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When A WS Leaves For Their OP Part 2

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hopefullife posted 1/13/2021 08:16 AM

Hope everyone's holidays went well, despite the world's situation.

Happy new year! Looking forward to brighter days always.

Radney posted 2/17/2021 15:12 PM

Rockstar Dad, How horrible that the whole relationhip of AP and WS is shoved in your face like that! I hope there is a way for you to relocate! Stay strong and know that you are not alone.

Bonetired posted 3/20/2021 11:56 AM

My WH left me for their OP.Found out when I was 4 months pregnant.Tears everything you can imagine.He basically told me too bad get over it and I was over reacting.They are married today.I get along for my daughter's sake she is 14.Told her we separated amicably.God what a hard pill to swallow.

puffstuff posted 3/21/2021 16:00 PM

Almost two years since Dday - and they are still together.

To be perfectly honest, I wish them well. I have no real anger left. I just want us all to move on. Me, him, her. I can't be doing with the pain any more.

I still worry about her a lot, for some shitty reason. I hate it. I suddenly worry that he's going to turn out an arsehole and start abusing her/my kids.

In the mean time, I will be moving out of my folks soon. Will start dating and having fun once the virus is over. But I still have a long way to go. I'm still raw, still vulnerable. But bit by bit I am finding my freedom and future.

Bonetired posted 3/30/2021 18:09 PM

Puffstuff future is a key word.What future do you want.

HatsandBats posted 4/17/2021 05:51 AM

Just posting here in an attempt to move on from my denial. He has gone and has no desire to come back. This is not the life I planned or expected.

Thereís lots I can write but one thing I am struggling with is that the AP gets away with it. WH has relapsed (alcoholic) so that is perhaps some consequences for him but if he recovers (& heís working on this) then he gets off Scott free too. He loses financially but earns a lot anyway. And I lose financially too.

[This message edited by HatsandBats at 5:55 AM, April 17th (Saturday)]

BentandBroken posted 4/21/2021 14:06 PM

HandB,

It might help to remind yourself that the AP isn't winning in this case. You're still thinking of your WH as someone who doesn't exist - the committed partner you thought you had. She's getting a cheating POS with an alcohol addiction. Their future is far from pretty, and now you're free to choose a better path. Keep referencing that list of things you won't miss about him. Because that's what the AP "gets away with" while you get a new life.

It's not easy - but you'll get there.

(((HatsandBats)))

HatsandBats posted 4/22/2021 01:08 AM

BentandBroken - from the outside I think youíre right but heís just come out of rehab and it feels like itís given him a new understanding of himself and, although thereís some sadness when I confront him about what heís doing and done, he is resolute in his choice. Before rehab he appeared to waver occasionally, when drunk, but he was lying. His relapse was due to having to face me and the terrible thing heíd done. But it feels like he now accepts that, although it hurts me, itís ok and he thinks the children will be ok.

His prior visit to rehab was 10 years ago and he was sober for over 9 years so I know he can do it. Also, he has only cheated once in our 25 year relationship. I donít think he will do it again to her.

Itís like she gets the therapy improved, well adjusted version of him, the one that has learnt what not to do.

That said, I had a chat yesterday with someone who also had an alcoholic spouse who cheated. They described their partner as someone who is never happy and always looking for the next thing - house, holiday, etc and the same could be said of my WH, except maybe he will change now heís found Ďtrue loveí.

I hope my WH is never happy as a consequence of what heís done but fear he will be.

grubs posted 4/22/2021 10:45 AM

They described their partner as someone who is never happy and always looking for the next thing - house, holiday, etc and the same could be said of my WH, except maybe he will change now heís found Ďtrue loveí.

People don't change unless forced. He's as broken as he was with you and will fail again. It's probably more likely now that he's with someone with lower standards than yourself.

HatsandBats posted 4/22/2021 12:17 PM

Grubs maybe youíre right. Iím just not sure. He seems to be approaching AA in a different way this time, more spiritually, praying and talking about his higher power. Itís annoying because why couldnít he have been doing it properly before?

And yet today Iíve been feeling weirdly calm. I keep thinking that maybe Iíve been set free. Iím not sure what I even mean by that because two days ago I was feeling very raw so why so different today? In the 9 years he was sober I never worried about his alcoholism, not that much so I donít know if thatís it. I will discuss it in my next counselling session.

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