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You are fuckin amazing Bleep! Sending you so many hugs and all my good thoughts! I wish we were there so we could get a whole posse of us BASGUs and take you out for a night and make fun of boys.

And what a douchehole he is. Definitely undeserving of you or your beautiful children's fabulousness! Good riddance to him... You handled this shit like a FUCKIN BOSS.

(((Bleep)))

Im so sorry. Damn, what a chickenshit asshole. I hope he's kicking himself. Hold your head up high. I'm sorry you're going through this.

What Ellie said. Sorry Bleep but you deserve much much better.

I’m sorry Bleep. But as we all suspected....you deserve better than someone who would do this!

((((Bleep)))))

I'm so very sorry, sweetie.

he was realizing my young kids were going to be an issue for him

Seriously? WTFE.

You handled this with the utmost grace - good on you. He, OTOH, handled it like a typical wayward, boo on him.

Sending you strength & huge hugs as you enter another new beginning.

Lala

Thanks for the update. I am sure the last thing you felt like doing when you finally got home was getting online but I am so glad you did. I have been thinking about you.

he owned up to everything right away

Wow-wow-wow!

Well - on the positive, I am glad he didn't try to play all those blameshifting games.

On the downside, we....I mean...YOU didn't get to say "Oh....you are such an effing LIAR". Followed by the in-your-face proof.

Did he say he has been looking all this time???

For the record, I do not believe he forever broke something in you. Your post explodes of power and strength. It will take time and healing; but I have no doubt you will be happier and healthier than ever.

Each relationship is a life lesson (good and bad) - process this and use it.

Lastly - virtual hugs GF! Breakups SUCK!!

You can consider yourself lucky that he decided to be honest. I can also say that I think the whole young kids thing isn't something that hits you right away, so this isn't necessarily a lie (not that it matters). I think in the beginning when you meet someone it's easy to look beyond things like kids, but as time goes on, it becomes less easy to do for some people. It actually seems more buyable of a reason to me, than most of the chicken shit reasons people give.

I think in the beginning when you meet someone it's easy to look beyond things like kids, but as time goes on, it becomes less easy to do for some people. It actually seems more buyable of a reason to me

This is exactly what he said when I asked him why did he pursue me knowing I had three kids from the get-go. He said we were so compatible and perfect for each other in so many ways that it was hard to see past all of that good stuff to the long-term reality. I honestly think that is fair because he is right. We got along perfectly in every way imaginable. It was almost scary. Which is what makes this so so painful.

I don't think he was pursuing other women the whole time. His profile was updated at most two months ago. Last night, he told me that around that time he had a conversation with his best friend about my kids. His best friend told him, "dude, Bleep is amazing. You have to talk to her about it". SO said that instead of talking to me about it he retreated and hid. I said, "and picked up chicks online. Looking for someone better than Bleep.". He responded that he didn't think it was possible to find someone better than me. I said, "You're right. I know who I am. I'm pretty confident.". "You are," he agreed with a smile. I know that's one of the things he liked about me. I really am not like most women. Like I said, he and I have many of the same odd quirks.

Anyway, I need to run to an appointment. My heart hurts pretty badly this morning. I hate this feeling. But I know with time it will get better.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:09 AM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

instead of talking to me about it he retreated and hid.

Right - this is what bothered me about the whole thing - letting it all look like something it wasn't. From my own seat, I know that choosing to be with someone with kids was a huge deal and I had no idea how it was going to work for me in the long haul. But we made an agreement early on to have lots of checking-in sessions and figure it out together or to even end the relationship gracefully if it became a deal-breaker. Life is messy and you probably would have fumbled it from time to time, but he never gave either of you that chance.

If it was indeed a deal-breaker for this guy then he should have said that right away. If he was anxious about it, he should have said that and come to you so both of you could have addressed it or come up with options to navigate your relationship together. Instead he ran away and made his own decision about your relationship for both of you. Leaving you sitting there oblivious. Not cool. (Thank goodness for your friends finding out this info).

Again - I am sorry that you had to go through this - you have him the good stuff and he shit all over it.

Damn Bleep I'm so sorry guess it's better to know this than to waste more years on a coward who can't discuss what's bothering him like an adult. Really he should have been up front about this or not date women with kids. Any man who is not accepting of my kids can hit the road.

Bleep,

I’m so damn angry and upset for you. I hate that you hurt. Mostly, I’m damn sick of people not being honest. He owed you the truth months ago when he updated his profile.

You know you deserve better. ❤️

hey Bleep - I just read through your story. I'm so sorry you had another D day and like the others have said - you handled it beautifully. I know that isn't any consolation, but you trusted your gut and didn't allow yourself to be victimized. You were empowered and so brave. Sending you hugs and high 5s.

(((WhoTheBleep)))

For the record, I do not believe he forever broke something in you.

When I told him he broke something that was irreparable, I meant something between him and me. That even if we could find a way to try to make the relationship work, it was a no-go because he broke trust.

I know I'm not broken. Just heartbroken right now. But I have survived worse as you all know. I will find happiness again, single or in a relationship. Although now, having been in a healthy relationship where I was adored and treated really well, I'm leaning towards wanting a relationship again. SO and I agreed we should have checked in with each other about how things were going (although for him, it wouldn't have changed the ultimate outcome, breaking up). That is my one regret. It crossed my mind a few times, and I never brought it up. even though he never gave me any indication he wasn't satisfied, I feel like I should have checked anyway. That is something I will definitely take with me moving forward. Preferably, I'll find a man with kids. If not, I'll be sure to check in every now and then and make sure he's doing okay with things.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 12:13 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

So what was his plan? Was he coming to break up with you yesterday or was he planning to wait till he had a dead cert waiting for him.

Just curious if his version of serial monogamy includes monkey branching from one partner to the next.

WTB: I got on SI today to find your tag line so I could send it to a friend of mine going through an epically shitty divorce. And then I saw all this!! Ugh!

Just wanted to say, that you did great, this was a hard lesson and better things await. Yes this super sucks, no doubt about that, but as yourself said, you've been through worse. That's not nothing.

Dating after a long marriage has it's own challenges and our hard fought lessons make us in some ways better relationship candidates and in some ways worse. On the one hand, we know our worth, won't put up with bullshit easily and will bail if needed a shitton faster then we did with our Ex's. On the other hand, our skills are rusty and to some extent we're out of practice after long marriages being married to crazy people that we don't even know what is normal anymore so that makes us complicated. I think it's great that you can see that checking in from time to time about how you're both feeling about a relationship is an important thing.

This is a set back, but once your wound has healed, honestly you'll be a little wiser and a little tougher the next time. I think having a little heartbreak after such a big one is not a bad thing--it will show you that you can move on, and that you can have strong feelings for someone again. Those are big strides forward.

So have a little pity party, maybe some Ben and Jerry's and some box wine and Netflix, and then get back on track. You got this.

Just curious if his version of serial monogamy includes monkey branching from one partner to the next.

You are spot-on. I told him, most men don't leave without a soft place to fall. It's something I said throughout our relationship about other people that we know. He even mentioned the monkey/banch reference. He used to use it to refer to his best friend's ex-wife. Last night he used it to refer to himself. Like I said, I was surprised at how honest he was.

If only he could have been that honest from the beginning, and especially two months ago.

My male friend is talking me through this helping me to find my anger, so that I stop feeling sad about a man who indeed cheated on me, or was certainly trying to. I am grateful for this friend. I can feel a little flame of anger in my belly. When all is said and done, it's likely he was not the man I thought he was at all. He probably didn't even love me. To love someone you have to respect them. And if he respected me he never could have betrayed me. Betraying him or causing him any kind of pain in any way was something I actively avoided every second of every day. I literally always had his best interests and health and comfort at heart. In a million years I could not fathom even looking at another man while I was with him.

That's the mind f*** of it all. Respecting and honoring a person who has no honor.

Man, he had me fooled. He got me good.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 2:29 PM, February 12th (Wednesday)]

Man, he had me fooled. He got me good.

I will disagree here. Maybe he had you in the dark for a bit.

But this was a DDay Bleep. You found out. And you acted swiftly and decisively with no waffling or hand-wringing or second-guessing. You listened to your gut and you made the hard call. Even if you don't, I see that as pretty amazing. And as a testament to how much you have learned in going through all of this. You should truly be very proud of yourself!!

I think this is his MO -- you said he's had a couple of 'long term' relationships and I would bet he pulled the same thing in ending them.

Not the standup guy he portrayed -- and there are a lot of those out there! Just makes you have a sharper eye in the future.

Just look at it as learning lesson - but the bright side is it did get you off the bus and having the pleasure of some great O's!!

I'm very glad you didn't introduce your kids to him --- but then again that may have triggered his 'monkey-branching' earlier!

I am sorry you're going through this, especially since your last posts have been very happy and content. I'm sure the right someone is out there for you.

I'm so sorry Bleep. You handled this with courage and I admire you. I know you are hurt and my heart hurts for you. I gotta say as a man, that's not how you do things when in a relationship. He fucking knew what he was doing. For what it's worth I'm glad he came clean instead of lying and denying everything. To me, a woman with 3 kids is no turn off. If your kids are part of the problem then he is part of the problem. You keep being you, keep being your awesome self!