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Divorce/Separation :
Fireworks show grand finale

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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 10:58 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

STBX's lawyer has taken ill. Trial next week has been continued. Again. Court dates are already into next year.

HA! I deal with large loss lawsuits in the medical profession and whenever a plaintiff attorney gets "sick" it's a sign they don;t like their case.'

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4458   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8679997
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 11:23 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2021

BP, I thought the same. However, he is claiming covid, and hasn't shown up to other court hearings of his (unrelated to my divorce), so we think it is legit.

My attorneys drafted a spectacular memo citing recent case law comparable to what my case involves. We are very confident on my side. He claimed illness before seeing the memo or any of my exhibits. We entered our stuff on time, as we hadn't heard an official word from the court that trial was continued. STBX's side never entered their exhibits. Technically they are late, (but will surely blame covid). So now they have ours, but we don't have theirs. They haven't responded to requests yet. If they continue to not respond, we will have to have yet another hearing ($$$ omg))) compelling them to provide it. As they will have months to study my stuff, and we will end up having 3 days to see theirs.

I just can't. Trying to breathe and forget about it...easier said.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:24 PM, July 30th (Friday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8680002
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 11:20 PM on Sunday, August 1st, 2021

I feel like this needs a drum roll...

Guess who MY LAWYER just happened to see yesterday cruising around the hood in a golf cart with his wife, while smoking a CIGAR??? Yep, you guessed it; STBX's lawyer. You know, the one who was "extremely ill" with Covid just the day before.

I almost crashed my car when my atty called me. Unfortunately, it's "covid", so sick or not, quarantine is necessary. And he was outdoors when she saw him. But we smell a rat. We thought about asking for proof of a positive test, but don't want to look like a**holes if it comes back actually positive (not to mention, this guy has flat out lied on other occasions, has been in the business 40 years, and thinks of himself as untouchable. He would doctor a fake test, we are sure.)

Just so you all know, the fact that she saw him was one in a billion chance. We live in a highly populated area, where different populated cities just butt up against each other. Same intersection, exact same moment.

The new delay, the fact that she saw him...there is something bigger going on here. We will wait for the big reveal, and keep on keeping on in the meantime.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8680426
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 2:42 AM on Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Did she take the “ill” attorney’s photo?

That would be good to have just in case.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10736   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8680451
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 3:08 AM on Monday, August 2nd, 2021

Did she take the “ill” attorney’s photo?

She did😎

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8680453
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 7:54 AM on Monday, August 2nd, 2021

And the stars align!

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8680479
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 12:59 PM on Monday, August 2nd, 2021

I hope she can show it to the Judge and he gets sanctions.

Your H and his attorney are clones - the rules don’t apply to them (in their world)!

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:56 AM, August 2nd (Monday)]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10736   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8680495
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 2:34 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Someone's going to have to turn my divorce case into a Netflix limited series. It just gets weirder and weirder.

My case was continued last Friday afternoon. Before that, stbx's attorney was supposed to submit all of his trial exhibits. He was also supposed to respond to a motion granted by the judge (this second thing being critical, and amounting to malpractice if he did not do it). He failed to do both. Several people I have told say it appears he is checking out. That it's possible he knows he's on the losing side and just wants out. I'm not sure about that, but if he tries to use the "I was bedridden with Covid and couldn't do anything" excuse, we have the snazzy golf cart photo to rebut that. I'm not a lawyer, so I'm not familiar with this sort of thing, but my attorney says that what he failed to do is a huge deal. My two lawyers have not brought it to anyone's attention and their lips are sealed for now. "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." Sun Tzu

My attorney and I used the canceled trial day to get some work done. We spent a few hours addressing one of stbx's side skirmishes that will be addressed on trial day. A whole list of false accusations against me, which I have written documentation both from federal agencies, my employer, and stbx's own emails and texts that disprove all of it. Stbx's attorney is an unethical prick. He's not reining stbx in at all, nor looking at the discovery I have provided them which show these accusations as false.

Yep, they are two peas in a pod.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8681468
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 4:06 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Rock on! The STBXH-NPD will soon be facing some serious issues and there will be nothing g his attorney can do to protect him.

Judges do not deal well with people who defy court orders and rulings.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10736   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8681504
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ArkLaMiss ( member #14918) posted at 7:10 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

You do plan to file a bar complaint against opposing counsel, correct? I'd also ask your own attorney about asking your judge to sanction your ex for his shenanigans.

Your ex is trying to drag this out. Why? Is it just to abuse you? To win at hurting your kids? What's his angle?

He's very disordered. I hope you and the kids are in counseling. He's a definite nut job.

Hugs. I'm rooting for you!

Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

posts: 1720   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2007
id 8681545
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 11:19 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

The1stWife, no, the judge will not be pleased.

You do plan to file a bar complaint against opposing counsel, correct?

My lawyer has mentioned it. She may do it herself.

I'd also ask your own attorney about asking your judge to sanction your ex for his shenanigans.

Already done. It's in our response.

Your ex is trying to drag this out.

I really don't think he is. He is just too stupid to realize that all of his shenanigans are causing these delays. There is a ripple effect that begins when he distracts from the main issue. The main issue, which is the divorce and division of assets, gets set aside when his attacks create other problems (like bar complaints and trying to get my lawyer thrown off my case! The judge will not leave me without counsel, rightly so.)

Yet he will never see that this is his fault. I am to blame for everything. The only thing I'm guilty of is wanting him to leave me alone, and aiming for a 50/50 division of assets. How dare I...

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 11:39 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Omg, I just want this damn case settled for you. The thing about NPDs is that they will go down with the ship! Their desire to avoid any admission of guilt or appearance of weakness/loser forces them to keep fighting (with lies, trickery, manipulation, obfuscation, avoidance, and illegalities), no matter how much it hurts their own cause. Since the client AND attorney are clearly suffering these personality deficiencies, neither one can admit defeat. Where, oh where is justice????? Please let the judge see through this crap asap! It's like every T crossed and every i dotted on your side, and then on their side, "Beuller? Beuller? Anyone?" Crickets. Nobody home. The judge MUST see this.

I'm not sure about that, but if he tries to use the "I was bedridden with Covid and couldn't do anything" excuse, we have the snazzy golf cart photo to rebut that.

First of all, does he have no legal assistant to help him submit documents? Illness seems lame for a bigshot attorney. Second of all, asymptomatic or quarantining individuals still work during Covid, at least in my job. We all do it, right? Work from home. So he'd have to claim true illness (not just a positive test). And then his ass will be busted with the photo! His positive test won't save him because he could have worked and submitted from home. And third of all, does the court ask for verification on their own when an attorney asks for such a huge overlooking of irresponsibility? The judge should ask for a test result, and your lawyer shouldn't have to. That should be standard. I hope the judge asks for it.

Netflix developers? Are any of you here? Have you read this thread? Start writing!

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 5:41 PM, August 5th (Thursday)]

me: BS/WS
h: WS/BS

Reject the rejector.
Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5265   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8681649
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 11:51 PM on Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Owningitnow, everything you said, spot on. He has a paralegal who is perfectly capable. And yes, all this in person stuff just started where I live... We all got by virtually for over a year. He could absolutely work from home. As far as submitting a positive test, I'm surprised the courts aren't asking for that (unless they are, and we just aren't aware). When I tested positive for covid, had to submit my positive result to everyone and their grandmother. And I only work for a school district.

Please let the judge see through this crap asap! It's like every T crossed and every i dotted on your side, and then on their side, "Beuller? Beuller? Anyone?" Crickets. Nobody home

I hope so. My lawyer is beyond ethical. It's almost frustrating, but I love her for it. We are doing everything on the up and up, the right way. And when we screw up, we admit it and take our lumps (only tiny things, thank goodness). Ex's attorney has twisted every one of their own mistakes and blamed us for it. We have been on the defensive many times unnecessarily. Thank God my lawyer keeps meticulous records, and has irrefutable evidence that they are lying. I now know why a good lawyer is so dang pricey! Although sTBX's attorney is very expensive (arrogant!), and mine is a steal in comparison.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:35 PM, August 5th (Thursday)]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 2:45 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

HI Bleep! I hope that you are doing well outside of your divorce! I haven't been on SI much lately, but I try to come back every so often to see how your divorce is going (same as always, it seems. Sorry about that!).

Someone's going to have to turn my divorce case into a Netflix limited series. It just gets weirder and weirder.

A lot of times, people at SI make claims that their wayward spouse is the worst of all time. They're wrong; I think that you are the "winner." Sorry about that. barf

Stbx's attorney is an unethical prick. He's not reining stbx in at all, nor looking at the discovery I have provided them which show these accusations as false.

One thing to remember is that an attorney is ethically required to aggressively represent their client's interests as long as it is legal to do so. So, a lawyer can overlook your evidence... and attorney can claim that you falsified all of that evidence... et cetera.

That said, at a certain point, a decent attorney and human being would look at all of the evidence and attempt to steer his client down a path where he has something better than a snowball's chance in hell of winning... but if his client says to stall (and it's legal), then the attorney has to stall. (FWIW, I don't think faking an illness to delay trial will turn out well for the lawyer).

I am seeing the tension between attorney and client in my GF's nearly complete divorce. I'll spare you the details, but just say that a legitimate attorney can only do so much if the client is a piece of shit. I'm saying this because if you are going to file a complaint against the bar about the attorney, you need to be careful to be very specific about the ATTORNEY'S actions rather than the client's. (guess who has been doing research about filing ethics complaints against attorneys?).

Anyway, be patient... stiff upper lip... and all of that stuff. Reading between the lines, it seems like your attorney is looking forward to having this case in front of a judge, which is a good thing.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5120   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8683918
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 10:12 PM on Tuesday, August 17th, 2021

Thanks, Barcher. There must have been a cancellation at court, because we have a new trial date, and it's late next month...not spring 2022 as I predicted. So yay! And yes, my lawyers and I are beyond ready to get this done.

I'm just trying to chill and live life until the date gets closer, and then I will brush off the cobwebs and prepare. At trial, I will have to revisit some dark places in my testimony, and it's very heavy stuff, as you all know. I can't have that always on my mind for the next 6 weeks. So I have put it in a mental file box and set it aside until then.

Side note, we had a virtual meeting with oldest DD's new therapist (yep, the whole family is in therapy except the narc. How cliche!). It was 45 minutes of stbx telling the therapist how I have done horrible things to him and "poisoned" our kids minds. One brief mention of his "adultery" because the therapist directly asked him. Then back to how angry I am and how I'm using the kids as pawns; you know, because I want my kids on a holiday that is mine this year as per our parenting agreement. Stbx has travel plans and thinks his travel plans should trump the parenting agreement. Called me inflexible (he forgets the 10 times in one year I adjusted the arrangement so that he could travel with his buddies, take the kids to disney, etc. I received nothing in return but verbal abuse, theft, etc so I stopped doing him favors, and I stick to the parenting agreement. No exceptions. All, including my therapist, agree this is the right thing to do.

Anyway, I did not respond to any of his accusations at the meeting. I simply stated that I didn't think this was the venue to bring up the details of our divorce, that we were here for our daughter, and I told the therapist I would speak to her separately another time.

I'm pretty sure she has the dynamic figured out after just this one meeting.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 10:12 PM, Tuesday, August 17th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8684042
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thatbpguy ( member #58540) posted at 2:25 AM on Wednesday, August 18th, 2021

Good job with the therapist! I'm sure she gets it.

I'm following this as well hoping the very best for the court case. It just depends on the judge. Some don't listen to the gritty stuff as they feel it's mostly irrelevant and just make a decision. Others care a bit more. I hope yours cares.

ME: BH Her: WW DDay 1, R; DDay 2, R; DDay 3, I left; Divorced Remarried to a wonderful woman

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly...

posts: 4458   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2017   ·   location: Vancouver, WA
id 8684082
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 6:38 PM on Thursday, August 19th, 2021

Ugh. You have considerable courage to try family therapy with a narcissist.

One of the stipulations of our parenting agreement is that we enroll all of our kids in family therapy. xWW refused for a long, long time (there's no reason to give her excuse... it's definitely dishonest so why bother?) until DD13 was found drunk on the floor at 3am on Thanksgiving. After that, xWW said that maybe it would be okay to start family therapy.

She gave me four names as possibilities and then instructed me to do everything else. I got as far as researching all four of her possibilities, but then I did nothing after that. I decided that family therapy with a narcissist will simply turn into a shit-show, with me being the scapegoat for everything (she did this doing marriage counseling after D-day... did you know it was my fault that she had an affair?).

My (personal) therapist agrees with avoiding family therapy. I haven't heard anything about family therapy from xWW since then; I am sure that if we are ever back in court it will become all my fault that our kids are not in therapy.

Anyway, be careful with therapy... it sounds like your grey rock approach is working. I've also experienced the accusation that "it's abusive to follow the parenting plan" from my xWW. She literally testified at trial that I meticulously follow the parenting plan, although she testified as if that is a bad thing. I don't think the judge gave her much credit for that accusation (I basically won on every issue that required the judge's judgment, except for alimony.... which as you know is being appealed).

Good luck at trial and I am so happy that the trial date has moved up.

Me: BH, age 48
Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)
D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5120   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8684388
mad1

Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 8:55 PM on Thursday, August 19th, 2021

Sending positive thoughts.

posts: 786   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8684417
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 2:56 PM on Friday, August 20th, 2021

Ugh. You have considerable courage to try family therapy with a narcissist

.

Oh no no nooooo....this is not family therapy. Oldest DD will start seeing a therapist next month. This was the initial parent meeting with the therapist. We will not be involved after this one meeting. Therapy will be one-on-one IC, DD and the therapist.

I really wanted to just speak to the therapist alone, but I could not exclude stbx. This shit show of a zoom meeting was the result 😂.

Sigh...

Ever hear that joke, "How do you know you're dealing with a narcissist?"

"Everyone they know is in therapy except them."

Indeed.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8684533
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 WhoTheBleep (original poster member #49504) posted at 7:44 PM on Wednesday, September 15th, 2021

Trial coming up end of this month. I've been trying to eat well, and have amped up my workouts and been very consistent. I can feel some anxiety building, so I want to be in top physical condition in anticipation of the stress.

Something bizarre (not bizarre for a narc) happened a couple of days ago. STBX texted me looking for sports gear I forgot to include in the back and forth household backpack. Apparently I got practice dates mixed up. Honest human mistake. I advised stbx to swing by my house, and send DD in, to pick it up. He responds that he's not coming anywhere near my house ever since I [insert violent criminal offense that I did not commit here].

I had to read it three times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I replied with a question mark. He responded he would park down the road and send DD to the front porch.

I had been in the middle of a workout. I immediately stopped, hopped in the shower, and drove myself to the local police station to make a report. I immediately notified my attorney. The following day I notified my employer, as the offense he accused me if would get me fired. All of this on the same day he filed paperwork, 4 weeks late mind you, stating that I can earn more money than what I am earning right now. Only a freaking moron would lay the groundwork to not only get me fired but incarcerated, on the same day he's trying to convince the court I can earn more money so that he has to pay less child support. He's either trying to rattle me, or he really is spiraling at this point and losing his mind, or what's left of it.

I'm going to seriously consider fighting for more custody of my kids. To completely make up an accusation of violence, completely out of left field, makes me truly concerned for my children's well-being when they are with him. I feel quite anxious about this, but I'm trying to stay grounded and clear headed. My employer stated I am doing everything right, and to just keep documenting his antics and being transparent.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 11:52 PM, Wednesday, September 15th]

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

posts: 4372   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8688625
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