Newest Member: Delilahh


"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

Motor replacement in a car

if you had a 7 year old car and there was an issue where the motor needed to be replaced (known overheat issue with the brand but not yet a class action or recall)

And given parts shortages

Has anyone ever had a good experience they want to share with a remanufactured motor with a warranty?

3 comments posted: Sunday, September 25th, 2022

Anybody else finding the thought of an ap becoming queen

Wondered if the thought of an ap becoming queen is triggering or if it was just me?

52 comments posted: Sunday, September 11th, 2022

Packing/clothing for a week in europe

So I am heading to Europe for a week.
Wondering if anyone has suggestions for appropriate clothing for one week of travel and any suggestions of other things I would want to bring with. Destination is Brussels. Think I will choose to fly economy because the difference is several thousand dollars and/or equivalent air Miles and the plane ticket is a gift. May upgrade with Delta miles depending on the amount needed.

Also wondered if anyone has experience with flying and layover in Dubai?

50 comments posted: Saturday, September 10th, 2022

Anyone have something amazing happen to them that that would never have happened if you hadn't started over

WH refused to leave the country for decades with no known valid legitimate reason. Not afraid of flying. In fact the opposite. I don't rent him the space in my head to question why anymore...but...

Funny thing...Maybe what people call Karma?

I am taking a no cost to me trip to Europe. On his birthday (not intentionally, it just happened that I had a no cost to me ticket and place to stay in that day).

13 comments posted: Wednesday, August 31st, 2022

Any irl meetups planned again?

Wondered if there were any in real life meetups being planned in the Chicago area this fall?

4 comments posted: Tuesday, August 30th, 2022

Doxycycline hcl and dairy

So is it no dairy at all while taking doxycycline?

I got a bug bite or ?? They don't know but my leg was hot and red with a raised area...was sent to the urgent care which is like a stepped down ER that really good doctors work in.

Probably not the best plan but I noticed it at night and waited to call the doctor until the next day. They sent me to the urgent care. My legs were so swollen and so much pain.

Less than 12 hours on the medication and lost 6 lbs of edema.

Not playing with whatever this is so figured I would see what SI peeps (who I have found to be a smart lot) know about dairy and doxy.hcl

4 comments posted: Saturday, August 27th, 2022

Has anyone employed a forensic accountant or pi that is willing to share ?

I am wondering if people might be willing to share their experiences employing a forensic accountant?

What about a private digital investigator during the divorce? For stuff like lifestyle hidden from the court?

Just wondering about cost versus benefit etc

4 comments posted: Wednesday, August 10th, 2022

Made it through father's day and don't feel the slightest bit bad about not sending a card to the cheater

I made it through father's day and I do not feel the slightest bit bad not sending W still legal H a card or not wishing him happy father's day.

I now reserve that for people who are actual good fathers. To me that is the people who show up every day and make a difference in their children's lives. The people who do the hard stuff and make the sacrifices and live their lives with decency and authenticity.

I am unapologetic that I think W still legal husband caused a category 5 tornado level of collateral damage to our family. He continues to blame others for his behavior. In the words in the cartoon movie Buzz Light-year he is still viewing Zurg (everyone else) responsible for "every cat up a tree".
All of that is not the Hallmark kinda father I am gonna acknowledge on father's day.

People might judge me for it. People who thinks his infidelity was just a simple mistake and I am just being a sore looser because I was dumped laugh To them I say MYOB.

If there is anything the last 4 plus years has taught me, I personally (any one else's mileage may vary) am much better off not caring what people think and it felt really good to not make this dumpster fire my still legal husband started into a Hallmark card moment.

Happy belated father's day to all the good fathers in the forums who are doing their best including the Former waywords who are owning their stuff and healing their families.

3 comments posted: Monday, June 20th, 2022

Rough Antiversary for me

Advice on living through the unliveable is welcome.
Please be gentle.

I personally hate antiversaries. Not only has this past month been a dumpster 🔥🚒 with my getting covid and the stress of trying to settle a divorce with someone who to my knowledge has not agreed to one thing towards settlement in several years.

Last communication from WS is that they won't honor the settlement agreement they proposed because it is not binding.

I know it's easy for people to judge that I am still not legally divorced years into this. I judge myself.

I now agree with attorneys who post online that (when divorcing someone I knew was a liar who didn't care about me I needed to) forget about collaborative divorce and trying to settle. I could have hired a very skilled attorney to go on the offensive for a fraction of what my trying to be a decent human and settle has cost me.

I was a serious schmuck to believe anything the WS said. You would think I would have known better.

Since my antiversary is around mother's day weekend it's been a rough weekend.

Coincidence that he picked mother's day weekend to make threats about all the aweful things he and his new attorneys have planned for me?

17 comments posted: Sunday, May 8th, 2022

Dealing with symptoms of covid especially total lack of appetite

So the inevitable happened. I tested flamingly positive for covid.

The state I am in dropped the mask mandate.

I had an important dentist appointment.

I went to church (small congregation and figured C had already made its rounds through there long ago). I got groceries etc. I masked. Was not close to anyone. Hadn't as much as left the house in about 3 weeks.

But as luck would have it I have covid. I have a wicked sore throat. Stuff smells weird. Like my hair conditioner smells aweful sad

Ordinarily I would be an eat when I am hungry and not when I am not person but....

The thought of almost any food makes me feel like getting sick. Also my throat feels like I swallowed ground glass.

My blood pressure was a little low this morning so I made myself drink some lemon, ginger, honey water with a little salt.

My temp is down from 103 to around 99ish.

Any suggestions for foods (to complicate things I have to eat gluten free)?
Can I eat popsicles or do I need to avoid things like sugar?

Any fluid guidelines?

21 comments posted: Monday, April 25th, 2022

Wanted to say thanks

Just wanted to say thanks to SIers for being a source of strength for me.

I am in the process of doing some really hard things. Every time I think of quitting in my fight to become free of WH and negotiate an equitable settlement I think of the encouragement, strength, and hope I have been afforded here. I think of the sparkly unicorn fighters
who got free and I keep moving forward.

My marriage...a minute saying I do on my lips..

Oops. Wrong saying lol

14 comments posted: Tuesday, April 12th, 2022

Gotta love this song....what's on your playlist?

Jake Hoot feat Kelly Clarkson

I would have loved you!

It's #1 on my 3 year post listen to in the shower and sing along playlist

Gotta love country music!

And Celo Green clean version (Forget You)
moves down to number 2 on my playlist.

0 comment posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022

Starting over job wise

So I am well enough from the Lyme to consider part time work again.

I am educated but the effects of the Lyme, infidelity trauma etc mean that I need to be looking for something part time and flexible and remote.

I am feeling lost. I have kept up with technology like with my computer and remote meetings etc, but could use some brushing up in windows programs like excell. I have not "worked" in over a decade and am not yet well enough to go back to anything like I did.

I am also not the person I was before the repeated serial d I honestly have no idea where to start.

30 comments posted: Friday, February 18th, 2022

Engagement rings thoughts?

I am curious about people's ideas about engagement rings.

Would your ideal be a one Ct or more solitaire diamond from Tiffanys? One of their colored stone rings? No engagement ring? Something else?

What do you think of buying vintage or pre-owned?

Also at an older age it occurred to me that the old "rule" of "2 months salary" is a lot more for most people at age upper 50s than it was at age 21.

12 comments posted: Friday, December 17th, 2021

Indescribably Good

I can not even begin to describe how good it feels to wake up every day free of abuse.

I am a survivor.

I have good friends.

Contrary to what my wh told me, it is simply very far from the truth that no one would ever "want me"...

I am healing from the Lyme disease (less antibodies and fewer positive bands).

My pain and tension levels are lower than I can ever remember them being.

I wake up not feeling drained.

I now think of my wh as so tainted and disgustingly defiled I would not take him back much less be intimate with him if he was the last man on earth. He repulses me. That is a good thing because he is not safe for me at any speed.

I have had a change of mind. I now view very few decisions as one way streets. That is very freeing and should serve me well. For that reason, I deeply regret not leaving and filing for divorce immediately the first time I found out he was lying much less cheating. I had my reasons. But I could have reversed course and stopped the divorce if he had chosen to stop lying, do the work, and become a safe partner.

I am no longer a schmuck.

There are moments of joy and beauty.

I survived infidelity.

11 comments posted: Sunday, December 5th, 2021

In the pit with a lion on a snowy day

I am in the process of reprogramming my mind.

I was given several boxes of of them by this title, which caught my eye.

Wondering if any other divorcing spouses feel/felt like they are/were in the pit with a lion on a snowy day?

Any tips for surviving?


The good news is even if my back is against the wall of the pit, I can now see the 🦁

0 comment posted: Friday, August 13th, 2021

Making granola or protein bars from scratch

I have noticed that the price of kind bars and the like have almost doubled in the stores here.

So I wondered if anyone has experience making gluten free (oats are fine) protein or granola bars from scratch. Chocolate or the like is a plus 🤣🤣

Protein would be great.

Cashews, almonds, peanuts etc are great.

Paying over $8 for less than a half pound of cereal bars seems a bit much to me.

Since si peeps told me how to get rid of earwigs I figure maybe someone knows how to do this :)

11 comments posted: Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Crow medicine


The crows are back in the yard. Lots of them. One even knocked on the window.

When wh was here they used to slam themselves into the windows.

Ummm any thoughts?

Crows are bad mojo right?

6 comments posted: Friday, June 25th, 2021

Is this normal

So I am wondering if anyone else has had to deal with breaking down curled up in a ball sobbing while going through the divorce process. It's been a couple of years since I have seen my WS and still I am not free. It doesn't help that I am swimming in debt and see no way that they court will act quickly to set me free.

There are days where I do not think I can get up again to continue to fight him.

Days I wonder how I married a monster. Days I question my own perception of reality..which is why I kept the actual bathroom door he punched in several places leaving big holes just sitting in the garage in case I need to remind myself.

8 comments posted: Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Earwigs....aka devil 👿😈 bugs

Anyone else hate them?

Two fell out of my towel this morning and one came out of my doorbell to bite me just now.

Other than 🔥 🔥 anything else kill them? Any suggestions?

5 comments posted: Friday, June 18th, 2021

No deposit

So this month I have not yet received funds and there has not been payment for the mortgage.

Special thanks to attorney number one who apparently submitted a temporary order over a year ago that did not (how this could happen I have no idea) include who pays the mortgage and several other bills.

Not sure I can say this here so mods I will delete if you ask but praying for a miracle.

Did talk with the lender and they have no covid programs and no way to modify without husband's participation.

17 comments posted: Friday, May 7th, 2021

Cohousing and alternative housing arrangements

Wondered what people think of alternative living arrangements like cohousing.

Let's be honest here..between the fact that I never planned financially to be divorced and the fact that my husband is seeking alimony and my ongoing health issues this is gonna be financially interesting..

Currently I live with a friend (no benefits because we have appropriate boundaries since I am still married and we believe in owom married sexual contracts).

We keep the lights and heat on. Food in the fridge. Things are actually good.

9 comments posted: Thursday, May 6th, 2021

"a reason to fight" the song and more

One of the songs that has helped me is the song "a reason to fight" by Disturbed.

I just wanted to thank the people in this group who have posted, weighed in, and given advice over the past over two years. It has been sould wrenchingly hard. But you have helped me so much. You have given me a reason to fight. You have helped me hang on so many times when I couldn't have without you.

This week is one of my hardest weeks. I have legal stuff I need to deal with. I need to find a car. (wh took both vehicles and put them in his name and physically took them) There is a lot I still am working on surviving.

Thanks for the group and to everyone who reached out.

11 comments posted: Monday, April 19th, 2021

About 2 days into being vegan/gf


I felt the best in my life the times when I have been vegan and gluten free.

So...I decided to try a little experiment....just one week vegan and see how I feel.

Yes I do know how to be safe with my health and vegan. I generally do not like eggs and I expect that dairy is an issue for me and I would feel better not eating it. So one week.

Any favorite recipes anyone wants to share? Especially interested in curries, thai, have done raw foods before and will be starting to grow microgreens.


13 comments posted: Saturday, April 10th, 2021

You can. You will.

I am approaching 3 years post d day. Round two that I know of for the chex (cheating ex).

Each day I get stronger. Each day I get better. There are ups and downs. My story is ugly There will always be scars. I do still struggle to not let this take my life.

But I am a survivor. Of horrible abuse. (I believe infidelity is vicious evil soul sucking abuse.)

I lived to tell my story in the hopes that it will in some way help others.

I have excellent friends. I make a difference in people's lives and I don't miss the chex (cheating ex) and his group of cheater cheerleaders one single bit. I have so much more energy and vitality now. My life is so much better with him not in it.

Do not give up. There is hope. There is renewal. You can survive to have purpose and a new life.

3 comments posted: Sunday, April 4th, 2021

Tattoo or no tattoo? Vegas or no?

Leaning a bit on humor to deal with the pain of infidelity tonight....

During this whole long drawn out divorce process I considered getting a tattoo.... A relatively large inner forearm script tattoo that said "integrity".

And I dreamed of a quickie Vegas divorce. The quick Vegas divorce is out. Can't seem to get the non Vegas divorce in a reasonable time either. The court process is just more abuse by proxy. That just leaves the tattoo.

I do joke about eventually heading to Vegas and marrying my new fnb (friend no benefits since I am still legally married to the chex aka the cheating ex). He really is a nice guy. Bet he wonders how he ended up with someone as jaded about relationships as me...

Sooo tattoo or no tattoo? Vegas or no Vegas.

26 comments posted: Sunday, March 21st, 2021

Trust nothing

I could really use some perspective. Divorcing a monster is hard. I am really hurting today.

I have a saying now. I can do hard things.

My biggest take a way from divorcing the Chstbex (cheating soon to be ex) is that I should have not given any ground to an unrepentant cheater.

I gave. He took.

The only thing that is certain is that he is lying and manipulating and smearing. Lying that he would divide things in a fair manner. Lying about what a nice guy he is and how unreasonable I am..

Biggest mistake I made is filing without a signed written settlement agreement.

And the people who tell me that I should just let him take whatever and stop fighting.... until it happens to them...

21 comments posted: Wednesday, March 10th, 2021

Two years ago today I walked away

Two years ago today I walked away from an abusive unrepentant cheating husband. I do not for one second regret this today. It was the hardest most heartbreaking thing I have ever done...I caught him back talking with his ap and the affair flying monkeys and cheerleaders and I was DONE.

Despite his best efforts to destroy me, so far I am living my best life ever. I am no longer an anxious gaslit lied to yelled at until he spit on me mess. And it feels great.

Also a big shout out to his aps. Thank you for being with him so I dont have to be!!! You give me the best gift ever. Freedom from any sort of attachment to a man who lied to me for decades and risked my health and life.

Btw if your ws told you the reason they cheated was you...chances are it isn't.

Never settle. Never give up!!

12 comments posted: Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021

Court hearing today...could use some support

Hello SI friends,

My attorney and I have a court hearing on less than 2 hours. Facing more unwarranted accusations from the cheating exes (chex) vicariously through his attorney.

Support/words of encouragement would be appreciated.

I now refer to the man I pledged my heart and my life to more than three decades ago as "the opponent" aka the adversary.

May I never falter again should I have the advantage again. May I not forget who he is and what he is capable of. May my heart not be my weakness again but my strength.

24 comments posted: Thursday, February 11th, 2021

Could use some support/a cautionary tale

Dealing with legal issues is so hard. I could use some words of support. You wonder why it never seems to end and why would someone choose to hurt a person they spent over 3 decades with rather than engage in a good faith negotiation.

The cautionary tale? If someone can lie to you and risk your sexual and emotional and spiritual health then consider the possibility you need to prepare for them to be capable of anything. They have shown you what they are capable of.

17 comments posted: Tuesday, January 12th, 2021

Every breath I take..why to walk away

I learned awhile back that to have success I need a why. I am beginning writing a book about why to walk away. My answer is every breath I take.

It's been three years now since I was diagnosed with lyme that was attacking my heart and began to suspect that the stbxch (soon to be ex cheating husband) was an unfaithful history rewriting blame shifting liar whose only true regret was that he got caught before he extracted what he had planned financially before leaving me sick broken and destitute.

His actions and "the groups" he cheated in...his infidelity and lies along with their horrific gaslighting and bullying...almost cost me my life. I can not count the number of times I laid curled up on the floor sobbing thinking of ending my life those first two years. The trauma and the pain was that bad. (This was not the first time he cheated and the circumstances this time were horrifically traumatizing as was the abuse I endured from counselors and others he was recruited to his point of view that he was the victim).

I called the suicide hotline so many times. By some miracle I survived. And as I started to walk out of my life burning down around me from infidelity, I vowed I would return to help others.

So that is my why. Every breath I take free of the abuse of infidelity. Every day away from the evil of lies and deceit. Every day away from the sexual,emotional and spiritual abuse that is infidelity.

The sun is shining on my face. I am on my way to the beach. I wake up every day to kind words. I go to sleep safe. I am in remission at least for today. I am alive.

I survived infidelity.

You can too.

Sending thoughts of peace, healing and joy this holiday season.

11 comments posted: Sunday, December 27th, 2020

Where I am in recovery...Anyone have cool new hobbies

So. It is about 3 years since the last Physical affair I found out about really kicked off (although there were so many massive online and irl boundary violations that who knows, right?).

I have worked really hard to find the woman I was before my abusive marriage (If you haven't read my other posts I believe infidelity/lies constitute severe physical/sexual, emotional and spirital abuse).

Anyway, I have a couple of cool new covid friendly hobbies.

I have begun fixing things like small appliances. I have had mixed success but the whole experience had been fun none the less.

I fixed a robot vac (he just needed a battery replaced properly). I named him sharky and he is vacuuming my room as we speak.

I took apart the cord on a broken pressure washer to replace the plug (gfci plug). I was not able to.fix that because the pump was also bad and it was an inexpensive pressure washer so it is heading to the recycling.

I am working on a dehumidifier today (did a diy diagnosis and ordered a small part and gonna give it a try). Next is replacing a fan on a coleman cooler.

I am also going to shoot my borrowed bow a bit more if it stops raining. I used to shoot a rrecurve but I was loaned/"given" two really really nice older compound bows that the lender adjusted so I could pull them.

And some friends dropped off a new few targets recently.

(I am not saying these hobbies are for everyone..You don't want to start repairing appliances if you don't have the skill set for it for example. But I have friends who do and they help me when needed. So I am not promoting getting in over your head just to be clear :)

Wondering what cool new hobbies everyone has picked up or picked up again?

17 comments posted: Friday, October 23rd, 2020


Hello SI tribe.

I thought I would post to celebrate the fact I am still alive and infidelity free.

I lived to tell my infidelity story and am writing a new story of my life.

I worked really really hard on myself and I am healing.

I regret every minute I stayed with my cheating lying husband after I found out he "loved" some woman other than me. Every minute post me finding out he lied to me.

But you know what? I am forgiving myself for that pretty well too.

I laugh now. I have beautiful things in my life. I am enjoying learning how to better give and receive love.

I take showers most days now (unlike right after the infidelity). And I no longer give one iota about what THE EX or any of his co abusers in the "groups" he participated in on the internet or friends or family or anyone else but me thinks of me or my decision to say "no more".

I tell my story to people, and I am looking into possible opportunities to tell my story publicly because you never know... It might save the next person.

If you are reading can survive infidelity too. I did.

I have a better life than I ever thought possible and my body is healing.

((Hugs)) to all on this journey.

3 comments posted: Sunday, September 13th, 2020

tell your heart to beat again

So there comes a time when most of us want to move on. I know I do.

Some times I feel like the trauma stopped my heart.

Some times, like was talked about in another post, I see monsters where there are none.

I became friends with a man who shows up for me every single day. He shows me he loves me. And he never ever lies to me. He asked me if I would be willing to explore the possibility of a relationship with him. He deserves a beating heart.

I am wondering how other people in SI have navigated this?

17 comments posted: Friday, January 24th, 2020

Can Beauty Come Out of Ashes?

Can beauty come out of ashes?

My resounding answer is "Yes".

Thanks to the people on SI and so many friends who walked into the flames and carried me out of the smoldering wreckage of my life when there was nothing left of me, I survived. I work on myself every single day. And my life is so much better than I ever imagined it could be

I will be spending the holidays with people who love me, care for me, and never ever lie to me. I am so very grateful.

The song "Ashes" by Celine Dion has a special place for me. My world shattered when I found pictures of my can't be ex soon enough cheating husband and one of his AP's on the internet with several of their closest friends at the Deadpool 2 premiere.

So when your world is burning down and you are in pieces, reach out. SI and my friends saved my life and I will forever be grateful.

30 comments posted: Wednesday, December 18th, 2019

new beginnings playlist

New Beginnings Playlist anyone?

My first song is Pink

"Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough

Just a second we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again

It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again"

33 comments posted: Wednesday, December 4th, 2019

Healing is Possible. Thank You

I just wanted to thank every single person who jumped or reached into the darkness I was in to touch me, to walk with me, to rescue me.

Not only am I no longer struggling to stay alive, but I actually experience peace and healing that is unimaginable. I have have been telling my story (and listening to other people's infidelity stories). And life is good on the other side of the darkness. Thank you! Much gratitude.

24 comments posted: Monday, November 4th, 2019

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