Newest Member: loyaltylost

I Can Relate :
When A WS Leaves For Their OP Part 2

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AbandonedGuy ( member #66456) posted at 9:21 PM on Wednesday, November 10th, 2021

I'm just checking in. I can't believe it's been three years since DDay. Covid made dating really weird and in my experience, and for others I know, created a sort of isolation test. These are weird times. I hope everyone is coping in healthy ways.

To the person who is envious of the reconcilers, that's a normal feeling. At the time your spouse reveals they want nothing to do with you anymore, it feels like you had something special ripped from you grasp without any input or control over the outcome and you desperately want to go back to "normal". Just know that those who leave us without a fight are, in some ways, doing us a favor. By and large, dragging things out only causes more opportunities for heartache and disappointment. Past the initial shock, you have a chance to heal sooner, and faster, provided you reach out to your support structure and work on your mental wellbeing.

A year past DDay, I was already 99% of the way over things, but a global pandemic works wonders to distract you that last 1%. My best advice to anyone in this situation (although people differ, so it won't be for everyone) is not to seek what you had with your ex in someone else too quickly. You've been granted a rare opportunity to focus solely on yourself and fix as many of the things you dislike about yourself that you wish. Some people never get to feel what it's like to be fully on their own. Some see that as a pro, but as someone who's gone through it, I see it as a different way to build one's own character and independence. In a day and age when emotional isolation seems to be on the upswing, this is our opportunity to brush up on the skills needed to ride the choppy waters ahead.

Good luck to all of you in your continued recovery and God bless.

EmancipatedFella, formerly AbandonedGuy

posts: 1058   ·   registered: Oct. 9th, 2018
id 8697912
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Legend10 ( new member #79407) posted at 10:22 AM on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

Just posting here because I'm having a bit of a down day.

I've felt ok, bordering on good the past week or so but I'm just feeling a bit lost at the moment, back in a sad place where just putting one foot in front of the other takes monumental effort.

I don't miss the person my WS was but I sure as hell miss all the things that come with being in a relationship, I am lonely I guess. The fact I know she has moved on with the AP and doesn't have to suffer with this just makes me incredibly envious of her.

posts: 43   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2021
id 8698655
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BentandBroken ( member #72519) posted at 1:47 PM on Tuesday, November 16th, 2021

Legend, so sorry you are struggling today. I've had many days like that myself.

I'm two years out, and surprisingly, very happy in singlehood. I dated for a while, quickly discovered I wasn't ready, and now I really like being on my own. I never imagined in a million years that I would feel this way.

You'll get there. I promise. You've already endured the hardest part with amazing strength. We have your back!

20+ year relationship; Never officially married
Dday November 2019
4 wonderful grown children
WH multiple APs, currently involved with married COW
Kicked him out on Dday and that was that

posts: 317   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2020   ·   location: Michigan
id 8698667
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