Why I don't do birthdays anymore.
exWW: u alone?
exWW: i have something to tell u that will be devastating yet im sure not shocking after the last few months
exWW: i think i do need a trial separation or if that is too much for you to handle than a separation
i can't keep this in anymore
exWW: i have too much guilt over how much you love me and i don't feel the same
me: are u serious?
exWW: yes - i had no idea how to tell u
i just can't keep doing this
me: u could n't have waiting for another day.
exWW: it would happen eventually no matter what
i figure u will hate me no matter when i do it
me: U have to do what u have to do.
I came to the conclusion months ago, I couldn't do anything to fix this.
This was up to whether or not u wanted to stay.
exWW: i think at this point im staying b/c it's what im expecting to do and that's not fair
i have no idea if i'll ever truly be happy, but u at least deserve to be
me: This isn't going to make me happy.
exWW: in time u'll be better off
me: doubt it.
exWW: u really don't want to be married to someone who is there b/c
me: I still think you need to see someone, but I know you don't want to.
exWW: i know
and i don't know that i won't regret this decision, but i can't keep doing this to you
i really am very sorry and have kept trying to keep going b/c i love u as a person.
but it's not fair
exWW: i will start looking for a place and get out when i can
me: How many weeks are left in Bowling?
i can see if tim can have david sub for me
me: U can go. I 'll stay home.
me: so I guess I don't need to buy miami tickets now?
exWW: i do want u to know that im freaking out now that i've told u and have no idea if im making the right decision
me: I don't think u r, but I cann't make that decision for u.
exWW: if i move out u are done, right? u have no interest in allowing me some space and see how things go, correct?
me: I don't see the point. If u really wanted to stay, you wouldn't need to move out to find out.
This was an IM log between my ex and I from 12 years ago while I was at work. We had started bowling together with my MIL and a coworker of mine a year or two earlier and my WW and him became friends. exWW never really had long term friends. She would have a friend than fall out. Then on to a new friend. At the time I was her longest close friend she had. 🚩 Lots of FOO and narcissists in her family tree.🚩 I'd been after her for several years to get IC since her pattern with friends was pretty unhealthy. She was unwilling to do any work on herself.🚩 After talking about it that night, we actually stumbled on for eight months before she finally moved out. Ex and AP got married around a year or two after our D was final. I actually didn't remember this until a recent trigger made me look back. I found this conversation and other major red flags in the logs that I either totally missed at the time or had forgotten over the last decade +. I suffered a trigger last year that caused me to look back and reflect on it.
Realistically our marriage not surviving was my unanswered prayer of which Garth Brooks sings. The amount of effort it took to keep my exWW fulfilled was exhausting. I actually helped get her AP a raise a few years back. I've been married to my current wife for seven years. While this marriage, like all, takes work, it is refreshing to be in one with someone willing and able to share the load. Since I was raised that marriage was for life, my first marriage had me feeling like Sisyphus always pushing the boulder uphill.
4 comments posted: Thursday, July 22nd, 2021
Children and New Spouses
When I asked him about it he was quick to blame it on his wifes son saying its just because he doesnt listen to him or respect him. I know I can't change or control his behavior but just need to focus on DD. Its so hard.
I kind of found this kind of weird. My stepson has lived with us for the last seven years.
We have conversations. I do half the taxi driving for him. I'm helping to teach him to drive. I believe he respects me and my viewpoints. However; I'm not his parent as he has a mother and had a father until recently. I would not presume to discipline him or tell him want to do. I might give him suggestions or reminders, like texting him pix of the dishes he left in the sink, but in the end that's not my role in his life.
Don't get me wrong, I love him. I support him and cheer him on. I'm proud of the young man he is becoming and my part in that. There is a clear difference from me parenting him though.
8 comments posted: Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021