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Newest Member: Arcangel

Divorce/Separation :
In house separation sucks!

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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:52 PM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Hard to focus on him when he uses the kids to try to guilt me. Eg. Kids asking me to come fishing after I have explained why I am not going. Ds said he understood and was OK with me not going because of how his dad treats me, then not long after getting things ready WITH DAD, comes back in to ask me to come. Pretty sure wh had a hand in that.

Also I don't care that the law says wh has a right to the bedroom. I am putting on a lock just so I can sleep without worry he will come in and hurt me.

And forcing him out of the house isn't an easy task. For one it requires slapping wh with a DV charge OR hoping a judge accepts my evidence in an affidavit. My "evidence" for emotional abuse might stick but any physical stuff won't. It's a he said she said thing now.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8736680
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 12:14 AM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Please stop interacting with him. He texts if isn't about the kids or $$$ you ignore.

He has a fit you stay silent record it and call the cops and clearly state that you "Fear for their safety and your life" record every outburst. Take it to the police. Be the squeaky wheel. They will be forced to intervene.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19321   路   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   路   location: St. Louis
id 8736688
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 12:23 AM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Good for you on the bedroom lock. There are no bedroom door lock police. They have way better things to do than deal with that shit. If he called someone about it they'd likely say "What the hell did you do?". And then laugh their asses off. 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ

posts: 1600   路   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   路   location: Illinois
id 8736691
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 9:52 AM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

What Charity said!!! laugh

Physical violence towards inanimate objects near others can be counted as intimidation. Its like hes saying, " look what I can do to this tire iron, I can do that to you!"

Really sounds like he dissociates when he gets that fired up and rageful. Almost makes the situation more dangerous since when he snaps, his brain turns off the recording device.

Keep using the lock. If it helps, next time he is at work, have your kids help you move a dresser downstairs in the basement, put his clothes in it and clear out a coat closet for his hanging stuff. Youre not depriving him of access to his stuff. Its no longer his room and therefore not his space any longer.

And then keep the door to YOUR room locked at night!

Im so sorry Drgn. Hope you can get some peace this week with him gone at work.

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Ending current one of his own accord- recognized it as "inappropriate" and stopping. Still won't call them A's... can't have everything in life.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

posts: 713   路   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   路   location: Michigan
id 8736757
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Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 11:03 AM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Also I don't care that the law says wh has a right to the bedroom. I am putting on a lock just so I can sleep without worry he will come in and hurt me.

I'm so glad you're doing this. Charity is 100% spot-on:

There are no bedroom door lock police. They have way better things to do than deal with that shit.

And forcing him out of the house isn't an easy task. For one it requires slapping wh with a DV charge OR hoping a judge accepts my evidence in an affidavit.

He's pushing himself closer and closer to getting that DV charge. Document everything!

Hugs honey...

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 11:04 AM, Tuesday, May 24th]

Me-56 FWH-58 Married 38 years 9/2/2021 grown daughters-38&34 12yo GS,9yo GD & 7yo.GD (DD38) and 10yo GD & 5yo GD(DD34). D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant

posts: 8863   路   registered: May. 10th, 2007
id 8736762
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 7:32 PM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

He knows I only want to talk about kids and $ so he texts every morning asking if the kids went to school....

Ya most days they do. It's an excuse to open the door and thrn bitch about whatever. Today, there's no wifi at work and it's a bad area for our phone service so texts aren't coming through or coming through with a huge delay.

Yes it's been peaceful today. Kids have track and field all day so they were all grumpy even though I gave them money for freezies and chips and drinks...

The only issue today so far is keeping up with feeding 5 baby birds dd found scattered all over our roof after the big storm here.

Wh brought them inside and began feeding them. Their nest was destroyed. They are demanding loud all beak little terrors.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8736866
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 8:53 PM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Wh brought them inside and began feeding them. Their nest was destroyed. They are demanding loud all beak little terrors.

No sign of parent birds?? I've had great luck in the past by taking the top off of the bird cage and hanging it in a tree. The babies call the parents and if they screw up enough nerve to fly down into the cage and feed, all I have to do is change the bedding if it gets too nasty. Some birds can figure it out, others give up. Robins are pretty stupid, but they're fierce parents. I did have a goldfinch I had to raise on formula though.

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5637   路   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   路   location: U.S.
id 8736888
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:12 PM on Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

While we aren't 100% sure it's the parent we did find the remnants of an adult bird as well. The babies were out there for a day with no sign of the parents.

So we figured they had a better chance with us feeding them. Love the baby bird formula.

It must have been in the maple tree that's beside the house. Like way to close to the house. Love that tree but we've had to trim it back so the branches don't hit the roof.

People plant trees way to close together. My uncle was one of them. Beautiful blue spruce at thr front corner. Beside that a smaller maple, behind them an apple tree and then a pine. The three other trees block the sun for the apple tree and they are all growing into eachother.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8736893
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 9:07 PM on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

I'm sure this is common but why is it the wayward always tries to make the bs out to be the bad guy...??????

I came outside to grab my drink and just sat down under thr gazebo for a quiet moment.

Wh comes walking out, says oh there you are. I said I just came out to grab my drink and....he cuts me off saying ya right I believe you.

I just want to tell him to f off. I didn't even get a chance to finish what I was going to say and somehow me being out here is some horrible thing that I have to lie about...

And....now he's texting saying if I just came out for the drink I'd be back in now.... mad

I want to marinate all of his underwear in a bucket of smashed up habaneros!!!!!!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8737756
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Forks027 ( member #59996) posted at 10:38 PM on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

Don't let him pull you into the DARVO tactic. It's incredibly manipulative and only serves to make your head spin. You no longer have to explain yourself to him, especially when you're just having an effing drink.

Basically a key method in the cheater's handbook: make you to be the bad guy to deflect from their own guilt and shit behavior.

posts: 404   路   registered: Aug. 4th, 2017
id 8737761
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:24 PM on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

My head is spinning thats for sure. Partly from his bullshit. Partly because I havent eaten much since Tuesday.

I wish damn gas prices would drop down to reasonable levels. Just wanting to go for a drive to get away from him isn't an option now. If I don't want to remain like a prisoner in thenbedroom where he barges in anyways, I can sit outside. Of course it's hot even in the shade and now I'm getting bitten by mosquitoes. mad

My wh has no guilt. He isnt doing anything wrong. He's attending to HIS desires, wants and made up needs while destroying everyone in his path.

Will someone please tell me its ok and to go ahead with the habanero idea.... laugh

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8737763
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 11:38 PM on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

Only when he's agreed to leave!! and then, only one pair of underpants... a little Havana roulette... laugh

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Ending current one of his own accord- recognized it as "inappropriate" and stopping. Still won't call them A's... can't have everything in life.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

posts: 713   路   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   路   location: Michigan
id 8737764
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 11:59 PM on Sunday, May 29th, 2022

Only when he's agreed to leave!! and then, only one pair of underpants... a little Havana roulette...

laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh

Brilliant!!!!

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8737765
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wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 6:05 AM on Monday, May 30th, 2022

Will someone please tell me its ok and to go ahead with the habanero idea....

I mean, I might give you the green light. laugh

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

posts: 16544   路   registered: May. 1st, 2006   路   location: Somewhere
id 8737776
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Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 5:16 PM on Monday, May 30th, 2022

Maybe itching powder?

Amazon/Walmart

Also "wiki-how" has recipe for "rose hip" make-it-yourself itching powder and - didn't know this - maple seeds can be used!


Maples rare where I reside - but LOTS of rosebushes - thinking I might give the rose-hip recipe a try grin

Not Just Friends

posts: 635   路   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   路   location: OBX
id 8737809
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, May 30th, 2022

Dragn, memorize the phrase "I am sorry you feel that way" and just sort of saying "hmmm" or 鈥"huh" when he has something to say. Keep it neutral, don鈥檛 feel the need to respond when no response is needed.

I hope things are moving forward legally for you鈥 IHS is a special hell, and your WH is loving poking the bear. (Extra asshole move, by the way.). Hang in there.

You live in a one person consent for recording area, right? I suspect he is trying to rile you up so he can use it against you.
Don鈥檛 fall for it. Keep a VAR on you (or VAR on your phone). Think of him as the really shitty roommate you need to co-exist with until your lease is up.

Hang in there. You do hard things all the time鈥 and you can make it through this.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4788   路   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   路   location: Northern CA
id 8737815
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ChewedMeUp ( member #8008) posted at 6:57 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

Wh comes walking out, says oh there you are. I said I just came out to grab my drink and....he cuts me off saying ya right I believe you.

As Bearly indicated, this is exactly where you need to practice your gray rock. "oh there you are" you respond with a bland, vague "mmhmm" without even bothering to look up at him. He's going to take the slightest response, or look, or anything to stretch and twist it. Because then you argue and in his mind, you're evil and tormenting and just as bad as he is. Probably the next comment would be something like, "I've been looking for you blahblahblah" and you just respond with another bland "okay" and give him nothing further. "Why are you out here" - bland, unemotional "sitting" or some such.

Practice giving one-word answers, or non-answers, as much as you can. This shit is *hard* but I promise it works, and it gets easier with practice, no matter how unnatural it feels to start with. Fewer conversational "hooks" makes it easier to not have conversations. *hugs* to you, just hang in there.

BS - 40
DivorcED, finally.
2 Kids

posts: 615   路   registered: Aug. 26th, 2005   路   location: Baltimore, MD
id 8738097
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 8:42 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

Hang in there DragnHeart

Sorry you have to do this IHS with a disordered twat. I hope this isn't for too much longer. Any interaction with him is just toxic, he is just nasty like my ex. What this is giving you is good training for some rock solid boundaries and gray rock that you will need even after he has left.

I 100% endorse the habanero chonies

fBS/fWS(me):48 Mad-hattered after DD1
XWS:51 Serial Cheater, NPD tendencies
Together 25 years, Married 19
DD(18) DS(15)
DD1 (2008) COW, DD2 (2012) MOW, False R (2014) Same MOW. DD3 (2019) Webcam girl

posts: 8251   路   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   路   location: California
id 8738111
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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 9:37 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

Hope today is better for you.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 677   路   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   路   location: Central City
id 8738125
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 DragnHeart (original poster member #32122) posted at 10:01 PM on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

Sorry. So much going on that's not even related to wh. I have been very overwhelmed and not functioning well. Doc prescribed me meds to help. Won't kick in for a couple of weeks but hopefully it will make me feel better.

Right now its baby steps. If I get out of bed and dressed for the day that's an accomplishment.

If anything big comes up I'll post. Otherwise I'm just in the background.

Me: BS 46 WH: 37 (BrokenHeart911)
Four little dragons. Met 2006. Married 2008. Dday of LTPA with co worker October 19th 2010. Knew about EA with ow1 before that. Now up to PA #5. Serial fucking Cheater.

posts: 24274   路   registered: May. 10th, 2011   路   location: Canada
id 8738130
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