SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for the support, everyone. I awoke this morning at 4:30am and stared at the ceiling for 2 hours. I felt peaceful and my mind was clear. My gut doesn't lie. I've been paying close attention to it since D-Day 2015. This looks like a DDay. It smells like a DDay. It feels like a DDay. I don't know what he could possibly say that could reestablish my trust in him.

We are meeting this afternoon. I'll update you all as soon as I can.

You guys, this hurts like hell.

ETA:. I screenshotted his updated profile with his new location. I also have the screenshots of his conversation with my friend on the app. I plan to give him the chance to tell me the truth. I don't expect that he will. As soon as he lies I'm going to send him the screenshots and watch his face. Then I plan to walk out.

Now if he tells the truth... Well that's not much better. I'm still not sticking around till he makes up his mind about me. I'm no one's Plan B. I'm moving on.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:07 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

Ha - I know all about those ceiling fan moments.

Look at yourself Bleep - you are doing so good in this. You are listening to your gut. Just guessing, but probably in a way you didn't during your marriage. You are taking good care of yourself. You know what is right and what works for you. This is big stuff.

Doesn't mean the whole situation isn't shit and your heart didn't get trampled on a bit. But facing it head on is just so damn brave and healthy.

I'll be sending good vibes your way this afternoon.

I'm no one's Plan B. I'm moving on.

You damn straight girl.

I felt peaceful and my mind was clear. My gut doesn't lie. I've been paying close attention to it since D-Day 2015. This looks like a DDay. It smells like a DDay. It feels like a DDay. I don't know what he could possibly say that could reestablish my trust in him.

And yes it sucks major bigtime, but think of how much effort and time you are not wasting on it. And you are listening to that little voice.

I am in awe of your kickassness. In AWE.

Now if he tells the truth... Well that's not much better. I'm still not sticking around till he makes up his mind about me. I'm no one's Plan B. I'm moving on.

FWIW....and if it were me (and I’m a BH). I honestly deep down in my soul and heart know....it wouldn’t matter what the reason is or if he tells the truth or not. I’ve “seen this movie before”. It’s called zero boundaries and respect for other people that you supposedly care about. And I’d be out.Any way you slice it....the “pattern” or “actions” are there IMHO. I went through something similar with my first relationship post Dday. She was a BS too....or at least thats the story I was told. But her actions gave me that gut feeling she may have been the WS.

Whatever you choose to do. We are all here. Good luck!

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 11:02 AM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

I know this hurts. I am really impressed by how you're not ignoring your gut. You know the truth. He can use a lot of words and technicalities to make this seem like no big deal. You know that it is a big deal. You know that he led you to believe that you were a monogamous couple, which kept you to himself, while taking the cowardly route of not being up front with you about him seeing other people. So he can have the caveat of "but we didn't officially declare ourselves monogamous" and so on.

Remember the time before online dating? You know, when you and a guy would start dating and it wasn't something that you had to declare as a relationship NINE MONTHS into it?? That if you were dating that long, clearly you had a thing and it wouldn't be okay to be dating other people?

Look at yourself Bleep - you are doing so good in this.

DITTO! I know this is so hurtful but you are handling this like a boss! You go girl!!!

I just wanted to add, I did OLD off and on for years. I did have some guys that became more than friends. WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM - they upfront told me that they took down their profile because they only date on person at a time, etc. The not only spoke the words but did the action.

So it is definitely a contradiction that he says he only dates ones person but yet leaves his profile open when you are clearly dating (even if it was not defined clearly as exclusive).

Ugh - my heart just hurts for you.

But you go get'em gurl! We are here for ya!

I'll be sending good vibes your way this afternoon.

Same - and huge hugs.

God damn it...I'm so sorry, Bleep; you did not deserve this. (((((Bleep))))))

She was a BS too....or at least thats the story I was told. But her actions gave me that gut feeling she may have been the WS.

My SO is a BS 2x over. 3x, perhaps, as he suspects his son might not be his. (he strongly suspects it, but has never spoken to his kids about it. Because it doesn't matter to him. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with him). Anywhoooo, I have myself wondering about his status as a possible WS. Maybe his women were just the first to get caught... Doesn't matter at this point, does it.

(((WhoTheBleep))) Oh this is awful WTH!!!

I'm no one's Plan B. I'm moving on.

^^^ This is my mantra going forward. One wrong move and I'm out. While I haven't even contemplated dating in my near future I will not be sticking around for any waffling from anyone. I just don't have it in me after my failed M.

Trust is a very delicate thing with me and once broken very hard to overcome.

I might just be alone forever as I cannot see myself sharing my safe space with someone again.

I'm so sorry Bleep this just sucks in so many ways.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:51 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

My SO is a BS 2x over. 3x, perhaps, as he suspects his son might not be his. (he strongly suspects it, but has never spoken to his kids about it. Because it doesn't matter to him. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with him). Anywhoooo, I have myself wondering about his status as a possible WS. Maybe his women were just the first to get caught... Doesn't matter at this point, does it.

My XWH was a BS in his first marriage and was sooooo traumatized by that. He couldn't imagine doing that to someone because it was so painful.

Etc. and so on. It scares me sometimes how deceitful people can be with a straight face. It's enough to make you paranoid.

WhoTheBleep:

Go in, order the steak and lobster and when he gives you his answer, you can show him the screen shots and walk on out. LOL. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. Gotta find some comic relief b/c this all sucks.

So? How did it go? Weren’t you meeting him today to talk?

(((Whothebleep)))

I hope you are ok. You deserve a dedicated guy, not this cheater. Even if he says you’re not monogamous, he certainly did not seem to discuss his sniffing around with you.

We weren't able to meet until tonight. I just got home. It was most definitely a DDay. He admitted everything. We actually had an adult conversation about it. The conversation did not go the way I planned at all because he owned up to everything right away. So I just winged it. I told him how blindsided I was by his behavior because he was always so good to me and he knew what I have been through. I also told him he broke something that was irreparable. Not that it matters, because that was his exit strategy anyway. Coward.

I said everything I needed to say. And we are done.

According to him, he was realizing my young kids were going to be an issue for him (umm, you didn't know that when we started dating???) I told him he should have voiced that months ago. Talk to me about it. Not line up the next girl...yuck.

Anyway, we spoke for about an hour, but it seemed like 20 minutes. Whatever. I guess I'm single again. I said goodbye and kissed him on the cheek.

I'm exhausted and going to sleep. Thanks to all of you. You have no idea how much your support has helped me today. (((SI Peeps)))

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:57 PM, February 11th (Tuesday)]

Furthermore, he couldn’t tell you that before trying to cheat? He’s blameshifting already. At least you are done with him and found out before it progressed further. I know that is not helpful or comforting, but I wish you big hugs and a better future.

((Whothebleep))

I'm sorry to hear it

Well shit.

You did great Bleep - have good sleep tonight and be extra good to yourself these next days.

I'm sorry. That was the exit strategy of xWGF from my sig. I know how much it hurts.

I'm sorry, Bleep, but you handled it wonderfully. I'm proud of you!

Get some good rest. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning.

((Big Hugs))

((((Bleep))))

What a major shock; but please just know right now, that you aren't alone in going through this.

If you like to read and wouldn't object to looking back in time a few years to see how things haven't changed so very much, I recommend an author I got so much help from - in 1990! I just checked online and she has a website with lots of good stuff from her books that I remembered. Look up Tracy Cabot. Some of her descriptions of "types of guys to watch out for," I've never seen summed so clearly anywhere else. (She admitted she kissed more than a few frogs in her day, back when I bought her books!) She wrote a lot of details that help identify people who aren't deep-down wanting a relationship of the kind she was looking for - but who can fool themselves and everybody around them. (Interestingly, she wrote her books long before online dating got to be a big thing.)

Hope that may be helpful. But this sure does suck.