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Horrible news

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BrokenheartedUK posted 6/15/2019 09:16 AM

Sami, I can only reiterate what everyone else here is saying, your H is down some delusional rabbit hole and the only thing you can do is save yourself (and your kids).

I would also like to add how sorry I am for you, this isn't what you asked for and that just sucks.

Having said that, the time for action is now. If he thinks that he's going to drain family financial resources to follow this crazy, then he's got another thing coming. Circle your wagons. This is the time. Deal with the emotional stuff later.

Get yourself into IC, stat. And start getting your ducks in a row. He's ass deep in this delusion, but you are not. Reality is on your side.

ChamomileTea posted 6/15/2019 10:00 AM

I'm sorry to say it, but by the time they pull the "let's have an open marriage" stunt, they're usually already cheating. Pull the phone bill and financial records and start digging. Sometimes they're slick enough to use apps and secret emails, but oftentimes they get sloppy. Do get STD testing, because cheaters lie. Look up what the law says about using recording devices in your area and get yourself a good Voice Activated Recorder. If permissible by law, you can stash it in places where he uses the phone. Cheaters talk and they talk a lot. See if you can get some of this mess on tape for your attorney. Download a recording app, then when he's spouting off all his "red pill" bullshit, capture it with your phone.

My advice would be to go ahead and file for divorce. Don't engage him in any discussion about it, just do it. Take as much as humanly possible in the settlement too. Look at it this way, whatever you take for you and your kids is less for him to spend on whores.

I'm sorry this happened to you. The guy hasn't left you any choice though because this bogus bullshit about how he'll always be there for you is just a nonstarter. He's utterly wrong about the biology of human sexuality and eventually, he'll figure he's "in love" due to the pair-bonding effects of sexual biochemistry. So, even if you agreed to this insult of a plan, eventually he'd flake out anyway.


[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 10:01 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]

Charity411 posted 6/15/2019 10:13 AM

If I were you I would stop doing anything for him. He's an alpha male? Fine. Let him wash his own damn alpha clothes. Let him cook his own damn alpha meals. He's made it clear he doesn't need you. So honor his wishes and be useless to him. Tell him you're doing it out of loving respect for his newfound alpha-ness.

And since he said you'll have his love and support, make sure he understands you took that to mean financial support, and move all the money you can into an account in your name. After all, if he feels it's time change all the rules of your marriage, you should get to change a few rules of your own. Just tell him you're his new Beta Bitch.

ChamomileTea posted 6/15/2019 10:27 AM

I will have to get a divorce although it’s the last thing I want. It’s a no win. Even if he reevaluates the open marriage thing because of a divorce threat, he will always resent being tied to me (he said the ball and chain of monogamy with me was like “jail”) and will probably cheat anyway.

It's not just about him and what he resents... it's about you. Even if he was to back down and pledge continued fidelity, and even if by some miracle, he's not already cheating... YOU would always know he's capable of this kind of nonsense. You would always know that he's fundamentally stupid enough to look his wife in the face and demand that she tolerate such bizarre abuse.

It's difficult to reintroduce respect into a relationship after betrayal. Believe me, I know. You wouldn't believe some of the crap my own fWH said and did. A WS has to work very hard to make the necessary changes in his character (and to maintain those changes) in order to rebuild the BS's respect for him. It's not for the faint of heart, I can tell you. So, how much value would the marriage have for you later if you couldn't view your partner as worthy of you?

sisoon posted 6/15/2019 10:30 AM

I'm very sorry your H has drunk this poisonous kool-aid. It has nothing to do with you. He has failed to protect himself and you. He has failed. You haven't. You just have to deal with the fall-out.

I'm pro-R. I'm sure some members think I'm the beta male poster boy.

In your case, however, there are 2 things that concern me tremendously.

The first is your H's emphasis on age. You can't change your age.

More concerning by far is his anger that you 'took' his best years. The fact that he blames you for this - when clearly he decided to give you those years - really, really bothers me, especially when coupled with the complaint about age.

The only thing that could support R, IMO, would be his coming to you on his own (without any threat of D, that is) and telling you he must have been crazy for a while, but now he's sane.

That would have to include taking full responsibility for his whole life - he screwed up, he swallowed these new 'ideas,' he realizes he gave you his years and wants to give you more, that he wants to and will be monogamous, etc., etc., etc. - and all that followed up by actions.

But if he comes to this under threat of D, I'd have a very hard time trusting him. After all, he has said he'd cheat unless you let him open the M.

I think your own mental health will require filing pretty soon - it's unhealthy to live with someone who thinks one has no value.

...counseling is all fast talking to convince him to accept a situation he abhors.
That's total bullshit.

With a good therapist, counseling is all about helping the client marshall his/her own resources to change a situation s/he abhors.

Further, he said, all men deep down know this is true but are cowed by women into falling in line.
TBH, I believe I accepted monogamyin order to get W2b into bed (this was essentially pre-Pill). Maybe I was cowed, but maybe I just did the calculations and figured I'd be happy with monogamy, as long as W2b was my partner. It didn't work out exactly as I had planned, but...

Women over 40 have no value.
This is obviously a statement from someone with the mind of a 16 year old.

Sure, at 22, the idea of sex with a 70 year old was barf-inducing for me. At 72, however, the idea of sex with a 20 year old is laughter-inducing. The idea of sex with my W, however, is extremely ... um ... let's just say ... attractive.

Do not worry. At any age, there is a range of potential sexual partners who will find you attractive.

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:34 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]

ChamomileTea posted 6/15/2019 11:04 AM

It’s best to keep yourself around 20 something women because they’ll do all kinds of crazy sex without wanting a commitment.

Here's a question... Why the hell would a reasonably attractive 20-something want to have sex with a guy old enough to be her dad? And if he's just looking for sugar babies... one assumes copious amounts of cash would be required to get past the "ick" factor (so get a damned good attorney). I remember my 20's. No way I'd have hooked up with an oldster. Guys my dad's age were just gross to me, weird hair growing on their backs and springing out of their noses and ears, you know... stuff we find endearing when we're older too.

ChamomileTea posted 6/15/2019 11:18 AM

I'm sorry. I just can't get this thread off my mind. I feel like my head is about to explode!

What the hell does he plan on telling the children?.. that they're just products of their mother's "over-30 ticking biological clock"?.. a product of the his forced confinement in the "matriarchal system"? Does he plan on indoctrinating your son(s) to likewise abuse women?.. or to look your daughter(s) in the eye and tell her to live it up now because she won't have "value" past 30?

Seriously, I bet you could make bank by opening a GoFundMe to pay for your divorce. All you'd have to do is post quotes of the asinine bullshit he's spouted so far.

Cooley2here posted 6/15/2019 11:39 AM

There is a psychological term “group think” which means that people who have the same general outlook on life band together. If, in that relationship, one bad idea begins to take effect everyone else gets in line and begins to believe that idea. If the group has healthy members someone will say that that is not making any sense and the group will jettison it. If the group has no one in it who thinks rationally then the idea becomes more and more pronounced and less and less rational. One huge example of that is the Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. It was a fiasco. The problem was it was conceived and done by President Kennedy and his cabinet. That goes to show how really seriously dangerous “group think”is. It does not let any light in. For whatever reason your husband has become part of a group whose thinking has become so tightly wound into its paranoia that which would seem to him a few years ago as crazy is what he now believes to be true. I think in all honesty you need to get yourself out of this marriage. He is so tightly wound now with this group of men that you have no say-so and neither will any other woman. All women are now outside this very tightly wound circle as they are now suffering from groupthink. Think of people who believe it is OK to stone to death a woman because she was raped. It is that same kind of thinking and it is so dangerous.

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 11:57 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]

LostHope8008 posted 6/15/2019 11:51 AM

Someone doesn’t become red pilled overnight. He must have been watching the videos and reading for a while now. It’s not a “cult”. Some of the theories to protect men in this society are sound. Some are off the wall. However, it is geared towards the single male and the reasons not to get married. The fact that your husband is married with a family and adopting this thinking is irrational. You should definitely get out now because, once ingrained, he’s likely not turning back. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I’m sure you know what you need to do to protect yourself.

SisterMilkshake posted 6/15/2019 12:01 PM

It’s not a “cult”.
Yes, it is a cult.

LostHope8008 posted 6/15/2019 12:32 PM

Yes, it is a cult

No it’s not. Look up the definition of a cult. Red pill has nothing to do with religion or an admiration of a person or god.

BraveSirRobin posted 6/15/2019 12:51 PM

The fact that your husband is married with a family and adopting this thinking is irrational.
Red pill is about objectifying, manipulating and putting women in their proper role of delivering the sex acts that men are "entitled" to. There is no age or stage where this attitude is acceptable.

Merriam-Webster includes in its definition of cult: "great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (such as a film or book), especially : such devotion regarded as a literary or intellectual fad." Also, "a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator," in this case, ridding society of the so-called disease of feminism. Religion is not a required component.

SisterMilkshake posted 6/15/2019 12:53 PM

Thank you, BraveSirRobin. Exactly!

LostHope8008 posted 6/15/2019 13:19 PM

Ah, exactly why I very rarely post on female dominated thread.
Well, if you think red pill is a cult, then you put it in the same level as Manson, Branch Davidian's, Jonestown, Heavens Gate, just to name a few? That comparison is just as irrational.

Back to OP, as I said, most likely, if he has fully adopted red pill, he’s not likely to change he reasoning (notice, I didn’t say poisoning). It would be completely understandable if you didn’t go along with his “plan” and you would be wise to get out sooner. Someday you may be grateful that he actually told you ahead of time. It seems like the only decent thing he’s done.

[This message edited by LostHope8008 at 1:21 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/15/2019 13:48 PM

When I ask where he will find these young women, he said the ones that are naturally attracted to him and approach him will be the ones he goes for because alphas don’t chase women. Ihe vowed he will never chase another woman as long as he lives. I asked him if he was going to use our money (since he doesn’t want a divorce) to wine and dine them before sleeping with them. He looked at me incredulously and said, “Um, I’m an alpha male. I don’t need to pay to get women have sex with me. We will have a natural sexual connection. If I have to pay first, I’m a beta male. See??? You don’t even understand me!!”

Late to the game. This is insane! Literally! Get yourself and your children away from this man. He is dangerous! Some TRP men advocate dominating women to the point of abuse and rape. It is not something to play with. Please, run!

TRP is a cult. Men can try to downplay it all they want, doesn't change what it is. No point in interacting with anyone who has drunk the koolaid.

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/15/2019 13:49 PM

Why the hell would a reasonably attractive 20-something want to have sex with a guy old enough to be her dad?


Sami, start separating your finances so that you don't end up with nothing.

k8la posted 6/15/2019 13:50 PM


I'm so sorry he changed the rules on your marriage, and tried to make you responsible for choosing out of his revised version.

I'm glad you're reading the Healing Library. Have you started talking with people who have been through divorces in your area to see which legal support is the best route for you? I would defintely check out the "father's rights" kinds of attorneys, since he's most likely to swing that way to abuse you further. Find someone who can neutralize his mindset contamination in your family.

trustedg posted 6/15/2019 13:55 PM

I am so sorry your WH has become such an ass. You have gotten good advice. Remember, you can't fix him so you need to protect yourself and your children.

See an attorney ASAP, get your finances in order, and file for divorce.
Don't have sex with him, and tell him why you aren't. Multiple sex partners mean a high risk of getting an STD. He has probably already cheated so get tested.
Get good help for you, IC, talk to your doctor, get sleep aids if necessary.
Arrange for counseling for the kids to help them deal with the split, they will deal with it with your love and someone to help them work through it.

[This message edited by trustedg at 1:56 PM, June 15th (Saturday)]

emergent8 posted 6/15/2019 14:33 PM

Sami -
How are YOU doing through all of this? Are you eating/sleeping/functioning at work? How old are your kids? Do they understand what is going on? Have you outed your husband’s new “lifestyle” choices to your friends/family? If so, how did he react?

k8la posted 6/15/2019 14:46 PM

To use the vernacular - he's been radicalized to the RPM. He is not safe for any sentient female.

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