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Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 11:54 PM on Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Thinking of you today.

In case you haven't been told... you are an AMAZING mom. You continue to put your kid's needs first, despite being terribly traumatized by the man living in your house. You have sacrificed so much. Hang in there. Eventually he will be gone,and you will have a life of peace, love, and happiness.

Happy Mother's Day to you.

[This message edited by HellFire at 11:55 PM, Sunday, May 8th]

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8734266
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 1:40 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I dont think my kids think so.

Not much of an effort done today to show me their care. Hell Ds wouldn't even stop playing a game in his room to come watch a movie.

The days of family dinner and a movie Nighy are over.

Wh said he talked to the older kids. He was all smiling and said he wasn't going to say what he told them.

Parental alienation starting before the separation is official. I csn see it now.

I hate him.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734278
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 2:40 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

He can fuck off. Looks like another way of trying to get under your skin again. You’re dealing with quite the man-child.

He can say whatever he wants, but your actions and his actions will disprove whatever lies he cooks up.

Your kids have already seen how he acts. Looks like they’re just trying to cope with the situation as best as they can. Please don’t take it personally.

Wishing you strength and hugs.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 3:39 AM, Monday, May 9th]

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8734281
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pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 4:41 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

You be the sane one and he looks out of control. The kids know better. They know he's making your home a stressful situation. He'll keep looking for ways to vex you.

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.

posts: 2325   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2018
id 8734297
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 10:02 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

You be the sane one and he looks out of control.

Not true.

He can totally act the good dad part while I'm currently the emotional mess most of the time. Can't hold back tears most days now and the kids see it. I get lots of hugs. Still not fair to them.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734308
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 10:16 AM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

But your kids know that he's a dickwad. You've heard it from their own mouths. They see it in the way he treats you. They know those tears aren't just out of nowhere.

Keep doing your best, Dragn. To make the most out of this shitty living arrangement, gray rock, and move the separation along.

Let his continued antics and petulance speak for themselves.

[This message edited by Forks027 at 10:21 AM, Monday, May 9th]

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8734310
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 2:12 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

He can totally act the good dad part while I'm currently the emotional mess most of the time.

That's the thing about acts, they only last for a short time. Same with the emotional mess as you stated about yourself, it too will end.

The kids see, they may still act out but at the end of the day they know which parent they can trust.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 668   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8734334
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 2:14 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Kids know. The fact that they tell you things about their emotional lives tells you that they trust you. It may be difficult for them to be around your emotions since they're so strong right now. HOWEVER, they're learning that it's ok to have emotions, to be an adult and show them. They know they're getting the real you and that they can be the real them because of that.

Life is a shit sandwich right now. Hang in there, better days are ahead.

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 656   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8734336
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 2:44 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I asked dd if her dad apologized and she said not an actual apology. Just that things are going on between him and mom, he still loves them and they can come talk to him any time.

The fact that they tell ME how they feel and avoid him makes the following so true.

The fact that they tell you things about their emotional lives tells you that they trust you


They must trust me more to tell me what's going on in their heads.

When I found the text log from April I sent the info to OBS. She then blocked me. Today wh said AP told him about my message.

I think him and ap broke up.

Saturday his mood changed. He looked as if he had been crying, very sad, laid on the sofa and just slept. He's been trying to talk to me more, nice even. I think OBS got my message, gave AP shit and she broke it off.

Or I'm reading to much into it. As someone here pointed out I like to pain shop so...lol. true. Not sure why.

Anyways since OBS has now blocked me it's no longer my responsibility to let her know what's happening.

Sunday morning I went out for some me quiet time. Bought myself a few tank tops and summer shirts. Treated myself! I had spoken to two people IRL and they are shocked at wh behaviour. They can't understand how he can betray the kids and I like this.

Wh does get under my skin and it's easier to say Grey Rock than it is to do it when someone is up in your face. I've been blunt with him (he calls it smart ass comments). He came into the bedroom and just stood there staring. So I asked if he was trying to intimidate me. Then told him it wasn't intimidating at all. Just creepy.

I just need to ignore him. I wish it was as easy as to do as it is to say.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734342
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 3:09 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Yep, he lost his latest source of supply. The fact that he's only marginally improved in his behavior since their "break up" tells you all you need to know. He won't change for you, he won't stay nice and he doesn't respect you as a person. He's fishing for more supply.

Any chance you can keep the texts from what you sent OBS for your evidence log?

Happy belated mother's day. Cheers to you being the best thing in your kids' lives right now. It will pay off in the long run. Hopefully in the future you will be able to enjoy their companionship as adults and be able to embrace your grandchildren.

Hang in there!

WW Dday July 2019

posts: 656   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8734349
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 3:16 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Your kids know. You need to trust that.

They may act mad at you,and cozy up to him at some point. Be prepared. It's not because they blame you. Or that they think he's a victim. It will be because they know they can trust you with their pain, with their anger at him,and with the situation. They know you will still love them,even when they're upset. They know you aren't going anywhere. They trust you with their true emotions. They don't have that with him. They will put on a smile for him, because they know he might decide to leave them,because he's left you(in every way other than leaving the house). It's a coping mechanism many children of divorce use.

I would stop encouraging him to talk to the kids and apologize. He will lie to them,and try to turn them on you.

How he can continue to be so cruel is just mind blowing. He is a horrible person. We have a lot of BS here, who have WS who left them. Very few are as cruel as he is.

I'm so sorry.

[This message edited by HellFire at 3:17 PM, Monday, May 9th]

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8734354
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:22 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I wish he woukd just leave.

We have an issue with dd and her bf. I was discussing it with wh. He said he wished I hadn't tokd him because noe he is angry at the boy. (See sex assault thread in OT for details).

I asked him so what would you do if a man treated dd like you have treated me. He said he'd beat him. Funny. It's ok to treat me like this but no one better treat his daughters the same way. Sad thing is he's teaching them how a husband treats his wife. All the more reason to get him out of the house asap

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734357
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:38 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Agreed that he needs to GTFO ASAP.

He is a very sick individual who gets a kick out of your pain. That's sociopathic and there's no fixing that.

Hugs honey - sorry you had more poop piled on your shit sandwich with the DD BF sitch.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8734359
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 3:43 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

I dont know what's going on with wh. What his deal is ans frankly I just don't care anymore. He's had way to many chances to get his shit together and I just feel he either can't or doesn't want to.

Most likely the latter.

I'm very tired today. Like could put my head down and sleep tired. Not sure why. I did sleep last night. Woke up to a nightmare about this situation but once I realized it was a nightmare I was able to go back to sleep.

I have at least 5 loads of laundry of stuff that was bagged up while moving everything in thr laundry room so I've got that started. Just going to plug away at it.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734364
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 5:14 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

Staying busy is a great idea, but do get some sleep. Nap if you need to.

I just feel he either can't or doesn't want to.

Oh it's definitely the latter.

When is your next IC appointment? It would probably be helpful to take this thread (and your first one) with you.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8734386
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:50 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

(((DragnHeart))) sending you hugs today and a Happy Belated Mother's Day. You will be free of this one day. It's awful your WS acts the way he does. Similar to my xWS it sounds like he is starting to unravel. I know all these instances that you go through just make you stronger and the boundaries even stronger. Hang in there!

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8734413
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:17 PM on Monday, May 9th, 2022

It's making me more tired. I don't feel one bit stronger.

Some days I just want to give up on everything.

Other days the anger takes over and I want to stick it to both of them.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24066   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2011   ·   location: Canada
id 8734418
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 4:47 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Hang in there, Dragn. Sending you strength and virtual hugs.

posts: 382   ·   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8734480
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 11:11 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Please don't give up; don't let him win.

Keep posting here as often as you like/need - even if it's just to vent - you have a shit-ton of people here who are pulling for you.

You had mentioned that you had some IRL support as well - utilize it as often as you can.

I urge you to record your interactions with WH; admissible or not, it's good to have evidence of his psycho bullshit.

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8834   ·   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8734500
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 11:04 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

It's making me more tired. I don't feel one bit stronger.

I'm sorry. You have a lot on your plate with kids and animals and then have to deal with the chaos he creates. It is exhausting.

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8211   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8734595
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