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Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:46 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

He text me at break asking if I made it home. Lmao

ya wants to make sure I'm at home and not parked close by...

Told him not to worry, he just needs to get this separation agreement done so we are on our way to a D and he can go fuck anyone he wants.

He replies "I want you DragnHeart, i dont want anyone else"

Blah!

Says he had $5 in his wallet and that another guy went to the store for him...whatever.

Oh MIL asked me if you separate where will wh live? I wanted to be sarcastic and say "with AP of course" but I didn't lol

Yes his parents know. My mom is dealing with to much to add this on to her. Same with my dad. My brothers both know.

Kids are home. I've been baking mini carrot muffins and then a golden cake. House smells awesome.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732133
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:48 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

(((DragnHeart))) Keep going you are doing great. One day you won't be IHS and will be able to have peace. It is so hard and your WS is not an easy person to live with. Constant manipulation and mind fuckery... yeah give him crickets on everything. Oh he's complaining about food, too bad. His clothes aren't being cleaned too bad. No one will listen to him, too bad. Maybe he will end up in a narcissistic collapse like my ex is.

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8732134
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:55 PM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

Oh man I fucked up.

So DS is telling me about his day and how the other kids won't pass him the ball in soccer because they say he is useless.

I tell him your not useless, you are amazing at many things including dishes (which is what he was doing). I tell him I love him.

Ds then says "dad isn't the same anymore". He said his dad use to ya know, be a dad and tell him to clean up and stuff and now all dad does is play on his phone.

The fuckup I did.....

I MUTTERED UNDER MY BREATH

"ya probably talking to his girlfriend".

Omg DS heard me and says:

"Ya probably and he needs to have his balls squeezed. Mom I'm surprised you haven't done that to him already".

Omfg. I am sooooo sorry!!!

But it does to show how angry DS is at his dad for checking out.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732136
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:27 AM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

Dragn, don't be hard on yourself. Kids are more intuitive than you know. Maybe you and your DS should have a conversation so he knows he can feel safe talking to you about the changes that are happening/going to happen. You're his safe parent and he trusts you.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732185
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:45 PM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

DS talks to me alot. He knows he can tell me how he's feeling. All the kids do.

Last night I asked wh if he had looked over the papers and he said he had started to.

The first section is all about child support and custody.

Using the governments calculator on their support page I calculated wh child support based on his gross income. He freaked! Said he couldn't pay that and that I was taking him to the cleaners.

He also said....he wouldn't have to pay anything if he is sole provider for the kids, ie if he has sole custody.

I told him it's always 50/50 joint...

It felt threatening. Like yeah ok I'll just get rid if you and then I don't have to pay support.

Then like a switch flipped he was trying to make light of it, joking. I told him none of this is funny. He kept saying he doesn't want to divorce. Lose everything and not be with me. Notice the being with me was at the end...

This morning he said he's sorry he can't open up and show emotions. He sure can with his side chicks, just not with me.

One of wh Co workers (call him Jim) is a guy who has a son same age as DS. Before Jim got D, he, his wife and son all hung out with us. Then we caught her cheating and she eventually left for OM. Jim always has clothes for my ds that doesn't fit his son anymore.

I saw Jim online last night and we chatted for a bit. I was bugging him about being up so late when he has to get up early and he said he had been talking to a girl friend, but so far they are just friends lol. I told him that was awesome, he's getting out there meeting people.

Nothing bad in the conversation but he was all smiles today and told wh that he was talking to me. Wh then says to me must have been good since Jim was happy.

So wh can fuck other woman but I can't have an innocent conversation with a man without him getting uptight about it.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732256
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:21 PM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

You really need to be careful, Dragn. Remember, he's going to escalate and at this point, I put nothing past him. (I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, you're doing great, just be careful.)

I'm glad people IRL know what's going on. You may want to inform WH if you get so much as a hangnail, he will get a visit from the police.

Oh, it’s very clear he does not want to lose everything from a monetary/stuff standpoint. It absolutely disgusts me that when child support is brought up to some WSs, they feel they’re being robbed. These are HIS kids too for Christsakes! mad

When he says smartass shit about you having a conversation with another man, keep up the grey rock. Remember, you could care less what he thinks/does at this point.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732268
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:15 PM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

You may want to inform WH if you get so much as a hangnail, he will get a visit from the police.

I broke a front tooth over the weekend. He didn't notice until last night but of course his comments were about me going to accuse him of hitting me... I told him if he had hit me I'd have a fat lip, which I don't BUT if he ever hurt me yes I would call the police.

He tells me he has benefits so go get it fixed...

He then goes on making smart ass comments about me smothering him in his sleep.
rolleyes

He actually tried to egg me on saying he could see the look in my eyes and he believed I wanted to hurt him.

I ignored, played a game on my phone.

He said at lunch he's reading through the separation papers. Maybe he's realized I'm not going to just back down this time.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732318
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 7:49 PM on Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

He actually tried to egg me on saying he could see the look in my eyes and he believed I wanted to hurt him.

I ignored, played a game on my phone.

He said at lunch he's reading through the separation papers. Maybe he's realized I'm not going to just back down this time.

His "normal" sequence of events.

Dragn's WH eggs Dragn on to elicit nasty response.
Dragn doesn't respond - damn, that's boring.
Dragn's WH retreats ... only to try again with the same results.

I think since you've done a 180 over the past couple months, he's still in a bit of shock and thinks that there still may be a way to win you over. He's just a bit thick-skulled but hopefully he'll eventually move on.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732331
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:13 AM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

I think it's sinking in. I also bueve he doesn't really want to be married. He never did. He just doesn't want to lose ehat we have.

It's not about me or the marriage. That's a hard pill to swallow.

It's actually unfair of me to have kept him in a marriage he didn't want and to expect him to do the work on himself when he's just not capable of looking in the mirror and accepting he's fucked up.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732431
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 12:34 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

You didn't hold a gun to his head to stay in the M. He just wanted massive servings of cake and you closed the bakery. He IS capable of change; he just doesn't want to change. That's all on him.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732440
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:53 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

I know it's all on him.

When he started with the I don't want a divorce stuff again I stopped him and said that no he doesn't BUT for all the wrong reasons. He just doesn't want to lose the house and have to pay child support.

IF he had wanted to get his shit together he would have stayed with IC and if that one wasn't helping found another one. He would have suggested he change jobs, not deleted the GPS history,given me access to his email and phones. (He says the phones are there for me to look at whenever but fucking hides them...i had to ask to see them and he'd throw them on the bed at me every time).

He keeps asking what I wanted him to do...dammit it's not hard to figure out.

I made a point to say that every wayward I know who has reconciled with their BS has dug deep head first into doing the work. They did everything they could and did it without the help of the person they hurt the most. They made the effort and took actions.

But he hasn't and won't. He's not interested in building a new marriage. He just wants the wife at home and the side chick. Well fuck that bullshit!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732445
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 2:02 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

Fuck that bullshit indeed!

God that man just talks in friggin' circles! I cannot imagine how maddening that is for you. duh

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732454
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:47 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

Omg....

He messages me saying he will make it home but he needs gas.

I'm like the gas station is literally two minutes down the road from the house. Says he won't make it there....

I tell him I had offered to drive him to woek and now he expects me to just go get gas for him like a fucking servant...

He then says fine next time he will just take my van.

Ummm fuck no! Told him he's not using it as a sexmobile! He says it's his van too so...

I again say he's not taking it to work and he tells me to fuck off. Nice!

Edited to fix words

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 2:48 PM, Thursday, April 28th]

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732462
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:25 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

He needs to start suffering the consequences of his assholery...I hope he does run out of gas!

Hide your keys to your van. What's he going to do, call the cops?

Don't drive him to work anymore either.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732471
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:03 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

I've had the spare keys kept hidden since I caught them.

He doesn't want me driving him because he doesn't want me and his girlfriend near eachother.

He can call the cops.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8732478
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 4:15 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

Wow... what an entitled man child. He can go off on lunch and do... whatever... but can't take the 10 min to get gas?

Hah, he's in for an awakening when you're gone!

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 656   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8732480
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 4:16 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

By the way, I'll bet if he calls the cops and they come over, they'll take your side of the story too.

I bet once they hear the recording of him humping AP in his van and how you don't want your van being used for that purpose, they'll tell him to pound sand. mad

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 656   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8732481
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 5:24 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

I was just joking about him calling the cops - he's too much of a chickenshit to do that - he knows they would not only laugh in his face, but could get really pissed for calling them for something so asinine.

Are you still getting away for the weekend, Dragn?

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732495
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 6:15 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

...he's just not capable of looking in the mirror and accepting he's fucked up.

BINGO. Seems to be a lot of that in people with mental illnesses (disorders). You may have been speaking semi-sarcastically, not sure, but honestly, from all you describe, this quote captures the problem pretty well. (I have the same head-banging frustration with a person who just cannot take a deeper look at his own behavior, has little to no "self-awareness" about any aspect of his life really - health, relationships, etc. - because he apparently lacks the capacity to acquire insight regarding how his actions affect others.) As I understand it, there's just parts of the higher brain regions that are not working right with these types. "By their fruits they shall be known." Hope knowing this will help you to detach and get through this D safely and soon, dear Dragn.

posts: 1447   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8732503
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:19 PM on Thursday, April 28th, 2022

Wait until he is on his own crying for you to come back because his life is so hard wah. My xWS still has contempt over me leaving. He will every once in a while toss out some texts where he says he's really changed and wants me to come back, still loves me lol basically still wants to torture me.

Ugh when I read about your WS it reminds me of my x douche, they act similarly with their entitlement and trying to control the outcome.

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8732506
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