Newest Member: Imthecheater

HatsandBats

What to try

My husband left me at the end of August for an OW, returned for a month and then left again. The OW is someone he’s known for years and he believes himself very much in love. I haver reason to believe he’s had feelings for her for a long time. The emotional affair perhaps began in August ‘19 and became physical in June ‘20. He is an alcoholic and broke his sobriety due to his guilt. I believe he is currently sober.

I have begun the divorce process but really I want reconciliation. Back in December I made this clear and we had a few drunken discussions about it but really it was clear that he doesn’t want this. I asked him a few weeks ago to really think into the future. I know I have done everything wrong, done the pick me dance. We still text regularly, mainly chatty texts about the children. If I’d said nothing about wanting reconciliation he would not have brought it up. I think it shocked him as he thought I’d accepted the situation.

Recently I’ve been thinking about how he’s treated me and some of the things he’s said. He’s treated me so badly, first by having the affair and since by giving me mixed messages. But I do want reconciliation. I have decided though it would need to be him coming to me with complete remorse & contrtion.

Anyway I’m in a bind. Currently he does not want reconciliation and, in truth, he is so in love with the AP I think it’s highly unlikely that will change. If he’s not coming back I have things I want to say to him. But I’m worried this could jeopardise any small chance there is of reconciliation.

What to do - does anyone have any thoughts or advice!

I'm really unsure about how to proceed.

196 comments posted: Thursday, February 18th, 2021

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