Newest Member: AcesEights


Me: BW WH had an EA for over a year with cow. Sexting anytime he wanted (his words). DDay June 25 2018

Lost my job and wh is pissed

we have been talking about selling our house for a few months now. We actually have it planned to go on the market 9/1. I recently, within the last 3 weeks have discovered that my last job that survived covid (I had 3 work from home jobs prior) is now being slowly shut down. I told my husband and he is PISSED that now we HAVE to sell the house. This job was my money maker and full income source. I'm getting let go, and my husband is MAD AT ME BECAUSE I CANT AFFORD THE MORTGAGE ANYMORE. I asked him why it matters? We were planning on selling anyways, the reason has changed, maybe, but we still are not at the point of HAVING to sell. But I want to anyways. I'm over this house. We lost a child here, I discovered his A here, we were actually fighting about the girl that ended up being his girlfriend when we first toured the house. It's a damn house. I can't help that I'm losing my last job. I mean...shit ....I had 3 and they all are gone because of covid. And he is making me feel like total shit about it. It's definitely a new low. Unless I'm in the wrong somehow??

26 comments posted: Monday, August 30th, 2021

What's this called?

What is it called when you have someone who insists on doing nice things for you only to make you feel like total shit about it later? I mention under my breath while I'm dressing how I haven't gotten myself a nice summer dress in a while. WH INSISTS on finding one for me so we go to the mall and search and search and find one. Along with a few other things that I stopped and looked at (and told him no I did not want or need it only for him to buy it and look like the oh so attentive husband). Then, 4 hours later in an argument he throws it all in my face. To the point where I threw food out of the window because he was making me feel like a POS for asking him to stop. It was like the food was burning my body and it just flew out the window. I feel bad for tossing it because littering is the freaking worst but I just...reacted. if I could have peeled the dress off my body I would have. Why is is so damn hard to leave. I have somewhere to go. Why is it so freaking hard, y'all

5 comments posted: Saturday, July 17th, 2021


I've touched on this issue in older posts but I don't post VERY often so...tonight it seemed to really hit me.

When we were going through hysterical bonding after I found out about WH EA, we fell pregnant. Unfortunately, he passed away shortly after he was born. This was 2019 (a year after dday) We had another baby and he's here and healy. Lately I've just been struggling in general. Remote school with two big kids, financial stress, pandemic stress.... tonight we had a typical fight and I realized something. I feel like I'm trying so hard to hold on to this marriage for the kids (even though I'm pretty much miserable) but I always find myself thinking that had I just divorced him, we would have never gotten pregnant and we would have never lost that son. I feel like I'm trying to hold on to this marriage so that was not all for nothing. Suffering the loss of our son. I blame myself for it. I should have left after his A. And what messes with me so much is that we can have fun together when it's easy and stress free fun, we can have a blast..but the moment theres anything stressful, it blows up. I feel like I am suck in cement. I want to move, but I can't.

4 comments posted: Friday, May 21st, 2021

He's got some nerve

This June will be 3 years since day but honestly, I've not have much time to really sit with it. 5 months after day I found out I was pregnant (thanks hysterical bonding). At 30 weeks we discovered the baby and I were every sick and had an emergency c-section and he passed away shortly after. While we were grieving that, only 4 short months after we found we were pregnant again, I ended up in the hospital at 28 weeks for 8 weeks and delivered a mostly healthy boy. He has a few minor issues we are working with but nothing major (knock on wood). My dad's been sick for a few months and discovered it was a fractured back, that turned into cancer which went to his brain and he passed on monday the 5th (the brain cancer thankfully happened fast but everything else was months of stress in the making with my dad). I give this back story for this: wh went to grab a bag of salad. It took him 40ish minutes to get to and from the store that is 5 minutes baway, 6.5 if you catch the light. I got the kids in bed, read them a book and took a long shower. I thought for sure he'd be eating when I got out but he had just gotten home so I asked what took so long? I was thinking accident or he ran into someone at the store and chatted. He gets defensive immediately and just goes in on me about how he's tired of me thinking there's always something going on. Just goes on and on. Woah is me kind of crap. My wife doesn't trust me to be gone longer than seems normal. Remember y' dad died Monday and he's bitching about me being on edge. Then he proceeds to get a pen and paper and talk about my finances and is flipping out about how I can spend all this money and he struggles. He buys all this stuff for me but I have more than enough to do it myself. He just bought me tennis shoes. I didnt ask him to. Not once. But he did it one night after I went to bed. Now he says he did it only because he thought I couldn't afford it. I told him nope. I just don't care to spend money on that stuff in unless it's necessary. So then he wants details of everything ive been spending my money on the past few months. Any time I buy ANYTHING. I tell him. I send him screenshots of my amaZon cart. I buy all of Christmas, birthdays, vacation etc. He is FLIPPING out. I told him how can he be doing this when my dad just died. And he just mocks me and said "oh yeah this and that happened and waa waa" I asked him if he has no limit to how low he will go. He says no. He says he knew something was going on...going on? You see my bills. You see what comes to the door, you see me swipe my card. Going on???? He can't even control this shit when my dad has died. Before dad passed and he was sick, wh was going in on me about how he paid for me to get my nails done. He insisted, I went, and then he threw it in my face. I yelled at him to give me a break I'm worried about my dad and he reminded me that I made a comment (to my wh) about how i hate how worried my mom is and I wish that if my dad was going to pass, he would do it quick so my mom wouldn't worry. He threw that in my face. And you know what's that when I found out my dad died, one of my first thoughyta was that my mom would have room for me and the kids so I could leave him. How the hell is this my life. I can't do this but it's still so hard to find the balls to leave. And what I hate is when he does this I just sit there or stand there, so completely flabbergasted that I have nothing to say..I'm speechless. And then I'm angry. But I never have the energy to fight him because regardless of what I say he will always have something to say. He will go for the kill when we fight. I may yell but I never bring up old shit or low shots. But he will so I never intentionally start a fight. I'll always lose.

14 comments posted: Thursday, April 8th, 2021

Dad is sick and I feel ambivalent

I've never been super close with my dad. He and my mom are still married but I remember being in middle school or high school wondering why they just didn't divorce. The fought a lot. My dad has always been a huge asshole to her. He was that typical 80s 90s dad. Showed up and participated. Was a good dad when he was there but it was always my mom that ran things. My dad didn't bother to do anything unless he was asked or told. We've definitely grown apart as I got older. I'm super close with my mom. She's definitely my best friend now that I have kids. Seeing him just be this huge burden on her now makes me angry at him. He injured his back at work and instead of doing anything to help recover he became a bump on a log and ended up causing more problems and fracturing his back. Again, he's been so terrible to my mom. Talking to her like crap, never being happy with the help she's given. Uses the excuse that he's in pain. I've been in tremendous amount of pain and have not been this awful. At the very least I've been appreciative of help, not yelling at someone for drying my back wrong or yelling at them for wasting money on protein shakes because I refuse to eat (even though while in the hospital everyone told my mom how sweet and funny he was and how well he ate). I know illness can make people lash out at those closest to them. We've all tried to help him but if he doesn't remember a doctor saying it then it was never said and he won't take information from us. This led to him not following the physical therapists instructions for walking, sitting, standing , laying down and now the procedure that was just fixed has been messed up and he's back in the hospital. My mom is still working as much as she can because he's been out of work for several months and she's afraid they will lose the house. I guess I say all this so I can be honest with my feelings and say I feel bad for not feeling bad about my dad. I know it sounds like I'm an awful person. My husband made a good point that my mom is the person I love the most in the world so anyone causing her stress or being awful to her is going to make me mad. Has anyone ever been through this with a parent that you weren't super close with? I want them to get him straightened out so he's healthy, but I don't want my mom to have to worry so much in the process.

3 comments posted: Wednesday, March 24th, 2021

Just getting by

Most days I feel like I'm surviving. We have a 6m old that is extremely needy, a 6 yr old with Autism and a typical 9yo girl that is... well...a 9 yr old girl. I'm home all day with them. And since they are remote learning we cant even get out. I'm exhausted with unknown health issues, I'm stir crazy, and I have a partner who often times feels like a 4th child. He is incredibly needy, I am very much the opposite. I was in the hospital for 8 weeks before our son was born and I'd by lying if I didn't say it was wonderful. I missed my kids but not having my codependent husband around everyday was wonderful. His entire world depends on me. His mood is 100 percent based on me (or so he says). His idea of thoughtful is running to get food (even though I can have it delivered for free). Mind you, when he goes to get food, all the kids are hangry, I'm trying to bathe one while help the others with homework. I don't get me time. When I go to bed early he feel bad for not spending time with him. I can't schedule doctor appointments without feeling guilty because he may have to be late from lunch so I can go (even though he's the BOSS). I find myself counting down the hours from the moment I wake up to when I can go to bed. The weekends are harder than the weekdays. Constantly keeping tabs on his mood is exhausting. I think about all the time he gave to her, and it still makes me angry, jealous, whatever. All I asked for on my birthday blast month was to be able to shower in the morning so I can wear my hair down. I didn't get it because I didn't wake up earlier than the baby. but he did but me a purse and a jacket so it's ok...right? Time is all I ever ask for and it's the biggest fight from him but he gave her so much of it. Why can't I get it?? I want a D. I have for a while but I'm too scared. I'm scared of what it would do to the kids. I'm scared of him being alone with the kids and me not there to run interference. I just am having a day where I wish I never met my WH.

6 comments posted: Sunday, January 31st, 2021

Sex sex sex

Im so tired of worrying about how long it's been since we've had sex, I'm tired of fighting about sex and I'm tired of feeling obligated to have sex. We covered this "sex expectation" thing in MC but everything has gone back to the old way. It seems everything he does he expects sex. That makes it feel like a chore to me and I am the type of person that really digs in if someone expects something of me and I don't feel it's deserved. He got me flowers and all I could think about was he expected sex. Every night before bed it's a struggle. He wants something, I don't. He usually just want something for himself which pisses me off more but really, I'm not in the mood. We have a 4 month old and I'm doing virtual school with our 6 yo with autism and our 9 yo. Most days I'm in shambles by the time wh gets home. Today I had a mental breakdown and called him at work sobbing. I never do that. It was a bad day. Tonight as we were saying goodnight (I'm sleeping in the nursery to get up with the baby) he's giving me shit for not wanting to fool around. On such a terrible day he can't give me a pass. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. When I was hospitalized for several weeks before this birth he would come and stay a night here or there and even while hospitalized, on modified bed rest and totally exhausted, he couldn't just be happy to see me. He wanted hand jobs and blow jobs and all the jobs he could get..high risk pregnancy was no match for his sex drive. I drank a bottle of wine tonight and I never do's always a half a bottle MAX when I do. I couldn't figure out why he kept pouring me glasses and was so agreeable to everything. I figured it was because I had such a bad day. Now I know (and it was essentially confirmed by him) it was because he wanted to get some....not because I was so stressed.ornhad a rough day. In MC this was a huge deal. I was so unaccepting of affection and any show of love because it always came with the expectation of sex. He worked on that and we got to a point where it wasn't there and our sex life improved so much because I felt in control, and felt like my husband did kind things (and normal things like take out the trash....yes he has used that as a reason why he "deserves" to get some before) because he wanted to contribute, not because the expected sex. Well we are back at square friggin one. Everything has been undone. If he changes the toilet paper roll I immediately get a feeling in my stomach that he did it so he can make me feel like shit about sex. I don't know how to even address this at this point because bit will be a huge fight. We are back to the "I do_____ because you do ______". I'm so tired .

7 comments posted: Tuesday, November 17th, 2020

Just don't like wh

I'm not really sure how to lead in to it after my topic header but I really just feel like I don't like wh at all right now. Our son just turned 10 weeks old and I was in the hospital for 8 leading up to his birth so it been a rough few months but I had forgotten how in helpful wh is with newborns. Granted he can't do much but just holding him so I could eat would be swell. The other two kids are home doing remote learning because of the virus and we just got power back on after hurricane sally ravaged our town so it's just been a really rough few months. I feel like I do so much but it is what's expected....taking care of kids. The other night we fought because I just needed a break. I have the baby in a carrier on my chest most of the day so I can get stuff done. I told him my back hurt and I just needed to clean can he please hold him. He made a comment eventually after it turned into an argument that my back hurt from holding the child that I he didn't want him? I told him how messed up it was but he just said he could take shots too. I just....I'm over it y'all. I'm so tired of worrying about his moods and knowing he's getting grumpier by the day because we don't have sex but I just CANT force myself to fool around with him because i feel like I have to. I've done that so many times and I refuse to. We have been fighting for a week straight and I don't even know why he's so angry. Tonight after a few beers he apologized and said he knew he was being a dick and he put the baby to be so I could relax. I knew immediately he was expecting something. Sure enough as I said goodnight (I'm sleeping in the nursery to get up with baby) he asked if we could fool around. Was his apology even genuine? Or was he just saying what I wanted to hear so he could get some?? Who the hell knows.those 8 weeks in the hospital had their moments where I was so lonely and bored, but every few weeks my mom would watch the kids so he could stay the night and I almost always wished he hadn't stayed. Even being in the hospital i couldn't get out of feeling like I had to give in and fool around. I find myself missing those days of essentially living alone and only worrying About myself (not including the kiddos). I'm just not over the A and I feel like I'm never going to be.

13 comments posted: Saturday, September 19th, 2020

Book for healing after an affair

Looking for something to help me recover from the damage ws has done. I'm 11m post DDay and realize I haven't made much progress in certain areas.

4 comments posted: Friday, May 24th, 2019

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