And the reality is is that he will be with many women in the future and I have to get used to the idea that those women won’t be me.
But the reality is that he's already been with many women and this is what broke you up in the first place. So what's a few more unstable women that he can use and abuse for his own pleasures moving forward? In my opinion, none of this should have happened in the first place.
The women your STBX is currently with is broken. Think about who she is and what she does for a living. And she's married! And has a child! And he chose her! Shows you where his mind is at. Gutter.
Their relationship foundation is already weak and in jeopardy from their infidelities, lies and manipulations. Anyone else who he may attract in the future is going to look like that too. Nothing to feel envious over.
When my deceased WH was seeing one of the many affair partners that he had, I used to hope that he would leave me for her. Because when all was said and done, I figured the relationship would end up cracking under the weak foundation of what his affair was built on anyways. I just wish that I didn't have to be a part of this sick game. I wish I would have been set free from this nightmare a lot sooner. I wish that he would had chosen her and not me.
There are times when I journal and write to my deceased husband to get my sadness and anger out. (I believe that he is still with me in spirit). And as long as he is still here and as long as I am still hurting, he will know about it.
I tell him that I now know the truth of who he was. When he was alive, he was able to convince me that he never cheated on me except for that one time with this particular affair partner. I tell him how deeply he hurt me. I tell him that I have no desire to see him again. I tell him to go be with those other women who he forsaked me for, which were many.
Although I couldn't achieve this level of distancing and detachment from him when he was still alive, I am now working to detach myself from him now that he is gone. Love or attachments don't die when your partner in life dies. Sadly, he destroyed my feelings for him and now I am able to work through them without real in life interruption.
I was so entangled into his web of his lies and manipulations, I couldn't separate truth from lies. But today I write and tell him everything and how he ruined my life and that there is no reason to continue on into eternity (I do believe in the afterlife) because he took what was so precious away from me; trust, love, friendship and disregarded my heart just so that he could f*** other women and have girlfriends.
I am so disappointed in who he was. As time goes on and more and more I find any good feelings I had for him are dwindling. Why bother now to try and fix what he had broken? He had almost 35 years to figure this out. The damage is done. He now needs to go.
I feel for you, Venus. I know that you still love your STBXWH but he has hurt your soul tremendously, beyond repair. And because of what he has done, he really isn't good for anyone but for those who lack values. It sucks and I know it does and it's sad to have to experience this after you had put so much time and effort into what you thought was forever. But unfortunately this is now a part of your reality and your journey to recovery and wellness. And I'm glad that you haven't had to endure this pain he caused to you any longer than you already have had to. He has taken enough from you. You have been spared a lot of grief and pain because you found out sooner than later in life. And you are still young!
If you give yourself time, I believe that you can and will heal from all of this and in time, when you look in the rear view mirror, you will feel so fortunate that you got away from this emotionally sick man before more damage could set it. In time, I believe you will count your blessings and thank your lucky stars. As other have told me, just keep moving forward.
Keep your head up, Venus and keep putting one foot in front of another. You are almost there to being set free from him. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
On a side note, it has been over a year since my WH has passed away. And yes, I am still grieving the fact who I thought he was was a bunch of lies. BUT I am having better days and I am finding I have better moments. And I just traveled across the U.S. to visit both of my kids. There is hope for a better future and this is what I am striving for. And I hope that you will too. And I agree, the ocean is healing. The ocean is one of my happy places too. You need to check out those Florida beaches. Wow! Warm water, warm sand and warm sunshine. My plans are to go back again very soon to visit the Keyes. Can't wait.