When is an action a physical threat?
Separated since July last year and share a child together. Every year previously for ex's bday we rented a cabin, we did this last year and everything was fine and usually was fine in previous years because it was focused on his birthday so his NPD never flared up.
This year he booked this cabin for his birthday, and during a time when I was sad my that my cat died he asked me if I wanted to join to be with DD at the cabin. I said OK. (obviously now I know this was a bad idea)
The final night of the cabin he got extremely drunk, nearly a fifth of bourbon, and his Mr. Hyde came out. I could see the anger in his eyes, the night was just full of misogynistic jabs, rambling conspiracy theories etc. So here's the part I'm really rattled about..
We're around the campfire with an empty chair between us (so not close enough to touch me from sitting position) and he reaches out his hand to do that Darth Vader move where he can choke someone by using the force. I don't remember his exact phrase but it was either like "damn it didn't work" or "wish it worked". I pretended to not know what he was doing. I wrestled with do I leave even though we took my car, would that cause him to get more irate and put me in more danger? Do I call the cops...for what a hand move??
And that's where I'm at...I feel like I need to get him via text to confirm he did this motion but then what...I felt this was serious but what can be done? I'm scared for him being alone with my daughter. What if he gets drunk angry at her?
And yes, I know this was wrong to agree to go on the trip. I always thought my daughter was safer with me around, but this weekend proved I bring out his hate and I guess he envisioned choking me out?
4 comments posted: Friday, September 8th, 2023
Feeling Helpless...Custody and Child Safety
My brain is just a jumbled mess. I feel like my hands are tied when it comes to custody because (thank god) nothing physically harmful has happened to my child in his care...but it's like I can't be too sure it wouldn't.
First back story...back on Xmas Eve when he had her he got in a verbal argument with his adult son at the house. DD was crying because of the fight, and exH spanked her because she was crying (his son who I still keep in touch with told me, he was so upset). I spoke to a lawyer and it was basically because no marks were left etc, there really isn't anything to do.
Now the current concern is her wiggly teeth. She has her first pretty wiggly tooth. He calls me over the weekend when he has her and was making comments that he was going to do the string on a door thing to pull it out. I was extremely against that, we got in a big fight, he backed down, but said when it's his next weekend if it's still there and wiggly he's doing that. And just now as they are FaceTiming he's all agitated saying he's going to pull it out and angry that I said let it fall out natually.
I'm just...sick to my stomach. Now I have to worry about every damn wiggly tooth on his time he HE determines it needs to come out he's going to do something?? And like...what can I even do? This isn't child abuse, but this isn't right. He also hasn't been paying child support. He is supposed to pay $400/month..in Feb/Apr/May I got $200 per month, June nothing yet.
Thanks for listening, I had to get this out. I'm so tired of worrying about my baby when she's with him if he's caring.
1 comment posted: Wednesday, June 21st, 2023
My STBXH has always been a lover of conspiracy theories…flat earth, there’s a firmament, never been to the moon, planets are fake….not just your average Big Foot believer he def goes above and beyond.
I chalked most of it up to his massive ego and needing to believe that HE has all the answers, the smartest man in the room, the rest of us are all "sheep".
So now when we last spoke the other day now he’s saying he’s getting all these random WhatsApp phone calls, followed up by text messages about answer your phone…and the last few times he went to the park he thinks he’s being followed. Like he’s very intent that this person walking their dog was following him, and he’s had it happen 2 other times by different people. he said it could be "gang stalking".
I guess I’m like….anyone else have an ex-spouse like this? At what point does it cross from conspiracy theorist to concerning delusions?
6 comments posted: Tuesday, June 6th, 2023
What would you do Christmas Incident
I am scheduling a consult with a lawyer, but want to get this off my chest in the meantime and looking for insights.
Backstory: exH has a temper, can be aggressive and belligerent in arguments. Nearly 4 years ago he had a physical fight with his son (son was about 18 at the time).
Our 5 year old daughter was with him last week for his vacation time with her. The plan was I was picking her up ay 10am on Christmas Day. At 12:45am on Christmas Day I get a facetime call from him. His son (22 years old) is there and they are having a heated argument. They are argument about this physical fight from years ago, his son does not appear to be the aggressor on the video call, my exH is the one yelling. At this time our daughter comes running down the hall, clearly had been crying for a while. She cries to talk to me, he hangs up.
I try to facetime 7 times in a row with no answer. I call step-son, he's left the house now and is crying he's so upset, he said he'll wait in the car until I see my daughter on video and he'll call the cops if I need him to.
I finally get a hold of exH on video, my daughter is heavily crying (that kind where you can't catch your breath). I say I'm coming to get her, he says he'll drive her to me. He drives her to me around 1:30am. She wakes up when he takes her out of the car and immediately says to me "I don't want to go back to daddy's". Yesterday she said "daddy was acting like a bear."
Yesterday I speak to step-son over text and he says that eXH spanked my daughter when she was crying over the argument to make her be quite.
I'm livid. I know spanking is not illegal, but this was NOT ok. I'm genuinely concerned for her. His anger can escalate at the drop of a hat and for him to use a physical response when she was scared and crying because of HIS behavior is not normal.
Thanks for listening. I feel so bad for my baby how scared she must have been to see her daddy unhinged and then get spanked for it.
8 comments posted: Wednesday, December 28th, 2022
It's always all about him
I want to scream. I'm so tired of his victim mentality.
WH and I had one car during the marriage, a lease. The lease was set to end April of this year, but due to crazy car market we chose to extend the lease by 6 months on the agreement he would keep the vehicle until October this year and when I moved out I would get my own lease. Which is what I did. I went thru this process (a stressful one) all on my own, and secured a new lease.
Now, his lease is up in 30 days. Of course, drama drama drama. Screaming at me he doesn't have the money for any due at signing amount...I'm not being understanding, I'm the one getting child support, it's so hard for him etc etc. He's also blown through his half of our saving account we split (about $4k) and has no idea how to budget. Yet somehow this is all my fault.
I calmly said I would give him the contact information for the dealership I used so he can see if they can work a deal, or he can contact the financial institution this current lease is thru to see about buying the vehicle at lease end.
I'm just...exhausted. He's raging now and I'll have to see him tomorrow when he gets visitation with our daughter. I hate that he can't keep his life together, and I hate that everytime he fails it's somehow my fault.
Mostly a rant lol, thanks for listening.
11 comments posted: Wednesday, September 14th, 2022
Random Questions for Single Parents
So I currently have an income generating website and toying with the idea of starting another to have another potential income source. Since I'll be a single mom starting next week I figured this may be a good niche for me to try and develop some content for.
If you're a single parent, what types of things would you search for on Google/Pinterest...or what types of things do you like to see content for? Things like:
Recipes/Things to make with kids
Alone time activities (when children are with other parent)
Grocery shopping/budgeting food costs
Just trying to get some ideas for what content I can make to help.
I know for me I've been searching for:
Small space decorating, themed rooms for girls like "unicorn bedroom"
Easy make ahead breakfasts and lunches
Cheap/free kid activities
At home pre-school ideas
7 comments posted: Thursday, June 30th, 2022
In July I'll be on my own again, single mom life with my toddler. I can afford my living expenses, but there won't be much left after that to build an emergency savings or plan for a small vacation once a year.
Anyone find any virtual side business work that brought in some extra $$? Like UpWork, virtual assistant type stuff and have some success?
6 comments posted: Tuesday, April 26th, 2022
Still reeling and new discoveries
My DDay was nearly 3 weeks ago and the trickle truths and new discoveries keep coming.
First major discovery was my WH met with the OW at a hotel on a night I was at my moms with our daughter (OW is someone he met at work, different departments but same company). I could see through phone records the conversations had been going on about a month. He was even bold enough to carry on a phone conversation with her in the next room and since he speaks Spanish and I don't they could converse openly and he told me it was his mom.
Now yesterday I found an old phone of his and turned it on, website history synced to his current phone he's using and I could see that about 4 days after DDay he was searching for hourly motels near his job (his answer to this is he was searching for us for like a meetup during the day as a spicy role play)....this doesn't make sense as I work from home with our toddler all day, and only have 1 day a week where I have help.
I also could see thru history all of his Google translations (OW speaks only Spanish, WH speaks Spanish but needs translator to read/write it). There were two sexual translations in question from the last few days....his response is he was helping a friend translate. He's also saying that she is messaging a coworker and the coworker shows him the messages (don't believe this I think they were using whatsapp or something that won't go on a phone record because in is search history he searched if WhatsApp shows on a phone bill)
I'm just in a fog. I feel like the writing is clear on the wall and he's telling me not to believe what is there.
Thanks for reading, needed to get this out since I can't share with people who know me :(
34 comments posted: Friday, February 11th, 2022
Long shot, anyone have a non conventional custody arrangements?
This is probably me just wishful thinking…
The one thing right now that my WH and I have in common is we both love our daughter and want her in our life everyday (she’s 4). The thought of me not seeing her for a weekend or not having her in my care kills me. And also the thought of her not seeing her daddy everyday I know would affect her.
Does anyone have any arrangements such as you and your ex moved close to each other, like rented apartments in same complex? Or something where each parent could see your child everyday even though they reside primarily at one location.
7 comments posted: Wednesday, February 9th, 2022