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Elle2 you are anything BUT dumb! You sound extremely smart, actually. You're also killing it right now handling everything that's been thrown at you! I admire your strength.

Your stbx is a very very shallow person. The reason he buys the kids so much "stuff" is because he doesn't want to spend time with them or do fun things with them. He doesn't know how to just enjoy them. If you think about it, I'm sure this has always been his modus operandi! He wants everyone to like him. Even his kids. Problem is, there's not much to like. He's a bottomless pit!

You will THRIVE without him! Hugs. You got this!

That’s true. He does always want people to like him. Except me. I never understood that. Why the person he promised to charros and love and protect was the one that got the shit end of the stick. He buys the kids things because he wants to buy their love. He always made me feel bad for not going and doing things with the kids 24/7. He has the energy and the downtime to recover from running around. I on the other hand would rather play outside with my kids. I guess we ar what very different people.

EXACTLY girl! It ain't you. He's the proverbial kid who always need the newest and shiniest toy that's currently out! He will ALWAYS be this way, too. You may not see it, but you've been given a gift with this revelation. You and the kids will NEVER be anything but image management to him. You all deserve so much more! He doesn't deserve y'all! You're all too good for him. One day you will see it and be so glad you left. Please don't doubt yourself or your decision to leave! You're a treasure that he never deserved!

Don't worry about how he interacts with the kids (as long as it isn't neglectful or abusive). If he wants to buy them new shoes and clothes, then great! That's less money out of your budget. The kids need to have a good relationship with their father, so just be glad that the jerk is at least making some kind of effort for them, no matter how lame or shallow it is. It's better than having an ex who just doesn't care about them at all, I promise you. The sadness of children whose dads drop out of their lives is not something you want for your kids. So just remind yourself of that when it seems unfair that they still have good times with him and don't see him the way you do. That's okay.

That will NOT take away from your relationship with the kids. You're their mother. The one who takes care of them day to day. Shiny gifts are not going to make them forget that. You're the primary parent, the one they will turn to when the really need support. Keep being strong for them and you'll always be first place in their hearts. No amount of spend can take their love away from you.

You hit the nail on the head morning glory. It’s sounds terrible probably but it’s not fair they get to have those good times still. It was always supposed to be all of us. Now I’m the odd man out and it sucks. I know it won’t always suck but right now it does. And yeah it is less for me to shell out money for. I just know I’m not the high energy parent that will run all over town in a day like he is. I am over stimulated so easily, especially these days. I just feel like im no fun compared to him. But today I have 3 sick kids, 2 with the stomach bug and I don’t feel great. BUt im here scrubbing vomit out of carpets. I yelled at my 11 yr old for throwing up all over the bathroom hitting everything but the toilet. It just all seems unfair. And I know I shouldn’t see it that way. Because I’d want to be the one taking care of them but…I don’t know. The idea of the family I planned on being take away because of someone else’s shittt decisions is really weighing on me

[This message edited by Elle2 at 4:39 AM, Wednesday, July 20th]

Elle2, how are you doing?