Received WW's timeline finally
No new information. Missing incident that led me to find out initially they were communicating. Missing details about their final conversation and how she broke it off (she touched on it generally). Missing things in-between.
Lots of general editorializing, almost nothing about the context of what they talked about. Nothing about the justifications she told herself, nothing about the gaslighting, I was hoping that she would touch on it. Like "around this time you started questioning me and I told you this, but that was a lie" etc. Nothing like that.
Confirmed that it was still going on when we went on our honeymoon back in May of 2015. We married in 2010 but never got around to honeymoon until May 2015. No sex on our honeymoon (and first ever vacation away without the kids). That's just one of the red flags, incidents of my gut screaming at me, there are several others.
She minimizes her role in the affair, things like "He would message me inappropriately and I didn't shut him down." Sure that may be how it started, but she took a very active role in inappropriate chat. She never got into the conversations. "We would talk about everyday things, and about us and our problems", THEN "He would start flirting and talking inappropriately and I didn't stop him". Umm, pretty sure I read the shit you wrote and I know that it wasn't all him.
To everyone that told me a timeline isn't going to be a magic bullet, you were right on the money. I was hoping there would be new information so that I could feel confident with next steps. As it is, I feel like I wasted the last 2 years. I don't remember the last time I felt so disappointed at the expectation vs outcome. My fault for not managing my expectations.
Not sure what to do at this point. I can either believe she is telling me the truth, or not. The choices I have for both are about the same, either stay or leave. I sense there was more than she is telling me, but I have no evidence, no proof. Anything I can look at from 2014 in terms of phones are long gone, I don't think her Google maps timeline goes back that far.
I have talked with her about setting up a polygraph test, I was waiting to get the timeline to see if it is necessary, really just waiting for the "official" information so that I could go about crafting the questions. But I think polys are generally just theater, and they can be beaten. I think their value is some people think they are accurate and work as stated lol.
I don't think I will ever shake the feeling that it was a physical affair. but I have no proof.
39 comments posted: Tuesday, September 21st, 2021
Had my final talk with WW
I will not ask again for a timeline. I told her I love her, that I want to make this work, but up to now it's been hell and that I can not heal by myself while in this marriage. It's been 19 months and I will not accept the current state of affairs and I will go file if she isn't going to step up.
I will be watching her actions, she said all the right words again. I am serious, this is the last convo that I will have with her. I will be shopping for a new IC in the next week. I will see where she is at in a month.
This is my shit or get off the pot moment. After all these months, I finally feel better, like I have taken the first step FINALLY out of infidelity, what remains to be seen is if we are going to grow together, or if I am going to do it solo.
I did tell her to make an account here, she did initially make and account and post her story on reddit and got lit up. I think she will find this place helpful.
[This message edited by elKAPPYtan at 11:27 AM, May 28th (Friday)]
46 comments posted: Friday, May 28th, 2021
22 comments posted: Monday, April 19th, 2021
When to call it quits
It's been so long since I posted here, over a year for sure.
Currently 18 and a half months since discovering my WW EA a number of years prior.
I guess I am trying to gage how long I should give her. This last week, I took care of the last item on my list, which was paternity testing the kids, I should have the results in a couple of days. Meanwhile, she hasn't put together a timeline of her affiar, no lie detector test, and she attended 3 or 4 IC sessions before Covid, but has made no attempt to resume her sessions. She bought books that she never read. I requested all of her old phones so that I could go through her messages, she made no attempt to locate them.
Aside from her lack of action, she has been honest and transparent with me since DDay, and has been understanding with the terrible days I still have. While I appreciate it, and how she is attentive to the triggers I do still have, that list wasn't optional.
We fight over it, she tells me that I know everything, that most of the time they spoke on the phone and it was 6 years ago, she can't remember, etc. etc. etc. She tells me she doesn't understand why I would need a timeline. At best it will just be a rehash of everything I read in their messages back and forth on facebook. That is not what I want, and I don't buy that she can't remember, considering I remember what she was wearing the first time I saw her, I remember vividly the 2 hours we spent at dinner just talking and what about. If I had to generate a timeline today of our courtship, I could get pretty damn close of calendars and memory alone, and that is after 12 years.
As the time goes on I notice more and more that I feel indifferent to her. I am to the point where stay or go, I really truly don't care either way anymore, and feel I would be better off on my own going forward. Is this the point where I should call it quits?
[This message edited by elKAPPYtan at 2:15 PM, April 19th (Monday)]
23 comments posted: Monday, April 19th, 2021