A little tiny pity party for myself tonight
Saturday night and I am perusing some homes for sale listings because nothing to do with Covid raging around here. I see one for sale near my XWH;s house and the price is crazy high. I know that neighborhood well (we lived there in his house for a couple years before we bought one together). I knew he had fixed it up when we split a few years ago and I knew he retired last year. I also (dumb, I know), noticed that the AP had taken a job about 90 miles away. I thought they had fizzled. But while looking at the other house, I zoomed out and saw his house and the value. And then I clicked a little more and saw that there are other people living there now. So he probably moved with the AP.
I don’t want to be with him. I am doing fine. But it still feels like I am stuck and he moved forward.
(I am not stuck in any way except dating. I’ve bought a home, gotten better jobs, gotten my masters degree, built a great group of friends….)
Well crap. I guess this is my reminder to stay away from his business and not do this to myself.
I guess the upside is I don’t have to worry about running in to him at my favorite taqueria near there.
**sigh** I wish I was a faster learner on some of these lessons.
7 comments posted: Saturday, January 22nd, 2022
How to even start dating?
So how do I start dipping my toes in the dating pool?
I am feeling that I am ready but COVID has been a handy excuse.
OLD is the norm , but I am at a huge disadvantage since I am literally the least photogenic person alive. I’m okay in person, but in photos I am a troll. (Even dear friends confirm this) I think I have so much to offer now, but how to relay my awesomeness?
Do I just need to jump on and keep a thick skin?
4 comments posted: Monday, August 9th, 2021
“What Happened To You”
I’m reading this and loving it! It’s conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey. It’s fascinating and informative on how our brains react to trauma. For people with kids, I think this will be even more interesting. Highly recommend!
0 comment posted: Sunday, July 11th, 2021
Both cats have diarrhea
one cat was throwing up a lot last weekend so I took her to emergency vet. Lots of tests, nothing wrong. Now both have diarrhea. What a mess and my sad kitties. Anyone know any natural remedies?
4 comments posted: Friday, April 23rd, 2021
Finished my masters!
Excited that I finished my MSOL. One BIG upside is a regained my ability to focus and read. I totally lost that as trauma side effect, but through sheer force and repetition, I got a lot of back in this program.
As always, now I have the “What’s Next?” Question and a big gaping whole in my time to fill, but that will be the project this summer.
I never would have or could have done this with my ex. He would not have been supportive enough (lip service only).
Love the silver linings!
17 comments posted: Monday, April 19th, 2021
Anyone else avoid this forum when first at SI?
When I first joined SI this forum was inexplicable to me.
How could anyone joke around when my world just imploded? Who can play games when I can’t think straight for more than 4 minutes at a time? I would almost get annoyed that people were being happy and light and fun!
Now I look forward to SPF every week.
Time truly is a healer.
10 comments posted: Thursday, December 10th, 2020
Didn’t cut a thread to ex...and natch I got cut
So today I fucked up.
I went to CVS to get a couple things before the lockdowns start. (Shelter in place starts 10 miles from my house- expecting we’ll get that order this week.) My bill was a little higher than I expected, so I carefully read the receipt when I got home. It’s fine but I scan down the LLLLOOONNNGGGG receipt to make sure I get the good coupons I’ll use. And I see there is a section for a bonus if you buy a certain number of hair color products. I skim over then double back. I don’t use box color on my hair (I have a hairdresser who does my hair.). And someone is 4 boxes out of 7 to the next reward. Let’s figure 6 weeks between colors. That has to be OW.
As recently as Valentine’s Day my XWH was sniffing around.And obviously lying or at the very least implying he was not with her. (I never ask). I realize the ph # we used on the CVS account was our old land line and I have just still been using it to get the discounts. And so has she.
I was already unhappy that I am alone in this social isolation and he obviously isn’t. Yeah, I know they are losers who deserve each other. But it hit me harder than I expected as this social isolation is feeling extra isolating. Fuck.
I’ll get a new CVS card and cut that forgotten thread. Just a paper cut, but you know how those sting out of proportion to the actual damage? Yeah, that’s the feeling.
The gift that keeps on giving.
16 comments posted: Monday, March 16th, 2020
Struggling... just keep falling back in the Pit of Despair
How do you pull yourself out of the pit? Everything is going well ...but it’s not.
My brain still struggles. The sadness keeps coming back. Granted I had other stuff happen during the aftermath of infidelity (House burned down, lost my job, death of dad, uncle and young pet all unexpectedly) but I truly hoped I’d be more stable by now. I can go a while— and then I lose it again. Tears for hours, hopeless feeling. I’m in IC (left for a bit but when my cat died i went back). I bought a house, I got a new job, I’m starting graduate school. I’m doing all the things. But the pit still threatens to swallow me too often.
What works for anyone else who struggles like this? How do you function with the grief hanging around for so long?
27 comments posted: Sunday, February 23rd, 2020
Grad school.....yikes and yippee!
I did a thing. I got accepted in to grad school. At 52. Something I never did for myself and always wanted to. Super excited and terrified.
Wish me luck!
16 comments posted: Monday, February 10th, 2020
How To Break Your Addiction To A Person
How To Break Your Addiction To A Person By Howard Halpern, PHD
Anyone else read this? This is really helping me organize my thoughts, although the phrase “infant attachment” creeps me out. I am not sure i buy into the theory that these traits/attachments are from infancy, but the behavior part and how to separate from those behaviors resonates with me.
Anyone else read this? Thoughts?
3 comments posted: Monday, January 22nd, 2018
The Gifts of Imperfection
I am reading this as part of my healing...but it is not dazzling me like it has done for others. Why did you like it? What spoke to you?
6 comments posted: Thursday, April 27th, 2017