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Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 8:20 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

She's just stirring the pot and trying to show you that she has power over him Drag'n...that's all. And of course he is going to take her side and believe her.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" and no more responses needed. Vent here instead.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 668   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8733372
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 9:22 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

So while waiting for x rays wh text asking for updates. He then tells me that AP told him I called her over the weekend. I said I didn't and he says that I messaged OBS.

Don't be so certain that he isn't just flat-out lying to make you out to be crazy and to make himself out to be a victim.

In my opinion, this is a classic case of where you need to be a grey rock. You could respond with "Hmm. Interesting..." and just walk away.

My point being it doesn't matter whether you did or did not do any of this.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5256   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8733401
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 9:43 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

So while waiting for x rays wh text asking for updates. He then tells me that AP told him I called her over the weekend. I said I didn't and he says that I messaged OBS.

I sure as hell did not. So now the bitch is lying.

Ah the classic triangulation tactic. At this point, best to document and keep a paper trail of their antics to look back on and laugh at later.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8733404
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 10:06 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

Hi Drgn,

Another play for your attention. He isn't worth your time at this point. He's not doing the work, he's digging himself in deeper and you're proceeding with the D.

Your DS is worth your time and worth your energy. Good for you being the responsible parent and being there for him when he was hurt. Glad he didn't break anything.

Can't remember if DS plays Fortnite or not, but my DS is all up on the Xbox right now. They have a new update out? I've never seen him finish his homework and chores so fast...

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 656   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8733412
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 11:03 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

I know sixteen year olds that act more mature than those two.

Ignore their drama.

Glad DS is ok.

You're showing amazing strength character.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 2761   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8733426
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earlydetour ( member #63207) posted at 11:53 PM on Tuesday, May 3rd, 2022

She may be baiting you - trying to get you to contact her so she can say you're harassing her. Don't fall for it.

Seems like both your WH and OW are fabricating shit. Ignore both of them.

She's just stirring the pot and trying to show you that she has power over him Drag'n...that's all. And of course he is going to take her side and believe her.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" and no more responses needed. Vent here instead.

Don't waste your energy trying to correct them with the truth. They are fishing for a reaction. Gray rock responses only. Stay strong.

I would rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect.

posts: 269   ·   registered: Mar. 28th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8733438
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 12:33 AM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Grey rock is so hard when being accused of something I didn't do.

I know you all are right. It's just hard.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733448
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 1:44 AM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

I know you all are right. It's just hard.

It is absolutely hard and especially with someone that is not going to make this easy for you.

Keep taking care of the kids and yourself.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 668   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8733460
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:06 AM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Gray rock is hard. But anything else is inviting drama and their desire to get you to say or do something you will regret.
This is your Academy Award worthy role - it sucks and it is hard, but it will protect you, your kids, your heart, and your future.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8733466
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 11:21 PM on Thursday, May 5th, 2022

Hey Dragon, how are you doing?

posts: 1074   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8733761
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:58 PM on Thursday, May 5th, 2022

Gutted. Wishing for an end to everything. I've experienced this pain before but this time it's 10000000 times worse.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733763
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funnelcakes ( member #45249) posted at 2:15 AM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

(((Dragon))))

When I look back from through my old posts it’s the in-house S that was most excruciating. I know you’re managing so much right now. It’s so hard with the constant uncertainty and volatility. We see you working hard and showing up in big ways for your kids. Just do the next right thing.

d-day in August of 2014, when I was SAHM 34 weeks pregnant with kid #3
A year of incontinent alcoholic cheater word salad and shitweasely blameshifting during R/S
I got a job and busted a move with three kids to a 1BR apt
D final 4/27/17.

posts: 1168   ·   registered: Oct. 15th, 2014
id 8733780
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:37 AM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

This is killing me.

Found three days worth of texts on his old phone. April 10th - 12th. I don't know what the texts say, its just a history that shows dates and times, but while I have been in the bedroom crying myself to sleep, he's been out there texting HER.

I hate them both!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8733783
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 7:07 AM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

Can’t believe this in house separation hell is necessary.

Hang in there, Dragn. If anything, the evidence you found just reinforces your decision.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8733805
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 12:15 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

Dragn, I haven't read your posts in awhile, but I recall there was a discussion about having your WH stay in your camper.

Is that idea still plausible? At least it will give you a bit of separation. I cannot imagine what it's like to see him every day. It's not healthy for you. sad

Continue to focus on you and your children.

((((Dragn))))

posts: 11507   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8733855
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 4:35 PM on Friday, May 6th, 2022

Annb, I think at this point her WH is being a complete douche and refuses to leave the house. He even goes so far as to bust into her bedroom when he pleases and says it's his room too. He's purposely trying to get her to lose it.

I'm worried about you, Dragn - is there anywhere you can get away to this weekend? You need respite to regather your strength and thoughts. ((((HUGS))))

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8733967
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 2:19 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Dragn, I know this has to be a very difficult time for you. Did he ever sign the papers you needed him to sign, to officially start in-house separation? It sounds as if he's trying to wear you down so he can just stay where he is and continue his cake-eating lifestyle. It's easy for all of us to tell you to hang in there, we aren't in your position. You have been very strong but I know you have to be tired of it all, especially the false accusations.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3110   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8734075
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 6:55 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Struggling so much.

I know I am to grey rock but when he tells me to shut up all I see is red. I could seriously hit him over the head with my cast iron pan every time he says that.

Months ago my dryer door broke so I had to wedge it shut. Wh found a washer snd dryer free since they replaced with new ones. We picked them up but just never got around to bringing them upstairs.

Last weekend wh was doing the kids washing and the washer leaked everywhere. Luckily only I didn't get to wash my clothes...

So yesterday and today I've cleaned out the laundry room, we moved the old washer and dryer out and new ones in. Wh is using the dolly and bouncing the washer off the fucking walls. Had to turn into the laundry room and I was moving it in and hit the door handle by mistake. He freaked out.

I asked why get mad at me when he did worse all the way down the hall...he then tells me to shut up.

This morning he took the girls out to buy necklaces and pick up a stereo for his work station. He has told me he's not still texting AP so I said prove it, leave your work phone here. He refused and was rwally nasty about it. Then left it, then came back for it after leaving giving me the excuse thst the he wants to make sure the stereo will work with the blue tooth feature on his work phone.

Whatever.

I just want him to leave.

Dd said yesterday before school that dad still hasn't apologized for ruining out family and he's a jerk.

I'm going to call the lawyer Monday. I still need to get my affiliate and just 3 pages of evidence of serial cheating together for her. Can't do it with him here though. Fucker keeps barging into the bedroom agter I just asked him NOT to.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734106
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 8:01 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

I'm so sorry. He's a nightmare.

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8734111
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 8:13 PM on Saturday, May 7th, 2022

Ah but will a judge feel the same?

The lawyer told me serial adultery and gaslighting is considered emotional abuse and emotional abuse is covered under domestic violence.

Though harder to prove she said there's the option of having him charged under the criminal code. That immediately gets him out of the house and a no contact order.

He has done things in the past thats actually listed under the criminal code, I didnt know it at the time and I don't have evidence of it. Plus going that route looks more like I'm just the spiteful, vengeful betrayed wife...

Also I worry he will escalate and well neither I nor the kids need that.

So I bide my time, getting my shit together while trying to deal with the day to day shit he puts me through.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734113
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