Newest Member: Chickenhawk

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread - Part 4

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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Gals. There is nothing wrong with self service. And yes we deserve both. The massage was great.

I’m kinda afraid of the real thing these days , I haven’t been with anyone in so long. Likely forgot everything.

If it is Bob or nothing. I say. HELLO BOB.

Much more reliable than stbxh. And doesn’t cheat.

Lol

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8627099
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 4:01 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

If it is Bob or nothing. I say. HELLO BOB.

Much more reliable than stbxh. And doesn’t cheat.

I'm totally afraid of the real thing - mostly regretting it. Isn't there a country song - "I can't believe I shaved my legs for this?" That's what I want to avoid.

BOB is my booty call for the time being. Definitely infinitely more reliable and will never give me an STI.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1171   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8627297
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Throwaway999 ( member #72413) posted at 4:42 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

I know I am no where even close to wanting to date or have sex with someone...the thought of both terrifies me. Dating today seems so different than before. And too many horror stories on this site about dating. It’s hard to fathom there are faithful trustworthy men out there. Yikes! I am with you all...BOB for sure!

Me - BS
Him -WS (passed away Aug2020)
DDay1 - 2011 EA with AP1
DDay2/3 - found out in 2019 about EA/PA same AP1 -4 yr LTA affair ended 2017
DDay4 - found out after he passed away about LTA with ex-wife same time as his first affair

posts: 520   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2019   ·   location: Canada
id 8627334
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gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 5:44 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Unstuffed:

How the hell do you go 2 years with no feeling in your hands without telling anyone?

OMG, that gave me a damn good laugh... and I'm betting we all know the answer:

for the same reasons he can go 10+years of screwing another woman w/o telling his wife

And they ARE connected... it's the same cognitive dissonance that lets them tell themselves what GREAT men they are, while lying and cheating and throwing away any shred of integrity they ever had to begin with! For my WH it was akin to "I'm superman, and superman CAN'T have carpal tunnel" (or be "bad" for cheating on his wife ). He's done that shit since day 1, any physical issue/symptom he ignores/avoids until it becomes so bad he has to ask the dr. in some half-assed fashion. He cannot tolerate what he perceives is weakness or something... yet after dday, I've learned he's about the weakest coward I've known.

It wasn't until HB started and I became more demanding that he admitted he had no feeling in both hands. Even after he finally told the dr it still took him 18 months to do the follow ups and get the surgery - which was 100% successful.

M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived

It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Feb. 22nd, 2018
id 8627363
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 7:55 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

OMG - the no feeling in his hands!! Wtf????

it's the same cognitive dissonance that lets them tell themselves what GREAT men they are, while lying and cheating and throwing away any shred of integrity they ever had to begin with! For my WH it was akin to "I'm superman, and superman CAN'T have carpal tunnel" (or be "bad" for cheating on his wife ).

Their ability to compartmentalize is astounding. If only it could be used for good instead of evil.

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1171   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8627402
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UnstuffedGiraffe ( member #74937) posted at 8:07 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

I have carpal tunnel when it gets to the point that I can’t feel my fingers I also have tingling pain shooting up to my elbows, I complain loudly.

And they ARE connected... it's the same cognitive dissonance that lets them tell themselves what GREAT men they are, while lying and cheating and throwing away any shred of integrity they ever had to begin with!

And denying they are on the verge of a pain killer OD while I’m trying to figure out why my husband is a zombie and worried about sleep apnea. Then when he weans himself off the drugs and hides the depression until it all comes out in a confusing (to me) meltdown. Then starts gradually disconnecting from his family and traveling a lot for work. I can’t imagine the amount of lies you have to tell yourself to live like that.

But I mild cold will have a man helpless in bed for days.

[This message edited by UnstuffedGiraffe at 2:08 PM, January 22nd (Friday)]

Me BW - Married 20 years
Him - 2 Affairs 9 years apart
DDay October-December 2019 & July 2020

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8627405
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Trapped74 ( member #49696) posted at 11:58 PM on Friday, January 22nd, 2021

Can't do BOB anymore because AP brought one out during one of their sessions. Glad to know he was as selfish with her as he was/is with me....

Many DDays. Me (BW) 46 Him (WH) 49
Happily detached and compartmentalized.

posts: 173   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Oregon
id 8627464
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Outoflove2020 ( member #72682) posted at 1:20 AM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Happy Friday Womenz.

Thanks for the responses re BOB. I guess I will just go back to it when it feels right. Goddamn these mother f**kers right?

As for the cognitive dissonance, well, it’s what they have to do to make it make sense to them. My ex was adamant he would never tolerate lying or cheating from me because of what his ex wife put him through. I took him at his word that he would never do that either. He prided himself on his integrity. I hope the shame is eating him alive.

Finally coming out of the uber despair of the last few days. Have many plans for the weekend which is good. I did find out today (because she is a chronic over-sharer) that his ex-wife’s engagement has been broken off by the ex-fiancé. I felt sorry for her. But my gut reaction? Thank god I don’t have to deal with the fallout around that. Because there will be drama, a lot of it. I also did fleetingly wonder if that meant her and xWBF might get back together but that’s just anxiety talking. And even if they do, who cares, right? So I stopped that thinking right away. However it does make me worry for his daughter. Yet more change and disruption.

I don’t want to be that person that walks away from the kids, you know? My dad left me when I was young ans I know what that did to me, is clearly the root of my abandonment issues. With the son it’s ok, he’s 18, I can have a direct relationship with him. In fact he suggested today that he come into the city to meet me and hang out so v much looking forward to that.

But his daughter is 11. I don’t want her to think that I’ve just walked out on her. That another person has left her. Because I’m sure xWBF has not told her why it happened. That it was due to Dad’s actions. But I am also aware of the boundary she set back in October. Also by trying to maintain some contact, I find out shit I don’t want to know (like the news about her mum) and that it sets me back and puts it all in my brain again.

I miss her a lot at the moment. Like, going through all the photos I have of her a lot. I met her when she was 6. She was so little and adorable and I loved spending time with her. She’s so smart and funny. It breaks my heart that she might think I’ve abandoned her. Just because her dad and I are no longer together, doesn’t mean I don’t still love her.

I have no idea what the best thing is. What should I do? Whatever I do, I want to make sure I don’t burden her or cause her any more grief or stress than she already has had.

As always, thanks for allowing the Friday night vent / dump and I hope you all find something to do for yourselves this weekend to bring some happiness into your lives.

[This message edited by Outoflove2020 at 7:25 PM, January 22nd, 2021 (Friday)]

DDay 1/15/2020.
Separated 3/1/2020

Still healing but in a better place

posts: 375   ·   registered: Jan. 28th, 2020   ·   location: DC Area
id 8627471
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 3:39 AM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

OOL,

I think with the daughter maybe giving her brother a gift card to give to her is a nice gesture. I've done this with kids in my circle - just sent gift cards every birthday and every xmas with a very short note that doesn't require a response. Now that all the kids are grown we have really nice relationships. I think that I've been consistent over many, many years has been enough for them to know I'm here should they ever need me.

It's so good that you're coming out of the despair - enjoy your weekend!

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1171   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8627483
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 3:00 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Happy Saturday Womenz!

Reading about you goddesses and your battery operated boyfriends has me curious?

Are your Bobs glittery? Where do you buy something like that?

Do I dare admit it’s been months since I’ve done anything in that department?

I didn’t want WH to touch me, not sensing that there are still piles of lies that he won’t come clean about

So, I guess I am holding it for ransom?

Only I want truth instead of money!

Hahaha

Being a BS is so fucked up

Where’s Sam Elliott anyway?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2115   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8627534
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UnstuffedGiraffe ( member #74937) posted at 3:21 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Just when you think the roller coaster ride is going to smooth out for a while nope, not happening.

I’ve seen the BOB topic sporadically appear in various places for years. So, am I the only adult woman on the planet with no BOB experience?

Me BW - Married 20 years
Him - 2 Affairs 9 years apart
DDay October-December 2019 & July 2020

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8627539
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 3:36 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

UG

Go to the pinkcherry site and use your visa.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8627542
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Chili ( member #35503) posted at 4:34 PM on Saturday, January 23rd, 2021

Hello all you wonderful womenz....just popping in to say it looks like we might need to revive the "Bus Rider" thread in F&G with all this BOB action going on...I'm a current rider myself, so...Beep Beep!

2012 pretty much sucked.
Things no longer suck.
Loving flying solo with the co-pilot chili dog.
"Life teaches you how to live it if you live long enough" - Tony Bennett

posts: 2140   ·   registered: May. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: Reality
id 8627552
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Hedwig ( member #74175) posted at 8:28 AM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

Wrote a whole reply on the BOB topic but accidentally pressed the back button on my phone and now it's gone.

Anyways, BOBs are better, 5 minutes tops and I'm fast asleep. No mind movies either. Yay.

Dday - 10/2018
Caught them, EMDR helped
Ended the relationship after false R for 1,5 years

posts: 263   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2020
id 8627663
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Tallgirl ( member #64088) posted at 10:15 AM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

That phrase. “Bob”s your uncle” can be a bit disturbing sometimes.

Legally separated, one more step.

posts: 1646   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2018
id 8627665
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 3:57 PM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

BOBs are better, 5 minutes tops and I'm fast asleep.

BOB is very efficient - I love that about him. No muss no fuss, no lost sleep. Idk if I'll ever want the real thing again

Me: BS 50sDDay 1 - 7/2019Separated - 11/2019False Reconciliation - Spring 2020DDay 2 - 8/23/2020DIVORCED - January 2021

posts: 1171   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8627693
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UnstuffedGiraffe ( member #74937) posted at 5:08 PM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

I don’t doubt his efficiency but can BOB cuddle?

Me BW - Married 20 years
Him - 2 Affairs 9 years apart
DDay October-December 2019 & July 2020

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8627707
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HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 6:02 PM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

Unfortunately BOBs don't cuddle... but weighted blankets are great! I am also constantly waking up to a cat sitting on top of me, so I welcome the lack of cuddling nowadays.

Look, it's not the real thing, not by a long shot, but it'll get the job done in the mean time. I thought my sex drive would never come back after the ex, so the cuddling was really the main thing I missed. But it came roaring back, and now I have no one to share it with. So BOB it is until then.

BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction

Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.

Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.

posts: 831   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2018   ·   location: CA
id 8627715
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UnstuffedGiraffe ( member #74937) posted at 6:45 PM on Sunday, January 24th, 2021

For now, I plan to keep my husband, if I decide I need to leave I don’t see myself doing anything remotely like dating for a very long time. I don’t think BOB would improve my current situation but if I ever decide it’s time to live alone in a tiny home with just a cat I may revisit the idea.

I was in a pretty foul mood yesterday after a night of almost no sleep. I spent the morning burning cardboard, brush and trying to kill the evil johnson grass. Fire has a way of making things better. My tractor skills are improving today was the first time I used if for something I wanted to do.

Me BW - Married 20 years
Him - 2 Affairs 9 years apart
DDay October-December 2019 & July 2020

posts: 226   ·   registered: Jul. 20th, 2020   ·   location: Texas
id 8627721
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LadyG ( member #74337) posted at 3:31 AM on Monday, January 25th, 2021

Hi Ladies,

Back from the beach. WH and are very much still S! The beach holiday together was purely a financial decision. He paid!

To back peddle, WH had severe bleeding stomach ulcers late last year. He’s also suicidal! On heaps of meds.Yippee, he may just be a little closer to feeling what some BS’s go through?

But he still went there... wanted to talk about our future and bury the past? I cut him short last night after some more TT but this morning before our drive home, I let him have it. Total full on rage! I was like the Incredible Hulk.

Had to explain TT to him and how it’s a big trigger for my PTSD!

I am calm now. But WH still doesn’t get why finally telling me the truth about anything A related this far post DDAY is upsetting?

Why would I want to even consider R with a total, unfaithful, deceitful lying narcissistic shit of a human. I AM NO LONGER CRAZY!

September 26 1987 I married a monster. Chronic Complex PTSD. I Need Peace. Fiat Lux. Buddha’s Love Saves Me 🙏🏼

posts: 940   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Australia
id 8627805
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