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My wife cheated on me with her coworker. What now 2

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jadedangel ( member #26979) posted at 10:55 PM on Monday, September 13th, 2021

I wasn't exactly proud of myself for snooping in the first place if it makes it better.

You shouldn't be.

You are divorcing her. What is in her phone is no longer any of your concern.

At least you had the decency after the fact to delete it before you read it.

Divorced 2007.
EXWH died 2011
Remarried 2018!

posts: 650   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2009   ·   location: Central City
id 8688334
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Lurkster ( member #77252) posted at 12:10 AM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

"...or whatever."

Or whatever indeed. My take is you still feel you lack justification for divorce because there are so many stories posted on here where the BS just wants the smallest amount of remorse from their WS in order to move forward, but it never happens. Remorse is something your WS seems to have in spades. But you don't need further justification. What she did was bad and it made you feel bad and that's enough.

[This message edited by Lurkster at 12:10 AM, Tuesday, September 14th]

posts: 52   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2021   ·   location: CA
id 8688347
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 6:38 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

Well, I strongly believe I have enough to divorce as is. I made it always very clear that infidelity is a deal breaker for me. All that subsequent rolling in the mud was just a by-product of my internal struggle between my heart and my mind. I don't doubt the validity of her remorse all that much, but she's prone to jump all over the place and I wanted to know how genuine her remorse really is, or if it's just a game. Not that it would fundamentally change anything, but it might bring me peace.

But I don't want to be dependant on her it that regard, so I decided to cut that cord loose once and for all. My happiness and content is now up to me, and no one else

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8688465
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 7:44 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

But I don't want to be dependant on her it that regard, so I decided to cut that cord loose once and for all. My happiness and content is now up to me, and no one else

You'll get to true peace faster that way. After all, if you had snooped you'd still not know if she was still truly remorseful six months further down the road.

posts: 877   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8688474
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 9:35 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Court hearing this morning, divorce granted. Hard to put into words how I feel. Thank you all who gave me a helping hand through this all. I can't thank you enough

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8690915
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HappilyMarried1 ( member #77296) posted at 9:58 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

I am glad your journey has reached its end Mr. Fibble. I wish you nothing but the best whether that is with your now ex wife or with someone new way down the road. Take it slow enjoy life and your kids. Best of luck!

posts: 70   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2021
id 8690926
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elKAPPYtan ( member #72085) posted at 10:46 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congrats man, I'm very happy for you. Gives me something to look forward to

Me: 36 STBXWW: 36 DDay: Oct 3rd 2019

"You keep it in between the pages of the books you burn so no one gets to read" -Corey MF Taylor

posts: 160   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019   ·   location: MI
id 8690932
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Dkt3 ( new member #75072) posted at 11:11 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

From the first post you wrote i could see this was a deal breaker for you and even told you so, you weren't there yet in your heart. fortunately for you, it did take you that long to admit it to yourself.

Be prepared for you wife to make a run at you here in the short future, with all the it was a mistake stuff.

You will have more tough days, but it will never compare to the peace of mind that comes with not having to deal with infidelities. Good luck moving forward.

posts: 19   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8690936
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 11:23 PM on Wednesday, September 29th, 2021

Congratulations, MrFlibble. Bitter sweet I'm sure. I think most D probably are because that's not the way it's supposed to be. Let it sink in for a while. Take care of yourself and enjoy the time with your children. Onward and upward.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4691   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8690938
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Shockedmom ( member #44708) posted at 12:24 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

MrFlibble, I am so relieved for you. This has been a tough journey. Best luck with your free and clear future.

posts: 1064   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2014   ·   location: Hawaii
id 8690941
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:28 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Mr F I hope you are taking some time to some nice things for yourself.
No matter how this ultimately plays out you are a good kind smart man that deserves happiness. You ha e healing to do.
Please make sure you start building the habit of doing one kind thing for you every single day. It will help you heal and give you strength and confidence.

I also hope you stick around SI to share your experiences and help others. Maybe not just yet but eventually.

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19095   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8690964
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 3:59 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Congratulations Mr Fibble, I encourage you to stay with us and that from time to time help others with your experience and knowledge.

posts: 2493   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8690977
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 8:21 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Thank you. I will come back in a few days with a proper update, but for now I plan on staying away from this site. Have too much on my mind to put together a coherent response.

But I am doing well.

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8691001
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TwoDozen ( member #74796) posted at 10:44 AM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

MR F

I know where you are. I officially closed on my new house in June move out shortly after but HB continued for a while.

Eventually I realised someone had to be the adult in the room and I put a stop to it, it was hard and it’s still hard but the changes I’ve seen in WexGF since this happened are light years ahead of our so called R attempt.

She is now reading infidelity books, stopped drinking, offering to do all the things she said were impossible during our poor R attempt.

Be strong, take some time for yourself and try to work out what you want and need because I’m pretty damn sure nothing will be off the table now.

I’m 3 months down the line and it’s still very hard especially seeing who WGF is becoming day by day. No one knows what the future holds in store so don’t beat yourself up for not knowing what you want yet.

Wishing you Strength brother 👊🏻

Play stupid games ; Win stupid prizes

posts: 396   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8691005
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Dude67 ( member #75700) posted at 3:23 PM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Mr F - please keep us informed along the way. It will be interesting to see your WW actions post D.

TD - absolutely incredible. Both you and Mr. F made the hard choices but did what was right for you. And, in both cases, WW and WGF seem to be finally getting it.

posts: 198   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2020
id 8691042
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Jacobwakeup ( new member #78699) posted at 5:54 PM on Thursday, September 30th, 2021

Hi Mr F. Well, it has been one hell of a journey for you and I am glad this part of it is over.

I know it is very early days and you have a lot of thinking/living to do but there is quite a big part of me that hopes you and her are able to start a new relationship together which brings your family back together.

I always thought you would reconcile, right up to the time her second and subsequent set of lies were uncovered. God, she was so stupid, had opportunities in the palm of her hand and then just threw them all away.

Would love to hear regular updates and wish you and your family all the very best.

Pottering About

posts: 29   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2021   ·   location: England
id 8691068
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 3:52 PM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

Thank you all who reached out with words of support and encouragement, it means a lot to me.

I am doing alright.

Days leading to the court hearing were surprisingly calm. I met my SIL some days before for a dinner (my treat) and we had a great talk about everything. She's a great support for both of us. Always has been.

I actually saw my now XW in person only a handful of times before we met outside the courthouse, but we communicated via texts almost daily. Kids stuff mostly. She didn't try to push me to change my mind, didn't beg, no passive-agressive comments. We went out a few times with kids, never alone. ZOO, park, playground, that kind of stuff. Gave us an neutral ground. Slowly it became easier for us to talk about the divorce and what comes next. She asked about my new job, if I am planning on moving. Besides a few visits there (3h drive one way) I can work full remote from a house 10 minutes away from an appartment my kids are in on their days with my XW. Easy choice if you ask me. I have been to her appartment plenty of times, putting together furniture for kids (I hate Ikea with a passion), we even had a dinner together twice because kids asked when I dropped them off and I didn't have the heart to say no. But I never spent a night and we never as much as held hands or hugged. I made my boundaries clear and she didn't cross them. When girls wanted me to stay for dinner she actually said to leave if I am uncomfortable and let her deal with kids. It was alright, a bit awkward, but fun. We exchanged about 100 texts after I got home that day, but nothing of significance.

On the day of the hearing we met outside and while we were waiting for our lawyer to show up, we went to get a coffee from a stand nearby and sat on a bench. We just sat there sipping coffee and when it was time to get up, she asked me if this is what I really want. I said I didn't want any of this, no. But what she did was horrible and we can't just pretend nothing happened. She didn't say anything, just nodded. When I got up she asked if she can hug me. She kissed me on a cheek and apologized again for everything. Said she doesn't blame me for this (meaning divorce)

The hearing was uneventful. Very few questions about our agreement, mostly about custody and child support. Asked about a possibility of R. The whole thing took about 45 minutes, maybe less.
Divorce becomes final on the day we get our decree, which should be sometimes next week.

Afterwards we spoke for a bit with our attorney and then parted ways. Some of my friends wanted to throw me a divorce party on that day, but I refused. There was no reason to celebrate, and I wanted to be alone. My parents came by, but after they left (they went to visit my XW, too) I got drunk by myself. My X tried to call me a few times during that evening but I didn't answer.

Spent this weekend doing chores and decompressing. House is spotless laugh

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8691419
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Bezuidenhout ( new member #79375) posted at 7:21 PM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

We just sat there sipping coffee and when it was time to get up, she asked me if this is what I really want. I said I didn't want any of this, no. But what she did was horrible and we can't just pretend nothing happened. She didn't say anything, just nodded.

Well said MrFibble!. You stood your ground and you also set a very good example for other BS on here and elsewhere.

posts: 18   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2021   ·   location: U.S
id 8691450
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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 7:48 PM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2021

You made a fully informed decision and now the future is yours to write however you see fit.

I wish you well…

fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.

posts: 3258   ·   registered: Apr. 17th, 2017
id 8691453
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 MrFlibble (original poster member #76085) posted at 8:27 AM on Friday, October 8th, 2021

Anniversary of Dday today, hard to comprehend what happened to my life. Thought I had it all figured out. This is going to be one shitty day. How do YOU deal with it? Need some advice

posts: 287   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2021   ·   location: Central Europe
id 8692079
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