text certain words. My sister sent me "congratulations" last night about my son's college acceptance. And confetti covered my screen. "Happy Birthday" sends up balloons. I don't know what else happens.

What other fun features do y'all know about?

6 comments posted: Tuesday, November 8th, 2016

Laughing at myself

Well, I can laugh at myself. So I'm gonna put this up here so y'all can laugh at me too.

JM took me out to dinner the other night. To a FANCY restaurant. With real silverware and plates and stuff.

I got prime rib. And got a piece of meat stuck between 2 teeth. I tried everything to loosen it. We had some shopping to do and it was driving me crazy.

So I got resourceful. I am a redneck and I'm not above MacGyvering a solution.

I have very long hair that is very tough to break. So I had the brilliant idea to use a strand of hair as dental floss.

DON'T JUDGE!! You don't know my pain.

Well, my unbreakable hair broke off. Great. Now I had a piece of meat and a hair stuck in my teeth.

We kept driving. I noticed a couple of finger nails that were getting a little long. WHAT?? Don't tell me you've never bitten off a nail and used it for a toothpick in an emergency.

What? Oh, it's just me? Well, don't try that because the fingernail broke off and then I had a piece of meat, a hair and a fingernail stuck between my teeth.

So I demanded a trip to anywhere that sells dental floss. Well, real dental floss. We went to CVS and you know what my sweet husband asked me? If I wanted some caramel corn.

Yeah. Cuz what I really need right now is to add a popcorn kernel to this friggin' Dental Jenga game I have going on in my mouth.

5 comments posted: Monday, October 17th, 2016

e.a.b.o.d.

I came across that term here a while back. It took me days to be able to even say it without uncontrollable giggles.

If you've never seen it before, it means "Eat a bag of dicks"

Oh Lawd, I laughed so hard at that.

Imagine my reaction when I looked in the fridge and saw this:

[This message edited by HFSSC at 9:31 PM, September 14th (Wednesday)]

2 comments posted: Wednesday, September 14th, 2016

I am so juvenile!!!

I was walking through a patient's room today and caught a glance of our weekly menu package on the bed. We offer menus that the patients can select from for the next week's meals.

The packet was lying on the bed such that the patient would be reading it, so it was upside down for me.

Here is what the cover looks like:

It has a nice little clip art of a chef hat. How sweet.

Only THIS is what I saw:

That was CLEARLY not thought out well. I can't decide if I'm going to tell the dietary manager or just let it ride.

4 comments posted: Saturday, August 6th, 2016

Cuteness to help you get over dragn's stupid tarantula thread

For those of us who are simultaneously shuddering, puking, and sucking our thumbs, here are some adorable pictures of our goats.

This is Beyonce' at approximately one week old, being bottle fed by ds17.

This is baby Biscuit a couple of hours after she was born.

Our four silly girls on the playground JM made for them.

And our newest baby, who will be joining us as soon as s/he is weaned.

You're all welcome.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 11:07 PM, July 20th (Wednesday)]

15 comments posted: Wednesday, July 20th, 2016

Stacked forums O M G

Just looked at the forums list and from OT to Book Club, the last topic posted reads:

A laser for your hoo-ha

Anyone need my help?

Radical Self Love

I am dying!

5 comments posted: Thursday, June 23rd, 2016

Great moments in texting

So I was texting with DS17 a little while ago and meant to send a smile emoji. Unfortunately, it was right next to another emoji. Needless to say, DS did not really appreciate it.

1 comment posted: Thursday, June 2nd, 2016

Out of the mouths of babes

Oh Lord, I've been laughing about this since last night.

Yesterday during children's church, the teacher was talking about the creation story. Every day, after God finished His work for the day, He said, "It is good." After He created man and woman, He said, "It is very good." As they were coloring pages, the children were talking about all the things they are thankful for God making. One of the little girls, who is about 5, said, "God made my bladder?" The teacher said yes. Then she said, with great joy, "and He made my private parts!!!!"

At this, the teacher was trying to hold it together. That's when the pastor's son, also about 5, said, "And it was GOOD!"

7 comments posted: Monday, April 18th, 2016

I can laugh now

Sort of a T/J from the "hardest I ever laughed" thread.

Stories that weren't funny at the time but crack you up now.

I'll start.

One evening a few years ago I had to stop for groceries after work. I was driving JM's truck for some reason. When I came out, it was POURING rain. I had like 6 bags of groceries. So I planned my move. I was going to hold all the bag handles in my left hand, open the door with my right and then swoop the groceries in with one smooth motion.

Well, I got the door open, so that part of the plan was A-okay. Where it went wrong was when I realized I had the wrong truck. And the owner of this truck was sitting in the driver's seat talking on his cell phone. I was about to jump on his lap.

I laugh about it now.

15 comments posted: Friday, February 19th, 2016

I feel so sorry for all of you

I've had the BEST day EVER!!!!

When I share the awesomeness of my day with you, you will all just wilt into tears of envy. Here are some tissues for you all.

First of all, we had a FIRE DRILL today at work. Those are SO much fun. Old people in nursing homes just love it when lights start flashing and klaxxon alarms sound at 900 decibels. Everybody was just... really irritable after that. A little while later, I had to pee. So I went in our one freaking bathroom that we have on our side of the building. There was a half-roll of toilet paper sitting on top of the dispenser. Thought I'd be a good citizen and use it. Well, I bobbled it as I was grabbing it, and managed to just barely grab the end piece. So it proceeded to roll out and then roll all over the bathroom. I was not really in a position to be able to stand up and try to grab the roll, so I thought MAYBE I could gently pull it towards me.

Yeah, not so much. Damn thing just continued to roll all over the room like a deranged pinball game. I ultimately just wiped and then grabbed the whole thing off the floor and slung it into the trash.

Then, came the CROWNING experience of my glorious day. My dear, darling husband, who is the light of my life and all that crap... decided to schedule a visit from some energy conservation consultant. To talk about solar energy.

Now, please understand. If this is how you make your living, I do not intend any offense. We all have our callings and have to pay the bills. But this guy caught me after a long day, before I'd even had supper or even a chance to take of my damn pantyhose. And he had a whole presentation with videos and powerpoints and all sorts of little graphics to explain the intricacies of solar power to me. I wanted to scream at him that I have an IQ over 150 and understood every single thing he said as soon as he said it. I did not require cartoon images and little invisible hands writing out the points in COMIC SANS font. I did not need his condescending, "It makes sense, right??" After every single point he made. (Picture David Spade in Tommy Boy here. That's what this guy sounded like) After an hour of education, he then took JM up in the attic to show us how horrible our insulation is and how it's a miracle we haven't all either died of heat/cold exposure or starved to death from paying our outrageous power bills.

At one point I told him that I was hungry and tired and could not process his questions. He told me to feel free to eat my supper and come back to the table. I told him an amusing story about how we were at the beach one time and some guy tried to get me to listen to his time share presentation. I told him I didn't have time because I'd just gotten out of prison for killing the last guy who tried to sell me something.

He laughed, I guess in an attempt to appease me and keep me from turning violent. I very kindly did not point out the misspellings and grammatical errors that I had noted in his presentation.

JM finally banished me to the bathtub. Not sure if that was a punishment or a reward, but I'll take it.

So, all of you peasants that didn't have a day as awesome as mine, go to bed. There's always tomorrow.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 9:37 PM, January 26th (Tuesday)]

17 comments posted: Tuesday, January 26th, 2016

Fragrance Commercials

I posted this on fb a couple of days ago but thought we could have fun with it here, too.

I don't understand fragrance commercials. Who sits around, sniffing perfume and then saying, "Oh yes! This smells like Charlize Theron climbing up a long rope of brown silk and onto a rooftop. Everyone will want to smell like that!"???

Last night there were a couple of malnourished models rolling around on a beach together. I'm pretty sure I don't want to smell like THAT, either.

Discuss.

16 comments posted: Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

There! I fixed it. Christmas tree edition

It's been a tough year. JM and I have had 3 surgeries, one major accident and a heart scare between us in the last 8 months. We have family drama and issues on both sides. I had surgery on my hand last Friday and he had surgery on his shoulder this past Friday.

To say we haven't had any Christmas spirit is putting it VERY mildly. We decided we weren't going to get a Christmas tree this year. We've always gotten real trees and I have always loved decorating our house, but I just don't feel it this year. When my MIL found out we weren't getting a tree, she freaked out and insisted we HAD to have one. So she brought me one in a box today.

Here it is:

Hope she's happy.

7 comments posted: Sunday, December 13th, 2015

Why I love living in the country

You just never know what you're going to see.

We live on the other side of a crossroads from a large farm/animal sanctuary. The owners are vegans. They take in farm animals that have been abandoned or mistreated. The animals are well fed and cared for. As vegans, they are obviously not big fans of hunting, etc. They also don't build very good fences. On July 3rd, one of their small pigs (they have about 50) got out, walked to our yard and then just gave out. She laid on the ground and refused to move. JM had to put the pig in his truck and drive her home.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, one of their very large (600+ lbs) hogs got loose and tore up another neighbor's yard. So that guy, 85 year old man, shot the hog and killed it.. He called my FIL and asked him to get the hog into his truck and take it to be butchered. FIL just got there when the owner showed up. She refused to allow them to take the pig and instead dragged it home with her tractor and buried it. Funeral and all.

But the best damn thing I've seen was Sunday afternoon. I was going to choir practice and when I turned on the dirt road just around the corner from our house, I encountered 30 or 40 people on horses coming toward me. Then I realize on horse did not have a rider, seemed quite agitated and was running directly toward me. It was just so freaking bizarre. The road was torn all to Hell. I called 911. "911, what is your emergency?"

I said, "I'm not sure if it qualifies as an emergency, but I am pretty pissed off right now." I went on to tell her what was going on and asked if that was against the law. She was silent for a few seconds and said, "Um, Ma'am, I gotta tell you I really don't know. But it sure oughtta be."

Edited because my Kindle is just an idiot.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 5:36 AM, September 10th (Thursday)]

19 comments posted: Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

So this just happened

(Poof)

we just had the most delightful lunch with Aubrie and her kids! JM, ds16 and I are in the area on vacation and we were able to meet up for lunch. JM and the kiddos were camera-shy so Aubrie and I went crazy with the selfies. I'm sure she will be here later to post the ones on her phone.

It was such a treat to finally get to meet another one of my SI friends face to face, after spending a couple of years getting to know each other online. If you ever get the chance to go to a G2G or just meet up one on one, go for it. It's another blessing that comes along with the dubious honor of

Membership in this club.

[This message edited by HFSSC at 1:58 PM, August 20th (Thursday)]

13 comments posted: Thursday, July 9th, 2015

Let's rename the V

Seems to be a quorum, if not a consensus that vagina is an awful word for, let's face it, an awesome body part. It brings pleasure, it cleans itself, it brings new life into the world, and in the (possibly misattributed but still damned funny) words of Betty White, "Those things can take a pounding."

So, let's come up with a new word or phrase. Or let's see how many awesome words we can come up with (pun intended)

Vulvalicious??

Go!!!

[This message edited by HFSSC at 7:43 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]

31 comments posted: Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

Well, since my "private donation" didnt work out...

I have a new idea that is guaranteed to make me rich.

A clothing line designed for menopausal women. I'm gonna call it Red Hot Mamas. I'm thinking little vents down the sides. Sleeves that attach with Velcro to allow the wearer to remove them during hot flashes. Then they could reattach them when the inevitable rebound cold flash occurs. Maybe also a v-shaped piece that Velcro's to the neckline and could be removed and reattached as needed.

Oh,oh, oh!!!! I just thought of another feature. Concealed pockets which could hold chemical cold packs.

Now I just have to find someone to help me make prototypes and market them.

9 comments posted: Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

I'm rich!!!! See you chumps later!!

Well, I don't like to brag, but I just received this email:

Private donation to you,write back for more information's

I have replied but haven't received my "information's" yet. Probably tomorrow. I'll be thinking of y'all when I'm sitting on my own tropical island.

39 comments posted: Monday, November 10th, 2014

Oh dear Lord, I weep for the future

I work with a lot of younger nurses. But, damn, we are in the South. I just read this, written by one of our nurses:

"Patient picked turn-up greens and said she possibly fell."

TURN-UP GREENS????????????? WTF???

Are there really people who have never heard of turnips??

4 comments posted: Thursday, October 30th, 2014

Ad on a for sale/free/wanted site

For sale! Need gone before tomorrow afternoon. Car is ugly at best. Nasty interior broken bumpers. Previous owner must of had 3 dogs and 7 children in the car at all times cause there's hair all over the seats and roof of the car. Basically the car is good for getting places and gets 30+ mpg on the interstate. I'm selling it to help pay for my mustang.

This just cracked me up this morning.

2 comments posted: Thursday, October 30th, 2014

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