Newest Member: izMAnmLqwM2y5yMBJKA

HalfTime2017

My 5 Year Update

March 2017 was the most difficult time in my life. What was supposed to be a great family Spring Break trip turned into my DDay a couple of days before we left. Little did I know my life was going to be turned upside down, and not just for me, but my kids and the family and friends that surrounded and supported us.

Little did I know, my exWW had started an affair with her boss. I found out b/c I saw a text on her phone that popped up that had some guy's name telling her he loved and supported her, which I found to be odd. Being a boss myself, I would never tell anyone that reported up to me that I loved them in that way. So we went down the rabbit hole, of digging through phone records and credit card information. I got the proof I needed and exposed immediately to the OBS. She had just given birth, which meant that my POS exWW and the AP started the affair when the OBS was 7 months pregnant. I showed her the receipts of them meeting up the day after she gave birth. Imagine how low you have to be to cheat with a married man, whose wife was 7 months pregnant, and on the flip, what a POS man he was for having an affair while his wife was pregnant, and ditching that time he was supposed to be there for his family to spend time with my Wife. It was like a soap opera, my life went from 100 to -10 in an instant.

I wish I would have found this site earlier, but like the many that get on here later, I was floundering. Trying to save my marriage, my life, and the family for my kids. I played the pick me dance for a 3-4 months, did all of the wrong things until some of the folks here along with my family helped to steer me straight. I read on here for awhile before posting, but there was a bunch of folks here who could see through the muck, when I couldn't. I fought the notion that I couldn't fix this, I fought against the NC and 180, the advice of having to risk losing the marriage to save it. I was wrong, I wish I would have listened sooner, but I eventually did and I never looked back.

Today, 5 yrs out, I'm in such a great place. I got married earlier this year, to a wonderful woman who loves and adores me and my children. She is an absolute upgrade from my exWW. I waited a while to date, and when I did date, I asked my GF, my now wife to wait a full year before I'd introduce her to my kids, and during that time I worked on myself and my relationship with my kids. Today, my relationship my kids are as strong as ever. We love spending time together. They love me, they trust me, and they come to me. I never lied to them. I owed them the truth, and I know the respect me for it.

My new wife is the sweetest thing. I dated for a bit using online dating apps, which was fun while it lasted, but once I met my current wife, I knew there was something more. We compliment each other fantastically, and our future is bright. My children love her and go looking for her when they come home from school. They ask for her, and they'll go find her to hang out after school. My family loves her. My family was also very supportive during my rough times, along with my close friends. People rallied around me, and I'm better for it today. I've rebuilt my life and its better today, than it was when I was with my ex., and that life was good back then. Its been a long road, but I've learned so much about myself, my family and my kids. I can say I'm better today, I've weathered a huge shit storm and came out on the other side stronger, more attuned and with a better understanding of where I'm going to lead my family.

As for my exWW, she's still with the POS AP. I'm really surprised they've lasted this long, but its a tough market out there. Im confident that he has cheated on her already, after all, this was his 7th time cheating that his former wife knew about. The chances for my exWW of not getting cheated on, and now living a shit life with who I suspect is a Narcissist, with confirmed ED and sex addition is probably not going to end with a happily ever after. They may be stuck together, but she just replaced his former wife, who by the way got engaged last year. She's just a baby sitter for the AP now. She has been stocking my Wife's social media accounts, and has attempted the friends route, but we just keep her at bay, and cordial for the kids. I'm SO glad to be rid of her and her shitty family looking back now, I really did have rose tinted glasses on.

For those of you that are just starting your journey, or in the first year, just know that life will get better. Time heals, and there is no shortcut to get you there. Look out 3 yrs, 5 yrs out and think if you can even justify staying with your WW/WH, or if you know it may be too much to keep trying. Floundering the first few months is normal, but try to keep moving forward even when things are uncertain. You will never get your time and respect back. And lastly, don't be afraid of the unknown, you will find someone if you really want to, and if you don't, you will learn to live a good life single. DOn't be afraid of the uncertainty of the financial situation, that too will work itself out. Don't be scared that your kids won't grow up in a 2 parent home, b/c you have the ability to be a better 1 parent home than one where you share with a broken person. Don't be afraid of taking action b/c you can only ever control you. And lastly, don't be afraid of some of the 2X4s that you get from this forum, you can take it or leave it, but know that the people on here for the most part provide advice from a good place and their experience.

I hope you all can find the love and peace that you all deserve.

HalfTime

8 comments posted: Thursday, March 3rd, 2022

D-Day was 4 years out and Happily Divorced

Posted this in JFO forum, but wanted to share it here in the D/S space as well for those going down the D-route.

Yesterday was my 4yr Anniversary of Dday, and what a ride its been. I wanted to post an update to say thank you to those that have gone thru the pain of Infidelity and have chosen to be a guide for all the noobies just starting their journey.

For a long time, I was just a lurker on this site, especially at the very beginning of my journey into infidelity. I couldn't stop reading the many threads on SI to find similarities, to find hope that someone, somehow would save my marriage. I didn't actually sign up for an account until 2018. Now, 4 yrs out, I've been divorced for close to 2.5yrs and 2.5 yrs into my New Beginning which I'll touch on below.

Looking back at my journey, SI was the driving force and my own educational portal into Infidelity and the ways of the Wardward spouse. They say there is no handbook for being a parent, well there's also no handbook for how to deal+heal+parent+moving forward after D-day for Infidelity either. I learned most everything from the strangers on this site, and I can say that I'm stronger today, more educated, and looking at a brighter future today than I was 4 yrs ago.

Prior to SI I did all the wrong things including the pick me dance. We, the faithful BS had no idea that our spouses were capable of all these heinous actions behind our back, our children's back and deceptive measures taken at our expense. If I could make one suggestion for the newbies its to listen to the guidance of the strangers on this forum. They've been thru the battles, and have much knowledge to share. If you were like me, cheating was new to me, it was something that happens to other people. Never in a million years did I think it was going to happen to me. I had in my mind a happy, successful marriage. We had a wonderful fulfilling life, great children and very little stress. Financially speaking, we were fortune and money was never a stressor for us, so the unhappiness or cheating was a surprise to me.

It took me sometime to wake up from my own fog. I so wanted to make my marriage work, to save it for the kids, I ended up devaluing myself to try to save a marriage to a spouse that was just too lost in her affair. In addition to the reading and advice from SI, the final straw was her bestfriend telling me that I was too good, and I shouldn't wait for my exWW to wake up. That came at roughly month 3-4 after Dday. When her own best friend told me that I had to leave and that I deserved me, that was a turning point for me. I instituted the 180, NC and have been ever since. It was the best thing I did. I was able to regain my confidence, and chart a new path (although difficult) that would take me to where I am today.

Divorce was a shit show, and my WW tried her best along with her family to milk me for everything they could. Her AP was in her ear doing the same. And you know what, as hard as it was, I'm still here today, living proof that it will all turn out fine. I'm better than fine, I'm happy and living a great life.

After I instituted the 180 and NC, all my attention turned to my kids and working on myself. I went to counseling, read books, worked out, and spent my time improving my relationship with my kids. It was always great, but today, my relationship with my kids are even better. I have no doubt that they lean towards me and not their mom. They would much rather be with me and my girlfriend and have been told that they are just more comfortable with me, at their HOME. And for that I am very thankful.

I was also able to date some during my divorce b/c my exWW moved out a week after Dday. I am grateful that we did not have to do IHS, because that would have been difficult. At the time of my finalizing my divorce I found a wonderful women, who has taught me a ton. She is kind, loving, happy and most importantly, she is great to both myself and my kids. She has no children of her own, but she treats my kids like her own. I'd argue that she is a better mom than my exWW.

My exWW is still with her AP. My kids don't like him, but at least they know the true story of their beginnings. My exWW was one of the worst offenders. She snagged another married womens husband while the BS was 7 months pregnant. At the BS's weakest point, and my exWW took no mercy, took time away from them, met up with the AP the day after the child was born, and for that, I'm even more glad I'm away from this women.

If you've helped me along the way thank you. If you're new here, just know that people are trying to help you avoid the pitfalls of infidelity so that you don't make the same mistakes they did early in their own journey. Sometimes its harsh, but living with a cheater is worst. Stay for awhile, help yourself, and then help others. No one deserves to go through this alone. And you will make it to the other side, no matter what that other side is. YOU WILL BE OKAY. One day at a time.

8 comments posted: Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

ppily D4 yrs out from DDay and haivorced

Yesterday was my 4yr Anniversary of Dday, and what a ride its been. I wanted to post an update to say thank you to those that have gone thru the pain of Infidelity and have chosen to be a guide for all the noobies just starting their journey.

For a long time, I was just a lurker on this site, especially at the very beginning of my journey into infidelity. I couldn't stop reading the many threads on SI to find similarities, to find hope that someone, somehow would save my marriage. I didn't actually sign up for an account until 2018. Now, 4 yrs out, I've been divorced for close to 2.5yrs and 2.5 yrs into my New Beginning which I'll touch on below.

Looking back at my journey, SI was the driving force and my own educational portal into Infidelity and the ways of the Wardward spouse. They say there is no handbook for being a parent, well there's also no handbook for how to deal+heal+parent+moving forward after D-day for Infidelity either. I learned most everything from the strangers on this site, and I can say that I'm stronger today, more educated, and looking at a brighter future today than I was 4 yrs ago.

Prior to SI I did all the wrong things including the pick me dance. We, the faithful BS had no idea that our spouses were capable of all these heinous actions behind our back, our children's back and deceptive measures taken at our expense. If I could make one suggestion for the newbies its to listen to the guidance of the strangers on this forum. They've been thru the battles, and have much knowledge to share. If you were like me, cheating was new to me, it was something that happens to other people. Never in a million years did I think it was going to happen to me. I had in my mind a happy, successful marriage. We had a wonderful fulfilling life, great children and very little stress. Financially speaking, we were fortune and money was never a stressor for us, so the unhappiness or cheating was a surprise to me.

It took me sometime to wake up from my own fog. I so wanted to make my marriage work, to save it for the kids, I ended up devaluing myself to try to save a marriage to a spouse that was just too lost in her affair. In addition to the reading and advice from SI, the final straw was her bestfriend telling me that I was too good, and I shouldn't wait for my exWW to wake up. That came at roughly month 3-4 after Dday. When her own best friend told me that I had to leave and that I deserved me, that was a turning point for me. I instituted the 180, NC and have been ever since. It was the best thing I did. I was able to regain my confidence, and chart a new path (although difficult) that would take me to where I am today.

Divorce was a shit show, and my WW tried her best along with her family to milk me for everything they could. Her AP was in her ear doing the same. And you know what, as hard as it was, I'm still here today, living proof that it will all turn out fine. I'm better than fine, I'm happy and living a great life.

After I instituted the 180 and NC, all my attention turned to my kids and working on myself. I went to counseling, read books, worked out, and spent my time improving my relationship with my kids. It was always great, but today, my relationship with my kids are even better. I have no doubt that they lean towards me and not their mom. They would much rather be with me and my girlfriend and have been told that they are just more comfortable with me, at their HOME. And for that I am very thankful.

I was also able to date some during my divorce b/c my exWW moved out a week after Dday. I am grateful that we did not have to do IHS, because that would have been difficult. At the time of my finalizing my divorce I found a wonderful women, who has taught me a ton. She is kind, loving, happy and most importantly, she is great to both myself and my kids. She has no children of her own, but she treats my kids like her own. I'd argue that she is a better mom than my exWW.

My exWW is still with her AP. My kids don't like him, but at least they know the true story of their beginnings. My exWW was one of the worst offenders. She snagged another married womens husband while the BS was 7 months pregnant. At the BS's weakest point, and my exWW took no mercy, took time away from them, met up with the AP the day after the child was born, and for that, I'm even more glad I'm away from this women.

If you've helped me along the way thank you. If you're new here, just know that people are trying to help you avoid the pitfalls of infidelity so that you don't make the same mistakes they did early in their own journey. Sometimes its harsh, but living with a cheater is worst. Stay for awhile, help yourself, and then help others. No one deserves to go through this alone. And you will make it to the other side, no matter what that other side is. YOU WILL BE OKAY. One day at a time.

[This message edited by HalfTime2017 at 3:56 PM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

14 comments posted: Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

Why won't they just leave you alone

So I had a fun filled weekend planned for my kids to meet my new SO. Had her wait a yr before I introduced her so she was excited. I did not let the kids know I was dating up until a month+ ago, but we've been dating for a yr now.

So we had a great date night on Friday with my kids. Everything went off without a hitch. Everyone had a blast, a fine dinner and activities. My GF left and my kids really liked her. She had work on Sat, and on Sunday, my GF joined my extended family and my kids to see Star Wars and dinner before going home.

She gets home and calls me telling me that my ex had reached out to her on Facebook. I know my ex had looked up my GF prior b/c my kids told me that when they picked up mommies phone, they saw a picture of my GF on mommies Instagram page, meaning she must have been snooping prior. The girls came asking me if I had a girlfriend a few months back and I just dodged the question b/c saying it was non of their business and that I will wait to talk to them or introduce them to my GF until I felt like I was ready and they were ready. Well, they were ready!! They kept asking about meeting her and was excited to finally meet daddies GF.

So my exWW who I keep NC on save for the kids has been snooping on my GF. My kids obviously told her that they were going to meet my GF and how excited they were. My GF gets a message saying that my exWW is the mom and therefore is reaching out to said GF b/c she'll need to work with her. Out of the blue. My GF was asking me what to do, but I said to just ignore her and block her b/c you didn't reach out to her. She's just a busy body and probably bored. Why can't these people who cheat on us, leave us alone. I've gone NC. I give her nothing in terms of reaction/feedback/response unless needed for the kids. Even then, I keep it short.

Go away already and pretend to play house on your own time with your Brady Bunch. I'm sure its probably not as happy as can be.

8 comments posted: Monday, December 23rd, 2019

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220428 2002-2022 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy