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Newest Member: Gtacch

Just Found Out :
Trust your gut. Back again

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 Elle2 (original poster member #64338) posted at 7:36 AM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Welp I'm here again. I've had a feeling for a while WH was cheating. I had the random thought to check phone records and a number was there. Tons of text/picture/video messages. I couldn't see what they said or what they were of but nothing lines up with what was in his phone. I sat on the info for a few days and gathered my thoughts. He started going on drives in his new Jeep. I started tracking. He would say he is in one place but tracker shows another so tonight I went to where he was. No OW but I told him I knew. He tried telling me she's a friend and he was sending pics of the kids. Yeah. Ok. And you delete those messages and have to sit in random parking lots to do that. At midnight. I know he probably bwont ever give me the full truth. I'm in shock a little. I haven't had a large reaction yet. I was considering texting her. Or going to her work. She works at the cvs by our old house. He used to come home and talk about the CVS ladies. He made them sound old. I should have known then.

Me: BW
WH had an EA for over a year with cow. Sexting anytime he wanted (his words).
DDay June 25 2018

posts: 344   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2018
id 8728987
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 12:35 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Sorry, Elle. Unfortunately, the writing was already on the wall.

He has never shown remorse for his actions. He has been, and continues to be abusive.

I hope that if any positive can come from this situation, is that it gives you clarity to take action so this abuse can stop.

Again, I'm sorry.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married almost 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8728991
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 12:42 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Elle, I'm so sorry, I hope this new discovery gives you the motivation you need to get out of this abusive marriage.

When is enough going to be enough? You deserve so much more. sad

posts: 11505   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8728993
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DailyGratitude ( member #79494) posted at 2:44 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

I am so sorry. I hope you find the strength, resolve, and peace you need to move forward.

posts: 211   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8729000
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 2:55 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

I sorry this has happened again, your gut always knows.

He tried telling me she's a friend and he was sending pics of the kids. Yeah. Ok. And you delete those messages and have to sit in random parking lots to do that. At midnight.

Wow! This shows you how far gone he is, he thinks you are going to buy this load of crap? It’s hard 180 time, see an Attorney and refuse to listen his lies.

Dday Sept 7 2019 doing well in R
BH 55 WW 48 M 31 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1377   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8729002
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 Elle2 (original poster member #64338) posted at 3:01 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Oh its definitely time to leave. I told him last night he needed to be out today. He asked me where he would go. I said your parents,a hotel, maybe HER house. I didnt care. I just wonder how long its been going on. Ive tried syncing stuff to my MacBook but its not working. I guess it really doesn't matter. But we all know how It goes. We NEED to know EVERY LITTLE DETAIL. I guess Im just surprised that when I showed up he still lied to me. I thought that he would at least have the decency to come clean. I dont know why I would think that though, given our situation.

Me: BW
WH had an EA for over a year with cow. Sexting anytime he wanted (his words).
DDay June 25 2018

posts: 344   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2018
id 8729005
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gmc94 ( Guide #62810) posted at 6:06 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Oh Elle2... just sending hugs and strength. I'm so sorry.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3789   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8729025
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leafields ( member #63517) posted at 6:19 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

So sorry you're here. It sucks.

Makes you want to rub your forehead, look down at your fingers and say, Do I have 'stupid' stamped on my forehead?" rolleyes

Maybe he was waiting for the Keebler Elves to bring cookies... their new line called Ego Kibbles.

BW, Dday 1: 2/18, Dday 2: 8/19, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1072   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8729030
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 6:37 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

(((Hugs))) The continued lies are the worst. We’ve often said that’s it not the A the completely ruins any chance of reconciliation but it’s the continued lies.

Take care of yourself. You are strong and you deserve so much better.
You know the routine- STD testing, healthy habits, get your ducks lined up, gather a support network.
Post when you need to — we’re here and we are rooting for you!

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4687   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8729034
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 10:38 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

What a tool!
Honey you deserve so much more than this.
I agree send him to his momma. He isn't worthy of you.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 22 & 25
Married for 30 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19250   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8729069
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 10:53 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

I'm so sorry.

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8729073
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 11:39 PM on Sunday, April 10th, 2022

Well, this is awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this again. I just took a cursory look at your posting history and you've been through so much, and it seems like all this guy ever does is add to your burdens. I think it would do you some good to go back and look at your own posts and SEE how terribly he treats you. The bag of salad incident looks different now, doesn't it?

All I can say is we're here. We're listening and holding you up in our thoughts and prayers.

((hugs))

BW: 2004(online EAs),
2014 (multiple PAs)
Married 38 years;
in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 5414   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8729078
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 Elle2 (original poster member #64338) posted at 5:00 AM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

Thank you everyone. So funny how a forum full of people I barely know are the ones that are there for me more than anyone elsell. The anger is starting to set in. The questions. My SIL just texted me. She once was one of my BFFs and then she married my BIL and got boring lol.sje said she was here for me and hear see were going through some stuff. I told her yeah, him messing around again. She replies "oh jeez. What an idiot..I'm sorry." So clearly he's going around telling everyone we are divorcing but not why we are divorcing. 16 years and 4 kids later and his mom nor his sister can reach out to see how I am? The OW is telling him he needs to try and fix it. She wasn't even sure why she was dragged into it because they werent cheating. She's worried I know where she lives and works. So clearly hes been to her house as well if she's afraid the location history bon the phone would show her house. I just don't wanna do this. I hate the range of emotions. The questions. The anger. I feel like I just barely got over the first time.
He's asking me all these questions about child support and custody. He's going to the bank tomorrow. He has all these plans. It's like he's been ready for this moment. All of these people are so happy to help him. Places to stay, invites to dinner. Today he went to lunch and ran around with his friend and then was bothered that I hadn't thought about all these details when he came home. I've been busy with three kids and training for my new job literally all day. I feel trapped bc I don't have any income. I have 2 jobs lined up but I worry how I'll be able to do it all and still stay on track with my masters.
He told me today i shouldn't get remarried because I am a horrible wife. That I'm wasting my time studying for this job I need to get hours to sit for my boards when I graduate. It's physically impossible for him to not be mean. I'll never understand what happened to him. Or how I didn't see it before.

Me: BW
WH had an EA for over a year with cow. Sexting anytime he wanted (his words).
DDay June 25 2018

posts: 344   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2018
id 8729109
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 6:06 AM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

"...That I'm wasting my time studying for this job I need to get hours to sit for my boards when I graduate."


I hope you reach every one of your goals and dreams.

posts: 937   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8729114
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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 11:04 AM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

He told me today i shouldn't get remarried because I am a horrible wife. That I'm wasting my time studying for this job I need to get hours to sit for my boards when I graduate. It's physically impossible for him to not be mean. I'll never understand what happened to him.

These are his last desperate attempts to still reign control over you. As you become more and more independent, he will feel more and more cornered. I hate to say this, but don't be surprised if he escalates his poor behavior as separation/divorce becomes a very realistic possibility.

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married almost 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8729124
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BreakingBad ( member #75779) posted at 1:43 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

He told me today i shouldn't get remarried because I am a horrible wife. That I'm wasting my time studying for this job


This is part him trying to justify his own terrible behavior by re-writing reality and part him already worried that you'll not only be FINE without him but that you'll be GREAT without him.

Right now he's trying to control the "script"--telling others you're divorcing (but not why), trying to race ahead with plans, telling you things that will make you feel terrible about yourself. He is clearly worried others won't support him if they knew what he'd done. He is clearly worried about how he'll feel as you succeed without him.

He's afraid that you'll find happiness with a 2nd husband. He's terrified that you'll succeed in your schooling and career and be happy without him.

Read this crap for what it is: him in the throes of self-justification and fear that you really don't need him to be happy. Every time he flaps his mean mouth, hear the fear and ignore the crap.

100% greyrock this shit.

Care for yourself.

Find a few trusted people that you can rely on for strength, good sense, and some logistical help when needed.

(((Hugs))) to you dear woman.

"Don't you love it, don't you love it?
No, I ain't happy yet.
But I'm way less sad."[Credit to group AJR]

Me=BW; fWH=online affairs with 3 APs over 2.5-3 yrs
Both in IC & MC
Married 31 yrs now
2 kids-both in HS
Attempting R

posts: 149   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2020
id 8729140
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 2:34 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

He's had one foot out the door for years. He's been planning this.

He's going to the bank to do what? Half of the money is yours.

Since he is moving so quickly, you need to see an attorney immediately.

he was sending pics of the kids

This would piss me off the most. I'd rather my husband send dick pics,than pics of my babies to some side piece.

She seems awfully worried for someone claiming she wasn't having an affair with another woman's husband.

Sending you strength.

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8729147
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:03 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

yeah, you need to take steps to protect your financial future ASAP. See a lawyer right away and protect what money you legally can (eg move half to another account if lawyer says that is okay to do).

What a jerk. He’s panicking that you are starting to shine while his stink is starting to become overwhelming.

Keep moving forward. (((Hugs)))

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4687   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8729149
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 Elle2 (original poster member #64338) posted at 3:12 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

When he told me about the pics of the kids I was pissed. She seems to know a lot about us. She told hime "15 years and 3 kids. You need to fix it."
Why are emotional affairs and sexting such a gray area for some people? Ill never understand that. When your suppose is actively involved in the emotional attachment and upkeep of another person. Sending pictures, intimate pictures. I mean never in a million years would he ever be ok with me going to another mans house, that he didnt even know existed because I deleted all traces of them from my phone, lying about being there. All the nopes in nopeville. Even IF they did nothing physical, the deceit alone. Especially after everything.
Now im trying to navigate divorce. I dont know where to start. It all seems expensive unless we are uncontested and we file ourselves. Is it petty of me to want to take him to the cleaners? I want every penny I can squeeze out of him. I dont want to agree to anything and then find out I could have gotten more. But I dont have the money for a lawyer to do that for me.
Add to all of this, the baby has bronchitis and is back to not sleeping. Ive been up since 3 am. WH thinks that he's just going to come and go. Have his cake and eat it to. Kids are taken care of, he doesn't have to worry, but he's not keeping them so all the responsibility still falls on me and he gets to run around town a bachelor. That is not going to happen. I hope he wakes up one morning and realizes what he's done. I doubt he will, but a girl can hope.

Me: BW
WH had an EA for over a year with cow. Sexting anytime he wanted (his words).
DDay June 25 2018

posts: 344   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2018
id 8729154
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 3:52 PM on Monday, April 11th, 2022

Was any of the abuse ever documented? Have any of the kids,including his older kids,ever been to IC, where they talked about how scared they were of their dad?

Maybe you can subpoena the IC to testify.

You may live in a state in which adultery matters in divorce.

You can ask the judge to have him pay your attorney fees.

Call every single shark in your town,and get a free consultation. Then,he can't use any of them,because it would be a breach in confidentiality.

Call them today. And go to the bank and withdraw your half,and put it in an account he has zero access to.

posts: 4332   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8729165
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