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Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 2:48 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

He also said....he wouldn't have to pay anything if he is sole provider for the kids, ie if he has sole custody.

It felt threatening. Like yeah ok I'll just get rid if you and then I don't have to pay support.

Then like a switch flipped he was trying to make light of it, joking.

Call me paranoid, but this is the kind of threat that's made and ends up becoming a reality shown on the news.

Stay safe, Dragn.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8732618
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:59 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

I know.

It's unnerving. He hasn't spoken to me much. I'm hoping its just him respecting my wishes not to talk to me (unless about kids etc).

Found deleted texts from him to AP. Recent ones. Painful of course but since he wants her so badly he can have her.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732621
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robinbird12 ( new member #80235) posted at 4:46 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

Oh dragn, I’m so sorry you had to read those texts. My wh came over drunk a few weeks after he left me for his AP and I read his texts to her…. big mistake… pain shopping I think it’s called?

Are you sure you want him to live in the basement? What happens when AP moves in? Or you get a new boyfriend?

Betrayed Wife, 39

2 preschool age children

Year long affair, he left me for the OW in Feb 2022

*Divorcing ... in settlement hell*

posts: 48   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8732641
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:57 AM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

In house separation isn't working. He needs to leave.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732649
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 12:19 PM on Friday, April 29th, 2022

I know, sweetie. And I know you can't say much about your future plans here, but I'm hoping and praying it's sooner than later that he can GTFO.

((((HUGS))))

Please do something for yourself this weekend - he can take care of the little dragons.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732689
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 7:12 AM on Saturday, April 30th, 2022

Be like Fonzi, Dragn. Cool and in control.

You can jump a shark...and he's a shark.

BW, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1080   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8732864
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 10:42 AM on Saturday, April 30th, 2022

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732876
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 4:10 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2022

Deep breaths. You got this.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8732991
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 6:19 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2022

He also said....he wouldn't have to pay anything if he is sole provider for the kids, ie if he has sole custody.

ex-asshat used to say crap like that, too. He threatened to take the bunch from me more than once. He also had a hare-brained scheme where we'd trade the bunch every six months, and we lived over 3 hours apart. rolleyes He was all talk, though. They stopped going on visitation one by one and he didn't ever try to fix anything with them. He stopped paying the minimal CS he deigned to give me before they stopped seeing him. And he told his now-wife and stepkid that he didn't have to pay CS because he signed away his parental rights (he didn't).

He was a charmer, just like yours. Hopefully your STBXH is also just full of bravado and hot air. (((Dragn)))

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16538   ·   registered: May. 1st, 2006   ·   location: Somewhere
id 8732997
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:57 AM on Sunday, May 1st, 2022

Had a couple glasses of wine with dinner. Didn't have any trouble falling asleep.

Woke up at 1am.

Now I can't get back to sleep.

Shitty day yesterday with wh but dd and I finally found a graduation dress that she likes. Now to find high heel shoes....

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733001
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pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 1:17 AM on Monday, May 2nd, 2022

Maybe he's too lazy to actually do any of those things. He prefers others to do for him instead. Seems like he likes to run his mouth and get you wound up.

What are you going to do with all that peace when he's gone? I'm sure he still finds ways to be annoying and I wouldn't count on him to do what he should in the future but at least you won't have to deal with most of his bs. He's treated you so horribly. Really that man has no gratitude whatsoever. He's brought so much chaos and frustration. Maybe he spirals out of control one day. His path isn't looking good at all. Too proud and stupid to change.


I'm sorry Dragn. I really am. I know how hard you tried for your kids. You're going to be alright. Try not to get sucked in when he starts things. It only escalates into more stress for you. Most of what he says is baloney anyway. Wish he'd go and leave you alone.

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.

posts: 2325   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2018
id 8733078
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 11:52 AM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Just checking in on you, Dragn ((((HUGS))))

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8733254
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:45 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Thanks.

I'm still breathing.

Have had some really highs and lows and now taking DS to the hospital because he missed the last or two last steps of the basement stairs and is limping badly.

Always something!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733263
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:05 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Oh for the love of Pete! shocked

I hope DS is okay and that nothing is broken.

Keep breathing, girl.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8733265
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:17 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

I dont think anything is broken. He says thr pain is really bad in his heel and behind his heel. He also went to school yesterday and rolled both ankles.

So best to get it checked.

Wh had a tantrum/meltdown Sunday. I was out all day with dd. He did his laundry thrn was helping the kids do theirs. We get home and I no sooner settle into my bedroom and he's freaking because the washer emptied all over the floor, down the furnace vent...

I kept calm but was firm with him to knock off the childlike behaviour.

Shit happens and it happens alot here. But new washer dryer have been sitting in basement waiting to be brought upstairs, the stuff that got soaked was heading to the dump anyways and the water traveled away from the furnace to the back of the house.

He was calm last night. No freaking out. He kept asking me what I want and I kept saying to divorce him. He didn't get upset but he still isn't going to make anything about separating easy...

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733268
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:57 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Oh gee, did poor wittle him have to do some ADULTING like you do on a daily/hourly basis? Excuse me while I find my tiny violin to play him a song 'o sympathy. barf duh barf

Guess he'd better get the new washer and dryer installed!

Good on you for being calm and firm - I know that's not an easy feat living with a manchild.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8733277
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 3:19 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

He also said....he wouldn't have to pay anything if he is sole provider for the kids, ie if he has sole custody.

It felt threatening. Like yeah ok I'll just get rid if you and then I don't have to pay support.

Then like a switch flipped he was trying to make light of it, joking.

I haven't read all of the past comments on this so please forgive me if this has already been said.

First, he has a rude awakening for him. He thinks because he has been the "sole provider" that the courts will say "sure, you take the kids." In my experience, the opposite is true. If the courts say anything, it will be "she did all of the care giving for the kids, so she gets them."

I personally think this is bullshit (actually, both arguments) because being a "sole provider" or a "person who does all of the caregiving" is a division of labor and I would argue (absent any additional information) that both parents are doing their part. But, still, the courts tend to go with "s/he did all of the care giving" over "s/he made all of the money."

Second, making outlandish and/or threatening comments and then taking them back "as a joke" is a common tactic used by narcissists. It's always worth asking... how is this funny? (or how could this be funny?).

Be careful. It's not a joke.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5256   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8733298
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:24 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Second, making outlandish and/or threatening comments and then taking them back "as a joke" is a common tactic used by narcissists. It's always worth asking... how is this funny? (or how could this be funny?).

Be careful. It's not a joke.

I actually told him none of this was funny and I didn't appreciate him being threatening.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733322
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:01 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Home from hospital. Not broken, guess just a bad sprain.

So while waiting for x rays wh text asking for updates. He then tells me that AP told him I called her over the weekend. I said I didn't and he says that I messaged OBS.

I sure as hell did not. So now the bitch is lying. mad

I hate that piece of shit!

I dont know why she can't just take him like I told her too. Would save me so much trouble getting him removed from the house!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733370
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 8:17 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Easy enough to pull your phone records if she decides to play stupid games.

In the meantime, she's accusing you of something false, which could land her in a lot of trouble.

She may be baiting you - trying to get you to contact her so she can say you're harassing her. Don't fall for it.

Seems like both your WH and OW are fabricating shit. Ignore both of them.

Glad DS didn't break anything!

Edited for wording correction

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 8:17 PM, Tuesday, May 3rd]

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8733371
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