SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Many BS's have revenge fantasies.

In this thread, let's rate from 0 through 10, with 10 being the most disturbing, how disturbing your revenge fantasies are/were ?

For me personally, easily a 10.

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Even as a woman who considers herself healed years later, I'm still disturbed by my revenge fantasies.

I thank God, I never acted on them.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 4:10 PM, Sunday, May 15th]

I did one "revenge" thing.

I would log into her blog and leave it open for a few hours. She was convinced my H was still in love and stalking her.

She eventually deleted her blog and moved to the opposite side of the country.

Hahahahaha.

My other revenge fantasy is that I hope when she is married for 20+ years her H has a mid life crisis, has an affair and D her.

What goes around comes around.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 4:26 PM, Sunday, May 15th]

I don’t know, maybe a 2 or 3? Getting one fired was probably my worst fantasy.

My xWH’s AP got fired from her job for poor performance at work. I guess she was so busy sleeping with a married man that she neglected her real job duties.
I was so excited but it didn’t turn out to be a good thing because now that she’s out of a job, she’s clinging onto XWH for her dear life. He provides everything for her.

AP was very overweight. I used to wish she'd have a heart attack and disabled. Like wheelchair, adult diapers, speech impaired but aware enough to know. Rate: 10

An easier one was to anonymously send animal poop. There are companies that do it. Rate: 2

[This message edited by leafields at 10:50 PM, Sunday, May 15th]

Yep Leafields, that was my revenge fantasy. I even looked up the companies that send animal poop. I knew where the AP worked and fantasised about her opening a surprise package in front of her colleagues and finding stinking poop inside 😂 I wouldn’t have wasted the money on her though.

After I found out they had done it a few times at my house (trickle truth strikes again), I had fantasies of coming home and catching them in the act. I would imagine grabbing her by the hair and throwing her out the front door, stark naked! I imagined her having to run all the way to her car (we live in a townhome and guest parking is all the way out on the street). Then she would get to her car and realize she didn't have the keys. Or, she would stand on the porch and beg for her clothes and her purse. I would eventually give them to her. I'm not that heartless. But first I would empty every condiment from the fridge into her purse and smear them all over her clothes. She would stand there and cry while putting on her ketchup and mustard soaked clothes, and then slinking out to her car with a purse full of BBQ sauce and salad dressing. Sick? Twisted? Sure. But it somehow made me feel better to imagine it.

Mine was a 9 or 10. I saved the woman’s escort profile and sexy pics with the intention of sending them to her daughter once she was old enough to understand what it meant.

Glad I didn’t do it. Wrong target.

(Btw she was trying to get my ex to marry her, this wasn’t just him hiring a disinterested escort)

He provides everything for her.

Yeah, this was part of my WHs KISA complex. She was struggling financially because she was between men, and he wanted to pay her mortgage off, win the lottery for get, etc. Funny because he screwed me over financially for years.

I have a dream where I agree to meet him in a busy coffee shop, order a smoothie, and throw it all over him and walk out like Bridget Jones!

Not my idea but I read this one recently.

If your significant other cheats on you and you find out:

Step one: convince them to get matching tattoos.
Step 2: make sure they go first.
Step C: you go home.

Anything I have thought of personally isn't less than a 15...

I have a certain set of skills.

A 10. Revenge fantasies against OW. I know I would have never acted on them, but at the time those thoughts were what I need to move forward. However, she lived 3,000 miles across the country, I might have confronted her face to face had she been accessible.

OW's husband cheated on her, so she got a dose of her own medicine.

What does one rate the collapse of a business (which actually happened) and putting a .45 between his eyes (which didn't happen)?

Maybe I'm an outlier, but I never had any revenge fantasies. I even refused to go near my STBXWW'S AP after Dday. (Wow, that's a shitload of abbreviations...). I've always been a do-no-harm kinda guy, which is ironic as I was trained to break things. I just never had it in me. For me, that's been healthy. I've 5aken the high road and conducted myself with honour. Now, I am certainly not judging anyone, cause I get it. I just never went there.

Here is the kicker. The fact that I have been honorable drives my STBXWW crazy. She actually sees it as a detestable character flaw. Oh, you think your so much better than me! Well,..... actually, yes. As Hamlet Sr. Said, it is a thorn that prices the bosom of her soul...or something like that. So, I'll let it prick away while I avoid being one...

I have probably thought about some 10’s but the one that I have debated and may still do isn’t very high but makes me happy thinking about it. The AP is a bartender a few miles from my house (this is where WW meet him years ago but only started affair last year). They don’t open till 5 but on a day he is working a group of my friends come in and sit at the bar and leave me a seat. I come in a little later and he realizes who I am and all these guys are with me. We have some drinks and dinner and don’t cause any scene. Just make sure he feels uncomfortable as hell.
Bill comes and the tip is "Don’t f*uck married woman!" I have worked in hospitality and know no tipping is bad but I think this is an ok exception. As I leave I make a nice public service announcement "Make sure to tip your bartender "XXXX" he is a great guy! And you married guys watch out because he likes to give the tip and a little bit more to married woman! Just ask my wife!"

So nothing crazy but an uncomfortable night and maybe have to do a little explaining to the management and owners.

An easy 10+. I didn’t even know I was capable of such horrible thoughts. I find it disturbing and sad. I’m definitely not who I used to be. Luckily she lives on the other side of the country.

I got some small satisfaction when I did act out via text. She never responded. I condescendingly gave her the cold hard truth about how desperate she is for attention (tattooed and massive fake tit social media whore)and threw a few details of her and WH conversations out there- so she knew they were secret no more. Her social media postings declined drastically immediately after my message, to this day. Some of her profiles are public so it was obvious. Maybe it was just coincidence- but I am going to tell myself it was due to my text and I do take satisfaction in that.

Of course it’s never enough though and I still dream of what I could have/ should have said. But I refrain- I don’t want keep at it and look like the psycho that I sometimes feel like. Ha!

I just never had it in me. For me, that's been healthy.

It is very wise that you didn't have them...honor is MUCH more healthier . I know because I wasn't as wise...at first...and those revenge fantasies kept festering in my head.

One day...while my H was placing groceries in the back of our SUV...he gave me the keys to turn the SUV on so the A/C would get us a little relief from the heat. As I was turning the keys...a thought popped into my head of me "accidentally" putting the SUV in reverse and it would roll back and pin my H under the wheels . Then...as he lay dying in the parking lot...with people all around watching his soon-to-be widow crying her eyes out...I go to his ear and whisper..."See you in HELL". He would then KNOW that this was done on purpose...and the grin on my face would be the last thing he saw. This thought only took a matter of seconds...but it SHOCKED me how this could be an actual thought that I HAD !! I told my H about it when he got in the SUV...and he put his hand on mine and told me that he knew I would never do anything like that. I told him I never thought things like that before being cheated on...but thoughts like this were on my mind constantly. That kind of shocked him a little bit...and was a HUGE wake up call for me. I STOPPED all thoughts of revenge at that point...I don't EVER want my mind to go into THAT area again!!

Jesus told us it isn't what goes in the body that defiles us...it is what comes out of our mouths that does...because it comes from our heart. I didn't want my heart to be bitter...or ruthless...like it was becoming. Our thoughts dictate our feelings...and I knew I had to change my thoughts. Thank God we ARE in control of our thoughts .

Thanks you to everyone that responded so far.

This thread has been very healing for me to read.

I consider myself quite far along in my healing journey.

The one thing that has been bugging me for six plus years was I , for the life of me, cant believe that I harbored such disturbing revenge fantasies.

For six plus years, I felt embarrassed , guilt , shock and was mortified that I thought such things.

This thread proved to me that I'm not alone in my disturbing revenge fantasy thoughts.

I can finally forgive myself.

Thanks everyone.

[This message edited by Dorothy123 at 6:32 PM, Monday, May 16th]

It’s ok to think about it.

I think it’s part of the healing process.

Just my opinion.