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Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:19 PM on Sunday, April 17th, 2022

Wh has been sleeping on the sofa since March 8th. He left for a few days but knows I cannot keep him from the house.

This is maddening. He keeps insisting we need to spend time together to reconnect. Barges into the bedroom any time he wants.

I've tried to get it through his head this isnt how separation works and when I've brought up things like separating the phone bills (which he has to call to do cause he is account owner) he will say things like "this is my house", "where do you think I am going", "you can leave" etc.

Guess it was dumb to think he would make this easy.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8730211
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Flaco ( new member #80117) posted at 5:12 PM on Sunday, April 17th, 2022

Sorry to hear what a struggle it is. I can relate. We are currently legally separating, in the same house and it sucks. Kids don’t know which makes it even harder. She is all nice and sweet to them and everyone else in her world except me. You’d think I was the one who cheated and insisted all of our finances be separated.

Hang in there. Therapy has helped. When people behave this way it’s clear there is something going inside them. Not you.

DDay 12/6/20 married 13 years at that time. Me: BH 46. Her: WW 41
2 beautiful kids. Legally separating which may turn into D

posts: 37   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022   ·   location: Sacto
id 8730215
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:08 PM on Sunday, April 17th, 2022

Oh this is ALL on him. He just won't accept thst things are to far gone to fix.

Just last work I got gps evidence he left work at lunch just like he did when he was going for his lunchtime sexcapades. He denies he left. Swears he didnt leave. Yet the evidence is 100% confirmed. He's delusional thinking he can screw around then make demands of me. Makes me so angry.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8730223
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Flaco ( new member #80117) posted at 6:18 PM on Sunday, April 17th, 2022

Good for you on tracking him and knowing.

This was the only place I got support in snooping and finding evidence. The few people who know about the affair encouraged me to stop snooping. Had I done that I wouldn’t have known the depths other betrayal.

I frequently review my evidence to remind myself what awful things were said and done.

DDay 12/6/20 married 13 years at that time. Me: BH 46. Her: WW 41
2 beautiful kids. Legally separating which may turn into D

posts: 37   ·   registered: Mar. 21st, 2022   ·   location: Sacto
id 8730225
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papoula ( member #39079) posted at 11:21 PM on Monday, April 18th, 2022

Yep it sucks real bad. I'm in the same situation. I supposed to get the keys for my new apartment in 13 days but I've been waiting since March 17th and it's been hell.

I've been pretending everything is fine and acting like everything is normal because I need STBXWH to help me with my move and I want the Divorce to be as easy as possible but inside I just can't wait to be gone from this house and go NC.

Do you have any plans on definitive separation to look forward to? That might help you. I know it is helping me knowing that hopefully in 13 days I won't have to be around the POS anymore.

Me: BS 41 years oldHim: WH 44 years old1st DDay 2013 and several others after that Married 10 yearsMoving forward with separation and divorce

posts: 141   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 8730420
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 3:03 AM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

Oh it is the absolute worst. I remember often having to leave the house just so I would not be baited into an argument. Pure hell on earth with a narcissist.

Hopefully there will be an end date and you will be able to exhale.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 3:04 AM, Tuesday, April 19th]

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8730457
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 2:14 PM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

In house separation was one of the worst parts of the entire divorce process. I was lucky that my WXH was able to move out and get his own place which helped me begin the healing process. He did move back in and out again multiple times, but I'm thankful he didn't refuse to move out altogether.

I remember you mentioned utilizing the basement awhile back. Is that still an option?

((((DH))))

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5490   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8730526
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:31 PM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

I remember you mentioned utilizing the basement awhile back. Is that still an option?

He won't move down there. Plus he'd be up here alot of the time anyways since we only have one washroom. It's just not worth the fight.

Ignoring him is best.

Last night he didnt say much at all nor came into the bedroom. Just came home early, ate then played a video game and went to sleep.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8730529
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mommabear1010 ( new member #79915) posted at 6:47 PM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

Pulling up a seat here. I can totally empathize!

Also enduring in-house separation. It's hard to deal with still both living in the communal areas of the kitchen and living room, passing by each other, him trying to flirt with me, and me knowing he's currently with the OW and trying to hide it from me.

Dday- 1/19/22
Trickle truth
Dday2- 2/8/22
Dday3- 3/10/22
Divorcing

posts: 41   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2022
id 8730593
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 9:51 PM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

I'm glad last night was better. Hopefully you get more of those days instead of the ones of him bugging you.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5490   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8730638
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 10:34 PM on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

Hopefully you get more of those days instead of the ones of him bugging you.

We can hope. He will be home shortly.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8730647
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 2:43 PM on Wednesday, April 20th, 2022

Last night he didnt say much at all nor came into the bedroom. Just came home early, ate then played a video game and went to sleep.

This is good news!!!

This is one of the benefits of being a grey rock... basically, he'll get bored of you not responding to his antics so he quits his antics.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5256   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8730744
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 3:15 PM on Wednesday, April 20th, 2022

Barcher said it better than I would have.

Hope you are doing better and the kids, too.

posts: 1447   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8730748
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 12:32 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

How are you doing, Dragn?

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8731111
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:56 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

How are you doing, Dragn?

I've been better.

Two days wh kept to himself thrn last night, made himself something to eat and barged in. I mean like really flag the bedroom door open.

I guess I had a look cause he says "oh you think I'm going to knock". He plops down on the bed, eats and tells me some shit about his day.

Ugh! Jerk!

I ignore and just lay across the bed playing on my phone. He says I'm not to lay on His Side of the bed.

Ignoring eventually works. He left. I fell asleep.

Other thsn that I'm just tired and sick of dealing with sick kids. Hoping they all get better and can go to school next week!

Oh and our local health department is recomme dong marks indoors again because of how many people are sick with covid and the number of kids home sick and parents are blowing up like crazy. Dumbasses! My kids want to wear masks if it's means less chance of getting sick again.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731123
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 2:15 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

Install a dead bolt on the inside of your bedroom door.

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 737   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8731128
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:19 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

Install a dead bolt on the inside of your bedroom door.

I can't!

Until wh has his own space in the house thats not a common area I cannot keep him from the master bedroom.

With him being content to sleep on the sofa and make no effort to create a space just for him, me sick, the kids sick. It just hasn't happened.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731136
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 2:21 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

Oh now he's resorting to even pettier bullshit by saying you can't lay on his side of the bed? laugh What a nimwad. Sorry for the laugh emoji but he's such a child.

You're doing great, girl. See? You ignored him, he grew bored because you didn't engage, and he left. Keep up the good grey rock work! Oh, and document (you may want to use your threads as a reference to put his nutjob antics into one document). May behoove you to hit "record" on your phone when he does this shit too - you may even offer to play it back for him so he can hear how asinine he sounds.

So sorry about the Covid stuff, we're dealing with it here too. It sucks.

(((HUGS)))

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8731139
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 2:22 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

you may even offer to play it back for him so he can hear how asinine he sounds.

I take that back. That's engaging him. blink

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8731141
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:28 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

Yes he's being totally petty!

It's HIS bed and he likes to remind me of that.

I got a call yesterday thst our taxes are done. We need to sign before it can be processed. So I plan to go pick them up and go to wh work at lunch to have him sign, then take them back.

I text him asking if AP woukd be gone by then and he says she's not there and won't be back until Monday (gone 5 days, covid isolation?). He got pissy because I asked how he knew she wouldn't be back until Monday bit doesn't know why. She has his work phone number so if she notified him directly he woukd know. Even if she left a message or thr manager knew, wh would be told.

At least I don't have to see her.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731150
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