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Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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Tallgirl posted 1/21/2021 20:44 PM

Gals. There is nothing wrong with self service. And yes we deserve both. The massage was great.

Iím kinda afraid of the real thing these days , I havenít been with anyone in so long. Likely forgot everything.

If it is Bob or nothing. I say. HELLO BOB.

Much more reliable than stbxh. And doesnít cheat.


Lol

skeetermooch posted 1/22/2021 10:01 AM

If it is Bob or nothing. I say. HELLO BOB.

Much more reliable than stbxh. And doesnít cheat.


I'm totally afraid of the real thing - mostly regretting it. Isn't there a country song - "I can't believe I shaved my legs for this?" That's what I want to avoid.

BOB is my booty call for the time being. Definitely infinitely more reliable and will never give me an STI.

Throwaway999 posted 1/22/2021 10:42 AM

I know I am no where even close to wanting to date or have sex with someone...the thought of both terrifies me. Dating today seems so different than before. And too many horror stories on this site about dating. Itís hard to fathom there are faithful trustworthy men out there. Yikes! I am with you all...BOB for sure!

gmc94 posted 1/22/2021 11:44 AM

Unstuffed:

How the hell do you go 2 years with no feeling in your hands without telling anyone?
OMG, that gave me a damn good laugh... and I'm betting we all know the answer:

for the same reasons he can go 10+years of screwing another woman w/o telling his wife

And they ARE connected... it's the same cognitive dissonance that lets them tell themselves what GREAT men they are, while lying and cheating and throwing away any shred of integrity they ever had to begin with! For my WH it was akin to "I'm superman, and superman CAN'T have carpal tunnel" (or be "bad" for cheating on his wife ). He's done that shit since day 1, any physical issue/symptom he ignores/avoids until it becomes so bad he has to ask the dr. in some half-assed fashion. He cannot tolerate what he perceives is weakness or something... yet after dday, I've learned he's about the weakest coward I've known.

It wasn't until HB started and I became more demanding that he admitted he had no feeling in both hands. Even after he finally told the dr it still took him 18 months to do the follow ups and get the surgery - which was 100% successful.

skeetermooch posted 1/22/2021 13:55 PM

OMG - the no feeling in his hands!! Wtf????

it's the same cognitive dissonance that lets them tell themselves what GREAT men they are, while lying and cheating and throwing away any shred of integrity they ever had to begin with! For my WH it was akin to "I'm superman, and superman CAN'T have carpal tunnel" (or be "bad" for cheating on his wife ).

Their ability to compartmentalize is astounding. If only it could be used for good instead of evil.

UnstuffedGiraffe posted 1/22/2021 14:07 PM

I have carpal tunnel when it gets to the point that I canít feel my fingers I also have tingling pain shooting up to my elbows, I complain loudly.

And they ARE connected... it's the same cognitive dissonance that lets them tell themselves what GREAT men they are, while lying and cheating and throwing away any shred of integrity they ever had to begin with!

And denying they are on the verge of a pain killer OD while Iím trying to figure out why my husband is a zombie and worried about sleep apnea. Then when he weans himself off the drugs and hides the depression until it all comes out in a confusing (to me) meltdown. Then starts gradually disconnecting from his family and traveling a lot for work. I canít imagine the amount of lies you have to tell yourself to live like that.

But I mild cold will have a man helpless in bed for days.

[This message edited by UnstuffedGiraffe at 2:08 PM, January 22nd (Friday)]

Trapped74 posted 1/22/2021 17:58 PM

Can't do BOB anymore because AP brought one out during one of their sessions. Glad to know he was as selfish with her as he was/is with me....

Outoflove2020 posted 1/22/2021 19:20 PM

Happy Friday Womenz.

Thanks for the responses re BOB. I guess I will just go back to it when it feels right. Goddamn these mother f**kers right?

As for the cognitive dissonance, well, itís what they have to do to make it make sense to them. My ex was adamant he would never tolerate lying or cheating from me because of what his ex wife put him through. I took him at his word that he would never do that either. He prided himself on his integrity. I hope the shame is eating him alive.

Finally coming out of the uber despair of the last few days. Have many plans for the weekend which is good. I did find out today (because she is a chronic over-sharer) that his ex-wifeís engagement has been broken off by the ex-fiancť. I felt sorry for her. But my gut reaction? Thank god I donít have to deal with the fallout around that. Because there will be drama, a lot of it. I also did fleetingly wonder if that meant her and xWBF might get back together but thatís just anxiety talking. And even if they do, who cares, right? So I stopped that thinking right away. However it does make me worry for his daughter. Yet more change and disruption.

I donít want to be that person that walks away from the kids, you know? My dad left me when I was young ans I know what that did to me, is clearly the root of my abandonment issues. With the son itís ok, heís 18, I can have a direct relationship with him. In fact he suggested today that he come into the city to meet me and hang out so v much looking forward to that.

But his daughter is 11. I donít want her to think that Iíve just walked out on her. That another person has left her. Because Iím sure xWBF has not told her why it happened. That it was due to Dadís actions. But I am also aware of the boundary she set back in October. Also by trying to maintain some contact, I find out shit I donít want to know (like the news about her mum) and that it sets me back and puts it all in my brain again.

I miss her a lot at the moment. Like, going through all the photos I have of her a lot. I met her when she was 6. She was so little and adorable and I loved spending time with her. Sheís so smart and funny. It breaks my heart that she might think Iíve abandoned her. Just because her dad and I are no longer together, doesnít mean I donít still love her.

I have no idea what the best thing is. What should I do? Whatever I do, I want to make sure I donít burden her or cause her any more grief or stress than she already has had.

As always, thanks for allowing the Friday night vent / dump and I hope you all find something to do for yourselves this weekend to bring some happiness into your lives.

[This message edited by Outoflove2020 at 7:25 PM, January 22nd, 2021 (Friday)]

skeetermooch posted 1/22/2021 21:39 PM

OOL,
I think with the daughter maybe giving her brother a gift card to give to her is a nice gesture. I've done this with kids in my circle - just sent gift cards every birthday and every xmas with a very short note that doesn't require a response. Now that all the kids are grown we have really nice relationships. I think that I've been consistent over many, many years has been enough for them to know I'm here should they ever need me.

It's so good that you're coming out of the despair - enjoy your weekend!

20yrsagoBS posted 1/23/2021 09:00 AM

Happy Saturday Womenz!


Reading about you goddesses and your battery operated boyfriends has me curious?


Are your Bobs glittery? Where do you buy something like that?


Do I dare admit itís been months since Iíve done anything in that department?

I didnít want WH to touch me, not sensing that there are still piles of lies that he wonít come clean about


So, I guess I am holding it for ransom?

Only I want truth instead of money!


Hahaha


Being a BS is so fucked up


Whereís Sam Elliott anyway?

UnstuffedGiraffe posted 1/23/2021 09:21 AM

Just when you think the roller coaster ride is going to smooth out for a while nope, not happening.

Iíve seen the BOB topic sporadically appear in various places for years. So, am I the only adult woman on the planet with no BOB experience?

Tallgirl posted 1/23/2021 09:36 AM

UG
Go to the pinkcherry site and use your visa.

Chili posted 1/23/2021 10:34 AM

Hello all you wonderful womenz....just popping in to say it looks like we might need to revive the "Bus Rider" thread in F&G with all this BOB action going on...I'm a current rider myself, so...Beep Beep!

Hedwig posted 1/24/2021 02:28 AM

Wrote a whole reply on the BOB topic but accidentally pressed the back button on my phone and now it's gone.

Anyways, BOBs are better, 5 minutes tops and I'm fast asleep. No mind movies either. Yay.

Tallgirl posted 1/24/2021 04:15 AM

That phrase. ďBobĒs your uncleĒ can be a bit disturbing sometimes.

skeetermooch posted 1/24/2021 09:57 AM

BOBs are better, 5 minutes tops and I'm fast asleep.

BOB is very efficient - I love that about him. No muss no fuss, no lost sleep. Idk if I'll ever want the real thing again

UnstuffedGiraffe posted 1/24/2021 11:08 AM

I donít doubt his efficiency but can BOB cuddle?

HeHadADoubleLife posted 1/24/2021 12:02 PM

Unfortunately BOBs don't cuddle... but weighted blankets are great! I am also constantly waking up to a cat sitting on top of me, so I welcome the lack of cuddling nowadays.

Look, it's not the real thing, not by a long shot, but it'll get the job done in the mean time. I thought my sex drive would never come back after the ex, so the cuddling was really the main thing I missed. But it came roaring back, and now I have no one to share it with. So BOB it is until then.

UnstuffedGiraffe posted 1/24/2021 12:45 PM

For now, I plan to keep my husband, if I decide I need to leave I donít see myself doing anything remotely like dating for a very long time. I donít think BOB would improve my current situation but if I ever decide itís time to live alone in a tiny home with just a cat I may revisit the idea.

I was in a pretty foul mood yesterday after a night of almost no sleep. I spent the morning burning cardboard, brush and trying to kill the evil johnson grass. Fire has a way of making things better. My tractor skills are improving today was the first time I used if for something I wanted to do.

LadyG posted 1/24/2021 21:31 PM

Hi Ladies,

Back from the beach. WH and are very much still S! The beach holiday together was purely a financial decision. He paid!

To back peddle, WH had severe bleeding stomach ulcers late last year. Heís also suicidal! On heaps of meds.Yippee, he may just be a little closer to feeling what some BSís go through?

But he still went there... wanted to talk about our future and bury the past? I cut him short last night after some more TT but this morning before our drive home, I let him have it. Total full on rage! I was like the Incredible Hulk.

Had to explain TT to him and how itís a big trigger for my PTSD!

I am calm now. But WH still doesnít get why finally telling me the truth about anything A related this far post DDAY is upsetting?

Why would I want to even consider R with a total, unfaithful, deceitful lying narcissistic shit of a human. I AM NO LONGER CRAZY!

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