trigger warning- friend disclosed their childhood abuse
TW: Childhood abuse
friend recently disclosed their childhood abuse. i am the first person they have told in 40 yrs., with the exception of a parent WHO DID NOTHING. an older sibling would get them alone and abuse them. older sibling was about in 9th grade, victim in 1st.
My friend said it happened often for a while. they are just remembering this abuse after 40 years. As they told me, they went from saying, "Sibling did this to me, I …." to "Sibling did this to THEM, and THEY felt ashamed…" I pointed out that friend was going from 1st person to 3rd person in speaking about themselves. They said it was like they were in the room and could see it happen but they were beside themselves, not in their body. They said they knew it was wrong because they didn’t even tell their best friend. They said older sibling said the molestation was "their little secret". Friend said they realize it’s stupid to feel this way, but that they feel bad telling me because they broke the secret. They feel like they broke the abuser’s trust.
I know older the sibling. I have such rage and want to punch them in the face. (I will not, I have not seen them in years) Oh, and guess what profession older scumbag sibling is in… Teaching elementary school!
I am reeling. I want to be there for the friend, I want to freaking punch the sibling, and the parent that did nothing when their 7 year old came to them and said big sibling was abusing them?! I want to call them and scream til their damn ears bleed.
I am so mad at these scumbags (both abuser and shit parent) and sad for friend and gobsmacked as I have known these people for a long time and had NO CLUE this happened. My kids have had sleep overs at abuser’s house. I TRUSTED THE ABUSER. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
6 comments posted: Wednesday, February 28th, 2024
I Need Help ! =D. What interesting stuff do u do?
tell me all the interesting stuff you do!! i need help deciding on a trip; volunteer opportunity, etc etc to start my new life off right.
THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO IN THIS WORLD!
currently life aint too shabby on the interesting part:
1- i am in flight school
2- i speak german 1x a week with a friend i met on a language lesson website. my profeciency has improved 100% since I started. we talk about politics, family, sickness, gardening, etc… in German.
3- i have volunteered in the past for a school for troubled teens.
4- i have a graduate degree and love the field and keep up with it
5- i travel some. have driven cross country type trips (2000 miles but not east to west coast) with just me and my kids twice. I visited europe twice in the last few years.
Give me something to plan. A teip to iceland? greenland? a train ride across canada? volunteer in germany?
i have also done smaller things like try out every single restuaraunt in town one summer (there are a lot of small mom and pop places). i have thought about going to different places of worship but worry i will not be welcomed .
2 comments posted: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024
stupid ?…. but do you just leave?
been waiting for "perfect" time to leave wh. i do not want to be married to him anymore.
therapist says therer is no perfect time. have i been waiting for a perfect time and just need to go? i feel like it would hurt too much to leave now and i plan tondo more therapy to get over this … but am i just procrastinating?
11 comments posted: Saturday, January 27th, 2024
Affairs in Military
If you are army and stationed overseas, and your wife has an affair with another soldier on your base, does the military send your wife home?
Someone told me their life story, and it was, they joined up, them, wife and kid were sent to Germany after Basic Training. Wife had an affair with another solider, and the army sent her and the kid back to the US because its bad for morale to have another solider in your playoon sleeping w your wife.
I always believed this, but now not sure? This was in the 1990s if that makes a differwnce
14 comments posted: Thursday, January 4th, 2024
Army E 7 Sergeant
Hey! My dad is no longer with us, so unfortunately, I can’t ask him this question. I was never that interested in his military service, until of course, he had passed away.
I know he was an E7 sergeant in the army. He told one story about a private who pointed a jammed gun at him when he was teaching the group how to fire guns or something. Would that have made him a drill instructor? I do remember him getting us kids to march and he would kind of like turn around and click his heels together and then say left left left right left and he would do that thing with his hand and say let’s move out and kind of do some kind of hand movement. This was when we were supposed to leave the place we were at.
i’m not really sure where I can find information about what his job was in the service. Does that sound like a drill instructor though?
13 comments posted: Saturday, December 23rd, 2023
in law question
i havent talked to them in over 2 years, havent seen them in 5. Neither has Wh, or the kids. (Wh texts them now). this means our 4 year old has never met that grandma or aunts uncles etc.
They had been crappy to me from
the start, I always tried, but when mil changed her plans to go visit the hamptons with my sils during our planned vacation (wh got time off etc) i told her what i thought of her. Weak and amorral. She told sils and they got upset and said we were never welcomed, theyd call police if we showed up at mil’s.
Wh didnt talk to them for a year and in january he started texting MIL. just how is everything.
This weekend he was havingba bad day and he started texting about the vacation and how he felt she didnt care about her grabdkids (our kids) etc. His sister texted come visit, let this go. Just come alone.
A month ago his brother i. law had his birthday. Wh never texts him but did that day and said HBD. BIL texts back go see your mother. WH says I would but last time sis threatened to call the cops if my kids and i showed up at moms, so no.
BIL said dont worry about anyone else, u need to see ur mom. Come alone and bring everyone else later.
So 2x hes been told to come alone. I want to text them and say wtf? making him chose between his childhood family and his wife and kids? But I wont. I cant make him stay or go- thats his choice. But I will know how much he values memif he does go alone.
16 comments posted: Tuesday, November 14th, 2023
surprised by liars?
i I am curious. I have two sisters & We were raised to be exceptionally honest. With the court case that my sisters have brought, Several times they have out and out lied in court proceedings.
has it ever happened to you, that you’ve been somewhere where you assume that people are going to be truthful and they’re not? And how do you feel about that? I am absolutely floored that my sisters would lie. For instance, One said, I still talk to my mother, and she has said XYZ. it is very easy to prove that she does not still talk to our mother because my mother‘s phone was disconnected by our other sister. And she does not call her on my cell phone.
My husband is laughing at me saying what do you mean? You’re surprised they would lie?! Of course they’re going to lie.
I have done this other times as well. My sisters husband, who my mom thinks is behind this whole court case because he wants her money, is not a good person. There were some signs 20 years ago that he was a bad guy. I just took them at face value, I believed how he spun whatever he would tell us that was bad, and, in looking back I’m realizing those are huge red flags and I missed them. When I talk to friends about him, they say I cannot believe you didn’t stop and think twice after he told you this! It seems that I am either very naïve, or miss red flags, I have no idea what.
am i the only one?
5 comments posted: Monday, October 9th, 2023
anyone divorced because of reasons other than infidelity
I’m in Therapy, and told her that I wanted to get the balls to leave my husband. So I’m actively trying to get out of my state of paralyzed with fear.
WH cheated on me and left me and the kids and let his new girlfriend harass us. It was real mess. in 2009 and 2010. She even continued to harass him and me after he left her.
Then there were some inappropriate text between a work friend, I don’t even really know how to categorize that. She is no longer a friend. He had a bipolar episode and yelled at her lost his job. She is also mentally unstable, but nowhere near as bad as OW number one or WH. She just has some self-esteem issues I’m guessing. I don’t really care. She just seems very immature, and I think that that was a draw for my husband because she’s not a strong woman. She’s very weak.
he has been faithful, I guess, for the last four years. Oh, give him a medal right? Lol After the last incident in 2019, with work friend, I just kind of realized I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore.
I think long-term and I don’t want to be married to him when I am old and sitting at home, and he’s home too. I don’t want him at home with me. There is a kicker, when he sort of got fired/resigned from his job with work friend, he started business for himself, and now he makes over twice as much as what he used to make. Add in there, My sisters are taking me to court because they want to put our mom in a nursing home and take over her finances/get control of all of her money. WH is an attorney, and I get free legal advice. He bitches and says I’ve given you $25000 worth of free legal advice this year. He’s not lying.
but I enjoy flying lessons, kayaking, hiking, learning new things, travel. I’ve always tried to get him to drive cross country with me. I ended up driving just me and my then nine-year-old son cross country. It was awesome. I’ve also flown to Spain with my kids alone without him, something, I didn’t think that I could handle as the only adult. But I did it.
I also realized that five years ago I turned 40. I asked him to take me out for a fancy dinner. I wanted to get dressed up. Go to someplace really cool. Take a lot of pictures. Just feel very fancy. I’m a stay at home mom, so I never get the chance to do that. He didnt do it until a year later and inwas pregnant (so i couldn’t wear a really fancy beautiful dress with high heels, and I didn’t really look or feel that hot. I just felt like a pregnant lady in August in the south.
This year I am asking for a parachute jump. Something he would never do, something that he probably won’t talk to me about, and something that I will probably end up paying for myself.
but it makes me realize, I used to want to do things with him. I just wanna go out to dinner. Try stuff with him. But I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care about trying things with him, we don’t have similar interest. It’s literally a we just grew apart situation. he’s been a lot of time on other ladies. And I spent time on the kids, and then on flying lessons and learning German over the Internet with teachers online. And traveling alone
sorry, but he seems kind of like a loser. And I’m cool. At least I think I am.
6 comments posted: Monday, October 9th, 2023
sister searching for weird stuff
guess its not weird… more … disturbing?
found out she was searching for "what to do when mom dies" and "how to settle a parent’s estate"
also, ""what to say to a parent when they ask to go home from nursing home" and "activities for those confined to bed"
mom aint dead. not confined to bed. not in a home.
mom is old. my forgets stuff sometimes. her doc recently said she was competent.
sis hasnt seen mom in 2 years. She threatened mom last year, texting, " Gotta is embezzling from you, she’s gonna go to jail and you will never see your grandkids again"
I have emails frim years ago where mom said, "I havent seen you in two years, you pick your husbands family over ours every holiday.." So not new behavior
this also coupled with google searches for fancy clothing and travel.
What. A. Scumbag
6 comments posted: Wednesday, September 13th, 2023
Rv rentals and the black water hose
I have always wanted to rent an rv. im soooooo close to doing it and going cross country.
however, the dumping of the black water and gray water scares the *shit* out of me. see i what i did there ? huh? huh? I’ll be here all night, folks.
I want to get the rv as my mom is coming, too (its something she has wanted to do, a place shes always wanted to go) and shes 86 so I figure having a bathroom she doesnt have to walk to is helpful. Plus we could camp out a few nights, eat groceries we buy, etc.
My only worry is draining the bathroom tank. Am I unreasonable? Is it gross? I have this thought I will mess it up and fling the poo of 20 strangers in my face
8 comments posted: Tuesday, June 20th, 2023
Stupid question re: elder abuse and financial abuse
ok. my sisters have accused memof financial abuse for a while (over a year now). Saying i will go to prison and my mom (the "abused") willnever see her grandkids again as they will be in foster care.
Mom is late 80s, forgetful but the docs Ive taken her to all say shes competent and can make her own decisions and does NOT need a nursing home. She will repeat a question but she remembers friends, family, events etc.
She planned a trip to Germany DECADES ago and went this summer. Sisters tris to stop it.
She has always help me financially since I had kids. I have the coolest kids!!!! OMG, seriously. I know pepple say that, but mine are amazing. My son built a life sized tank out of wood and nails etc and has dug trenches all thru our back yard bc he loves wwi and wwii history. He has had friends over to sleep in the tank, have epic nerf battles, etc. COME ON! How cool is that?!
My daughter graduatd school at 16 and then lived in Spain for a year to speak Spanish fluently. she had skipped 8th grade so she could go to highschool where they teach a language (spanish),she interned at an office speaking spanish to customers in 2021, and she made frinends with a group of study abroad students from Spanish speaking countries and asked them to just speak spanish around her- doing this she skipped spanish 4 and was in spanish 5 senior year. After that she lived i Spain for a year.
and I have a baby 3 year old who is the bees knees
Mom helps these kids with school programs. Private school, Study abroad, etc. Shebhas always done this and is just continuing.
Sisters told me last year this is not fair and needs to stop. That its cutting into THEIR inheritance
By suing mom to stop her from spending money on these grabdkids (her only 3) is THAT financial abuse? I never thought it was, but am beginning to believe they are projecting and they are the true financial abusers
They also sent cops saying inwas embezzeling from mom because she paid for anhit air balloon ride (that she went on with me and my son) and that she paid for a fabcy dinner out in the big city for all pf us, in January 2022. (yeah, once!)
6 comments posted: Wednesday, May 31st, 2023
Special Ed Teaching nowdays
An aquaintence was looking for a job- got hired as a special ed teacher. The school is letting her teach wo a license so far (i think in my state you have several years to get it)
Anyone teach high school special ed? Isnt it tough? How were the parents and administrators and hours?
I havent seen this acquaintance much recently so I think its TOUGH!!!
0 comment posted: Saturday, March 18th, 2023
Question- if your roof leaks and you notice damage on the inside of your house (stains on the ceiling) should the roofer go inside the home and check to make sure there is no mold in the attic?
Asking because i think roofer needs to go inside the home and check it out. Tennant thinks roof can be fixed from outide and doesnt want roofer inside in "their space"
6 comments posted: Thursday, March 2nd, 2023
Lying about a person’s health?
Ugh, sorry I am posting questions twice. I know someone who inflates their loved one’s illness. They say it is worse than it is. They also claim to be their caregiver, when in fact they are not, and when they are with the person they arent very nice to them!
Is this munchausen by proxy? They are not making their loved one sick, they are just gaslighting and saying aw.. They are sooooo sick. When they really are not as bad off as the gaslighter says.
5 comments posted: Wednesday, February 22nd, 2023
Anyone have this? My 3 year old just starts reading labels on cans the other day. WTH? I quizzed him and he knows a bunch of colors, some numbers, words like tomato, bunny, car, cat, dog, his name, ice cream, etc etc. About 20 words maybe? I have never taught him this. He does not watch that much tv. No idea how he can do this but its kind of cool hahha
9 comments posted: Tuesday, February 21st, 2023
Deep, deep sadness
I am so very sad about the losses due to cutting out toxic family. I guess the holidays highlight the smallness of my family now.
The in laws are obviously gone. Sil #2 actually contacted me on Instagram asking for me and kids and WH to call MIL on her birthday in October. I ignored. They have not done anything for my kids, dont text DD (17 yrs old), etc... That relationship is done. Dont see it reconciling to any great extent.
My sisters- have a legal suit court. They have sent NINE cops / investigators/ adult protective service workers to my home in less than 5 mos. One tweets about me and my bad husband and how he is stealing our moms money (not true) and he is about to leave me. She says she will not be there for me when wh leaves me, and my other sister tells our mom i have broken laws and that she will never see her grandkids again (im the only one who had kids of my siblings) because i will be in prison and my kids in foster care.
Covid made it ok to stay in and now my covid baby is 3, and I am trying to find playgroups and baby friends and it seems that everyone has extended families or long time friends already. I am planning on searching out churches to find some local friends. I do have a good group of about 5-7 girlfriends But they are all 1-2 or more hrs away
I have three great kids, WH has stepped up BIG TIME in the mess w my sisters, my mom has been living w us and happy to be here rather than sad living with my sister. Wh 's business took off this year and hes making 6 figures for the first time.
I had a migraine for three days last week. I cant go wo crying for a day . I am on edge. And i have reason to be.
Im just sad. I have a reason to be sad. It will pass. I guess cutting out shitty ppl in my life isnt as great and easy as id thought.
9 comments posted: Sunday, January 1st, 2023
Niece wants to be FB friends
Hubby's family and our family have had a falling out. Long story but i didnt think they (sister s in law and MIL) treated my kids (or me) well.
Havent seen them in 4 years and havent spoken in 1.5 years.
One of mean jellybean sister in law's kids just tried to friend me on Facebook. She is 22 and nice and a college student. I will admit to being a door mat to these people for so long bc i liked the younger generation, ie, the nieces and nephews.
Should i be her fb friend. I know she will show her mom my page, however i am a carefully cultivated facebooker and only put good stuff on, that my boss or whoever can see. Never get too personal. Its mostly pics of my kids and me flying.
5 comments posted: Saturday, December 24th, 2022
Manager of a Gentleman's Club?
My sisters and I have stopped speaking. They are doing some very, very bad things to me legally to get an inheritance out of an elderly relative.
They have lied to police and adult protective services, not to mention family and family friends.
I was talking to someone about this the other day and mentioned sister's husband was a strip club manager in the 1990s. They were FLABBERGASTED. She is a student of women's studies and well read and told me strip club managers especially several decades ago were not nice people and there was a lot of bad stuff that went on.
She was surprised I would have my kids around him. (He was a manager for 4 yrs and had always told me he took that job because he couldn't find anything else. He had a high school diploma and had recently been discharged after about 4 years in the Amy in Intelligence. )
Is my friend correct? Were managers bad guys/ engaged in some troublesome stuff? Especially in the 1990s?
Im wondering if he IS a bad dude (and this is circumstantial proof) and perhaps he is involved in my sisters lying to police and other law enforcement regarding me?
8 comments posted: Saturday, November 19th, 2022
Thought i deleted my account. Just testing
4 comments posted: Wednesday, August 24th, 2022
Hurtful fb meme from mil
I havent talked to mil in a year. We had a fight, (we were supposed to visit after 3 years of not seeing her due to having a baby and then covid). She decided 2 days before she was going to go to her daughters house in montauk and have a vacation with her two daughters and their families. When i asked if we could come she said no room.
She had and has never met her grandson (my 3rd chilld). And she decided To ditch us, for a week at her daughters beach house. They had all just gotten back from a rental house on the lake three weeks before.
Ok. I told her she was immoral and weak. She let ow come to the montauk house, etc, but not me? Wife of 20 years?
So. Wh and i have not spoken to
Her in a year. He was also hurt that she blew him and our kids off for his sisters.
I looked at her fb page. She has a meme that says
A man will never cheat on you
If you give him love, attention, care
I so wish we were fb friends. Id rip into this meme. It's unbelievable and hurtful.
18 comments posted: Wednesday, July 20th, 2022
Sisters saying i lie?!
Sister is super jealous of me. Our mom is old and has memory issues. She knows what she likes and wants, but she might not recall a recent conversation or if she has bread at home, even though she has 5 loaves.
Sis started in on me in march saying we shouldnt go on moms dream trip to Germany that she had planned for years. Mom had asked all of her kids and in law kids and grand kids to go.
My sis was being a jerk over email to me when I received notice from the tour group that final
Payment was due in 8 weeks. I fwd the email to everyone going and said nothing else. Just fwd.
Sis emailed the family and said she suggested we not go because my son (who was born after mom paid the downpayment for the tour... Covid pushed this trip back two years and we didnt know he was going to be born until after initial plans were made and down payments placed) was too young to go and we would "All get stranded in Germany"
I had previously emailed everyone last year that I would stay in Munich (the start point) with the baby and let them go on the bus tour. Its literally three days. Then we could all meet up again in Munich and continue our trip. (Mom wanted to drive to Vienna)
I figured sis forgot so I just emailed not a problem. Baby and I will stay in Munich while everyone else is on the tour. And when the tour bus comes back to Munich we will all meet up and continue on. Sis emails again I don't think you understand. You can't partake in any part of the tour, not meals not the sites not the bus tour. Because of the baby we will all get stranded.
Um. What did i say? BABY AND I ARE NOT ON TOUR. We will fly to munich, do our own thing, then meet up with everyone after the tour is over.
It goes back and forth. You dont get it! You can't participate in ANYTHING! (Um. Yeah. I dont care. Ive been to Neuschwanstein before lol. I dont want to go!)
Then her husband gets in on it. Gotta, you need to know that baby cant go on any of the tour. We could try to sneak him in, but we could get in trouble. You need to have everything planned out for him since hes a toddler and relys on you to do these things for him. (VERY jerky, like I dont have three kids)
Ok all- if u have read this far. You know...
I DONT WANT TO GO ON THE TOUR, RIGHT?
Ive seen the sights they are seeing. A bus with a 2 yr old is Hell in my mind. Im cool to stay with me and the baby in Munich alone for a few days.
This goes on for months. Gotta is going to strand ALL OF US. (Dont know why ALL would be stranded?) then they said my attitude is bad and I dont make them feel wanted. I emailed That my mom has paid $1000 downpayment for them to go. If that doesn't make them feel wanted, I don't know what will. I dont say anything much else because i cant fathom they wont go, as it was my moms wish we all go. (Oldest sis opted out years ago) I dont want to be mean and have the trip be awkward.
They keep it up- ask if i have a passport for baby. Its 5 mos before the trip. But yep, i already have it . I take a pic of it and say yes i have it. He says, you are lying. That is photoshopped. This is why we dont feel welcomed! Yoir attitude! Now actually WORK on getting baby a passport. You owe it to your mother, she bought your house!
Um, what does that have tomdo with anything? Except your jealousy?
Sis and BIl are not going. They are with my older sister who never wanted to go, making this trip hard. Older sis who was power of attorney said she was going to cut moms credit cards three weeks before the trip. So mom made me POA because we were like Crap! We are not going if we dont have a credit card! (I used my last $5000 on my debit card to help mom pay for trip. I dont have credit cards) so i have no money. If i had money id gladly use it to get mom to Germany.
Both sisters are calling cops and Adult Services saying mom is unable to make decisions for herself and inscammed her into the poa. They are saying i use her credit cards. I did use them a few weeks ago- when she went to the dr, and when she got medicine.
One time they called a welfare check on mom i had her at the hair salon. Hubby called me and told me cops were at our house. Just so happened that there are also some cops in the parking lot of the hair salon. So I went over to them said hey two cops are at my house right now for a welfare check and we are not there but if you want to come to my car my mom just got and you can talk to her see that she's OK. And that's what they did.
Sis texted mom today that I am a liar, and she knows that my mom never got her haircut. And that my daughter does not have Covid. ( my daughter is in europe now studying. She did get covid. I asked oldest sis if she could help me get to England to get to my daughter. Because I had use the last five grand I had for mom's trip. And she never responded. This was over a week ago though. When I still didn't realize how evil my sisters were.)
Now, my mom obviously knows that she got a haircut. And that something I could prove in court because I have the receipt. And obviously my daughter has Covid, I have texts from her I have pictures of her looking very sad and sick.
But lovely people of SI, please explain to me why my sisters would continually say that I'm lying about things that I'm not lying about? Like my sons passport, like getting my mom a haircut, like my daughter having Covid, and there are other things too. I just don't understand why they would say i am
Lying. Is this gaslighting? It feels very similar to when WH and I were getting divorced. And he would talk about what a horrible mother I am and just say really nasty things about me. Because he knew that he was in the wrong and that what he was doing was shady, and that he was not a good parent and he was jealous because I not only am a good parent but I enjoy being a parent.
18 comments posted: Saturday, July 16th, 2022
Adult protection services
Anyone delt with these people?
My sister and her husband are harassing me saying I am after my moms money. 🙄 they called the cops yesterday and i think adult services will be at my door tomorrow.
Mom is 85 and has beginning/ moderate dementia. As in, she remembers everything from 80- 20 years ago, but day to day is hard to keep straigt.
She has been visiting me a lot since my two sisters took away her car keys and said she cant drive anymore. One just went into he purse and took the keys and hid them. When mom tried to find them, sis said, i took them. You cant drive anymore .
That crushed my mom. She was just driving in a small midwestern town on Sunday to see my dad at the cemetery and get coffee. She was not driving i Manhattan at 5 pm.
My sister who is calling cops on me lives in a different state, 1800 miles away, and is jealous because I have the only grandkids.
Truth is. I bust my ass taking care of our mom. Accupuncture, coffee out (that I pay for after sisters said i was draining moms accounts) dinners out, i drove her to see the Gateway Arch last summer bc she said shed never been. That is several states away. I took her on a hot air balloon. I have done other fun things... keep her young.
I WISH i had help from them. But now I have people actively against me? What will they do w mu mom if there is an issue? These people will come pick her up where i am?? Lol? Not these lazy asses.
14 comments posted: Monday, July 11th, 2022
Hotels or areas in munich
Have a hotel for first days in munich, Germany. Then we travel east for a few days and come back to munich.
Dont have the hotel for the last 2 days of the trip
What is a great place/ good hotel in munich. It could be an "experience" hotel, as some of us will be resting lots and might spend a lot of time in the hotel
3 comments posted: Wednesday, July 6th, 2022
OW 2 ‘s kid is on the swim team
Ugh. Ow 2 and her husband sold their house 20 min away and moved to our county shortly after the crap hit the fan in 2020.
I knew they lived fairly close, and think i saw her husband grocery shopping one morning a year or two ago (we were
Both wearing masks so im not sure)
Anyway. Im divorcing wh … one day…. Financially its too good to leave now. I have a 2 year old, too… but i cant see myself growing old with him. I dont want to. Its mainly bc of this EA, as it was the last straw.
My kids have been on swim team
Since 2013. This is the first year none are on it. I still scan the results on facebook to see names i know, etc.
Ow’s kid name freaking showed up.
Thats MY space. How dare she freaking do something in the community. She should be too ashamed to show her stupid pinched weak face in public.
2 comments posted: Friday, June 24th, 2022
After covid- wanting to stay inside
As covid regulations relax and the threat (i think??) is pretty much over (as much as it will be?). I am not happy and jumping to go places.
Im tired. I want to stay home. Im a little to ticked off i have to interact w people again
My DD wants to go to a restaurant. Covid days? I could say no way! Covid! But now that excuse doesnt work.
So i will drag my tired butt to tge place she wants to go to, have a good time, and be happiest when i walk thru tge door!
Is this everyone? I thought id be so happy to go out again and im not!
17 comments posted: Tuesday, June 14th, 2022
Wh had an affair in 2009, left us for ow and it was messy.
Took him back in 2012, (affair ended Jan 2011 but we were still separated for 20 mos after that)
He had an EA with a coworker 2019-2020, which ended in him resigning/ getting fired whatever.
I have put him thru law school, dealt with his crap, and that affair 2 was the final straw. I dont want to grow old with this d-bag!
So. He starts his own law firm after he is fired/resigns whatever…. Two years on, and he is STARTING to make money.
For years we never had enough. He just finished a case that earned him what he made in a year at his old job.
One case. A years salary.
I knew this could happen. Defense lawyers make a ton of money.
The question is- donI stay? After all the lean years. I want to collect!
He doesnt want a divorce. (Of course not. Im great and he is crap. He knows im too good for him!)
6 comments posted: Saturday, June 11th, 2022
Dog question- when you leave him
Left our 4 year old maltese mix friday afternoon and returned Saturday night. Left lots of water and food and three small dog stick treats.
The treats were gone when we came home but everything else looked pretty full.
I anticipated cleaning up pee and poop. We have laminate and wood floors except in the bedrooms (which were closed off) so no big deal.
There is no pee or poop!
I took him out and he peed when we got home. Then he peed in tge bathroom not long after, and pooped in the laundry room. (He usually poops in the laundry room. He doesnt poop around humans )
Is that normal for a dog to not eat or drink or go potty when their humans are gone? And then go when they are back?
He was so happy to see us!!
11 comments posted: Sunday, May 22nd, 2022
Can you guys be happy for me
Um. I stepped on a piece of glass over a week ago. Got most of it out but one shard was left. It was deep enough that I couldnt feel it with my fingers on the outside. I could feel it when i walked, though. An annoying dull pain
It got a smidge infected and today it POPPED OUT! Ive been picking at it all week, and that infection got it to puss up and pop like a pimple.
Omg. Feels so good. Soooooo gooooood.
No one in my real world life is as happy about this as I am!!!
10 comments posted: Saturday, April 23rd, 2022
Mind movies 10+ years out
Talked to my therapist today. She suggested i focus on a good thing (like a course im taking) than this when the mind movies hit.
I wasnt really bothered by wh’s affair (2010) after he left her, since he was undiagnosed bipolar and abusing pills. I thought, hey! Thats not my husband! Lets get him help and he will be the guy i know he is.
Well, 10 years later, i know hes that guy. He had an EA with a coworker in 2019 and also admitted to cheating on his Ow1 in 2010.
Yesterday he was really great during easter. The man I thought i married.
After easter festivities were over i just couldnt get the mind movies out of my head. Made me feel ugly, stupid, unworthy…
4 comments posted: Monday, April 18th, 2022
Is Marriage stupid?
I am reading about some celeb getting married. Gushing over their spouse. My first thought is, "Marriage is stupid! You wont stay together. Love is fake."
I sort of surprised myself with that knee jerk thought!
Is this a stage in divorce? Thinking NO ONE is actually happily married?
61 comments posted: Wednesday, April 13th, 2022
Cheap first class flights?
Hey! Is there a way to get cheap first class tickets from USA to Europe (specifically Germany?)
I have changed my dates and gotten cheaper tickets going a day or two earlier or later. So thats good. But I wonder if i leave from a certain city or fly in to a certain city if its even cheaper? Like, is Frankfurt cheaper than Munich?
Ive tried a few options on cities (again, I’m flexible as we are renting a car to travel around) but it does not seem
To matter, even if it cuts out a smaller connecting flight
8 comments posted: Sunday, April 3rd, 2022
Done with giving jerks headspace! I need to usw my time to
PLAN THIS TRIP!
We will be going to Germany in a few months. We will also be renting a car to drive to Vienna.
We have leeway in going other places, too. As in, I noticed Bratislava is about an hour from Vienna, and I have never been to Slovakia, so maybe a day trip.
I have also seen Budapest is about 2.5 hrs and Czech Republic is not horribly far either.
Give me some suggestions! The first 5 days we will be in Munich and then about an hour east doing some tourist stuff. After that we have several days to explore what we want.
Some on the trip want to rent a Porche and drive on tge autobahn one day.
Im hoping to do some day trips maybe to Budapest, Bratislavia, MAYBE somewhere in Czech Rep. (Prague seems far but I hear it’s beautiful )
My family is from a small German town 20 minutes north of Basel, Switzerland. Thought about trying to go there.
Munich has a kids museum, and of course tge Hofbrauhaus. We are going to Neuschwanstein castle.
More more more! I need ideas!
12 comments posted: Thursday, March 24th, 2022
Colon cancer question
BIL was diagnosed with stage 2 b colon cancer last year. He had some bleeding before he got checked out and knew about it for maybe 3 mos before diagnosis, then 2 mos passed between diagnosis and surgery.
They removed about a foot of his colon.
His doctor recommended chemo. Bil declined. Bil said that chemo only makes the cancer hide and then it comes back with a vengeance several years later. He wanted to heal himself with "dense nutrition "
He is a heavy whisky drinker and loves red meat. Rare. He was about 5’7", 250lbs at surgery in Feb 2021, and when we saw him at Thanksgiving 2021 he was about 275 lbs. (so hes gained a little)
His mom died of pancreatic cancer in May 2021. I sent a gift basket to him and sis. I asked what he would want as I knew they were doing dense nutrition. She said a wine basket. (It had 2 red and 1 white on my sister’s suggestion) with chocolate and crackers that sis said she would eat.
At thanksgiving sis said they have to get back on their dense nutrition diet because they had been eating lots of fast food. I guess work had been crazy .
My question: red meat, alcohol, and being overweight, and a previous history of cancer are all flags for colon cancer. Those of you who know about colon cancer- his actions are the absolute worst possible things to do, right?
Im wondering of his cancer has come back and thats why my sister (his wife) is being so nasty to me.
1 comment posted: Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022
Why do people not like me?
I KNOW! I sound so pathetic! But my sister has been being very nasty to me lately. She lives several states away so this is on email and text. She saying nasty things like I am draining my moms bank account (my mom is 85 and visiting for several months because its boring where she lives in the winter. She cant get out easily). My mom mentioned we went to dinner at a fancy restaurant and it was $400 and she paid.
She is also upset about a trip our family is taking to Germany this summer. She is saying we will be stranded because I havent made arrangements for my 2 year old yet and the tour we are on doesn’t allow kids under 10. I assured her we are ok, and we are just staying in Munich while the group take the two day tour and we will join them when they return to Munich and resume our personal trip.
Her husband emailed me and said i need to take responsibility and do adult things. That my son is a toddler and needs me to take care of him. What about his meals? We cant sneak him into this tour or that tour… so EVERYONE will be stranded In a foreign country. Its like he didnt read what i wrote at all. "We are staying in the city we fly into, you guys go on the pre paid tour, and when the tour comes back to Munich , we will all go on to our next destination. "
The deal is
1- sis and hubbs are not vaccinated against Covid. I told them i thought the bigger issue was that they might not be granted entry into Germany without the vax. BIL said he has been adulting a long time, and is capable of making good, informed decisions on the vaccine. That I need to take care of my children or we will all be stranded (including them?) he has said things like you need to know how to get from The airport to hotel and your son will need someone to be with him at meals… if you need help, i am here to help you make these arrangements. Your sister and I believe in you and know with a little effort , you can do this.
1- very misogynist. My husband is also copied in the emails and is going on the trip. Why doesnt he have the responsibility of making sure the baby can get places and food?
2- i asked the tour company. Right now, Germany requires the vaccine to enter. They literally can not enter the country. They will be stranded.
3- i briefly lived in Europe and have traveled a little. I have never planned things like meals. I usually find a grocery store and have picnics at famous places. I also know major airports have cabs at the door so getting to the hotel is no problem.
4- the patronizing tone further ticks me off bc he says hes a responsible adult- however he has a fairly recent DUI that he doesnt know I know about (his mug shot is online) and he also had to ask my mom for money to cover an ER visit in 2018. He does not have insurance/ has very bad insurance and my sis had to ask our mom to pay the er bill. Two years later… he has colon cancer . They are $250,000 in medical debt because in the 2.5 years after that ER visit where he realized, “Oh crap! I need better insurance because I cant afford NOT to have it” HE NEVER GOT INSURANCE. Doesn’t seem very adult to me! He KNEW what would happen if he didnt have insurance, and he still never got it.
My sis has texted my mom asking if shes ok, she doesn’t think she is, etc. my mom texts back im ok
Sis says this breaks my heart. Is Gotta taking you anywhere or are you just sitting jn the car while she drives the kids to school. I take my mom to coffee, out to eat, she sees my kids sports, etc. im trying so hard, and getting criticized. In the past year I took my mom on a hot air balloon ride, drove her to St Louis to see the Arch (shed never been, I said Giddy Up! Lets go!" I have taken her up on a plane ride with me as the pilot, I have taken her to see my son ski, coffee, ice cream, park with her grandson, medical appointments, mall to go shop, tons of restaurants, museums, etc. i wrack my brain for activities she will enjoys
Sis also criticized me for taking flying lessons, said, "well, you have a shitty husband and if you die I guess I get your kids"
My in laws, my crazy neighbors and now my sister and her husband realky dont like me. I think im likable. I have great friends. Heck, one just sent me a silver bracelet last month that said "youre the sister I chose"
My kids like me.
My mom likes me. She says my sister is jealous because she wanted kids and for whatever reason never had them, and my mom is visiting me because I have the only grandkids.
I literally do nothing to these people and they hate me
29 comments posted: Saturday, March 19th, 2022
Austin Real Estate?
Hey? Weird question. Im a nosey nancy and have a friend in austin who is a real estate agent. She is complaining theres no business.
From what i hear, real estate especially in austin is hot hot hot!!!
Any realtors here who can confirm or deny? I thought realtors were making a ton of money these days??? My friends who are realtors in my area are flourishing.
9 comments posted: Saturday, March 12th, 2022
Writers- do you ever write disturbing stuff?
Stumbled onto some writing of an acquaintance.
One was a two sentence "scary story"… his was about his daughter being dead.
Another was a 1 sentence scary story… his was The baby is dead.
Um. This freaks the hell out of me. He has a daughter, who is very much alive and well. WHY would you write anything like that?!?
His kids have significant emotional and behavioral problems, and the youngest tells this daughter that he will kill her.
Am I being over reactive in being absolutely scared shitless of this dude? Or do writers write disturbing stuff sometimes? And i shouldnt think anything of it?
5 comments posted: Wednesday, March 9th, 2022
Posting here to not yell at WH. Trying to be as neutral as possible w him
I know we will divorce. I have a retained attorney, etc .
Im in therapy to get over this stuck not filing crap.
We have finances together. Actually he has them money i am a sahm
I took the one debit card today because i needed to withdraw $$$ for an oil change.
I told him i needed it, told him i was taking it.
Had asked him to change the oil last week
I took it and drove my kid to school (30 min away). Then i made a detour to get cash out for the oil cahange
He didnt have gas in his car and freaked out, called from gas station. I told him i was at atm. Freaks more
I get money, drive to him. Text which gas station (there are two across from each other. He said he has already gone back home. WHAT? Thats in the opposite direction of work! STUPID!!! I yell on text why did u do that??? I wait at gas station 15 min. Nasty texts back and forth.
Finally i say where are u! It doesn’t taake 15 min to drive here from home!
Fund out he borrowed $20 from my mom, and was already on his way.
I was waiting 15 min at the gas station with the 2 year old in the car, and the 16 year old at home recovering from ankle surgery.
I have been going hard all week (dog ate a mouse so had to go to vet an hour away, next day kid has surgery 2 hr drive away, then yesterday i "just" drive middle kid to school and take care of 16 yr old and 2 year old.. etc…
Today its an oil change, and normal stuff but F THAT ASSHOLE. He needed to teach me a lesson, i guess?
Yeah. I learned that lesson. Got the message LOUD AND CLEAR
3 comments posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022
Real estate people?
Family bought a house in cash 7 years ago that we live in. Prices have gone thru the roof so I think we could try to sell for 50,000-100,000 more than what was paid.
Is selling now stupid though, because we have to live SOMEWHERE! It looks like ALL houses are crazy expensive. So selling might shoot myself in the foot so to speak.
Any generic advice? What are realtors doing now in this market?
8 comments posted: Sunday, February 20th, 2022
I want some praise :-)
Way to go, Gotta! You're doing awesome!
8 comments posted: Friday, February 18th, 2022
I have always wanted to dumpster dive, but never had the guts. I see people going to the mall and getting boxes of stuff like candles because some have broken in shipment, so they throw the whole Box out, unopened food from gourmet grocery stores, etc etc.
(All on tv!)
Does this actually exist? Has anyone here done it? Tge closest Ive gotten is finding things next to the dumpster at an old apartment complex. I got a nice bike for my kid when I had no money and she had outgrown her old one, and a shoe rack that I still use.
15 comments posted: Friday, February 18th, 2022
Feeling bad about cutting inlaws out
Im biding time before the big D, and to be honest, WH (or STBX) has been really a lot better the last few months. Im not sure why, and think it might be due to no contact with his narc family for 6 months.
My oldest is graduating this year.
I had to get old pics for her highschool yearbook page. I was looking at summers and Christmas we spent with the inlaws. It made me so sad. I remember my kids having such fun! I feel sorry that
1- my youngest wont have those memories. He has no cousins his age (well, there is one second cousin on the inlaws side).
And 2- even if he did, we dont see them
3- i am panicking about what family stuff he will have. Holidays will look different, no cousins or summer trips to granma, etc
I am also telling myself… Gotta… you havent gone for THREE YEARS and you have other activities- summers with other grandma, Christmas at home with that excitement, etc.
But it still makes me sad and wish I had tried harder to stay in the in laws family for the kids.
I am so conflicted. I love not dealing w the inlaws. But i miss the fake big happy family.
They were jerks to me and starting to be to the kids… i did the right thing. So why dont i feel like i did?
15 comments posted: Tuesday, February 8th, 2022
Psychology Question? Human Behavior?
You all know my inlaws. For decades we tried to get along with them. In July I finally told my MIL that I do not think she is a good person after she decided to go out of town with her daughters the week we had planned a trip (about 7-8 hours away) to visit. We had been planning the trip for several weeks, and as WH runs a business, taking time off is a huge deal. He cant just "pick another day" and MIL had not seen our kids in 3 years (one is 2 and she had never met him)
Ok. Wh has not talked to them in 6 mos. Obviously I havent either. Its been so nice.
His sister who stopped talking to us in 2019 and texted him , "you should be ashamed of what you did!" After we had our son baptized in our home church rather than MIL’s church… just called his work phone number. Told the receptionist that she knows he got a text she sent him that day and she would like a reply within 24 hours
What in the actual hell?
What is this personality disorder? Its got to be something!
I know, not my circus not my monkeys, but wow! To demand a response to a text when you cut off all communication with your brother over 2 years ago.
Why the heck do they keep trying to contact him?!? He blocked their numbers. (she texted him from her husbands phone) so they went online and got his office phone number.
THIS after going on vacation together (all 11 of them… we were told there wasnt wnough room for us… then after i told mil i didnt think she was a good person another sister called and said wh and the kids could come , there was enough room for them, but inwas not invited)
His mom blows him off, goes on vacation with his sisters, THEN decides to call him and try to talk.
So, dont ruin my fun! But after she gets back tried to talk .
Its like they dont like us, but want to make sure we still want to be part of their family?
(And yes, Im still headed to divorce WH. But we are living together and Im in therapy to do that.. so really, not my problem… but WOW! The audacity! "My message is Please tell Mr Gotta that Id like a reply to my text within 24 hours"
2 comments posted: Thursday, January 27th, 2022
In my quest to do more for me, i am taking flying lessons (YAY!) and have an itch to try skiing.
I tried to ski a few years ago. Was AWFUL
Would like to try again.
Any tips?? I will be getting a private lesson
25 comments posted: Friday, December 17th, 2021
Ever feel so betrayed it takes your breath away
Sometimes i cant believe what my STBX did. Wow.
It literally takes my breath away. I am dumbfounded.
I rug swept a lot after 2011 when he dumped ow1. I wanted to make it work so badly. I blamed his actions on bipolar.
Im just discovering true raw feelings now that im trying to move on. This is the why. This is the reason we are divorcing.
I have therapy next week
12 comments posted: Thursday, October 7th, 2021
In laws who encouraged the affair?
Question about cutting kids off from in laws that encouraged the affair
My inlaws suck. They were friends w OW, talked shit about me to her (like, "Gotta isnt worth getting upset over, OW. You have been such a help to our son, I really cant thank you enough"
OW is a nurse. She got WH hooked on benzos, while with her he got fired from two jobs (they would do pills and sleep from Thursday - Tuesday AM and he’d call in "sick" every Monday and Friday.
SHE WAS NOT A GOOD INFLUENCE OR PERSON
Ils are a huge, fun family so even though i was pissed at them for supporting wh’s relationship with OW, i wanted my kids to have a relationship with the many cousins, great aunts and uncles, great grandma, etc, who had nothing to do with this and are good people.
We had not seen the in laws for 3 years. (Nov 2018). We were supposed to go in August, but when talking to MIL i found out she and my SILs and their families were all going on a family vacation 1/2 way through our planned trip up there. They had just been on a family vacation together to SIL’s lakehouse July 4, and were now going on another week long vacation together. One month later. Our week and a half long visit would now be 3 days.
I asked if they could push their vaca back a few days, if we could join them, etc. Nope.
We would have had 3 days to visit. After a 3 year absence, new baby no one has met, and an 8ish hour drive.
Long story short, i ended up telling mil that the family treats my kids differently than the other grands, and that she is weak and amoral as she invited OW on vacation and to her home.
SIL 2 immediately texted WH that if he showed up at MILs house she would call the cops. (Wh had no idea i had spoken to Mil). Wh sent that text to his mom and other sister and said whats this? Fine, if you all feel like that my family wont bother you again.
MIL texted back "good, did you see what your wife told your mother? She is a nut"
MIL said “Good.” When her son said he would not bother her again. I cant imagine how hurtful that was to WH. Good.
I didnt yell curse or say profanity. I am not a nut. The truth has upset MIL.
SIL 1 also called ne and left a voice mail taht said,"You are not invited to my moms or my house. We love WH and the kids and they can come, but not you" WH is not going to drive 500 miles with the kids, alone.
I never want to have contact with them again. They do not treat my kids equal to the other grandkids.
Wh blocked them from his phone, they do call in to his office. There have been about 7 calls in 2 months to his office. From both his mom and SIL1.
My question. I will not talk to them again. WH, its his decision to talk to them. I dont think he will right now, if just because he is slammed with work and . Eventually we will divorce (i have some unrelated stuff going on where i need him right now so we live in the same house but in separate rooms) so this is not an issue we have to discuss because we will not be married.
My kids- the younger two dont care about mil. But my oldest (almost 16 yrs), remembers pre-affair when we all got along.
She also has a phone (younger kids dont) so MIL and her aunts and cousins can text her. MIL texts about once a month. Oldest cousin has texted a few times, and the cousin her age told her in 2018 when she tried to text her “why are you texting me? Its not like we are friends. We were close when we were little but not anymore". DD was shocked and doesnt text her anymore.
Do I tell dd to stop all contact? Or… Do i keep it at this; I told her a few weeks ago that she is an amazing person and should never be #2 In anyones book. That enough people will think shes great and she wont have to beg to be included in things, and focus on those people, dont waste time on people like the in laws (dont play the "pick me!" Game). I also said i know shes very respectful and family is important to her, and if she chooses to stay in contact with ILS, thats her choice and I support her.
DD has said that I am in the right for what I said to MIL, and that she would have said it earlier.
30 comments posted: Sunday, September 26th, 2021
Why was Ex nice to others and not spouse
I bet a lot of us have had this happen. Ex was super supportive of OW and even others in their lives, but constantly put you, the spouse, down.
I was VERY supportive of WH. My family helped us financially. I am a generally nice person. I am relatively attractive.
Friends have asked WH, "How did you land her?" Our daughter has even asked this.
So why did WH tell his family to be nice and accept his OW? Make her come on vacation with them? Why didnt he tell them i was important? To Be nice to me?
Why did he stick up for OW2 and tearfully tell me, shes like a sister since my family has rejected me. But I will give up a friend relationship with her if thats what u want.
As a former adulterer, he should have dropped contact with his "friend" immediately when I asked. Instead he went to bat for her.
Ow 1, he paraded around his family. So much so MIL told me, "its a shame about ow1, she had such a great career" when she heard that she was on mental health leave. She told WH she was answering Ow1’s calls after he dumped her bc "that poor girl needs someone to talk to"
Its like i was living in Bizarro World! WH and his family treated ME like I was the unreasonable and unstable OW and treated OW like family.
And honestly, the teal question i should be asking is Why did you stay so long, Gotta? There are a lot of reasons for that. Family, finances, the thrill when he did treat me nicely.
I just cant imagine WH having a great wife like me, loyal to a fault! and not cherishing us our marriage our family and our kids?
7 comments posted: Tuesday, September 21st, 2021
Ok. So my marriage is not salvageable. Sad but true. Im thinking to a new relationship.
Ive been embarrassed about this but want opinions.
A year or so ago, wh said that (omg this is WAY TMI.) wh said that during sex, i was "tight" when it started, very tight when i was about to orgasm, and after i orgasm relaxed and was not as tight. He said that after orgasm, he could not finish because i lost that tightness that I had before the big O.
So, i would not orgasm and let him finish. After he finished he would be flacid and go to sleep.
This has also made me self conscious about a new partner.
Im wondering if
1- this is a thing with all women? And men just deal with it?
2- he told me this to make me feel bad to keep me from wanting to pursue a new relationship
Just to add- wh is very well endowed, both length and girth. His meds and poor lifestyle (45, all junk food, no exercise) make him have trouble sustaining an erection though.
17 comments posted: Sunday, August 15th, 2021
I worked so hard to create a family. I had fantasies about holidays in the future where our kids, their spouses and their kids would come visit. It would be huge and loud w lots of food.
Why would he destroy that twice?
And why would mil not want us in her family? Why was ow accepted and i wasnt? Mil was almost giddy when wh dumped me in 2010. I don’t understand. Really and truly.
I dont get why they dont like me. I have 2 graduate degrees, come from a nice family. My parents have been very generous to us during our marriage both emotionally and financially.
Why dont they care about the kids? My kids- mil’s grandkids- are all beautiful, smart, nice kids. The oldest is 15 and a senior in high school. She’s a 4 sport athlete and competed and won medals at state competition, and was invited to regionals in 2020, went to camps, etc… kiddo 2 was on deans list, and is involved in local sports and clubs and a cool kid.
And baby 3 is 1 and sweet and smart and cuddley.
Why would you give us away? We are great! I dont get it.
I need an answer.
16 comments posted: Tuesday, August 10th, 2021
Question- going to in laws neck of the woods. Should kid visit
My 15 year old dd is super smart and a senior in high school. She is looking at colleges and the trip we were to take to inlaws we were also supposed to visit a tin of colleges (2 are two hrs away, 2 are in the in laws town, and 1 is 2 hours away, then there is a progression of colleges spotting the interstate for the next 4 hours that we want to see)
So. We obviously arent going to MiL house. As sil 2 who lives a few houses down said if we show up Saturday, she will call the sheriff. Ok. Um… thats a bit dramatic, maybe you want to stop watching Reality tv there, lady.
But. Darnit, my kid deserves to see her colleges. So im driving 6 hrs to the first one, we will visit, then an hour to the second, wenwill visit, etc etc.
Two colleges are in MIL town. Dd has said she wants to see grandma.
I told her I would drop her off for dinner or lunch at a restaurant in if she really wanted, but that one of her aunts might come “just incase Gotta starts trouble “
I only want my kids to have as many people who love and support them as possible. I dont want to fight w these people.
I told her to expect Aunt J to show up, and she doesnt like Aunt J (aunt J is the one who wouldnt give her a blanket when she stayed at the Lakehouse and proceeded to snuggle under her blanket and go to sleep.
DD is a little more hesitant to go knowing that aunt might be there to “protect” mil. (I say she might do this because she did when i asked to speak to mil after court when we were divorcing in 2010… aunt R came and stood next to mil so i wouldnt “be mean”
What say you, SI? Lunch or dinner with MIL (realizing she is not like me and wouldnt just have a nice meal with DD) or just let the dust clear and maybe let DD have lunch with her if/when she attends college up near MIl.
24 comments posted: Saturday, July 31st, 2021
I told my mother-in-law off yesterday
OK. So you guys know kind of a wimp about leaving WH. It’s been dragging on. Well we were supposed to see the in-laws in a few days. We have not seen them in three years. And they have never met our newest child who is not quite two.
WH has two sisters, their families, and mother-in-law and his sort of nuclear family. He also has some cousins and their families who are pretty close to him. They grew up together.
Mother-in-law and sisters in law go to a Lakehouse every summer for the past few years. We are not invited. I have asked if we can come, they say there’s no room. But even before they rented that Lakehouse we weren’t included in the times that they rented a hotel rooms in the resort area.
The last time we went up there, 2018, my daughter was invited to stay at the house with everybody, however my son was not. I let my daughter stay, she asked one of her aunts for a blanket, the aunt said oh it’s so hot you don’t need one. And snuggled up under her own blanket and went to sleep.
My kids have mentioned before how big kind of feel left out, or how grandma favors the other grandchildren.
Our trip up there was only going to be three days, because my sisters in law and their husbands decided to take another family trip. One month after the last family trip. I asked if we could go to that one, it’s my sister-in-law‘s Richard house in the Hamptons. It’s huge and it’s trying to be sold for $2.5 million. They said again there was no room. So in effect we are being kicked out after three days. My children have not seen their grandmother or cousins in three years, and they are going to leave three days and to our proposed visit.
I was calling mother-in-law to see you know what was up with that. Long story short I started laughing and I said you know I’m not gonna get in between my husband and his sisters I have my own sisters. This is what my family said where they said don’t marry that boy their families different than ours. Mother-in-law shot back well your family is a lot different than ours too.
21 years of being fucking pissed off and not saying anything came out. Nothing I said was a lie. I did not say anything wrong, I did not call names. I told the truth. When she said your family is a lot different than ours too. I said yes they have morals.
She said what does that mean we have morals to. I said no you don’t. If you had morals you would not have invited OW1 on vacation with you. She said that was the only way I got to see my grandkids if if she came. I said I don’t think that’s true. However if it is that’s your pretty weak. And I did say she was weak and had no morals. I also said I just want my kids to be treated with kindness by your family and in the past they had not.
She was upset that I said she had no morals. And she said I have morals. I said no you down I said tell me one time when you have shown an ounce of morality? She said I don’t have to prove anything to you. I said you don’t but you know I’m right. She said no you’re not goodbye.
My sister-in-law immediately texted WH and said your wife called mom a nut. When she is a nut. I told my husband I never said that, it’s not words that I use. I don’t tell people not to call them crazy. But not nuts and I never called your mom. She also said if we showed up Saturday on our planned trip that she would call the sheriff and have us removed from her mothers doorstep.
His other sister called me, I did not answer the phone, and she said when are you gonna learn to stop picking on my mother. We love my brother and the kids, they are welcome to at my house but you aren’t. You are not invited to my home and you’re not invited to my mothers home and you’re not to go there.
WH is livid he threw a piece of pizza at my head last night. He laughed and said congratulations on your baby. I am not pregnant, I have diet stasis adamant physical therapy for it. And it’s a very sore subject. He texted many of my friends and said can you believe with God I did? She’s a horrible person stop being her friend.
If what I said was not true, it would not hurt.
I don’t feel badly at all about saying what I did. I’m actually pretty proud, that I didn’t bring up that I found out some things about her family doing genealogy research. Example mother-in-law has given a cousin a very hard time about having a baby at wedlock recently. I found through genealogy that her grandparents got married in 1926. Her mother was born in 1921. I don’t believe she knows this. I also did not Curse or call her any expletives. I was very calm and said my family has morals and yours doesn’t. Which I stand by 150%.
I find it extremely ironic that she tolerated OW want to see the grandkids. However she won’t tolerate me to see the grandkids. I am a nice person. I do nice things for people, I am a good person. Part of why I stayed with WH so long, it’s because I’m a good person and I see the good in people. I was standing up for myself. I was not being unduly cool. I think it’s pretty shitty to plan a family vacation with two of your children and their families, not invite your third child and his family, and to say oh well we can only see you for three days because we’re going on a weeklong vacation to your sister‘s house that she has rented until October. They can change their dates, they can invite us, they could’ve done a lot of things to make this work, if they had wanted to. They did not.
I thought to myself yesterday a lot of people have exit affairs. I think I just had an exit telling my mother-in-law off. I talked to a police officer last night at 10:30 PM after my husband hit me in the head with a second slice of pizza. And asked him how I can get my husband out of the house. I have a name of a police officer that I have to talk to today. I am fucking paralyzed with fear. However I don’t see how I can stay in the same house with my husband anymore. With him screaming calling me names throwing food at me calling me names like pregnant and fat.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 6:57 AM, July 29th (Thursday)]
24 comments posted: Thursday, July 29th, 2021
I want to email OW2
I want to email her and in a very nice way tell her what a piece of shit she is (i used to teach english and have written for a living before so if i think hard enough i can come up with something good)
I would email it to her, and the boss (workplace affair). Possibly her husband.
Shes having an affair with a bailiff at work.
I would block all emails from responding after i hit send
I would include pics of text messages she sent my husband
Yeah or Nay
18 comments posted: Sunday, July 25th, 2021
Mental health question regarding the affair
What would you do?
Im still processing the last affair. I need more therapy but i havent gone in about 9 mos- im taking care of 3 kids, doing PT for physical stuff related to last pregnancy, and i have a sick relative that i visit often who lives 7-9 hrs away . (7 hrs wo kids and dog, 9 -12 hrs when i bring kids and dog. And i always bring kids and dog )
Anyway. I usually rug sweep and bury the hurt, but today I was thinking. If ow2 and wh were Best Friends, what would you gave done in the situation.
Wh was inundating ow2 with texts about how she should not drive her Mil back to florida during the pandemic. Mil had been staying with ow2 and her husband and kids, after ow2 mother died several weeks before.
Ow 2 ‘s mil brought her 2 big dogs when ows son is allergic. My husband is also allergic to dogs and was upset that ow would force a kid to be around a pet hes allergic to, and just dose him with benadryl when needed.
Last straw was when they were all driving to a covid hotspot. Wh texted both ow and her husband many texts and info about covid, etc… and put in a text about how they need to think of their kids, as obviously they havent if theyve made their allergic 6 year old be in a house w 2 dogs the last 2 mos.
Ow was upset. Both block his texts. About 5 days later she calls in work and cries that she cant come in because wh was mean and telling her she was going to give the office covid, etc.
She told the boss that disliked wh first. A second boss came to wh and yelled at him for 30 minutes about what a shitty friend he was and its none of his business if ow goes to florida during covid. (Wh told her that he would allert the court system if she went, since no attorneys or other court officers were allowed to go to court for 2 weeks after travel back then)
Wh was manic. He quit his job and there is some other stuff that happened but ling and short- ow knew he has bipolar. He told her he has issues like this at times
If that were MY friend (haha… friend) i would have contacted the wife and said your husband is having issues, you need to come home (i was visiting family at the time)
I would not have gone into work and brought this there. The texts didnt happen during work time.
My dd baby sat her kids and when wh took dd to court (she is in highschool and was shadowing him for a week) ow 2 looked at her and ran away. Ow 2 used to text my dd (like an aunt… just stuff like your dad told me about your A! Congrats! )
This woman threw me a baby shower for baby 3. She had us to her home, we babysat her kids when she and her husband went out. We went to the lake together, etc. family friends.
I am not saying my wh isnt a complete jerk. But i feel like she went way overboard and did not handle this correctly.
BTW- shes messed up her career over this. She is given easy cases and has a boss with her sometimes (like a new attorney would). Other attorneys make fun of her (ive seen texts where they talk about her)
And to just ghost people you were supposedly friends with? I haven’t really lost a friend, but she considered me a friend (i know way more about her problems than she knew about mine..). And my DD. This is your old babysitter!
Also, rumor is she’s involved with a bailiff at work now. So she isnt making any good choices. But man. It still boggles my mind that she would destroy a “friend “ like that without notice to me at all. No - hey gotta, whats going on…
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 9:52 AM, July 11th (Sunday)]
41 comments posted: Sunday, July 11th, 2021
Ow2 is having an affair with someone else at work
Recently found out that Ow 2 is having a PA with the guy who made some mean comments about my WH having mental issues to him.
(Small town. Big talk)
Theres kids involved
Its just sad all around.
3 comments posted: Saturday, June 19th, 2021
Ow2 telling people Wh’s bipolar diagnosis
Ow2 and Wh both have mental health issues. That was why they bonded.
Wh is very tight lipped about telling people his bipolar diagnosis. ONLY family knew until he told ow2 about 18 mos ago.
Well, 11 mos ago shit hit the fan, ow 2 and wh had big blowup over covid (wh was manic and told her she was being stupid for traveling to a hotspot during covid)
Ow 2 told their boss, wh got in trouble and subsequently quit.
He still sees ow 2 through work.
Ow 2 now has another emotional affair
Wh was next to this man a few days ago and the man said under his breath, “mental issues “
I told wh when u lay with dogs you get fleas. I am not surprised that ow 2 has another paramour, and im not surprised that she has blabbed about wh’s mental health.
My worry is how that will effect his business - if it gets out that he has bipolar, will that make him lose work? And money? And child support.
Im pissed. But not surprised. And to blab something so personal about someone… what a snake. Why is she talking about WH? This is so highschool…. I need to not feed on the gossip.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:58 AM, May 30th (Sunday)]
12 comments posted: Saturday, May 29th, 2021
New beginnings with out a partner ever again?
It’s been a process for me to untangle with Stbxwh.
I don’t think I can ever trust another person after this- and I really don’t look forward to dating or meeting someone new.
I’m 42. Can I live a happy life alone for the next 40 years? No sex for the next 40 years?
I’d love to hear from people who’s new beginnings don’t include a love interest! Because I have no interest in love!
36 comments posted: Friday, April 16th, 2021
I Did It!
I emailed my divorce attorney and said I am ready to file
I had gobe to see family 7 hours away (8-9 with baby and stops for him). WH was ok sort of with that, but I was getting tests to come home soon, he didnt know if he could make it without me... whatever. He ALWAYS DOES THIS. I NEED YOU. ILL DIE WITHOUT YOU
Seriously. I was gone less than a week.
My DD stayed and I am to pick her up next weekend. (her school is virtual right now so no problems ) middle son is not virtual so I had top get him home.
WH FLIPPED when he heard I was driving back Easter weekend. He ended up locking my phone (so no maps on a long trip, which I know pretty well but they are nice if I need to find a gas station or something and get off the normal route. Also, no phone if I get in trouble or have a car issue)
We get home, and he is fairly nice, I told him to fix my phone and he said he was sorry, he didnt know I needed a password, that he had just locked it for a little while and it wasnt actually locked anymore-- i just didnt know the code
Im pissed, got a shitty call from my sister and my husband was like shes right and we start fighting
my husband goes from 0-60 in a minute and is telling me how bad a person i am, how lazy i am, LOOK AT THE HOUSE ITS A MESS (fucker- i just came home from a week trip!!!) he is saying i am lazy, "What have you done in the past 15 years other than raise kids... maybe you should talk to your friends about how to have a career, kids and clean the house"
it devolved from there. He left and went to another room. I was so pissed off and didnt know where to put that anger, so I grabbed a knife he had from eating by the bed, took it, went to the closet and shredded 4 of his suits. (He did not know I was doing this) I also threw my phone until it smashed the screen, which i had wanted to do all day after he locked it.
It felt so damn good to destroy his suits (he has more, he probably wont notice these 4 are gone) and smash that phone
Then, I started cleaning up the house. The clothes on the floor (his), I just threw in the garbage. Calvin Klein dress shirts, ties, etc. Garbage.
I realized i was scared to come home to my own fucking house. And this wasnt the first time.
I emailed the attorney. Its time. I need to file, please advise. We have the separation agreement, I have sole custody, all I need is to start getting alimony and child support (those numbers are not in the agreement, as my WH was making less last year than he probably will in the future)
Nothing he can do for me is worth living like this. Stuff like doing the electronics for me- I can take my phone to get fixed. I can drive in a different country (we are going next year and this is a worry... how will I get around without him. Now-- fuck it., I'll figure it out)
There is 0 he can do to convince me to not divorce. Last night was the end.
"THIS HOUSE IS A MESS! MY MOTHER WOULD NEVER LIVE LIKE THIS!"
Loser- I have been GONE for a week!! (where I got the stomach flu, and was sick most of the week!) ITS YOUR MESS!!!
44 comments posted: Sunday, March 28th, 2021
Sex after divorce
I have only been with WH. We were college sweethearts. He had only been with me for sex until 2009 when he started his first affair. (had oral sex with other women in highschool/ first years of college before we met)
For years he has made fun of my body. I am 5 ft tall abd had a 10 lb baby; baby 1 was also very overdue. Therefore- huge belly, lots of stretch marks, hanging skin.
8 pregnancies, 3 big babies, over 40 years old...
I feel like i am not going to be desirable for anyone.
I can lose the baby weight, do exercises to close my diastasis recti (i currently look 5 mos pregnant bc my belly is huge) and look nice with clothes on... but i feel like once i have a new relationship, i dont want anyone to see my disgusting stomach.
I trusted my husband, father if my kids, and he has said i need surgery, im disgusting, i need 2 pews for my fat ass at church..
What would someone else say?
I hust want someone smart that i can talk to. Someone who thinks im great and will do things for me that make me happy. Id donthings to make him happy, too. Build each other up. Wh purposely does things to upset me.
I just feel like all men are like my wh. Selfish, abusive, skirt chasers. I have no relationship other than wh so i dont know that good men exist.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 8:14 AM, January 16th (Saturday)]
10 comments posted: Saturday, January 16th, 2021
Favorite Dostoevsky book
I loved crime and punishment
I hear there is one book that’s *the* best
Can’t remember if it’s Brothers Karamazov or the idiot.
14 comments posted: Wednesday, October 7th, 2020
My new beginning
I’ve been living away from stbx for 2 months.
Each day I realize more and more that I will not be lonely without Wh. I do not miss him. I do not miss the chaos of our relationship. Life feels calmer .
I want to go back to school to get a PhD. I want to go abroad to do 3 separate things pertaining to my degree. I don’t know how that will work with kids but I want to find out.
Wh was always supportive of the last OW (an EA). He was not of me.
I can do things. I’m smart! (Not dumb like everyone says! Sorry Godfather 2 joke)
But seriously. The whole world looks brighter. And calmer.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 3:42 PM, July 26th (Sunday)]
11 comments posted: Sunday, July 26th, 2020
Find ow’s father
I won’t get into why I need to find him, just that a crime was committed by him and I need to report it to police
I know ow’s name, and her moms name ( mom died and was divorced from dad) I know siblings names. Just don’t know dad’s first name.
I’ve looked on ancestry and can’t find it, any other tips?
7 comments posted: Monday, May 18th, 2020
Not quite ready for my new beginning yet... but have a question that’s on my mind.
I’ve only been with STBX.
What’s it like to be with another person- are you constantly comparing them? What if they aren’t as technically good as your Ex? Is it still good because you have feelings for them? I noticed when my STBX and I were intimate at the end of our relationship, it wasn’t as good- technically, yes, just as good, but there were no feelings or love there, so no emotions made sex not great.
Having a new relationship is a big thought these days, but being intimate with someone other than STBX is terrifying!
13 comments posted: Wednesday, May 13th, 2020
How do I check iPhone messages
Wh is very protective of his phone. I’d like to have his messages sent to me. Is this possible?
1 comment posted: Thursday, December 5th, 2019
History of China
My middle schooler really wants to study the history of China. I have no idea where to start- can anyone recommend books that would be good to start a study of China-- Ancient China and the Shang Dynasty in particular.
Darn- just realized this goes in Book Discussion! Sorry.
[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 11:29 AM, February 17th (Friday)]
4 comments posted: Friday, February 17th, 2017