Newest Member: Armyman9196

Divorce/Separation :
Fireworks show grand finale

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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 5:20 PM on Friday, June 18th, 2021

I don't know that personality disorder show up on a psych eval.

My xWW passed hers.

In contrast, I was flagged because I don't trust people enough. After 20 years of being with xWW, I am not surprised that I have trust issues. Big surprise there.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5120   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8668246
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 5:27 PM on Friday, June 18th, 2021

My xWW passed hers.

In contrast, I was flagged because I don't trust people enough. After 20 years of being with xWW, I am not surprised that I have trust issues. Big surprise there.


You answered honestly. You xWW answered to game the test. You can't really diagnose someone who's intelligent enough to know what the test is to determine if they don't want to be properly diagnosed.

posts: 792   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8668250
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Karmafan ( member #53810) posted at 8:45 AM on Saturday, June 19th, 2021

Thank God for my children. Even if I walk out of this penniless, I will never regret my beautiful children.

That’s your answer in a nutshell Bleep. When the dust has settled, and it will settle, you will still have your children, and yourself. Shaken, wounded perhaps, but with a clear path ahead of you. A life on your terms, purified of all toxicity and mind games. Money isn’t that important. D left me penniless but I rolled my sleeves up and started from scratch. Even in my most financially challenging days, I didn’t regret getting out of that mess. Even when life felt too much, trying to hold down a job and bringing up three kids, with bills coming out of my ears, I never once felt sorry for my choice.

I am so sorry that your XWH is still being so difficult. Sad really that the legacy he wants to leave is ‘maximum damage’ until the bitter end. But the finishing line is near Bleep, never lose sight of it!

[This message edited by Karmafan at 3:20 AM, June 19th (Saturday)]

Me 47
XWH Irrelevant
D-day 23 Feb 16
3 amazing, resilient kids

You are not a drop in the Ocean, you are the entire Ocean in a drop

posts: 632   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2016   ·   location: UK
id 8668339
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 3:03 AM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Court hearing today. Attorneys only. In the great scheme of things, it was a small issue. But my side lost. It was such an outrageous decision by the judge that my attorney believes we have solid ground for an appeal later on (which I don't even know I will be up for by that time). This little hearing was supposed to be a slam dunk, and we lost. There's a major hearing next week. It was supposed to be handled one way. Stbx's attorney demanded it be done a different way...and the judge allowed it. WTF? I swear I asked my attorney if the judge and stbx's attorney were sleeping together. I have to keep reminding myself that the judge has no idea who stbx is. She has no idea that there was a domestic violence incident. She has no idea what is on the 911 tape Which goes on for 20 long minutes as I ran for my life and hid in the bushes a half a mile from my house, begging the dispatcher to stay on the line with me... Because I was afraid to be alone.

I'm so anxious and emotional because I'm going to have to revisit all of that horror in detail next week. And my certainty that the judge will even give a shit has taken a hit today.

I'm sick to my stomach. How do you get through this stuff?

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:05 PM, June 23rd (Wednesday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8669284
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:54 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

(((Bleep)))

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4240   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8669351
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Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 4:08 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

((bleep)

I am sending prayers.

I understand how the court system can feel like our abusers. The judge muted me during the last court hearing.

I wonder what other resources might be available for you to help hold you up while you fight.

I (thank God literally) for a bad lot of medication for a medical condition I have that caused my insurance company to give me free access to a behavior coach and a therapist the last couple of months.

I also am blessed to be on the waiting list for therapy for no cost to me grant funded therapy for the rape by deception I survived.

I have found the domestic violence network in my areas to be amazing.

You are mighty. You are Bleep. You are a survivor.

posts: 786   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8669377
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 7:18 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

It gets worse. A motion was just filed with the court containing flat out lies related to a non divorce issue. It's 100 pages. It's a total side issue that isn't even going to be addressed next week, but will need a response and yet another hearing. He's asking for sanctions and attorneys fees. I only got four pages in so far reading. I can disprove via written record much of what he is accusing. But due to the nature of it, it could effectively get my attorney thrown off my case because it makes her a witness. Which I believe is the ultimate goal. To discredit both of us so that I look just as bad as he does. And he looks very bad after his deposition. I have a second attorney who just came on board a couple of weeks ago, but she has a lot to catch up on and can't be at the hearing next week. There is so much chaos and confusion, it's obvious stbx is throwing everything at the wall to see what will stick. I can't believe his attorney is going along with this. I'm trying to breathe and stay focused and to believe that the judge will see him for who he is, a garden variety abusive man.

Shehawk, I can't believe your judge muted you. That's painful. I'm so sorry.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 1:19 PM, June 24th (Thursday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8669428
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Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 8:28 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

I understand. I really, really understand.

There have been many times i thought im glad wh is on my side during the marriage. Because if he wants to fuck u over, he will.

To answer your question- nope. The money doesnt matter. When we divorced the first time (didnt sign the final papers but it was a year in process) i was in trouble financially. Went from well off to crappy apartment.

You know what- it taught me A LOT. I was wasting money, and this taught me to thrift, to eat in season, to go out with friends and order a soda when they are ordering full meals and drinks. I make my own stuff now (cards, ornaments, gifts) and revel in free stuff (a day at the creek instead of at the amusement park). I take snacks instead of buying there….

None of my friends care. I am happier with no debt.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 2:34 PM, June 24th (Thursday)]

posts: 3617   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8669439
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Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 8:39 PM on Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Attorneys are dicks. (Wh is one. So is OW2)

They do what their client tells them.

Ive been there in 2010. Its fucking miserable but you WILL get through to the other side. Good for you for sticking it out. You are strong. You will get through this even stronger.

posts: 3617   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8669450
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 3:27 AM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

You know what- it taught me A LOT. I was wasting money, and this taught me to thrift, to eat in season, to go out with friends and order a soda when they are ordering full meals and drinks. I make my own stuff now (cards, ornaments, gifts) and revel in free stuff (a day at the creek instead of at the amusement park). I take snacks instead of buying there….

I already live this way. I can't tighten my belt a whole lot more. But these simple things do indeed make me happy. I don't need much. And I can learn to travel on a dime. I just need to get my mind away from where I should be at this point in my life, and where I may end up because of this divorce.

Tuesday is a huge day. Much will be decided and for me at least, will dictate how I move forward in this process. If Tuesday goes well for me, I am prepared to be very generous in order to get this done without trial. STBX is completely chaotic and terrible with money. When the divorce is over, I will surpass him in financial security at record speed, even at less than half his income.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8669544
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Gottagetthrough ( member #27325) posted at 11:00 AM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

Who- we are married to very similar men. (And an aside… who the bleep did i marry came out on tv the year i was first divorcing wh. Or atleast thats when i noticed the show! )

You have a good head about you. Yes you will surpass him financially. It might be tough at first but you will.

And being thrifty makes me happy too. Why cant it make them? So much money wasted. It’s ridiculous.

Hugs and strength to you. You will get through this.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 5:04 AM, June 25th (Friday)]

posts: 3617   ·   registered: Jan. 22nd, 2010
id 8669633
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 3:21 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

Bleep I know how hard and unfair D often is.

When my mom got divorced from her third husband (a tiny angry alcoholic), she took some huge financial hits. When I asked her why she wasn't more angry about it, she looked at me and calmly said "what price freedom?"

Meaning for her at that point it was worth literally ANY amount of money to get free from him.

I felt the same way during my D and my mom's words came back to me a lot. By the time I was done and there, I would have paid anything to get him gone. IME, I can always make more money. And my often catastrophic thoughts about what might happen rarely come to pass. I was really apprehensive about my own financial situation, but not only have they improved more than I ever thought possible, but I am also freeeeeee. And the freedom is completely worth all the upset, all the financial worries, and all the stress. 1000% worth it.

Hang in there Bleep. You'll get through it and come out stronger than you even know.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8669727
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 5:56 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

A couple of comments:

1. A common thought is that judges often have an idea of how they are going to rule, so they often appear to "side" with the losing party to prevent appeals in the future.

2. It's super common to file crazy-ass briefs as a bullying strategy. You basically try to drown the other side in paperwork and hope they give up.

3. I read a legal blog and... a common phrase of the writer is that the legal system works well but very slowly. So, be patient and keep your wits about you (this part is hard) and you should get to a decent ruling. Should, not always.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5120   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8669860
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 8:11 PM on Friday, June 25th, 2021

Thanks everyone. Barcher, thank you for those points.

I spent the entire morning making a file for my lawyer full of documents, forms, emails and text messages (from stbx himself!). I highlighted critical points and marked everything with post-its. Dropped it off at her office and we sat and discussed it. We were able to disprove (via these documents and prior correspondence) everything they are accusing me/her of. Her face lit up when she realized what I had brought her. I'm feeling much better about this side issue. I kind of wish it could be addressed before Tuesday, as it paints a good picture of the flat out liars wh and his attorneys are. Oh well, a later time...

Barcher, I agree that they are looking to cause chaos and drown us in paperwork. I definitely felt bullied yesterday, and the wind was out of my sails and I wanted to just quit. But after doing my homework and making that file for my attorney, I feel this will just be one more thing that will help my side in the end. My honesty is proven, his lies are proven.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 2:12 PM, June 25th (Friday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8669976
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WarriorPrincess ( member #51806) posted at 12:58 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2021

(((Bleep)))

Hang in there girl.

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest o' the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh girls, they wanna have fun....
(Cyndi Lauper)

posts: 922   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2016   ·   location: Indiana Dunes
id 8670273
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 1:43 AM on Sunday, June 27th, 2021

Thanks, WP.

I spent close to 13 hours today reading depositions and creating a timeline for my lawyer, and taking notes. Then I went for a nice long walk with my rescue mutt. When I got home, mutt got her post-walk biscuit, and I drew a hot bath and turned on Pandora. First song as I was stepping into the tub, Bob Marley Three Little Birds. I felt myself relax and I even felt joy.

This will all be behind me soon.

And I'm going to kick STBX's ass on court day.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8670279
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 12:32 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2021

Stay positive. Be good to yourself. Focus on the future and the day you will no longer be married to him.

Just remember NPD idiots hate to lose and they hate to lose control. And he is amping up his behavior b/c your attorney made him look ridiculous in court.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10736   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8670350
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 4:18 AM on Monday, June 28th, 2021

I got called back to court by xh a couple of years ago. I calmly stated the facts. I also backed up everything by saying what was best for our children and why. I had looked the judge up online to read up on any interviews on her. She believes in the Children’s Bill of Rights with divorcing parents, so

I purposely included how my children would be helped or hurt by xh demands.

I hope your day goes awesome!!!

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5367   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8670536
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movingonward ( new member #78412) posted at 11:22 PM on Monday, June 28th, 2021

I’m two weeks into my divorce trial. I sympathize with what you are going through. It looks like you will be going to trial as well. It’s tough, but hang in there.

posts: 4   ·   registered: Mar. 1st, 2021
id 8670714
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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 12:54 AM on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021

Can you make a complaint with the state bar association? That his attorneys are making knowingly false statements to the court. I'll take it another step. File a lawsuit against them and your ex for doing this. Go get a diagnosis of PTSD and file for $5 million.

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 6:58 PM, June 28th (Monday)]

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4458   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8670736
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