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Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 3:56 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

Ignoring eventually works. He left. I fell asleep.

Grey rock for the win!!

At least I don't have to see her.

If you do, don't flinch. From my perspective, she is not relevant anyway. Her vagina is merely the most recent recipient of his penis, but it's not like her vagina is anything special... he would have done that with just about any available vagina, you know?

If you want to be mean, ask her about her wife... and how's she is doing... but do it in a super-friendly way.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5256   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8731207
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:29 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

She wasn't there thankfully.

I spoke with our accountant and things don't look good for me at all. New rules out regarding how taxes and benefits are split. It sucks so bad!

Waiting for a call back from the lawyer.

I just feel so defeated in all of this.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731260
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:35 PM on Friday, April 22nd, 2022

I spoke with our accountant and things don't look good for me at all. New rules out regarding how taxes and benefits are split. It sucks so bad!

I'm feeling this too you are not alone (((DragnHeart)))

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8731318
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:04 AM on Saturday, April 23rd, 2022

I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

With wh taking over the big room I don't have access to any TV. I have to go pick movies from the shelf. Tried to eat dinner as a family snd of course the kids fucked off then wh got all pissy about me wanting a D so I left to the bedroom..

This is awful!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731357
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 4:07 PM on Sunday, April 24th, 2022

I really hope the lawyer calls me back tomorrow.

Weekends are the worst. I want to know if I can leave so I don't have to deal with him. I feel like I'm losing my sanity being here.

It woukd be like his weekends when D so I don't see why it would be a problem.

Of course then I worry he will destroy my stuff or mess with things but I feel like a prisoner here right now.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731623
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 1:31 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

Hi Dragn,

I hope you are able to leave without having legal repercussions. If you are able to leave and he screws stuff up (what a fucking child, and I would not put it past his sorry ass), document/take pictures, etc. Don't let that stop you from leaving if you have somewhere to go and you are able to do so legally.

Unfortunately he is not going to stop - he's going to escalate. Because he's an ass.

Sending hugs and strength...

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8731833
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:47 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

I am having an extremely difficult time right now. I dont feel like there's any hope and I'm in a very dark place. I hate that this is my life.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731849
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little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 3:08 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

(((Dragn)))

We're here for you. How can we help?

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5490   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 8731851
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:51 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

IHS must be the worst.
But it is not permanent (even if it feels like it).
You’ve got a lot on your plate. Try to keep your focus on your family and home.
Be the Jedi master of the gray rock.
Hang in there Dragn.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8731862
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:54 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

Sending you a big (((((HUG)))))))

Keep posting - we're here to listen.

My heart breaks for you - but I have hope/faith that you will be out of this mess soon.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8731863
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robinbird12 ( new member #80235) posted at 4:35 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

Oh Dragn, I am so sorry you are going through this. IHS sounds like absolute hell. Please remember your feelings are temporary, this situation is temporary… we are in this terrible time together, you are not alone. We will all make it through, one bad day at a time.

Betrayed Wife, 39

2 preschool age children

Year long affair, he left me for the OW in Feb 2022

*Divorcing ... in settlement hell*

posts: 48   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8731870
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 5:48 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

There's really nothing anyone can do to help.

Wh messaged me upset because AP said I messaged OBS.

Yes I did. And now I have confirmation she knows but believes AP, that nothing happened or she would ask what proof I have. mad

Someone WH tried to have an affair with was friends with OBS. I messaged her. She told me what wh had tried with her and said she would get me in touch with OBS. Hasn't happened. But now I know that OBS got my message so its out of my hands.

Wh was mad I told someone about what he's done. What a jerk. No way I'm protecting him or hiding his affairs! I want to rent a fucking billboard and tell the world!

I'm angry and alone here and tired of having him around know he's still cheating.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731888
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 6:07 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

I'm so sorry, Dragn - I wish I could drive up to Canada and whisk you and the kidlets away and smack the living piss out of your asshole of a WH.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8731895
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 6:11 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

If WH hadn't done anything wayward, he wouldn't have to worry about others hearing about his antics.

Natural consequences from actions suck.

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 656   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8731897
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:14 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

If WH hadn't done anything wayward, he wouldn't have to worry about others hearing about his antics.

Natural consequences from actions suck.

Exactly!

What does he expect me to say when anyone asks why we have separated and are divorcing?

I'm not keeping his infidelity a secret. Most people will probably say it's about time I left him.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731919
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 9:50 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

He's not mad that you told someone.

Wh messaged me upset because AP said I messaged OBS.

He's mad that his girlfriend is upset,because she's managed to convince her wife that you are lying,and since you keep trying to have a conversation with OBS, she is in danger of her wife finding out the truth.

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8731930
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 10:03 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

My responsibility and obligation to tell her is done.

I am not stressing about it anymore. If she wants more information she knows how to contact me. I hope she takes it seriously and gets checked out for STD/STI. But I'm not going to focus on her anymore.

Wh admitted to not taking his meds. I'm assuming this is something I shoukd bring up with my lawyer about the safety of the kids in his care? He always gets so belligerent, mean, and lashes out when not on his meds.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731937
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 10:46 PM on Monday, April 25th, 2022

Yes you should bring it up with your lawyer. Document everything you can.

ETA: IHS sucks. Hang in there!

[This message edited by leafields at 10:46 PM, Monday, April 25th]

BW, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1080   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8731950
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:09 AM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

Other than saying he needed oil for his van and asking what the kids had for dinner he didn't speak to me at all.

I went to the bedroom as soon as he came in.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8731993
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 11:54 AM on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

You should abso-flaming-loutley bring up the fact that he's not taking his meds up to your lawyer. Meds like that are meant to be taken as "maintenance" and starting/stopping them can lead to disastrous consequences. If he's on benzos he can have seizures from suddenly stopping.

IMO, he's being an ass because he's losing. You, the OW, his cushy double-life.

I don't know why he's bothering to talk to you about anything other than the kids/finances (oil for his van, really? He needed to tell you this?).

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8732032
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